Still off the Key of Reason
Chapter 3: I've got you now, are you curious?
Rachel was not surprised at all to find an aquarium in the waiting room at the doctor's office. It was filled with koi, which Quinn loved because of all the different colors. And because they grew to be gigantic. She didn't get up to go and watch them, though. She sat right next to Rachel and held her hand, even though it was completely unnecessary.
Rachel watched Quinn fill out the "first time client" form. Quinn was using a green pen. Rachel hoped that was appropriate. All she could think about were her high school teachers complaining about her purple gel pens.
If you write in anything other than blue or black ink, I'll pretend I can't see the words and you will get a zero.
Well, Rachel was on Broadway now and they were still in Lima, Ohio. Fuck their boring pens. Quinn's infused joy into everything it wrote on.
"Name." Quinn murmured. "Rachel Barbra Berry-Fabray." She said slowly as she wrote it out, focusing to make sure it stayed on the line. The loopy scrawl ran together, but it was legible.
"Profession." Quinn looked up and smiled at Rachel. "Star."
Rachel chuckled and shook her head. She knocked her shoulder into Quinn's.
"Spouse." Quinn smiled even brighter. She tilted forward and kissed the edge of Rachel's mouth. "The wonderful almost-animal-doctor Quinn Berry-Fabray."
"Um, yeah, you can just leave that blank." Rachel said with a straight face. "My wife's a little weird."
Quinn ignored her. She accidentally made her "Q" about nine times too big, so the "uinn Berry-Fabray" came out barely legible anyway. Rachel snorted when she saw it. The receptionist would probably think a child filled the form out.
Quinn ticked off all the boxes in the medical history section easily, mostly because Rachel was always perfectly healthy. She stopped at the last section on the form and studied it for a minute.
"Reasons for this visit." She read off, and then looked up at Rachel with a raised eyebrow.
Rachel didn't say anything. Quinn was her reason for this visit.
"Bloody nose." Quinn said loudly. Rachel nudged her in the ribs. She didn't need to be proclaiming things like that for the whole waiting room.
"Dizziness." Quinn continued, lowering her voice. Her expression dropped with each symptom she listed off. "Fatigue."
Well now she just looked sad. Rachel smiled and ran a hand through Quinn's hair. Quinn sighed and finished writing with a flourish, pushing the form away like she never wanted to see it again.
"I'll be fine, baby." Rachel assured. She didn't even count the bloody nose as an issue, seeing as she'd been climbing a fucking volcano when it happened.
And her nose was pretty sensitive since she'd broken it junior year of high school. The slightest thing could set it off.
Quinn pulled Rachel into her side and kissed the top of her head. "You know…rabbits like licorice. But it makes them sick because they can't digest sugars."
Rachel hummed. She decided to roll with it. "Did you try it out on Benjamin?"
Quinn was silent for a moment. "Um… Accidentally."
Ah. So that's what caused the rabbit vomit that morning. Rachel laughed and twirled the wedding ring around Quinn's finger. It was nice returning to Davis and to their beloved bunny Benjamin after the honeymoon, even if it involved shipping four dogs across the country. Because they'd just had to attend the wedding.
They'd had to enlist a private plane for Char because commercial airlines wouldn't let him on. His nose was too much of a risk factor in the cargo hold. So they gave him his own luxury jet instead.
Quinn was proud of the dogs, though. They were all cross-country travelers now.
"I think…if you were a bunny, life would be your licorice…" Quinn continued her own conversation slowly. "I mean-wait."
She scrunched up her face like it was all coming out wrong. Rachel tapped her lips to get her to continue. Any sentence that started with "if you were a bunny" was worth hearing.
"I mean, your…heart, love, the way you feel things, is just so intense and earnest and vivacious that I think it-it consumes you, and your body just needs-it needs some time to recover. You know?" Quinn finished, squeezing Rachel's hand.
Rachel tilted her head onto Quinn's shoulder, brow furrowed in thought. She was an impassioned person. Zealous, overbearing to some. Maybe crazy. Maybe she was so crazy in love it actually wore her admittedly small body out.
It blew her mind.
Rachel watched a fish get stuck in the aquarium filter and pondered Quinn's words.
"Rachel Berry?" A nurse called, sticking her body halfway through the door. Rachel popped up and grabbed Quinn's wrist to make sure she tagged along. She walked over to the aquarium first, slid the top off, and rescued the fish. She was an expert at rescuing fish from filters by now.
Unfortunately, she was also an expert at accidentally killing them. Quinn looked proud of her at the moment, though. She held Rachel back to make sure the fish swam away before moving through the door.
Rachel strode through the hallway and into the little exam room where the nurse led them. She climbed onto the table and kicked her legs, smiling as the woman told them the doctor would be in shortly.
Rachel hated the paper they put on those tables. She always wrinkled it up and teared it by sitting on it and moving, and then felt bad because it was completely useless paper that would just be thrown away.
Unless somebody toxic sat on it before her. If that was the case, Rachel was grateful for the paper. Hopefully it was enough to protect her.
Quinn smiled at Rachel trying to smooth it all back down.
"They should give people crayons." Quinn remarked, sitting on a rolling chair against the wall. "They could just sit on the exam table and draw pictures while they wait for the doctor."
They'd probably get some pretty fucked up drawings. From anxious, diseased adults to screaming babies, it could be like a psychological study. Rachel was definitely interested.
She gestured for Quinn to roll over in front of her. She slipped her flip-flops off and stuck her feet out to Quinn, who smiled warmly and obliged Rachel's wish for a foot massage.
"Good morning, Mrs. Berry." The doctor greeted happily, sauntering in through the door and letting it shut softly behind him. He took the other rolling chair and speed-read through whatever file was in his hand.
"Good morning." Rachel said nicely. Quinn smiled at the floor and kept rubbing her feet.
"So, just a general physical today, huh?" The doctor checked, finally looking up and smiling at Rachel.
Rachel nodded. Quinn tickled the bottoms of her feet and then rolled away into the corner with a smile. She banged into the edge of a cart and flushed when the doctor laughed. Rachel held her thumbs up.
Way to go. Way to crash that chair.
She answered all the doctor's questions about her diet and everyday activity, and then let him check her eyes and ears. He did her blood pressure and reflexes, and then had her turn around and bend over so that he could check her spine.
Rachel was sure she did not have scoliosis. Her posture was perfect. Quinn narrowed her eyes when the doctor pushed up Rachel's shirt. Rachel could hear her huffing and puffing in the corner, even when the doctor dropped it back down and returned to his rolly chair.
"Um, it's Berry-Fabray." Quinn blurted into the silence. The doctor looked at her with raised eyebrows and she flushed. "I-you said Berry earlier. It's…Berry-Fabray."
The doctor smiled in realization and nodded his thanks at Quinn. Rachel scrunched up her nose at her wife and nodded as well. Quinn smiled proudly at her.
Rachel swung her feet against the exam table and looked around a little disgustedly at the pictures on the wall. Was it really necessary to have an enormous photo of somebody's eyeball being operated on? Were they trying to make people sick?
Quinn rolled over quietly and Rachel smiled down at her. She looked just as repulsed by the posters as Rachel, and Rachel played with her golden hair while she waited.
"Okay, Rachel." The doctor started, clapping his hands against his thighs and rolling closer to Rachel and Quinn. "Rachel Berry-Fabray." He winked at Quinn. Rachel patted her wife's head.
"You are perfectly healthy." He continued. "Your blood pressure's on the high end of normal, so it's possible that's what caused your symptoms."
Rachel nodded. She was not surprised. She kept a hand tangled in Quinn's hair, and Quinn gripped her calf while they listened.
"You're probably just tired." The doctor stated clearly. "Worn out, physically. Maybe emotionally. But there are some things you could do that would help with the fatigue."
Rachel swung her leg against the table. She waved her hand for the doctor to continue when he raised his eyebrows.
"Now, I know you recently got married, which can obviously increase stress, even if it's good stress." The doctor explained, smiling at Quinn, "Maybe you've been working harder than usual, consuming a lot of caffeine."
Rachel blinked. Marriage and coffee. They would do her in.
She refused to confirm his suspicion of her coffee addiction. "Okay." She said simply. "What can I do?"
Rachel twitched her leg when Quinn's hand digging into her calf became uncomfortable. Quinn looked up at her apologetically and Rachel ruffled her hair.
"Relax. That's the best advice. Just enjoy married life and sleep and relax. Out of the context of a wedding or a honeymoon. Maybe hang out with friends." The doctor explained, making eye contact with both Rachel and Quinn. "Your diet is actually very healthy. Just make sure you cut back on the coffee, and alcohol if you drink a lot. Eat more fruit, exercise daily. Take some time every day to relax. Yoga would actually be great."
Rachel actually snorted at that. The doctor smiled, even if he didn't understand why.
"But you're young, Rachel, and you're perfectly fine." He assured confidently.
Rachel nodded, pleased.
"Is there anything else we can do?" Quinn asked quietly. "Rachel's very…intense. I think she…exhausts herself just doing daily things…" Quinn trailed off and Rachel leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
The doctor smiled kindly at her. "I made a list of what I just said, and I added some foods on there that could help, but there's no need to change anything major. Rachel is very healthy."
Quinn swallowed and nodded. She spun around to face Rachel when the doctor left the room, and slipped the flip-flops back onto her wife's feet.
"It's fucking Cornelius." Rachel said with a straight face, trying to make Quinn smile. "He's going to be the death of me."
Quinn stared at Rachel's feet as a smile grew on her face. "Don't swear." She muttered.
"I'm fine, baby." Rachel said, tilting Quinn's chin up. "Thank you for calling me intense, by the way, and saying I wear myself out like a toddler, but I'm fine."
Quinn put her hands on Rachel's knees. "I'm taking away your coffee."
That was like a punch to the gut. But Rachel saw it coming. She sighed dramatically and nodded. Quinn rolled up closer and kissed Rachel's knee.
"And I'm never letting you out of bed unless you sleep for eight whole hours."
Rachel heaved another exaggerated sigh.
"And we're going to do real yoga from now on." Quinn continued, though she couldn't even finish that sentence with a straight face. "None of that bouncy ball stuff."
Rachel chuckled and nodded. "The stuff you started?"
Quinn looked indignant. "Um, they're your giant balls, little bear. You crashed into the wall before I did."
But Quinn followed right along, Sugar Puffs in hand.
"And you'll take care of me?" Rachel continued jokingly.
Quinn tickled behind Rachel's knees with a smile. "Always."
~oooooooooo~
Rachel walked out of the kitchen with a tray of sandwiches to find Quinn sitting on the floor in front of the couch, messing with the laptop on the coffee table. She was being harassed on both sides by Cloud and Barnaby, but she just frowned at the screen in front of her, focusing on her task.
Rachel held the plate up in the air and slid in behind Quinn, plopping on the couch with her knees on either side of Quinn's shoulders. She leaned forward and rested her head on a mop of blonde hair.
"What are you doing?" Rachel asked, squinting at the screen. She kept the sandwiches high up out of reach of the dogs.
Quinn didn't turn around. "I sent my Sim to fix the dishwasher, and she came back blackened and in her underwear."
Rachel nodded slowly. That's probably what would happen if she had to fix a dishwasher.
She took a turkey sandwich off the plate and wound her hand around Quinn's head, holding it in front of her mouth. Quinn twisted for a moment and smiled warmly at Rachel before taking a bite.
"Fank oo." She murmured, returning to her game.
Rachel squeezed Quinn's shoulders with her knees.
"So, bear. Santana said they'd get in tomorrow, and then the day after we could go down to San Diego and stay with Sam."
Only Rachel would require a mini-vacation to recover from her honeymoon.
Quinn made a noise of approval around her mouthful of food. Rachel was excited to go to SeaWorld. Especially to see Sam frolicking around in the pool with his whales. Quinn would probably want to dive right in. Rachel might need a leash. A cage.
"I sent my husband to fix the dishwasher, and he caught on fire and died." Quinn remarked sadly, staring at the Grim Reaper on her screen. Rachel struggled to keep from laughing. "His children were being taken by social services so I removed the doors to their bedrooms."
Good plan.
Rachel snorted and kissed the top of Quinn's head. "Bear, why do you have a husband?" she asked in an offended tone.
Quinn spun around and put both hands on Rachel's knees, looking up at her earnestly. Rachel raised her eyebrows and held the sandwich in front of Quinn's face. Quinn shook her head. Rachel pressed it to her lips. Quinn snorted and pushed it away.
"I can't wait to have babies with you." She blurted. Then she furrowed her brow and shook her head around.
Rachel grinned. "Our babies will be beautiful."
Especially if they come out of Quinn. Rachel couldn't wait to have little golden haired bears scampering around the apartment. Playing on the floor. Climbing up the curtains. Riding the animals. Riding the animals up the curtains.
Quinn nodded. Her eyes darted around a bit before landing back on Rachel's. "When?" she asked quietly.
Rachel raised her eyebrows. She almost answered "right now," just to see Quinn's reaction.
"Are you asking me when I want to try to have children?" she checked. She felt weird having this conversation with one arm straight up in the air attached to a plate of sandwiches. Like she was posing as the Statue of Liberty. Having a nice little chat about babies.
Quinn nodded, looking up at Rachel with honest hazel eyes.
Rachel tilted her head. "I think…when you're done with vet school we can look into it. When we're back in New York?"
Quinn scooted closer and moved her hands from Rachel's knees to her thighs. "So-so I could carry it, while you're back on Broadway?"
Rachel hummed and smiled. "That's one possibility. Or I could take more time off. We'll figure it out, baby."
Quinn swallowed and kissed Rachel's thigh before looking back up at her. "I made our family too." She said, gesturing to the game. "You're my wife, and we have four sets of twins."
Oh, Jesus Christ.
"I don't know why they keep multiplying." Quinn continued, frowning. "But I don't like to play them because I'm scared something will happen to them."
Rachel was touched. Quinn showed more love for her virtual children than some people did for their actual children. All eight of them.
"That's…a lot of children." Rachel remarked.
Quinn hummed. "How many do you want?" she asked sweetly, tapping Rachel's knee.
Rachel was once again graced with the mental image of multiple Quinns. A household full of Quinns. Eight Quinns, a Rachel, and ten animals. But by then they'd have something like a flock of sheep or a herd of cows as well, in their backyard. Maybe an ostrich. A flock of ostriches. Rachel loved the image, however mildly terrifying it was.
"I think…a couple." She answered vaguely, playing with Quinn's hair. "One from each of us? Or more from you. Or me. When I was little I used to picture having three little clones of myself."
Rachel used to think that there was absolutely nothing that the world needed more than extra Rachel Berrys. She could turn the universe into a musical. Now she knew there was one thing the Earth needed, and it was extra Quinn Fabrays.
Quinn chuckled. "We could name our kids Rachel Jr., Rachel the Third, and Rachel the Fourth."
Rachel hummed and nodded. "That wouldn't be confusing at all."
"I'd call you 'favorite Rachel.' Because you're my favorite." Quinn clarified.
Because that wouldn't give their children a complex.
"You're my favorite too." Rachel murmured.
Quinn hummed. "You know, you're like a giraffe." She stated.
Of course.
Rachel didn't even blink. She just waited for the explanation. She leaned forward so her face was inches from Quinn's and smiled for her wife to continue.
"They have higher blood pressure because they have to pump blood all the way up their necks, so I think they'd get exhausted as well. Just doing everyday things. And maybe they love better than other animals. I don't really know how giraffes love."
"Ah." Rachel nodded in understanding. Mild understanding. She was hanging on by a thread. Her free hand went instinctively to her neck. Quinn watched it and pulled it away with a smile.
"But you give the best love. And giraffes fight by swinging their necks together." Quinn informed.
Well. If Rachel could, she would.
"Are you-are you excited for San Diego?" Quinn continued uncertainly.
Children's names to giraffes to San Diego. Rachel had learned to go with the flow.
"Quinn." Rachel finally just put the plate on the couch, inciting a free-for-all with the dogs, and took both of Quinn's hands. "It is exactly what I need. I am relaxed. I am happy. Planning the wedding was stressful, but it's over now, and it was wonderful. I want to see our friends, and go to SeaWorld with you, and play with Shamu, because I feel great. Okay?"
Quinn puffed out her cheeks and nodded. Rachel kissed her and then tugged on her shoulders until she turned back to the screen. She sighed at whatever was happening now.
"The mom got stuck in the wall." She lamented.
Rachel did not know what that meant. It made about as much sense as her own life. It was not out of the realm of reason that she'd get stuck in a wall. She had gotten sort of stuck in the wall when they'd first started playing with the yoga balls.
Maybe Rachel could use Life Alert now. Carry around a handy button and yell out "I've fallen and I can't get up" when she had problems.
Except that button would end up in something's stomach. Something like Cornelius.
Rachel smiled to herself and watched Quinn sort out her fictional family. She grabbed the blanket on the back of the couch and wrapped it around Quinn's shoulders like a cape, then slid onto the floor next to her.
Barnaby ate the rest of the tiny sandwiches like he knew they were his all along.
"Alright, bear, let's play our mini-family." Rachel said. "We won't let anything happen to them."
When Quinn opened the game, there were ten children milling about the house. There were three horses on the front porch, a deformed dog on the kitchen table, and a horde of friends and strangers dancing around a jukebox. Rachel could picture all of it happening in real life.
~oooooooooo~
Rachel wasn't really surprised when she went to pick up Santana and Brittany at the airport, and found that their flight had been delayed two hours due to severe summer thunderstorms. It hadn't rained in Davis for months. It was like a drought, except it was just normal summer weather. Rachel felt like she was living in a desert sometimes. And then she'd return to New York and complain about it raining all the fucking time.
It was now after midnight, and she was trying to sneak into her own house as quietly as possible, with two of the loudest friends she'd ever had. Rachel opened the front door slowly and stepped inside, flipping on the light in the entryway.
Butter sat on the table where Rachel put her keys, staring at her like she'd been waiting there for hours. She didn't even blink. It was like a horror movie. Rachel dragged her gaze away from the alien-colored eyes and ushered Brittany and Santana inside.
Brittany gasped as soon as she saw Butter and rushed forward to pet her.
"Where are your other eight?" Santana asked loudly, dumping her bags right next to the door and ignoring the loud crash they made.
"Shhhh." Rachel hissed.
Santana held her hands up innocently.
Barnaby and Cornelius came barreling out of the hallway, and Rachel sighed. They surrounded Brittany because they realized they wouldn't be getting lots of love from Santana. And they saw Rachel every day. She probably bored them.
Or they knew they'd end up locked in the bathroom if they bothered her.
"So, guest bed?" Santana looked at Rachel expectantly, ignoring the cat climbing up her leg.
Rachel led Brittany and Santana through the living room in the dark. Santana dragged the suitcases behind them, hitting every available surface with a nice big thump. Rachel stubbed her toe on the side table and screamed silently right outside the guest bedroom.
She almost had a heart attack when she caught a shadow out of the corner of her eye, but she looked up to see Quinn standing in the doorway to their bedroom. Half asleep. Or fully asleep. Rachel couldn't tell.
Quinn's hair was a mess, and she wore sleep shorts and her dinosaur t-shirt, Fuzzy the lion dangling from one hand. She stared tiredly at the group in the hall.
"Quinn!" Brittany whisper-screamed, bulldozing past Rachel to give her friend a hug.
"Hi." Quinn said softly, stumbling into the wall. Brittany caught her firmly by the shoulders.
"Is she awake?" Santana asked Rachel, amused. "Lucid?"
Rachel stepped forward and put a hand on top of Quinn's head, and then slid it down to her sleep-warmed cheek. "You awake, bear?" she asked, smiling fondly up at her.
Quinn hummed. She hugged Fuzzy to her chest and looked over Rachel's shoulder, smiling slightly at Santana.
Santana huffed. "What, are we strangers now? I'm gonna be locked in a car with you people for eight hours tomorrow. Step up, Sunny Delight."
Quinn shuffled around Rachel to get to Santana. She took a little detour, stopping to pet the dogs for a minute, and had a nice quiet conversation with them while everybody watched. Then she straightened back up and hugged Santana tightly.
"Welcome to California." Quinn said with a smile.
Santana took her by the shoulders and turned her around, guiding her right back to Rachel. Quinn didn't seem awake enough at the moment to do it herself. Rachel wrapped her arm around her sleepy wife.
"Go back to bed, baby." She instructed quietly.
Quinn shook her head, and then lost her balance and tumbled into Rachel's side. "I'll wait for you."
"God, take her to bed before she passes out." Santana said with a disgusted expression. She turned back to the guest bedroom and started lugging the suitcases through the door. "And FYI, we're shutting this so none of your dumbass animals can smother us in the middle of the night, okay?"
"San, no!" Brittany exclaimed, even while Rachel nodded. "Benjamin loves you, remember? And the cats. They have to sleep with us."
Oh yeah. Benjamin loved Santana. She was the only one who'd put up a fight when he attacked them with his massive feet. Rachel could already see him waiting on the guest bed. Like a lover. Come on in honey, I won't bite.
"They'll be good." Quinn murmured, face pressed into Rachel's shoulder, eyes closed.
Santana stared at her. Brittany mouthed "don't" at her girlfriend, and then dragged Santana into the bedroom with a happy "goodnight, sleep tight!" thrown over her shoulder.
Rachel gently pushed Quinn back into their own bedroom, only letting go when Quinn toppled onto the bed. Rachel put her pajamas on and climbed in next to her, carefully avoiding kicking Charizard in the face. Quinn sighed happily and wrapped Rachel up in her octopus trap.
"We should do it." She mumbled, sloppily kissing Rachel's ear.
She was probably aiming for Rachel's cheek. Or even her mouth. Which is why they should not "do it."
Rachel pushed blonde hair out of Quinn's eyes. "Just go to sleep, baby. You don't know what you're saying."
Quinn frowned, eyes still closed. "I do. I want to…have sex with you now." She tightened her hold on Rachel, and Rachel chuckled quietly.
"You can't even open your eyes, bear." She said softly.
Quinn sighed again. "We-we should play games in bed."
Oh God.
That could mean literally playing Monopoly while sitting in bed, or it could mean something much more fun. Rachel was opposed to playing Monopoly in bed. Rachel was opposed to playing Monopoly at all. She wasn't fond of wasting days of her life.
"What do you mean?" she asked, leaning back slightly to look at Quinn's closed eyes.
For a second Rachel thought Quinn was sleeping. She was breathing deeply, warm face pressed into Rachel's arm and Fuzzy, but then she opened her mouth again. "We could make-we could make it more fun. We-we could gake-make up games. And get toys. And…And things."
Oh dear God.
Rachel did not know if Quinn would remember any of this in the morning, but she would surely remind her of it. It sounded like a glorious idea, and Rachel was not surprised at all that Quinn was the one to bring it up.
"I'll play games with you." Rachel assured softly. She snuggled up closer to Quinn and finally closed her eyes.
"Okay. Little…giraffe." Quinn murmured.
"Bear." Rachel whispered.
"Bear giraffe." Quinn corrected herself sleepily.
Rachel chuckled into Quinn's shoulder and fell asleep with a smile on her face.