A/N: This chapter shall henceforth be known as the Character Chapter; there are so many I'm not even sure who they are anymore! (I am updating this chapter for the third time to combat the formatting issues surrounding Richard's lines. So, his have asterisks **** before and after them as underlining doesn't seem to work :D)
MEMOS
Rock and Rooooooooll.
Totally.
I feel so pumped!
Groovy! Wait… what?
Pumped.
That doesn't quite answer my question.
Pumped.
Yes, I got that.
I'm pumped.
But what is pumped?
Erm… I don't actually know… I overheard some of the Gryffindor Quiddutch team saying it so I thought you might know what it meant.
Nope. Anyway, what happened to the rock and roooooll?
Urgh… I'm bored of being a rocker.
I was kind of enjoying the sixties flashbacks.
I do not want to picture you two in the sixties.
REMUS!
FINALLY! Someone I can have an adult conversation with!
When you say adult…
No I do not intend any sexual intonations! I expected better of you, Mr. Lupin.
Yes. Tut, tut. So ashamed of you etc. etc.
Calm down!
Wait, wait, wait! Minerva, dearest, sweetest deputy?
Now I'm suspicious.
You're not the only one.
Join me, will you, in The Killer?
You wouldn't!
Well, since you ask so nicely…
NOOOOOOOOO! Anything but THAT!
Now, Remus, sweetheart…
NO!
We know you didn't mean to bring vulgar innuendos into this perfectly innocent conversation…
Please, Merlin. NO!
But the fact is that you did…
Don't do this to me Dumbles!
We want you to know that we aren't mad at you…
Minnie?
But we are very disappointed…
Nooooooooo!
VERY DISAPPOINTED.
I hate you guys! Why do teachers do that?
Years of getting it from our own parents.
Doesn't that kill? Doesn't it burn inside? Don't you hate disappointing people?
Methinks thou doth enjoy this too much.
Not sure that's a direct quote from Shakespeare…
I do enjoy this, actually.
I agree completely.
Buzz off, Severus.
What's the matter, Wolfie?
Seriously? Wolfie?
Tetchy today, aren't we?
Don't make me start on you, Severus!
What did I do?
After the dead mouse in my soup last month?
How do you remember this?
I keep a list now.
She does, I've seen it.
Because that's not creepy or anything…
…
Hang on. Something isn't right here.
There's something missing.
No witty retort or scathing reply.
Where did Minerva go?
Probably off in a strop somewhere.
She will KILL you for saying that.
Fillius?
Yes indeedy!
Have you seen the mightily-tempered one in the past few moments?
Thankfully not. I pity the man who steps into the path of her temper tantrums.
*Trust me, I've been in enough of those to last me a lifetime… and beyond.*
Sorry, who is this?
Gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Mr. Richard McGonagall. Also known as the poor sod who married our Transfiguration Professor.
*Yes, alright, Albus. This is my wife you are talking about.*
You started it.
*Did not!*
Did too.
*Are we seriously doing this?*
Wow, I'm getting previous memo flashbacks.
Seriously, you need a feminine touch in this conversation.
POMONA! Brilliant…
As much as I treasure your sarcasm, Severus, I do find it most aggravating when it is directed towards me.
Then I suggest you get used to it.
Now, now Greasy. Calm down.
Greasy?
You called me Wolfie!
Yes, but -
*Boys. This is not the way proper gentlemen behave is it?*
No…
*Severus?*
I suppose not…
You have the most unnatural likeness to your wife.
I see what you mean, Albus… WAIT!
What?
I hear the stamps of an elephant.
*Can't be Minerva; she's as graceful as a ballerina.*
And I see the flames from the nostrils of a dragon.
*That can't be Minerva; she hasn't quite mastered fire-breathing yet.*
And I smell the fear of several first years along with - if I'm not mistaken - a bottle of Firewhiskey.
*That's Minerva.*
EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIIVES!
….
…
*Albus, are you still there?*
Can't talk now, Richard, I'm finding a safe hiding place.
*Why?*
Because Minerva doesn't have the Firewhiskey to drink.
*What are you talking about?*
She's going to set my office on fire.
For once, Mr. Dumbledore, you are correct.
A/N: Just for clarification's sake : Minerva, Albus, Severus, Remus, *Richard*, Pomona, Filius.