A/N: Oh my goody gumdrops! A whole SIX HUNDRED reviews! You guys are my angels. I would like to thank you all and especially those of you who have stuck with memos and read and reviewed every chapter. For your constant vigilance, I thank you (see what I did there? The little Mad-Eye tribute?) Anyways, here is the 103rd memo of the story. Enjoy.

MEMOS

Albus Dumbledore!

What do you want this time, Minerva?

I will ignore that rather rude address. Anyway, it's not as much what I want as who I want.

Oh, really?

Who I want DEAD, that is.

Oh… well that's really put a dampener on my day.

I try.

You are evil.

Again, I try.

Just write a list of your demands so that we can go on arguing in peace.

First of all, I demand that you start making sense. It's a contradiction to be "arguing in peace".

Demand denied.

Secondly, I demand that those four miscreants are flogged to death for crimes against their majestic goddess of a Transfiguration professor.

Don't be ridiculous, Minerva; you are not majestic!

Now, who's evil?

Besides, isn't murdering children a little extreme, even for you?

Wait until you hear what they have done.

I am on the edge of my seat.

Excuse me, I think you will find that I am the sarcastic one in this relationship!

I was telling the truth. I literally am sitting on the edge of my seat… just in case those little scallywags have charmed my chair.

Wouldn't it be charmed whether you sat on the edge or in the middle of it?

There has been a recent spate of invisible whoopee cushion attacks and I will not be taking any chances!

Believe me, I know about that one.

They got you?

What do you think I am, stupid?

Don't make me answer that.

Put your claws away for one minute, will you?

…

Besides, I walked in on Filius's lesson this morning and as soon as he climbed up to his seat… well… you can guess what happened…

No I can't.

*Sigh*

I do not care for your pessimistic attitude.

You smell.

That's a bit childish.

And so are you.

Low blow, Minerva. Low blow.

Those four school terrorists walked into my class, flung a set of lacy underwear at me and Sirius Black even had the cheek to tell me that you wanted him to give them back to me! They wouldn't stop pestering me for the entire lesson, asking whether we'd been married long, whether we've ever done it in the school and telling me that I was in denial for saying 'no' to everything they asked.

…

It was RIDICULOUS! AND HUMILIATING!

…

What's got your wand in a knot today, anyway?

I was afraid you hadn't got your underwear back.

ALBUS!