Jim found peace but Spock became distant
confused by the fire churning in his side
their next two missions he avoided his captain,
while his lover Nyota watched and again realized
that again Spock could not face the truth of his feelings
towards Jim and towards her- he would rather disguise
his truth with veneer of obligation and duty
sincerity with rules and regulations to provide
a familiar, convenient, intractable boundary
between himself and his grief, himself and his life
But Nyota was tired, heartsick and homeworn-
sometimes such illnesses happen in space-
she had her own grief and her own revelations
her own bitter truths to eat and embrace
else displacement would cause rot twixt companions
the silence of anger, betrayal, and blame
She had this to face: that she could not change him
though he might love her and cherish her heart
she could not make him see his reflection
or desire to live, impassioned, happy at heart
Too much of life he equated with duty
a Vulcan must optimize functional existence
too much of grief he associated with cruelty
of Nero and Khan killing with the insistence
that it was their right for hurts inflicted on them
while Marcus would kill for the sheer joy malicious
of leading his warships to battle and condemn
the Federation, tlhIngans and his life to vicious
war, wardeath, and death, and death.
She could not make him see any different
possible reasons to live, not when she
herself was not certain that life is not grief
and grief is not sea, that sea is not endless
endlessly endlessly covering reef
that reef does not hide the shattered ship bodies
of those crushed by fateless, merciless sleep
that some ancient sea god does not condemn them
to wander ten years the fell fathoms deep.
She could not give him a reason to want more
not when he was her reason to stay
and venture five years in deep space with a captain
whose fortunes were wrecking and wingtorn away
his hubris punished for making a bargain
a life for a life for a fire for an aye.
She could not change him but it did not stand to reason
she could not find her own reason to stay
she could not dispel his dry droughted season
but she felt winds bringing soft rains her way
she could not keep living her life for his losses
she could not keep living her life for his pain
she knew if she left the shock would draw forces
that he tried so hard to erase, keep at bay
but life must be lived- soft rains were coming
to revive her wonder and passion again
she left Spock to find his own way forward
she walked out of the sea and into the rain.
And indeed, it was raining on Venetas planet
the sky slightly purple under grey misty curls
the pink and green tiles of the clocktower granite
the wide open square colored mother of pearl
The natives had dressed for their great carnivale
faces enmasked with clay white and bronze
hands gloved with lace, blue powder and holly
heads wreathed in evergreen needles and palms
they waltzed in the streets and laughed throwing barley
seeds to the capricious canal river gods
they danced with light feet inviting Nyota to partake
in festival and dressed her in brocade from abroad
She listened to bells chime far in the mountains
she listened to bells tolling deep in the hills
there were bells everywhere drawing spirits to fountains
to feed on the leaves and the wine that were spilled
to entreat the immortals let cold leave their city
let winter's reprieve from growth and from loss
recede back to spring, let the blue water lilies
once again their sweet canal waters emboss
Nyota listened and watched the white barley unnumbered
swirl in the waters and float to the sea
Nyota opened her mouth and sang unencumbered
by rhyme, rhythm, words, intonation or creed
She sang with the sounds of each language she knew
Romulan, tlhIngan, Vulcan, Deltan, Orinic
Andoran, Terran, Greek, Latin, Venetic
Nibiran, Songbird, Bee, Orca, and Maru
and that day became a legend her own.
Jim danced with her, listening to her song
Spock understood in that moment she'd left him
and tried desperately not to be afraid.