As some of you saw in the A/N of my one-shot Old Friends (shameless plug, it's Deaf!Blaine), I ran into some pretty serious writers block trying to get through this chapter, which may account for the long wait and the relatively short length, but I think with this posting it will be officially over with. I'm ready to get on with the main drama/meat of this story.
Here we go...the next chapter! I hope you enjoy reading it, as I enjoyed writing it. Although my time to write is short, it's much cherished!
To those who may be wondering at this point, I don't necessarily recommend the "trickle out" method that Blaine used in his coming out process. Maybe it's just my personality, but I much prefer the bandaid method. It might hurt more in the moment, but it's over quickly and the pain typically doesn't linger as much...even if you are leaving newly grown skin to brave the world on its own.
But Blaine, he didn't really have a choice (and as we all know, he did end up employing my favored method later on in his life).
"Well...I can't pretend this doesn't explain some things," Blaine raised his eyebrows in response to the comment from his childhood friend. There had been an unspoken gag rule surrounding the first and only disastrous time that Blaine had tried being physically intimate with a female, and it seemed like Tina was about it break it.
Blaine shifted uncomfortably from his spot next to Kurt on the couch, and the other man reached out to squeeze his knee comfortingly. The cat was out of the bag, and there was no use in being discreet at this point...at least not at the expense of Blaine's comfort, "Tina that was..."
"...Ages ago. I know," she said finishing the sentence for Blaine. "I just couldn't think of anything else to say. This is a lot to take in," she paused and took a deep breath. "How long have you two been..." she gestured between them for lack of a better way to express what she was asking.
"Um...we've been growing as friends pretty much since Kurt started here, but we've only been doing...things for about twelve hours," Blaine said, giving Kurt a look that was practically unreadable, but Kurt gave his knee a reassuring squeeze anyway. "I know you probably have a lot of questions," Blaine said, mimicking those first words he had spoken to Kurt the night they had met in a gay bar.
"I guess...," she said hesitantly, "but really my main questios is...why didn't you tell me? Did you really think I would care?" she asked looking a little hurt.
Blaine sighed deeply. Anger and homophobia: those were the responses that he had prepared himself for his entire life, as he lived in fear of someone finding out his deepest secret. But, he had never counted on someone being hurt by it. "To be fair," he started. "I've barely ever told anyone," Blaine said quietly, but this didn't seem to help much.
"And what if I hadn't walked in, huh?" she asked, almost cutting Blaine off. "How long would it have taken then? How long was I supposed to go on watching you pursue girl after girl without even knowing that...without know that...I never even stood a chance in the first place," Tina finished quietly, looking down into her hands.
This finally made Blaine look up, "I...what?" he asked, not sure if he was hearing correctly.
That certainly complicated things.
"And what about Rachel? Does she know that her teenage dream's really a FOD?" Tina practically shrieked. It took all of Kurt's control not to interrupt her to tell her to keep it down. The last thing Blaine needed was to be outed to someone else. "You can just keep doing this to women, Blaine. It isn't right," Tina added, probably trying to sweep her own confession under the rug.
"She knows," Blaine said quietly. He didn't know how Tina would react to the fact that someone he barely knew had found out before her, even if Blaine hadn't meant for it to happen.
I think this is probably the first time that Blaine realized that his secret had the ability to hurt someone other than just himself. It had almost nothing to do with Tina's crush. It was just that, a crush—something that Tina would probably quickly get over now that she knew the facts of the matter. The hurt that Blaine's lie had caused her, however, was one that would linger for months to come, maybe even years.
That's the thing about secrets, they're necessary, and the world would probably devolve into chaos without them, but for the most part, they all have an expiration date.
Tina sighed. All of this was a bit overwhelming. On the one hand, Blaine was one of her childhood best friends, and someone she cared for deeply, and on the other hand he was Blaine Anderson, television sensation. She was hurt, but she couldn't pretend that the situation wasn't way bigger and more complicated than her personal feelings, "who else knows?" she finally asked, almost afraid to know that answer.
"Besides you, Kurt, and Rachel?" Blaine asked. "Well, just Wes and my Dad."
Tina couldn't hold back the surprised look that took over her face. She could have guessed that Wes had known. It would be basically impossible for Blaine to keep a secret like that from his best friend and room mate. His Dad on the other hand, was an entirely different story. "What does your Dad think about all of this? Does he know that you and Kurt are...what are you exactly?"
"He doesn't know about Kurt," Blaine replied, answering the easy question first. "And we're...well I think we're still figuring out exactly what we are," he continued turning to Kurt who gave him a reassuring nod. "I don't think my Dad treats me any differently because of it, but it's not something we ever talk about. I don't think he has anything against gay people, per say, but he's a shrewd man, and he knows exactly what it would do to my career if it ever got out." Blaine felt Kurt deflate slightly next to him, but it wasn't the right time for him to ask him about it.
"Well, you should know," Tina said, swallowing her pride, "If you ever do decide to take that step, you have my support—you too, Kurt," Tina added with a slightly forced smile. "I'm...I'm still mad at you, and it hurts that I had to find out by mistake, but...I get it. I get that this is bigger than just me, and I get that it's easier for me to give support than for you to risk whether or not you'll get that support," she added, smoothing a non-existent wrinkle out of her skirt.
"We really appreciate that Tina," Kurt said, speaking for the first time. He could tell that Blaine was fairly drained already.
"I guess I should get to work before my boss realizes I'm late," Tina said with a smirk, and Kurt realized how late it was getting. "I'll see you in the work room, Kurt," and with that the two men were alone again.
"I guess I should go as well," Kurt said, turning to Blaine and running a hand down his arm. "Have a good day, and I promise," Kurt said, cupping Blaine's face with both of his hands and planting a chaste kiss on his lips, "we'll talk about what all of this means later."
It hurt to hear Blaine talking about the possible issues that coming out could cause to his career. After the things that had transpired the night before, I was on cloud nine, but Blaine's words had me crashing back to earth. For me, allowing myself to fall for anyone was tough, but allowing myself to fall for Blaine Anderson was proving way too easy, and that's what scared me the most.