A/N: Here's another memo for you to make up for my recent lack of posting. Not that I'm trying to bribe you or anything...

MEMOS

Is that you knocking at my door?

No. Why would I ever waste my time in coming to your rooms when I could simply summon you like a slave. Bwah ha ha ha ha!

Is it you, though?

No. I do tell the truth, you know.

Yes, when it suits you.

Why don't you just open it?

Because if I find Gilderoy Lockhart at my doorstep again, I shall not be held responsible for my actions.

Ahem. I think it is about time that I took that holiday to Bermuda that I have been planning for a while. Yes, the Triangle seems like a wonderful place.

If you have done something, not even the Bermuda Triangle will be able to save you from my wrath.

It's worth a try, though.

…

I MEAN… I have no reason to worry then.

Nice save.

Thank you; I always thought I should have been a Keeper.

Not in relationship terms, obviously.

Cold.

So will your bedroom be if I find Lockhart at my door.

What does that mean? Will you stop sleeping in my bed?

I would have to start sleeping in your bed for that to be a valid question.

Must you ruin everything?

It's my prerogative.

Why do I hire these killjoys?

Because somebody needs to run this place.

My, my. We are on a lexical killing spree this evening, aren't we?

My dear, I am every evening.

Too true.

Sometimes I doubt you know me at all.

My dear, do you not know that it is rude to ignore somebody knocking at your door?

I won't open it.

Oh, you will.

Will I?

You will.

Will I?

You will.

And what makes you so sure?

I know you too well. You have always fallen afoul of that old adage: curiosity killed the cat.

But I am not dead.

Merlin, Minerva, learn to use metaphors!

But being pedantic and literal is so fun!

Not for everybody else.

My, how the roles have reversed. You used to be the annoying literal one.

…

Now you are just annoying.

Thank you kindly.

See? Now you're even using sarcasm!

Damn it! It's catching!

I don't think that it's that contagious.

Will you stop trying to sound stupid and cute, and open your bloody door?

Never.

Now.

Okay.

*Five Hours Later*

I hate you.

What did I do this time?

Gilderoy Lockhart.

I am afraid I was not responsible for bringing that curious man into existence.

You sent him to my office.

Bwah ha ha ha!

I don't think you comprehend the seriousness of this situation. I just got harassed by Gilderoy Lockhart. In a salmon pink tuxedo.

Not robes?

Not robes. A tuxedo. With frilly edges.

Oh dear. I told him to incendio that one.

Nobody wants your fashion advice!

Just because I told you once that you wear too much tartan.

You can never have too much tartan.

…

You have been told.

I am severely disappointed.

And I am severely irritated. So start running.

Yes, Ma'am.