A/N: For LilyxJames4ever
MEMOS
Good evening, Minerva, my fuzzy duck.
Good evening Mr. Long Beard.
Hang on… did you just call me MR. LONG BEARD?
…
And you ignored me calling you fuzzy duck.
That's because I am a fuzzy duck, silly.
I. Am. Disturbed.
Awww, has mister big nose gotten all…all… silly?
What is wrong with you?
There's nothing wrong with me. Well, I might be a little…
Honestly, there is nothing little about you.
I'm not that tall, am I?
Put it this way, when you stand next to Filius, he might as well be climbing a beanstalk.
Don't be so rude, Alby!
Alby?
Alby.
...
I love you Alby... you're alright.
Where have you been tonight?
Oh, only to the Hog's Head (Merlin knows why… something about talking to Abeforth, I think) and the Three Broomsticks… oh and my office.
Pomona, how much has she had to drink?
Plenty enough to give a hippogriff concussion.
What does that even mean?
I… am not quite sure.
How much have YOU had to drink.
Not much at all; I'm a light weight compared to her.
Well, she is Scottish.
I can still hear you!
We know.
Awwww. You're so thoughtful.
Pomona, this is comedy GOLD.
Albus, she is my best friend.
But it's the opportunity of a LIFETIME!
I repeat: She is my best friend.
And I am your boss.
Point taken. What do you want me to do?
Oh, you'll see.
*THE NEXT MORNING*
Urrgh, my head is about to explode.
That'll teach you to stay out of the drinks cabinet.
Don't be all smug with me.
I am not smug.
…
Are you ready for the hangover talk?
Must I endure this?
Yes.
Fine. I will accept the consequences.
Very responsible of you.
…
Now, I am not angry, Minerva; I am disappointed.
Urrgh.
I find it incredible to believe that a high class woman like yourself, a Deputy Headteacher to boot, could turn up to work… for lack of better words… absolutely shipwrecked, is far beyond my realms of perception.
There's a first.
Now, now, there is no need to take it out on me.
And there is no need to post drunken pictures of me with lipstick prints all over them all around the school.
Ah… you saw them.
I am a morning person.
You could have fooled me.
Albus Dumbledore, if you EVER try to pull something like this again -
It was Pomona's idea.
Don't go there! I have written proof that this ludicrous plan was conceived from your twisted mind like the spawn of Satan.
There really is no need to go that far.
There is. Far enough to get to the astronomy tower with the last of the copies of the Christmas party (1981) photographs in which you are… ahem… slightly compromised.
You wouldn't!
I have.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!