A/N: I thank you for all of your most entertaining ideas and have finally settled on one submitted by AnimationNut this time. But as I am so generous (don't disagree!), I will give you all ten House Points each and because your ideas were so excellent, you may be seeing some more of them later on, so keep an eye out!. :)

MEMOS

You will never believe what I have just seen.

Try me.

I'm not sure your husband would be too happy about that, Minerva.

Not what I meant.

…

Are you going to tell me, then? Or do you prefer to leave me on the line of only-just-bearable suspense.

You care that much about what I have to say?

Not at all. I just know that if you don't tell me now it will take days for you to get round to it. In the mean time you will keep dropping hints and leaving me idiotic little riddles and –

Woah! Slow your roll.

Slow my what?

I'm not entirely sure. I heard some of the Firsties saying it on the Quidditch field so I assumed it must be something 'cool', as they call it.

They're First-years, Albus. Who is ever 'cool' as a First-year?

I will have you know that I have been 'cool' my entire life! There has not been one day in my entire existence where I have not been 'cool'.

Except today, obviously.

Well, today is an off day for me. What I saw earlier has been enough to give me heart failure.

WHAT DID YOU SEE?

There is no need to get quite so shirty with me, Minerva. I am only the storyteller.

I do not think you can be classified as a storyteller until you TELL THE BLOODY STORY!

Fine. Well, I woke up this morning to find all of those lemon drops that Filius gave me for Christmas were gone.

Oh, what a shame. However will we live? How can I go on knowing that you will never again be hyperactive at the hands of those sour little pastilles?

I know, it's a travesty! But that was not all!

Do tell me more.

I asked for a nice little cup of cocoa to be brought up by an Elf.

The Elf didn't eat you, did it?

Don't be ridiculous!

I apologize. I was unaware that we were being serious.

Don't say that word!

Which word?

The one beginning with 'seri' and ending in 'ous'!

You mean 'serious'?

Yes! Now stop it! The word is a calling to Sirius Black; if you say it, he will turn up and make the terrible "No, I'm Sirius!" joke.

Oh, Merlin! Not again!

I am afraid Azkaban sent him somewhat loopy.

So how long were you there for, then?

Ahem. I shall ignore that rather distasteful jibe.

I apologize. Again. Tell me, what happened with the House Elf?

Well, as usual, Dobby came up to greet me with a lovely, steaming cup of hot cocoa and I remarked on his lovely footwear.

Oh, I see.

Do you? Dobby and I share a particular affinity, you see, as we are both rather known for our dazzling taste in footwear. Socks, in particular.

Really?

Yes. Well, I looked down at his feet and saw a lovely pair of woollen purple socks with golden orange phoenixes floating around them. How lovely, I thought.

Yes, they do sound rather spiffing.

Then I realised it.

What?

I am getting there.

…

I realised that they were the same socks given to me by my brother Aberforth for my birthday a few years ago.

What a coincidence!

Yes, that is what I thought, also. But – most peculiarly – when I went to check my sock cabinet that evening –

You have a whole cabinet for socks?

You know I do. Anyway, I found the entire cabinet bare, barring a horrible grey pair that I have never worn due to their overwhelming dullness.

I call that sock discrimination.

And I call you a terrible liar.

What?

When I asked Dobby who was responsible, he told me the culprit's name immediately, thinking that he had been given the entire collection of socks as a present from me, personally.

They weren't?

You would be able to figure that out if you were paying attention. But, in answer to your frankly stupid question, no; they were not a gift from me.

So who did it?

You know exactly who did it, Minerva McGonagall! House Elves are rather compliant when it comes to revealing things they were not told to keep secret.

Damn!

Why did you do it?

Erm… it was the Marauders?

Nice try, they left years ago.

I was… under the Imperius?

Untrue.

…

You see, that is not all Dobby told me.

No?

He also told me that he saw a certain black-haired witch feeding little yellow sweets to the Giant Squid.

That could have been anybody!

She was wearing tartan.

Dobby is delusional!

So he did not see a tartan-clad, raven-haired woman sitting on the banks of the lake, throwing lemon drops into the mouth of the Giant Squid as if it were a little puppy?

No.

You liar!

No you are the liar!

You belong in Slytherin!

A/N: And there the story starts. As a side-note, is anyone else starting to get apprehensive about Pottermore yet? I just think JKR might do the whole Someone-broke-my-heart-so-now-I'll-become-a-spinster-and-dedicate-my-life-to-Hogwarts thing to Minerva, which I think totally defies her badass-ness and her stubbornness. Anyway, rant over, the graphics do look pretty amazing so I'm looking forward to that. :) Thanks again for your awesome ideas and keep your eyes peeled for any more of your wonderful suggestions!