Author's Note: If it makes you feel any better, the last chapter broke my heart a bit, too. Although, I suppose I have the advantage of knowing how it pans out. I hope you enjoy the new installment! Please review, as always.
It took some time before Helena could speak again, and by then, she had just barely managed to catch Myka as her knees collapsed beneath the heavy weight of her grief. She'd tried to move them to the bed, and scarcely managed to urge Myka underneath the blankets as she began to tremble ever harder.
"Myka Bering," Helena put as much strength in her words as she could muster under the circumstances, and gently pulled the woman's chin from her shoulder to frame it with her hands, "I've cared so deeply for you since the day that we met. I've been careless with you," she said, keeping a firm hold on Myka's cheeks when she tried to dodge her gaze. "I've been utterly and completely thoughtless. I've so blatantly neglected your feelings, in indulgence of my own fears; fears of the deterioration of the world, of losing your friendship, of never living what would be perceived as a 'normal' life…
"And for all that I've done in this life of mine, darling, I still can't begin to understand your loyalty to me, or the faith that you've always had in me. But if my life serves any purpose, right in this moment, it is to make you believe – to make you understand," Helena corrected herself, "that no matter how foolish I've been in regards to my feelings for you, you are the most important person in my world."
Myka jerked her face away from Helena's grasp, and though Helena understood her need not to be seen as any weaker than was required, and she knew that it was her own fault, she couldn't help the hurt that descended upon her chest.
"Myka," she pleaded, resting her hands in her lap and respecting Myka's space as best as she could. "Darling Myka, I do love you so. I can't begin to express how deeply sorry I am."
"I told you already," Myka's voice was weak as it fell from her barely parted lips, "you don't owe me any apologies."
Helena smiled sadly, and murmured, "I owe you so much more."
Myka looked up at her, then, and though Helena doubted her own eyes, she was sure that she saw hope, and confirmed it when, with great trepidation, Myka whispered, "You don't owe me love."
She was so vulnerable, then, and it shattered Helena. She couldn't help herself. She had no idea if it was the right thing to do – hell, she couldn't seem to get anything right, where this woman was concerned – but she tentatively reached up to brush her fingers against Myka's neck, and used the other to take hold of her head, her thumb soothing the smooth flesh just beneath Myka's ear, and she gazed as honestly as she knew how into Myka's bright green eyes as she confirmed, "No. And yet, I find myself unable to resist loving you, anyway."
Myka's eyes scoured her desperately, and as exposed as Helena felt by her scrutiny, she knew it was nothing compared to what Myka must have been feeling. So Helena remained silent. She steadily met Myka's furiously searching eyes, and fed her every emotion that she knew how to feel.
But she jolted backward when Myka's hands took hold of her shoulders, the secret service agent shifting so that Helena was pushed beneath her as she continued her assessment. Helena didn't hide her surprise, but she remained still, hands perched in their same positions against Myka's neck and face as her back pressed against the bed.
And then Myka's mouth covered hers – soft, but feverish and incontestably dominant. And despite her shock, Helena responded. With every ounce of willpower she possessed, she denied her desire to take over; to flip this wondrous woman over and ravish her with the need that she'd fought so desperately against. She allowed Myka to take from her everything that she had, bending beneath her and edging her fingers back to curl into Myka's hair.
And Myka gave back. Helena felt anger in the sting of her lip, as Myka's teeth nearly drew blood from her mouth. And when Myka's hands moved to her hips to fist into Helena's shirt, she felt Myka's fear, and it jilted her.
Then Myka drew away from the kiss as abruptly as she'd begun it, touching her nose to Helena's with a brief nuzzle, and an indecipherable sigh.
Helena was afraid to move. She wanted to hold Myka, and lather her with affection, but this moment was so tender and so fragile that Helena feared any move she made would cause it to end.
She wanted to give Myka what she needed; she just wasn't sure what that was.
Though she couldn't bring herself to move, the silence of that moment threatened to become something much deeper, and Helena was more than certain that neither of them was prepared for anything more intense. "Red becomes you," she murmured, her voice barely a breath that ghosted against Myka's mouth as she admired the way that the silk of her robe complimented her tanned flesh.
"Thank you," Myka replied, just as softly, and Helena could hear her gratitude for her subtle, but necessary interruption of the stillness that had taken them.
Myka's hands loosened seconds later, and Helena's eyes watched them as one moved to embrace her own fingers, and the other lifted above her head to hold Myka's slender frame above her.
"Myka – " Helena tried, unsure of the words that intended to follow, but Myka shook her head gently, and her eyes moved to hers with a pleading desperation.
"I'm so tired, Helena," she said, making no attempt to mask her utter fatigue.
Helena nodded carefully, and gently moved her fingers to comb through Myka's drying hair. "I understand," she soothed.
Myka's forehead tipped downward until it touched hers, and Helena held her breath as she felt Myka's fall against her.
"Don't leave again," Myka requested, anxiety and hesitation laced in her glance.
"My darling Myka," Helena began with a reassuring smile, "I have no intention of leaving the Warehouse."
But Myka shook her head and closed her eyes against tears that spoke of exhaustion and strong emotion. "No," she corrected. "I mean, don't leave me again."
"I couldn't if I wanted to, love," Helena informed, sensing Myka's growing distress, and desperate to calm it.
"Helena, I'm asking you to stay with me. Here. Tonight," Myka clarified, eyes still shut, clearly terrified of an unfavorable response.
Helena's hands continued to stroke through Myka's hair as she waited, but when Myka never opened her eyes, Helena requested softly, "Look at me, darling."
Myka's eyes peeked from beneath hooded lids, and Helena lifted her chin just slightly to close the small distance between their mouths to press a small, delicate kiss to Myka's lips. "I would like nothing more than to stay with you. Here. Tonight."
A slow, small smile touched Myka's lips, and Helena returned it, finally moving her hand from Myka's neck to her waist, and urging her downward.
Myka curled to the side and rested against Helena's arm with no resistance, and no energy left in her to fight it. Helena felt more than heard the sigh of warm breath against her shoulder. A moment later, however, she could all but hear the cogs begin to churn in Myka's mind, so she presented a distraction.
"I've broken nearly all of Claudia's rules tonight, you know," she said quietly, a smile in her voice as she spoke into Myka's hair.
"You had rules?" Myka asked softly.
"Mm," Helena hummed. "Quite a number of them, in fact. I imagine she'll be quite upset with me."
"Which did you break?" Myka's voice fell easier past her lips than before, and Helena was pleased. She knew Myka needed rest. She'd had a taxing week, physically, and an emotionally taxing evening. Helena knew she wouldn't rest if she didn't calm herself first.
"I was very specifically instructed not to make you cry," Helena admitted.
"Unavoidable, I think," Myka comforted. "I've been crying for weeks."
Helena resisted the urge to coo affectionate pet names at her, and instead offered, "It was also explicitly stated that I was not to kiss you before the time was right."
"Who said it wasn't?" Myka opened her eyes and smiled affectionately, though tiredly, then shut her eyes again and snuggled closer into Helena's side and Helena felt her heart warm. "Besides, I kissed you."
"That you did, darling," Helena chuckled, resuming the motion of sifting through Myka's hair; she hadn't realized she'd stopped until Myka released a small mewl of displeasure that fastened itself to Helena's core. Myka's light flirting wasn't lost on her, either. "Though I admit, I was surprised."
"You shouldn't have been."
"No?" Helena prodded curiously.
"Please," Myka uttered, and if her eyes had been opened, Helena was sure that she'd have rolled them. "You've been wooing me since you waltzed into my bathroom. I'd have been a fool not to be flattered."
"I wooed?" Helena asked, brow lifted in amusement.
"And flattered," Myka smiled.
"Darling woman, you flatter me," she said, shaking her head. "I trembled like a choirboy in that bathroom."
"It was cute," Myka soothed softly, her arm reaching around Helena's waist and tightening into a hug.
"I am not cute," Helena denied instantaneously.
Myka propped her chin up against Helena's chest, now nearly laying on her stomach, and Helena looked down to spot a caring smile. "Yes, you are."
"I am a woman of great sensuality, Myka," Helena defended her nature ferociously. "I have been described as erotic, and daringly provocative, but I am not cute," she wrinkled her nose distastefully. "Cute is for puppies, and babies, and… Pete."
Myka laughed, and although she hadn't been trying for it, Helena reveled in the sound. Their entire night had been an emotional whirlwind, but she was more pleased than she could admit that she'd been able to, at the very least, lighten Myka's spirits before she wandered off to sleep.
"I wouldn't tell Pete that," Myka advised. "Unlike you, he would take it as a compliment."
"It's mortifying!" Helena exclaimed.
"You were nervous," Myka smiled again.
"I don't get nervous," Helena denied abruptly.
"Then what would you call it?" Myka challenged.
"Distress," Helena determined firmly.
"I distress you?" Myka chuckled, clearly pleased by the idea.
"Dear Myka, everything about you distresses me," Helena relented, smiling down at her affectionately, and tucking a lost curl behind her ear tenderly.
"Why?" Myka asked softly, her lips still curved upward.
"You wreak havoc upon me, love," Helena sighed delicately. "I can't seem to gather my thoughts when I'm around you. It's infuriating."
"So I'm distressing and infuriating?" Myka asked humorously, her hand reaching just beneath Helena's shirt almost subconsciously, and rubbing gentle patterns at her hip.
Helena swallowed tightly, trying her very hardest not to acknowledge the heat at her side. "Exactly my point, darling. Nothing comes out of my mouth as it's intended when I'm with you."
"Helena," Myka began caringly, "I'm surprised that anything comes out of my mouth at all when I'm with you. You do a very good job of flustering me."
"Is that so?" Helena grinned.
"You're very pleased with yourself for that, aren't you?" Myka laughed lightly.
"Very pleased, indeed, my love."
"But you also already knew it," Myka said knowingly.
"I admit, on occasion, I do enjoy riling you when the opportunity presents itself," Helena smiled charmingly. "Though, I was never certain if it was due to me, personally, or my sometimes rather crass flirtations."
"Nothing about you is crass," Myka said, raising her brow defiantly.
"You might be surprised, darling. My thoughts of you tend to stray toward the very crass."
Helena couldn't help herself. Myka's hand at her hip was stirring up every emotion that she was attempting not to act upon, and though their interaction was no heavier than their usual, they'd never before admitted to each other their feelings. Now that they had, Helena was finding it increasingly difficult not to devour the woman. And, truly, her statement was general and not at all as bold as it could have been, because, indeed, her fantasies about Myka Bering made even Helena blush, at times.
But it wasn't Helena's face that reddened in that moment. Myka's cheeks flushed pink as she ducked her head against Helena's heart, and Helena couldn't help but to chuckle dotingly.
"You're doing it again," Myka mumbled, embarrassed.
"The wooing or the flattering?" Helena asked cheekily.
"The riling," Myka looked up to glare.
"The opportunity presented itself, darling," Helena grinned. "I'm certain I could do worse."
"Don't," Myka warned.
"As you insist," Helena replied softly, fondness overtaking her desire as she lifted Myka's chin, and pressed her lips once, then twice against her partner's.
Myka sighed against her mouth, and muttered, with closed eyes, "This is nice."
"This is heavenly," Helena replied earnestly.
Myka settled into her arm again, and her belayed exhaustion couldn't be terminated another time. Helena felt her breathing slow, but just before Myka drifted off to sleep, she heard that small voice beg again, "Don't go, okay?"
Helena exhaled, and vowed that if nothing else came of this newfound closeness between them, she would void Myka of her fears. "I wouldn't dream of leaving you, darling."
Never again.