"Unlike the rest, I don't share the Vengeance
I left after Vulcan to work on a remote colony
Unlike the rest, I never respected the captain
who lost everything on his maiden journey
They said he saved Earth when he really lost Vulcan
they said he won battles when it was really defeat
I don't blame him for the wins or the losses
but if he takes credit for one, he must take everything.
I've been serving on missions much longer
my lover and I met our first year in Starfleet
my lover he died when the Vengeance crashed into
the bay to the edge of San Francisco city.
We'd been researching together new immunizations
discovered from texts on the planet Exo III
Roger was on Earth at a medical conference
when the ship shattered skyscraper into the concrete.
I did not learn of his death until a week later
news travels slow from the center to edge country
when I heard the name Enterprise I cursed every starship
that has ever, will ever, flies our galaxy.
Our lives are littered with suppressed casualties.
I am a nurse, as a nurse I am used to
dementia, death, trauma, all kinds of disease
I am a person, as a person I question
the cause and effect and the meaning of grief
I have not found an answer, I am on board to witness
my fate unfold under command of this death-hounded ship thief
I lost my friends in the Farragut, LǜLóng, and Pluton,
I almost lost Carol in her mad curiosity
I came back for her and for no other reason
when all your loves die you cling bodily
to those still alive, you endure every season
of mind-numbing, body-blowing, life-crushing grief.
Leonard I respect, and Spock I admire
Nyota I now count as one of my friends
Scotty is a good man, and Keenser is wicked
Sulu and Chekhov I know, but don't quite understand
Carol I love, though we stand like two polars
she creates weapons while I live to mend
sometimes between us there is silent tension
she didn't live Vulcan, I wasn't there when
her father showed his bloodthirsty, god-awful colors
sparing her life at a cost that would have been
unbearable to anyone's conscience
she thought she could buy mercy but found nothing.
The captain has changed. He discovered his limits
he died and recovered- this I can respect
we both carry griefs unspeakable to others
we now stand as equals. We live to protect
this precious peace, our threaded existence
more fragile than youth leads us to suspect
If I have learned one thing from life on this mission
it is: there is no defeat, nor is there success
there is only time, thread unspooling wildly
cut into its pieces, allotted and spread
across the wide worlds, to all species and creatures
we cannot take credit, we can't assign blame
for the way things unfold, we can only live in it
use what we have and remember our name.
I am Christine Meg glasch Tel Chapel
my grandfather Tellarite, my mother became
the best politician since Lwaxana Troi of Betazoid
this is the secret I hold to profane
the desperation of grief, the ease of surrender
This is my story, and for this I remain."