A/N: This memo contains excessive drinking and if that offends anybody, I would suggest that you skip over it. Also, it is very late and I apologise (which I seem to be doing a lot in these author notes), but I've just got back from France. Anywho, here are the long-awaited results of the drinking competition.

MEMOS

I CONCUR! No more! Please, no more!

I knew I could make you beg.

Getting kinky are we, Professor?

Getting tipsy are we, Headmaster?

Absolutely not.

Then have another shot, you coward.

You are on, my feline friend.

*Fifteen minutes of continuous alcohol consumption later*

Albus, you are sitting on my tail.

But you're not in cat form.

Yes I am!

How are you writing then?

…. Oh yeah… hahaha!

I think you're a bit drunk, Professor.

I think YOU'RE a bit drunk, Professor.

You are.

You are.

You are.

You are.

You are.

You are.

You are.

You are.

*The Next Morning*

My head…

What about it?

It hurts…

OH, DOES IT?

Stop shouting at me; it hurts my head. And you sound like my mother.

I am not shouting at you, my dear. I am writing. It is technically impossible to be shouting at you.

Someone's shouting at me.

You were the one doing the shouting last night.

Oh, dear Merlin. What did we do?

We had a most enjoyable night.

Oh, Merlin.

Severus thought so too.

Oh, Merlin.

And Sybil.

OH, MERLIN.

They all thought you performed brilliantly.

Albus, please tell me we didn't…

No, we didn't. But I had you worried for a minute, didn't I?

YOU UTTER CAD!

Cad? Well, that's nicer than the insults you usually opt for.

What happened?

I shan't tell.

Tell me.

No.

DO IT.

Nope.

Albus, tell what the hell happened before I come up there myself and personally STRANGLE you!

Alright. You were singing at the top of your voice. In the Great Hall.

What?

You woke everybody up.

Everybody?

Everybody. Even Filius, and he would sleep through the night even if a herd of wild hippogriffs broke down his bedroom door.

Oh no.

I didn't know you had such a vast repertoire of rock songs.

Rock songs?

Yes. I didn't recognise the band, but the ditty was decidedly head-bangingy.

That isn't even a word, Albus.

I know. But I like it and I shall continue to use it. But we digress; we were talking about your musical efforts.

Urgh.

The song was something about poison and snakes or something.

Oh sweet Merlin. It's not true. I don't believe you!

Denial is not an attractive feature, Minerva.

I don't care about attractive, I care about dignified!

Well, I wouldn't in your position. Not after last night.

Shut up, Albus. What did the song go like?

Something like "I want your poison, your slithering ways"

Oh, Merlin.

What is it?

It a song from my Hogwarts days.

It's that old?

How dare you?

It's okay because I'm with Poppy and you wouldn't dare hurt me when she's around.

…

You win this round, Dumbledore.

Finally. Hey, who is that song by? I quite enjoyed it.

Me.

What?

Do you remember the rock band phase I went through at Hogwarts?

Where you used to alter your robes and tell Professor Dippet that it was your right as an expressive young female?

Yes. But the last bit still stands.

Apart from the "young" bit.

You are pushing your luck today, Dumbledore.

But the whole school has blackmail material on you, so…

Oh my. What if the Governors get whiff of this?

Mass obliviation?

Tricky and messy.

Messy in what way?

What if we miss somebody?

You're right. We could blame it on Umbridge…

I knew you were my evil apprentice for some reason.

Apprentice? Is that all? I like to think I'm more of an equal partner than an apprentice.

Who comes up with the plans?

You. Mostly.

Who provides the means and time in which to carry out the plans?

Technically, that's just the world.

Who provides your sherbet lemons?

Okay, you win.

...

But I won the drinking contest.

A/N: Hmmm. I'm not particularly happy with how this memo turned out, but I hope you think otherwise! :) I THINK IT IS SAFE TO CONCLUDE THAT ALBUS WON.