"Cas!" I yelled into the trailer when I returned with a couple of bags of groceries. I'd tried to convince him to go with me for about an hour but he still wouldn't go for it. "Want to help me unpack these?"

Cas wandered out from the bedroom his hair mussed and his hand over his gaping mouth.

"Did you seriously sleep some more?"

"I was tired."

"No you weren't. You just had nothing better to do. That or you think sleep is better than being awake because Crowley can't get to you; the monsters can't get to you. I hate to break it to you, Cas, but that's just how your life is going to be so maybe you should accept it and try to do something about it."

Cas glared at me and silently shoved my hands away as he started unpacking the bags. I realized I might have been a little bit harsh but eventually this guy just needed to get with the program. I loved him, and I didn't want to push him but he had to understand that living out here for the rest of his life just wasn't an option.

"Yes it is," Cas whispered.

"Huh?"

"I saw your face. It was your this guy has no idea what the fuck he's doing look. But I can live here for a very long time if I have to. I know you better than anyone else too."

"I would agree, Cas, except for the fact that you aren't willing to leave this trailer and you can't get any food or water without me. What if I leave?"

Cas said nothing and I flopped into one of his chairs gracelessly. I watched him flit around the kitchen area placing food in the exactly right places he liked them. "Not gonna call my bluff then, I take it?" Cas didn't say a word. "Dude, talk to me."

"What do you want me to say, Dean?" he sighed.

"Anything!" I yelled, "That you love me, that you would like some fucking awesome make up sex, that your favorite color is blue, that President Obama is the best. I don't care. Just say something besides what, when, Dean, yes, or no."

"That's not fair," he mumbled.

"What did you say?" I said.

"Nothing."

"Jesus christ. You can't even defend yourself. What the hell happened Cas?"

It was a rhetorical question because I was almost one hundred percent positive he wouldn't answer me but he slowly sank onto the ground, not in a chair, but on the hard floor and put his head in his hands, before rubbing his temples and glancing up from under his lashes.

"I don't know, Dean. That's the problem. Crowley and I had been chatting over the bar, it was one of our usual conversations, when all of a sudden two really big guys came in, knocked Jo out, who managed to scare one with water which was weird, anyways, and carried me away. I was struggling and when I tilted my head back to look at my diner Crowley was smiling like the cheshire cat from Alice and Wonderland. I was subsequently knocked out somehow and woke up in an abandoned underground dungeon. The were stairs up to another level but the door was locked. And he kept me in there without much food or water and very little human contact. He'd only come in once a day to tell me that he almost had you. That you were very soon to be dead. And the day he released me he told me that you were dead. That you'd shown up at the agreed upon meeting place to give anything to get me back and that he'd killed you. So obviously, when you showed up here I was very surprised. But luckily you weren't dead and I'd had the foresight to leave you some clues because there had been a couple of times I would've sworn his eyes turned black and you told me to be on a lookout for those sorts of things. The only problem is I had no idea what he wanted or what he was going to do. He broke down all my walls, Dean. I was no longer in control of anything and it terrified me. I mean, I couldn't even think straight. It all became instinct. So when he released me I ran. As far as I could. And all I could think was I can't go through something like that ever again."

"You won't have to," I declared.

"You can't promise that, Dean. Not even you."

"Do you love me Cas?" I whispered. I was actually not entirely sure I wanted the answer because I wasn't confident that it would be yes.

"Of course, Dean," he sighed.

"Why do you make it sound like a chore?"

"Because maybe it is!" Cas yelled.

"A reaction," I said, impressed. He was fighting back.

Cas threw his hands in the air and shot me the evil eye. "You can't even be serious! Don't you realize what's happened to me? Don't you understand that this isn't something you just rebound from."

"I do," I stated very seriously, gripping his face between my hands, forcing his eyes to meet mine. "My father died when I was in my twenties. My mom died when I wasn't even a teenager. Sam has died multiple times, been soulless, and we both started the apocalypse. I know what pain, and mental annihilation feels like. There were times when I didn't even want to be alive. No one, and I can say this confidently, has been what I've been through so don't pretend you've got it worse than me. I fought through which means you can too. You have to look for the silver linings in life, Cas, and you aren't going to find any out here and certainly not without me." And then I kissed him, hot and heavy, shoving him up against the trailer wall.

"Dean," he protested against my lips.

"Shh." I stopped attacking him and gently pressed my lips once more against him, just wringing my fingers gently through the trims of his hair. I pulled back and stared at him transferring all the love I felt for him through that look. "I love you. You love me. What's stopping you?"

"I'm scared. So scared. All of the time."

I grinned. "That's what a lot of life is. But how many times have you lost to that fear?"

"Never."

"That's right. You started your own diner in the middle of nowhere to follow your dream. You captured my attention fearlessly because you knew what you wanted. How much more terrifying is Crowley? Especially when I can protect you. And don't you miss your diner? Jo? Hell, Sam?"

He nodded grudgingly and I gripped his hand and kissed the palm. "Then what are we still doing here, Cas?"

Cas smiled for the first time in a very long time. I could see his skin stretching like the muscles weren't used to a movement which he'd probably overused just a couple of weeks ago. He kissed my cheek and collected everything he could gather into his arms and just walked out of the trailer into the pouring rain, a laugh perched on his lips.

"Are we just going to leave the trailer out here?" I asked.

"Yes," he declared.

"Fine by me." I gathered him into my arms, things and all, and ran to the Impala. Cas was laughing the whole way.

I called Sam on the drive back to the diner and he was beyond relieved to hear my voice. He was already driving to meet us back at the diner. I spent the entire car ride watching Cas stare out the window, smiling, like he'd just woken up from a year long nap, and pondered what exactly protecting him would entail. I knew whatever I said would go so it was a matter of picking the right things to say. The diner was all of a sudden in view much sooner than I would've thought and I noticed Cas tapping his finger on his leg and occasionally wriggling in his seat. My Cas was back.

Before the car even came to a stop on the gravel drive way Cas had hopped out and jumped the steps two at a time, flinging the diner door open. He hand't made it far inside judging by the fact that I could still see him when Jo appeared out of nowhere, catapulting Cas into a hug. They exchanged whispered words, both smiling and laughing and I jovially exited my car and walked up as well. Jo just nodded at me when I came in and I nodded back. Even though Jo had no idea what had happened she knew that I was the only reason Cas was back. She was a hunter after all.

Cas got right back to work. No hesitation. Jo resumed her old position and went home early because she'd practically been working non stop since Cas left. He told her she didn't have to come to work for a week but of course, she said she wouldn't miss it for the world and that there was no need to pay her any extra for the time he was gone. I had his signature apple pie, except this time it was the entire pie, I'd missed it so much. Cas didn't have to even ask he just knew. In whipping cream on the plate, he wrote, 'I love you :). You saved me.'

I was collapsed against the back of the booth, groaning and loosely gripping my stomach which was twisting and turning. I hadn't eaten that much in days. It wasn't use to the quantity. I heard the bell ring behind me, and on instinct I swiveled around to see Sam who grinned enthusiastically and stood in front of my booth. I slowly got up, complaining the entire way up, and flung my arms around his shoulders, slapping his back occasionally. Man, it was good to see him.

"Hey, brother."

"Hey, Dean."

"What were you doing while I was gone?"

"Hunting a spirit. She'd been beheading people by ripping their heads off."

"For once, man, I don't need the details."

"Right," he smiled. "Where's Cas?"

"Working."

"Good."

I nodded, slumping back into the squishy booth and said, "What should we do, Sammy? I've got to protect him. It's the only way he'll feel safe and I can't do that and hunting."

"We'll just have to tell him the basics, get him a tattoo, and a very different place to live."

"Yeah, that's all I could come up with."

"I'll leave that to you," Sam winked.

"Good god. I need a new brother."

"I think that all the time, and yet, look at us. We can't stay away."

I shook my head, smiling half heartedly and stood. "Want anything to eat or drink? I'm going back to the kitchen anyways. I can let Cas know."

"Sure. I'll have the fruit salad and a diet coke."

"You got it."

I ceremoniously flung open the swinging kitchen door and Cas flung his head around with a smile. "Hey Dean," he said. I strung my arms around his waist from behind and relaxed my head on his shoulder. I seductively whispered into his ear, "Sam wants a fruit salad and some diet coke."

"That wasn't remotely sexual," he laughed.

"But it sounded sexual, didn't it?" I paused and then unwound myself from him. noticed Cas' expression mellow slightly and I smirked to myself. He whispered, "Did you really have to let go?"

"I have to talk to you about something kind of serious, and that would require focusing on the conversation and I'm not sure I could do that anywhere near you."

"Fair enough."

"You're going to have to move," I said bluntly. I thought I might as well just lay it out in front of him. "And you're going to have to get a tattoo which will most likely hurt. And you might have to take a day off from work so I'm confident in your abilities to protect yourself when I'm gone."

"You're still going to leave?"

"Yeah, Cas, it's what I do. If I stopped hunting I wouldn't know what to do with my life. But now I'll have a home. I'll stop by much more frequently."

"Good," he nodded. "And that's fine, Dean. I understand."

"Tomorrow, then? We'll just get it all done in one fell swoop. Sound good to you?"

"Mmm hmm," Cas murmured. The spatula he was using to cook the chopped chicken in his frying pan was hanging limply in his hand and his eyes were focused intently on my lips. They would occasionally move up to my eyes but not often enough.

"Got a hard on yet?" I asked, chortling.

Cas blushed and refocused on his chicken. "Shit," he whispered. He hurriedly removed the pan from the heat and swished the chicken around. Some of the sides were burned black. "I just feel like I haven't seen you, really seen you, for years."

"That's because you haven't. It was just days though."

"I'm so sorry, Dean."

"Cas, no, it's all good. I completely understand why you were like that. Anybody with half a brain or who doesn't live like me would react the same way. Probably worse, actually," I pondered more to myself.

"You know I love you, right?" he said seriously.

"Yeah. The whipped cream told me."

"Fuck you," Cas laughed, as I planted a kiss on his cheek.

"I'm gonna go back and join the real world," I whispered inches from his face and sweetly kissed him, reeling him in by the belt loop, before letting go seconds later and turning away towards the door. An almost wail escaped from Cas and I smiled to myself but didn't turn around. I didn't turn around because I knew if I did he would be there waiting for me. I didn't turn around because I kind of felt like being a dick, and I didn't turn around because I knew he'd follow me out. Maybe in seconds, minutes, hours, but he would come find me and for the first time in my life I wasn't going anywhere. Not for a while. And it felt incredible. I had a home. People always told me that love was the most powerful thing in the world, that you hadn't lived until it had happened to you. I always scoffed at them, more jealous than anything, but I just didn't ever believe it was in the cards for me. But they were right. Not because of the feeling, not because of the person even really. It was that being with them gave you so many things you'd never had before, some which you never even bothered to value, and that was the incredible thing about love. It doesn't take things away, like every other being in my life, it only gave. And Cas had been the one to give me everything that I had ever wanted and hadn't wanted.

"Dean, wait," I heard Cas say from behind me, in front of the entire restaurant. Apparently we were good at public scenes. Make that seconds by the way.

I turned to him gently pondering him. Cas grinned elatedly when my eyes met his and the words bubbling on the tips of his lips disappeared. We just stared.

"Did you want something?" I whispered, not really wanting to interrupt whatever was happening. Everyone in the diner was awkwardly glancing away and then bringing their eyes back, curious. I could tell they definitely thought they were interrupting something.

"Now. Let's just go now."

I comically jogged over to him, flipping him up into my arms for the second time within days and carried him out of the diner with my hand curled into a fist, raised above my head. I could hear Sam's bellowing laugh over the cacophony of applause and I delighted at the sound. Love only gives. It gave Sam laughter.

"Let's go get you that tattoo," I said, releasing Cas from my arms and into my Impala.

"That's not very sexual."

"Are you always thinking about sex? I'll give you a good time later. Right now, we're protecting you, idiot. Wasn't that kind of the whole condition for having a life again?"

"Doesn't seem so important now," he murmured.

"Good. But I can't lose you again, so we're just gonna take precautions anyways."

"I love you, Dean."

"I love you, too. Crazy isn't it?"

"That's the best kind of anything."

"Sure is," I said, resting my hand on his thigh as we drove down the highway in search of a tattoo parlor, a respectable one of course, simply glad that my hand could touch his thigh. You never realized what you had until it was gone. And you never appreciated it more once you got it back.