He felt the dhuoNoR beams screaming to fold
his composition to a different shape
the pendant on his neck vibrated, rolled
but held and neutralized the ray's intent
Circqe turned back and watched with hooded eyes
but did not seem surprised that Jim was not
reformed to other shape. Jim staggered, gasped
then pulled out his phaser- they stood like this
both silent, weighing fate. Then suddenly
five warriguls emerged, their hackles raised,
teeth bared and crests unfurled, hissing their threats
at Jim, circling around. Circqe commanded
"Mevyap!" and they stood down, still hissing low,
eyes fixed still upon Jim. He ignored them,
addressing Circqe first, "I came without
intent to harm your kin. You aggressed first
attempting to change me, without my will
or knowledge or consent. You violated
tlhIngan hospitality- it is my right
to ask of you payment. So I ask this:
swear unto me a vow, upon your honor,
if your honor is still true, that you will not
harm me or my own crew. Swear to me this
and I will swear to you, the same promise
for you and those you hold dear. But swear me this."
"My honor is intact, and I am not
the first to commit trespass. You and your men,
encircling my home, were the ones first
to transgress. But my honor is intact
and I have now, in good faith to you, Terran
stood down my warriguls who would
tear you to pieces and devour them. Thus
before I give this vow, show me good faith
and put your phaser down." He slowly did.
They swore to each the vow and breathed deeply.
"Terran- you must be Captain Kirk, of whom
the tlhIngans speak with words contradicting.
My name is Cirqce, banished by the new
Qo'NoSan tyrants whose rule disintegrates.
And these are Garuk, Kuth, Boshar, Tvgy,
DagaS, whose stories I will relate. But
come to the house, let us dine first, because
empty stomachs only create dissonance."
Jim, never one to fight 'gainst good fortune
followed Cirqce as the warriguls ran beside
he watched as their tails and their tongues twitching
trembled, knowing that dinner was soon to arrive
She walked to her door and the five waited
sitting obedient before bursting in
pacing the hall as she went to the cabinet
eagerly waiting for sweetest of sounds:
dry leathery insects mixed with some qagh
life really couldn't get better than that.
Dinner was awkward with stretches of silence
Jim complimented her cooking, her drinks
her furniture, hayfields, defenses, to keep
the clink of utensils scraping on plates
from sounding like disruptor fire at her gates
The warriguls lay at her feet, and she
excused herself to feed the vlghro' their meals
they refused to come in sight of a stranger
Night came and with it more serious things
Cirqce set her eyes on Jim with intent
"Garuk and Kuth are both tlhIngan soldiers
Garuk had some renown in her day. Kuth
was part of the same Duj whose orders were
find me and bring me to stand trial for treason.
Their ship was hit by their own deadly fire
bounced off my shields reflected back to them
these who were the only survivors I found
I transformed them into warrigul soldiers
they help herd the tangqa' to freshly grown fields.
Garuk and Kuth get along like two brothers
DagaS and Garuk will fight bitterly
Boshar and Tvgy are content to wander
the front house's yard, sleep under the tree.
Boshar was one who came and surrendered
she asked me to make her forget what she'd seen
Tvgy is deathly afraid of the thunder
he hides when he hears the barrier creak.
DagaS dislikes me, he often will wander
the boundary, whining for home he won't see.
The sargh, three came together as exiles
science officers all running from Qo'NoS
they would have preferred to remain tlhIngan
but these are my terms, if they dislike them
they can go somewhere else. Sibv' is the oldest
her joints are now buckling. She must always
be within sight of phLeS. phLeS will panic if
Sibv' isn't with her- I'm worried how
she will cope when Sibv' passes. Sometimes I see
Qrago gently nudging phLeS forward, as if
he knows Sibv's ailments and phLeS's future needs.
The others I found in one form or another
unconscious, spores growing, or nearly dead
I don't know their origins or how they came
to this planet which most tlhIngans dread.
The spores may be toxic to both of our species
but to us they smell terrible, worse than HoQ
perhaps this sounds like a silly deterrent
but smell provokes memory and to live smelling HoQ-
imagine living with the taste of betrayal
permanently stuck under your tongue."
"And the others? You can't tell me that the
targh really wanted to be targh instead
of their tlhIngan forms. You can't tell me
all this is defensive- there must be at least
ninety tlhIngans transformed. I watched you today
allow one to destroy himself against your wall.
I watched as you ordered the rest to surrender
rather than let them walk away from it all.
You cut off the arm of that tlhIngan to tell me
where is he now? Happy as a sargh?"
"And if I had let them go back to their planet?
What do you think would have happened to them?
There is no honor in Qo'NoS now captain!
They would be dishonored, imprisoned, then
if they're lucky, a quick execution,
otherwise forced to years of hard labor
that is the truth of our world now, Terran!
It may not be just and it may not be right
but justice and right have long been dead
what matters is now and merely surviving
I will not risk my life and my haven for them!"
"If all the good people run away from the planet
of course nothing will change, things will get worse-
I don't understand why you don't try to help them
you're not the first tlhIngan who sees only the worst
and does nothing to change it or stop it."
"I will not place on my hands more red blood.
I will not try to lead armies to battle once more
What you saying can only be done
paying the price of a great civil war.
I will not have any more crimes on my conscience"
"Then why do all tlhIngans who seek your shelter
have to agree to take on other ken?
Why can't you make it so every tlhIngan
builds a new home, a society of friends?"
"This is not a space for all tlhIngans.
This is a space for me to take rest.
I will not risk this space to be broken
by sabotage, betrayal, or quarrel.
I do not have the energy now
to negotiate between all their interests
I do not have what it takes to build up
a government, trade, vocations, the rest.
I only can take responsibility
for my own actions my conscience, my guests.
If they don't like it they can go somewhere else.
Some go to Orion, some go to Guelph.
If I were to build a society
with my name, Qo'NoS would take it as a
challenge to war. They would never stop
until we had surrendered or all died
trying to live as we want. This is what it is."
"You've given this a lot of thought." "I have.
I do what I can, given what I can do.
But I have a right to live and live well.
I have the right to protect my home haven.
I have the right to protect myself.
I won't turn away anyone who is desperate.
I won't leave the wounded to die smelling HoQ.
I won't kill another tlhIngan or save them.
I won't compromise what I've built for myself.
Societies might change but I will not do it.
Times may get better but I will not wait.
I am here, right now in this place with a measure
of happiness, peace, with a measure of fate.
I will not give up what I have for another.
I will not risk my responsibility.
I know each one here like a friend and a brother
I promise to give each space to live as they are
no demands made, no duty, no czar.
I will not turn them back, I will not hand them over
to be stripped and punished for crimes which are guiltless.
I will not help you or your Federation
only give you a name you may seek when you're gone.
If you truly burn up with desire to work changes
first go down to lhedaS and seek SeplH'ne.
If you truly believe that your fire will sustain you
first speak to the dead and then you will see."
Jim, deeply troubled by her declarations
opened his mouth to argue the points
but she shook her head, and bid him to follow
through the back door to the cool nighttime air
he could almost see the movements of vlghro'
prowling to hunt their game in the darkness
he heard the soft grunting of tragh nearby
the tangqa' she pointed westward were sleeping
huddled together like the cows missions past
sargh were nowhere in sight, they'd moved onward
all the bo'Degh were asleep in their nests
Jim could not in that moment find fault with
her feelings, her desires and self imposed limits
despite that, which ones were willing and which
were just forced to accept her terms living
no one could guess. He wondered who was she
who had blood on her hands and crimes in her chest
who was she, whose mere name might ignite
a hunt to kill all dissidents taken flight
She was not like Qyklops, weary but loyal
still working under the current regime
She had said she was exiled, but chose not to
seek asylum elsewhere. Whoever she was
she was clever and brilliant, improving
upon old technology, using the same
obsolete weapons to make her defenses
and thus far succeed. If she had been born
in an age that was wiser, she would have been
a great enemy. As things stood now
she saved her defiance to not do more evil
than was already wreaked. Jim wondered
what he would have done in her position
if better or worse came in play, but Spock's
voice came to him chiding, they were different people
diff'rent cultures and ways. Jim looked up to see
the night sky of opal, but spores obscured
any view of the stars. He looked at Cirqce
whose gaze was disquiet, like struggling to keep
heartsickness at bay. Her face grew blank
as though she remembered, sharp old pains
and again had remembered those too were gone.
This home was her haven but perhaps too a prison
she could never leave without risking the deaths
of herself, of her fields, and all her free people
and Jim found himself breathless that she had helped
by taking a chance with a ne'er-do-well Terran
whose only ability is to do what he can.
So he did not protest when she took his hand softly
and led them back into the house to the bath
she stripped off his shirt and filled up with hot water
the bronze basin and he stepped in, standing unsure
she pushed his shoulders and he sat overwhelmed that
this would be the first time anyone was so tender
see him naked in pain, weak and unmanned
she poured the warm water over his shoulders
she poured down his neck, his chest and his back
she poured water and then submerged him
under the water and his body went slack
he did not want to emerge but she pulled him
up and then bathed his arms and his legs
when they were finished she took myrrh and anointed
his body and he wept, body heaving with sorrow
for dying, for living, for fear and for waiting
for grief and the billions of lives blown away
for Christopher Pike, whose faith was unshaking
in his worth and good as a person, for Khan,
for the horror when Admiral Marcus denied him
mercy when he begged for their lives, not his own.
He'd understood why Khan had a reason
to think Marcus had killed every one he'd beloved
He'd never known that death has no mercy
only a mocking face, then they're gone.
Khan crushed his face to kill his own monsters.
Jim understood the logic of that. He fell asleep
dreaming of monsters who laughed when he spoke
until he shouted back- "You'll die someday too!
What's funny about that?" And up on the ship
Spock watched and waited, counting the heartbeats
that passed in the night.