A/N: Thank you everybody for all your kind comments! This chapter is based on somebody else's idea (you know who you are), because it intrigued me. I just toned it down quite a bit. Massive problems writing it. Huge, awful, massive problems. Also, long. I was going to split in two, but alas, laziness.
Still off the Key of Reason
Chapter 14: Push Me 'til I Have to Fly
Rachel woke up on the first day of spring break to find that she was in a bright, sunshine yellow bedroom and a queen-sized bed with pink flower print blankets. She had a completely immobile, temporary panic attack before realizing that yes, it was her room, and she was in her old house, and she hadn't been kidnapped.
Which was a huge relief.
Rachel sighed loudly in exaggerated despair when she saw that Quinn wasn't in bed. But then she heard singing coming from her bathroom and she smiled, narrowing her eyes up at her ceiling fan to determine what the song was.
And wow, that ceiling fan was dusty. Her room was kept as a shrine while she was in New York.
The song was a mess, like Quinn was blurring the words together because she didn't know them. Rachel laughed into her pillow; she knew the feeling. But then Quinn's voice got louder, like she grew more confident with the lyrics, and the words became clear.
"Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up, in the morning when the day is new." Quinn's voice was light and sweet, and Rachel reveled in it. "And after having spent the day together, hold each other close the whole night-."
Quinn cut off abruptly as Rachel heard a small crash from the bathroom. She laughed into her pillow again at Quinn's muttering.
And then she rolled over, caught sight of the time, and nearly had a stroke.
"Quinn!" she screeched, sitting bolt upright and throwing the blankets off her legs.
Quinn came hurrying back to Rachel's room, dressed in a pale purple dress and a denim jacket, bangs pinned back, looking concerned. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" she asked loudly, taking two large steps over the suitcases on the floor and blindly reaching for Rachel.
Rachel grabbed Quinn's wrists to prevent her from wrapping her up in a hug. "It's ten o'clock! Brunch is in twenty minutes!" she exclaimed, staring up at her wife, eyebrows raised. "Why didn't you wake me?"
Quinn breathed out in relief. "God, you gave me a heart attack, little bear."
"You should've woken me up!" Rachel pressed, letting go of Quinn's wrists to spin in a circle and find everything she needed. Clothes, hairbrush, toothbrush. They were all in different locations. Why was she so fucking organized?
Quinn smiled obliviously. She grabbed the back of Rachel's t-shirt to prevent her from whirling away. "You looked cute." She said simply, pointing at a stack of clothes and essentials on the dresser.
Rachel tried to step towards them, but Quinn pulled her back, stretching her shirt out and strangling her. She turned around and stared up at her wife, tapping her foot impatiently.
"Hold still, Thumper." Quinn requested, fisting her hands into the t-shirt at Rachel's waist.
Rachel huffed. She was late, but she stopped tapping. Quinn was a neat, blonde vision in purple and denim, and Rachel was a messy, sleepy mess in sweats.
Quinn smiled down at her, eyes sparkling. "Good morning." She said slowly. Melodically. "You look lovely right now."
She was pressing buttons. Rachel was aware of this.
Rachel's lips twitched. "Good morning." She drawled, staring defiantly into Quinn's eyes. She tried to pull away again, but Quinn held her in place. Rachel tried not to smile.
"I love you." Quinn said sweetly. Rachel didn't say anything, and Quinn swayed her from side to side.
"I said I love you." Quinn repeated, eyebrow raised. Her hazel eyes were bright and expectant. "You looked like a cutie pie this morning. I didn't want to wake you up."
Rachel scoffed at the use of "cutie pie," but her scoff turned into a laugh, and she failed to straighten her face before Quinn laughed as well.
"Did you break something in the bathroom?" Rachel asked, trying to look stern again.
Quinn smiled sagely. "I love you." She said again, ignoring the question.
So that was a "yes."
Rachel snorted. "I love you too." She said warmly, leaning up into her wife to give her a proper greeting.
Quinn hummed into Rachel's soft lips. And then the doorbell rang and Rachel whirled around, panicking again in the search for her clothes. She stumbled into her old elliptical and then into an overloaded trophy shelf, and the thought briefly crossed her mind that she had been absolutely insane as a child.
Insanely talented. Rachel's room was like a giant trophy case for the first half of her life.
Quinn pointed her to her clothes and then left the room to greet the Hudson-Hummels with Rachel's dads. Rachel found that Quinn had dropped a bottle of lotion in the bathroom and broken the top, and then left a sticky note with a sad face on it stuck to the bottle.
It made Rachel smile.
She heard raised voices coming from the dining room as she descended the stairs ten minutes later. Happy voices. Rachel was actually surprised at Quinn's volume. She must have been using her "passionate" voice, probably about an animal of some kind.
"You can't outrun a hippo, Finn!"
Yes. Rachel was correct.
"She's right, Finn," Hiram stated, sauntering past Rachel and into the dining room. He ruffled her hair along the way. "The real question is, can you fit in a hippo's mouth when it tries to eat you."
Lovely brunch conversation.
Rachel stepped into the dining room and shuffled around to her seat next to Quinn. She paused to bend down and hug Finn quickly around the neck and then to press a kiss to the top of her wife's head. Quinn smiled up at her.
"Tell her, Rach." Finn demanded, draped earnestly across the table with his sleeve in the scrambled eggs. "I can totally outrun a hippo."
Quinn's knees banged against the table and Rachel settled a hand on her wife's thigh. "They can run nineteen miles per hour!" Quinn stated defiantly, cheeks flushed. "They weigh 3500 pounds and look like lumbering monsters, but their bones are built for that and they're strong."
Rachel smiled warmly at Carole and Burt, who sat across the table watching the argument with much amusement. Maybe some wariness. Newcomers to the whimsy of hippo discussions with Quinn.
Hiram sat down at one head of the table and Leroy placed a bowl of fruit and a tray of biscuits down before settling at the other.
"Okay, look," Finn continued reasonably, spooning hash browns onto his plate, "what if it was a marathon? Could I outrun a hippo in, like, a five mile run?"
Rachel narrowed her eyes. Finn probably couldn't run five miles. It would just be a question of who collapsed first.
Quinn picked up her fork and tapped it against the table restlessly. "Hippos can only maintain their speed for a few hundred yards." She conceded. She rocked side to side a little bit. Rachel squeezed her thigh and nodded discreetly at the fork to get her to hold still.
Quinn flushed and stared down at her bacon.
"It's cool you know so much about them." Finn remarked, choking a little bit on his mouthful.
Quinn smiled and murmured a thank you.
"If a hippo swallowed you whole…" Leroy started thoughtfully, waving his fork thoughtfully through the air.
Rachel groaned inwardly. That sentence could not end well.
"…do you think you could survive?" Leroy finished. He glanced around the table, winking at Rachel's expression.
"They're not dinosaurs, Leroy." Hiram rolled his eyes over his pancakes.
Quinn sat up straighter.
Carole chuckled. "Or Jonah and the whale."
Rachel grimaced. If surviving meant being vomited up by a hippopotamus, she'd really rather just die. If she was in a position to be swallowed by a hippo, just kill her. This was not appropriate brunch conversation.
"They eat grass." Quinn contributed quietly. "So eating a human would be aberrant behavior. It would have to be an insane hippo, maybe diseased. And they'd never do it whole. They'd probably rip off your-"
"Stop." Rachel interrupted loudly, squeezing her nails into Quinn's thigh. Everybody looked at her. Rachel stared down at her tofu scramble. "That's-just-stop. New topic. Please."
It was quiet for a moment. Quinn bounced her foot until Rachel let go of her leg. Rachel smiled at her and rubbed the spot apologetically, and Quinn grabbed her hand and pressed it to her lips. Rachel poked Quinn in the ribs when she realized Quinn had syrup on her mouth.
"I'm moving to Maryland!" Finn declared with a smile.
Quinn wiped the syrup off of Rachel's hand while Burt and Carole nodded proudly.
Finn noticed Rachel's surprise. "It's where my girlfriend lives." He explained, cutting up his bacon. "I've saved up, and I'm moving out of my apartment and in with her, and opening my own auto shop within a year. I've got it all planned out."
"That's great!" Hiram exclaimed. He grabbed his glass of water and held it up, gesturing with his other hand for everybody else to do the same. Quinn kissed Rachel's hand, which was no longer sticky, and dropped the torn up napkin on the table next to her plate.
She lifted up her chocolate milk and Rachel clutched her lemonade.
"To Finn! We knew you would do it." Hiram proclaimed. "And…making dreams come true."
Rachel nodded, clinking her glass with everybody around her.
"Took a while." Finn said with an easy shrug. "I'm not exactly the sharpest lightbulb in the closet."
Rachel let that one go.
Quinn looked at Finn, taking a moment to swallow her pancakes. "Well, that's okay." She offered softly. "You know, Pooh said it's more fun to talk with somebody who doesn't use long, difficult words, but rather short, easy words, like what about lunch?"
Rachel suppressed a smile, staring fondly at her wife. Quinn gazed earnestly at Finn.
"And he said that you can't help respecting anybody who can spell Tuesday, even if he doesn't spell it right, because spelling isn't everything." Quinn explained, tapping her foot. "There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count…So… I'm sure you have what counts, Finn. You can put cars back together."
Rachel glanced across the table. Were those tears in Carole's eyes? In Finn's eyes? Her fathers met her gaze and smiled, shaking their heads fondly. They knew they had someone special.
Quinn seemed to realize that she'd just said all of that to somebody who wasn't Rachel, and she shook her head around and shoveled more pancake into her mouth. Rachel squeezed her thigh.
"That was…that's really nice, Quinn." Finn said with a sort of awed smile. "Thanks."
Quinn nodded with a flush.
"Speaking of jobs, Quinn, what will you be doing when you graduate?" Burt asked through a bite of sausage. Carole nudged him in the shoulder and he swallowed. "Will you open your own practice, or do you think you can get a job as a vet right away?"
Quinn met his gaze and sat up in her seat. "I'll be looking for a job right away, probably as an associate veterinarian. In New York."
"At a zoo, right?" Carole questioned curiously. "How competitive is that?"
"I-well, I'm smarter than everybody I know." Quinn blurted.
Rachel snorted and nudged her wife in the ribs.
"And modest." Hiram added with a wink.
Quinn shook her head around, nose scrunched up. She flipped up the cuffs of her denim jacket because she was dipping them in her pancake syrup. "I mean, out of the people in my class at Davis, I'd be the most…qualified. For a job. I think."
Carole nodded, smiling with interest.
"I was actually offered a potential position as an assistant veterinarian at the Santa Barbara Zoo for next year." Quinn stated, reaching across the table for the whipped cream.
Finn gestured for her to stop, and he handed her the bowl with a thumbs up.
Rachel got stuck on what Quinn said. That seemed sort of important.
She sat staring at her fruit for a minute, brow furrowed, a little confused. She turned to look at Quinn seriously. Quinn was making a whipped cream smiley face on her pancakes.
"You were offered a job in LA?" Rachel asked quietly.
Quinn glanced at her, and then did a double-take when she saw Rachel's expression. She smiled at the rest of the faces around the table who were now politely commending Finn on the French toast tower he was building.
"It-it wasn't official or anything." Quinn stuttered, setting the cream down and focusing on Rachel. "One of my professors used to work there and he knows they'll be hiring next year, so he put in a good word for me…But, I mean, we'll be in New York, so it doesn't matter."
Rachel stared at her. Quinn's fingers tapped along the table cloth, but she kept Rachel's gaze, asking for what was wrong.
Rachel could see the conflict in Quinn's eyes. She probably knew what was wrong.
"You rejected a job as a veterinarian in a Los Angeles Zoo without even talking to me about it?" Rachel questioned disbelievingly.
Hiram pulled out one of Finn's French toast sticks like Jenga and the whole tower collapsed.
Quinn swallowed, knee bouncing. Her eyes dragged back to her smiley pancakes. "It just…never even crossed my mind to consider taking it."
Rachel gazed at her for a moment more. And then she turned back to her fruit and put a grape in her mouth, and decided to enjoy the rest of brunch.
Quinn was quiet for a minute. "Rachel." she whispered carefully, reaching out to tap Rachel's thigh.
Rachel grabbed her hand and squeezed it, eyes on her strawberries. "Later, baby." She murmured.
Leroy glanced at the two of them, eyes widened at Rachel like he was telepathically trying to determine if everything was alright. He looked psychotic. Rachel smiled wryly and nodded.
"We're going to our couples-over-sixty dance class after brunch." Hiram offered far too loudly to the table as a whole.
Rachel winced. She remembered her wedding. Her dads could probably do with dialing the dancing down a notch.
But it was dancing, and it was good for the soul, and they were the Berrys, so dialing anything down at all wasn't an option.
"You should come with us!" Hiram proclaimed brightly, gesturing at Carole and Burt.
Sucking other people into the insanity was an option.
"Do you think I could ride on a hippo?" Finn questioned from the other side of the table. He was surrounded by syrup stains because of his collapsed French toast tower, but he had his chin in his hand and he looked thoughtful. "How many people could fit on them?"
If he couldn't outrun it, maybe he could jump on top.
Rachel chuckled. Quinn stayed surprisingly quiet.
Leroy perked up and pointed his knife at Finn. "The real question is could a baby hippo ride on you?"
~oooooooooo~
Quinn cornered Rachel after everybody had left the house. Hiram and Leroy for their dance class and the Hudson-Hummels for home. Rachel stood in the living room looking for a movie to watch and Quinn stalked up behind her and plopped loudly into an armchair. Rachel didn't flinch. She focused on the songbird chirping right outside the window.
She ran a finger along the top of Finding Nemo and winced. Her dads really needed to dust this house.
Quinn threw a pillow at Rachel's butt, and Rachel wanted to smile, but she kept her face blank when she turned around.
"I don't know why you're mad at me." Quinn stated plainly, running her hands over the arms of the chair, hazel eyes honest.
Rachel sighed. She stepped randomly around the living room, watching her feet, trying to decide between The Royal Tenenbaums and Grease.
"Please tell me." Quinn entreated, leaning forward and staring at Rachel. "Tell me what's wrong."
There was not a single doubt in Rachel's mind that Quinn already knew what was wrong.
Rachel crouched down by the shelf of movies and extracted Grease, blowing the dust off the top. She liked to do the dance and the sound effects at the end to "We Go Together," which always made Quinn laugh.
Rachel straightened back up and turned to Quinn, meeting her gaze. "Quinn, you…you rejected a legitimate job offer for next year, in Los Angeles, without talking to me first."
Quinn bit her lip.
"A job as a vet in Santa Barbra, and I just-" Rachel shook her head in frustration. Quinn gripped the sides of the chair harder. "I just can't believe it wouldn't even occur to you to talk to me."
Rachel's voice rose a bit. She had no particular desire to live in LA, but it wasn't like job offers were falling from the sky.
The songbird was blaring now, and Rachel glanced towards the window to make sure it hadn't been captured by a cat or some other suburban predator. Or replaced by something that was dying because God it was loud.
"We're going back to New York." Quinn said resolutely.
Rachel shook her head shortly. "That was our plan." She stated, a little high-pitched, waving a hand through the air. "A hazy one, in the distance. That's what we hoped, but we have to work with what we have."
"Rachel, we're going back to New York." Quinn repeated, gazing up at her wife.
Rachel whirled around and stared at her. "Quinn, this isn't a fantasy!" she proclaimed, voice rising, tipping into that place where she couldn't control it anymore. "We don't-this isn't imagination land! You should've taken that job!"
Quinn frowned. "And settled? For a place that doesn't have bears? Where-"
"You don't need bears." Rachel interrupted with an eye roll.
The songbird outside now sounded like it was being drowned and it was annoying her greatly. She didn't really want to open the window to yell at it because it would be bound to just swoop inside. Attack her face. Crap in the living room.
"Maybe you're worried about going back to New York." Quinn suggested quietly, getting to her feet. "That-I don't know-Broadway won't be the same?"
Rachel scoffed. "That's ridiculous."
"Telling me to accept a job that I don't want is ridiculous." Quinn countered shortly. She looked upset, moving her head around a bit more than usual. Her eyes were almost green.
"You should've told me!" Rachel yelled, tossing Grease so that it went skidding along the coffee table. "You-you get so excited about things! The only reason you wouldn't have told me is because you knew I'd suggest you take the job!"
Rachel slammed a hand against the window in frustration, sighing in relief when the bird stopped singing. For a moment. And then it started again, louder than ever. It was invading Rachel's soul, syncing with her heartbeat.
"You purposefully kept it from me, Quinn." Rachel accused angrily.
"You belong in New York!" Quinn argued, running her hands up and down her thighs, pleading with Rachel to understand her.
Rachel made a garbled noise of frustration and annoyance. "How can a damn bird be so loud?" she screeched.
Quinn looked confused for a moment. Rachel pressed her fingers against her temples, and then gave up with that and headed for the front door.
Was she breathing in time with the bird's song? It felt like it. Maybe she was morphing into the bird.
"Where are you going?" Quinn asked loudly, trailing after Rachel. Her voice shook. "Don't leave. You-you can't leave me here."
Rachel whirled around and stuck an arm out to gently stop Quinn from running her over. "Somewhere quiet. I'm taking daddy's car."
Rachel would probably just run to the grocery store to get a few things for movie night later. Some popcorn. Gummy bears for Quinn. Twizzlers for her dads. A humane way to get rid of aviary pests. Rachel wondered how painful a bb gun was for a bird. She vetoed that idea right away because there was no doubt in her mind that a human would get shot as well.
Quinn's voice rose. She clutched the doorway. "Wait, no, don't leave. We're not-"
Rachel silenced Quinn with a peck to the lips, and then heaved open the front door and strode out to the car. She could see Quinn shaking her head around, running her hands over her face a little bit as she stood in the doorway.
Rachel had faith that she could calm herself down. And Rachel would be returning with gummy bears and the headspace for a civil conversation. Maybe a harmless spray of some sort for the tree in the front yard. She looked away from Quinn and pulled out of the driveway in her dad's car.
~oooooooooo~
Unfortunately, "bird repellent" did not exist. At least not as a common household product sold at the grocery store. This definitely had to be a serious flaw of the pest control industry.
But the chirping finally faded from Rachel's head, and she was able to calm down enough to realize that it was just a songbird and it wouldn't sit at that fucking window every day for the rest of its life.
There was no need for her to capture it and ship it to South America. It was just a bird.
So Rachel left with her popcorn and candy, including a jumbo jar of Animal Crackers which she'd bought impulsively for Quinn, and called Kurt while she was sitting out in the parking lot.
Rachel could not talk and drive. She didn't like her dad's car because the gas and brake pedals were so sensitive. Every time she tried to casually slow down she'd fling herself forward in the driver's seat like she was crashing the car. To onlookers, she probably looked like a child who'd stolen her parents' vehicle.
Kurt was perfectly objective in his analysis of the situation. "She should've told you." He said immediately.
Rachel nodded vigorously, though no one could see her. "I know!"
"But she's doing what's best for you, both of you," Kurt continued, "and telling her to take the job is wrong."
Rachel faltered. It was a guaranteed job for Quinn right out of college. Rachel didn't see how it could possibly be right to reject it.
"Maybe she was right." Kurt suggested easily, voice a little softer. "You're scared about returning to Broadway. I mean, it's been four years. It's understandable."
That really was not Rachel's problem. Or it hadn't been until Quinn brought it up. Rachel usually bordered on megalomania, actually. Inflated self-esteem and fantasies of power which were grounded in her magnificent talent.
She was a star. Always had been and always would be.
So Rachel shoved that newly formed insecurity aside because it wasn't relevant to the issue at hand.
"I'm going to apologize." She told Kurt, starting the car and trying to figure out the air conditioner because she was melting.
Kurt hummed into her ear. She could hear yelling in the background and she smiled to herself. Blaine had taken Kurt zip-lining upstate and Rachel was disappointed she wasn't there to witness that disaster.
"But she needs to apologize to me as well." Rachel continued resolutely. Her mind was blissfully clear now. Her body could handle this. No nosebleeds over extreme excitement or emotional stress or feelings that just couldn't be contained.
"Just, both of you, calm down your crazy." Kurt advised. Rachel could hear the smile in his voice. She huffed, but he hung up before she could reply.
So she headed home, jolting herself forwards and backwards at every stop sign and light.
Rachel felt like a race car driver by the time she walked through the front door of her old house. She was twisting her neck around, trying to get the kinks out, when her dad came shuffling hurriedly towards her from the kitchen. He looked worried.
"Hey, honey." Hiram greeted in a whisper, prying all the grocery bags out of her hands.
Rachel frowned up at him, a little wary. "Why are you whispering?" she questioned carefully, glancing around the foyer like they were hiding from a serial killer in the closet.
Hiram ignored the question and put a hand on Rachel's back, guiding her toward the stairs. Rachel's heart was beating faster with every step.
"Honey, Quinn is-I think she's having a panic attack." Hiram informed quietly.
And Rachel's heart seized up, and she paused for only half a second to meet her father's concerned gaze before grabbing the banister and taking off up the stairs.
Hiram looked only slightly surprised at how fast she moved. "She locked herself in your room." He called as Rachel hit the top step. "We were about to call you."
Rachel didn't acknowledge this; her mind was only on her wife. She actually felt a little bit sick, heart in her throat, stomach churning. She strode straight into her bedroom door, colliding with because it was locked like her dad had just said.
Rachel shook her head quickly. She just never should've left.
"Quinn." She called out cautiously, leaning against the door. She couldn't hear anything. Rachel's purse was still looped over her shoulder, and she dropped it to dig out a penny. She used the coin to turn the little groove on the doorknob, rolling her eyes at how weak her bedroom lock was.
What if she was a murderer? A murderer coming to kill her. She'd only need a penny.
"Quinn." Rachel called again as she tumbled into the bedroom, eyes frantically searching for her wife.
She caught sight of Quinn, and her heart squeezed because it was exactly like that time she'd walked into the animal rescue in her pajamas to find Quinn sitting on the floor by the table, knees pulled up and hands over her ears. Five years ago.
The only difference now was that Quinn sat on the carpet on the far side of Rachel's bed, and Rachel's room looked like a tornado had rolled right through it. Which was new. Rachel was shocked for a second, but then her sense came back and she rushed stiltedly towards her wife through the mess.
"Honey." She murmured, kneeling in front of Quinn. She put her hands on Quinn's knees and squeezed. "Baby, open your eyes. It's just me. You're okay."
Quinn didn't respond. She rocked backwards and thumped her head on the wall and Rachel winced. She reached up and covered the hands on Quinn's ears with her own, pleased that Quinn didn't flinch. Maybe she knew Rachel's presence. Rachel could see the tears on Quinn's cheeks and she cursed herself again for leaving.
Rachel gently pried one of the hands off Quinn's ears, squeezing it firmly when Quinn struggled against her. "Quinn, look at me. Open your eyes, bear." She coaxed softly, a little desperately.
Quinn breathed heavily through her nose, nostrils flaring. Her lips stayed pressed together, letting only a whine through, and she shook her head around, thumping it against the wall again. Rachel ran a hand through blonde hair and held the back of Quinn's head to prevent it from happening a third time.
"You're okay, Quinn." Rachel whispered, repeatedly ducking to see if Quinn had opened her eyes. Quinn coughed into her knees. "You're alright. We're okay."
Rachel was barely keeping her cool. "I'm sorry I left, honey. I just went to the store. I'm back. I'm here. I'm with you." She assured, wracking her mind desperately for images to put in Quinn's head.
Quinn's mouth finally opened, only because she was having trouble breathing through her nose.
"Baby, listen." Rachel urged, tipping forward so that she was speaking right into Quinn's ear. "Remember that show we watched last night with the sea turtles? If you could have any sea animal as a pet, which one would it be?"
Rachel already knew the answer. Quinn would like a pod of killer whales. They'd make lovely pets.
Quinn just coughed again, struggling a little bit with the hand that Rachel was holding. Rachel didn't let go and Quinn didn't open her eyes.
Rachel placed Quinn's hand over her own chest and exaggerated her breaths. "Just breathe, baby." She murmured, heart clenching at the whine that elicited.
"In…" Rachel encouraged shakily, sucking in a breath of air. "…and out."
Quinn was having none of it.
Rachel felt about ready to devolve into some kind of panic attack herself. "Okay, okay, bear." She soothed, brushing Quinn's hair out of her face. "Just think-think of lions, okay?" she urged impulsively. "Think of Madge at the zoo, your favorite."
Tears ran down Rachel's face as she spoke quietly into Quinn's ear. She was basically draped over her little ball of a wife. "Think of the big fluffy dog in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. The one whose eyes you can't see. I don't know his name."
Quinn stopped rocking, probably because Rachel had her pinned in place now.
"Think of the fox in Robin Hood, baby. And Little John, the big bear." Rachel whispered, lips pressed against the shell of Quinn's ear. "Think of Scooby-Doo and Gromit and O'Malley the alley cat."
Quinn was obviously trying to comply. She twisted her head back in frustration and Rachel's hand prevented it from knocking into the wall.
"Careful, bear." Rachel murmured, tears in her own eyes. She didn't know how to deal with this. Quinn could usually calm down after a few minutes with Rachel talking to her. "I love you, Quinn. You're okay."
Rachel searched for more pictures.
"Quinn," she whispered, pulling back a little to see that hazel eyes were finally open, pleading with Rachel to help her. Rachel kissed Quinn's head and squeezed her hand. "Remember the dogs in Homeward Bound? Which one was your favorite?"
Quinn blinked her eyes shut tightly, focusing on breathing. "Why-why did you leave?" she cried suddenly.
Rachel choked on her breath. She pulled Quinn's head to her chest. "I'm sorry." She whispered tearfully. "I shouldn't have. I was angry and I went to the store and got us some things for movie night. I'm sorry I scared you and that I wasn't here."
Quinn fisted her hands in Rachel's shirt.
"My favorite was Sassy." Rachel continued uncertainly, still trying to give Quinn something to focus on. Sassy was like Rachel in cat form. Quinn stayed quiet and Rachel stroked her hair.
"Shadow." Quinn whispered after a minute, face pressed into Rachel's shoulder.
Rachel had never been so relieved in her life. She tapped Quinn's lips, and Quinn sniffled loudly and shook her hair out.
"He's the golden retriever." Rachel stated, half-smiling, still crying. "I knew he would be your favorite."
"I'm sorry." Quinn murmured in a strangled voice. She pulled on Rachel's shirt, trying to bring her wife as close to her as possible.
Rachel surveyed the room quickly. Blankets and pillows on the floor, clothes strewn about, hamper knocked over, lamp on its side. Nothing outrageous. Quinn probably just hadn't been able to stay still.
"Everything's okay, bear." Rachel assured softly, rubbing Quinn's back.
Quinn breathed deeply for a minute. "His name's Edison." She whispered.
Rachel frowned. Had she missed something? "Whose name is Edison, baby?"
Quinn sat up, still holding onto Rachel, and Rachel wiped the tears off of her face and brushed her blonde hair back from where it stuck to her forehead. "The dog from-from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." Quinn explained, voice raw. "The one who looks like a bear from the back. His-his name is Edison."
Rachel smiled fully. God, this had been a difficult one. Quinn just been shot up into space.
"Edison." Rachel repeated. "He's fluffy, like Cloud. You could take him to live with the polar bears with you two."
Quinn nodded absently. Rachel wiped Quinn's cheeks again, and then her own. Couple of messes. Quinn closed her eyes and held onto Rachel, and Rachel wrapped her up like a koala.
"Tired, bear?" she asked quietly.
Quinn could only hum. She stuck a hand up blindly to wipe the tears off Rachel's cheeks.
Rachel was exhausted as well. She kissed Quinn's head and reclined back against the carpet, trying to think of something to sing. Quinn wrapped her in her octopus trap, and Rachel finally realized that they both smelled like maple syrup. She smiled to herself.
And she sang "Hushabye Mountain," even though it was the middle of the afternoon and her dads were probably worrying and she was lying on the floor. Both Rachel and Quinn needed it.
~oooooooooo~
"Little bear."
It was whispered in Rachel's ear, and she opened her eyes expecting to be blinded by the sun. It was surprisingly dim, early evening, and Rachel could feel Quinn's breath on her face. And then she realized she was on the floor, and everything came rushing back.
They'd gone round some kind of bend, right off the deep end. And were now circling back to the beginning.
"Rachel, I'm sorry." Quinn whispered, lips pressed to Rachel's cheek. "Are you awake?"
Rachel groaned exaggeratedly and rolled over to crack her back. Which was definitely not normal. She felt like she'd been snapped in half. How long had they been on the damn floor?
"Are you okay?" Quinn questioned worriedly, tracing her eyes over Rachel's body. Rachel really didn't know where her limbs were at the moment, but she nodded up at Quinn. Her wife looked beautiful as ever. Quinn's eyes were a bit shiny, cheeks flushed, hair messed, and clothes wrinkled, and Rachel smiled at her because her eyes were clear again.
Rachel sat up with Quinn's help, moaning continuously. She glanced around and was surprised again by the state of her room.
"I'm sorry." Quinn said again, gaze locked onto Rachel's. "I'll clean it up. I got-I got-you left and I couldn't…hold still. I couldn't hold still. I think I was angry."
Rachel tipped forward and kissed Quinn's lips. "It's okay." She whispered confidently, leaning her forehead against Quinn's. "I shouldn't have left. I'll help you clean it up."
Quinn nodded a bit dejectedly. She reached behind her and grabbed a fleece blanket that was lying in a heap and folded it up nicely, presenting it to Rachel with a half-smile.
Rachel took it with a grin. "At least nothing's broken." She said easily.
Quinn's smile dropped.
"Let's talk it all out now." Rachel suggested immediately. She tapped Quinn's knees to make sure she was focused. "We don't want it to simmer. And we still have to watch Grease tonight."
Quinn nodded quickly, eyes fixed on Rachel's.
"I'm sorry." Rachel said, figuring that would be the best way to start out. "First, I'm sorry I left, bear. I-I told myself you could calm yourself down, but I just shouldn't…I shouldn't have left."
Quinn puffed out her cheeks and watched Rachel intently. Rachel loved that about her. She was a listener. No interruptions.
"And I'm sorry I made you feel like I would…pressure you into taking a job." Rachel continued, dropping her gaze to Quinn's knees. Quinn reached out and tapped her chin, and Rachel looked back up into her wife's understanding eyes. "I don't want you to feel any pressure at all to accept that job just because it's there. You'll find somewhere in New York with bears, and that's where you'll work because that's what would make you happy."
No doubt about it.
Quinn smiled slightly. "You said I don't need bears."
Rachel shook her head and drummed her hands over Quinn's knees. If there was anybody in the world who needed a bear in her life, it was Quinn.
Quinn got up and sat on the bed and Rachel leaned backwards into her legs. "Here is Edward Bear," Quinn said clearly, playing with Rachel's hair and letting her eyes drift off as she tried to remember the words.
Rachel tilted her head into Quinn's leg and listened.
Quinn pressed her feet against Rachel's butt and continued. "Here is Edward Bear…coming downstairs now… bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it." Quinn tilted forward and wrapped her arms around Rachel's shoulders. "And then he feels that perhaps there isn't."
Rachel stayed silent while Quinn tried to find the right words for whatever she wanted to say. Hopefully there were more, because Rachel was completely lost.
"I'm like Edward Bear bumping down the stairs." Quinn said, nose pressed into Rachel's hair. Rachel nodded, accepting that. Whatever it meant. "I-I see only one way for our lives to go. And that's with you on Broadway and me as a vet in New York."
Rachel nodded again, slower this time as she started to grasp Quinn's point.
"And then sometimes, like today, when you-when…I just-I think maybe there's a better way to get there." Quinn said stiltedly. "Today was like a break in the steps. But now-now I know there isn't. And…tomorrow we'll keep bumping down the stairs and we'll get to the bottom eventually."
Rachel smiled and twisted an arm above her to pat Quinn's cheek.
Quinn shook her hair around. "Or the top, really. We're going up, not down." She amended. "Rachel, I fell for a shooting star and I'm going where she takes me, and that will make me the happiest woman in the world."
Rachel's smile split her face, which she pressed into Quinn's leg. Quinn put both hands on the top of Rachel's head and lolled it around fondly.
"So I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Quinn finished. "And I love you."
Rachel tilted her head all the way backwards to look up at Quinn with a smile. Quinn took the opportunity to kiss her upside down.
"And you're a mess." Quinn murmured against her lips. She pulled back and tried to pat down Rachel's hair.
Rachel stared up at her, reaching to tug on Quinn's ears. "You should see yourself, Edward Bear."
"Say you love me." Quinn stated quietly, eyes sparkling, hair sticking up, lines on the left side of her face from where she'd been pressed into Rachel.
Rachel smiled. "I love you."
"Say it again." Quinn instructed. She kissed Rachel's shoulder. "Please."
"I love you, bear. I love you forever and ever, a hundred minus a day, until we're old like elephants and eat nothing but chocolate pudding." Rachel assured easily. "I love you."
Quinn sighed contentedly. She pulled Rachel to her feet so that they could clean up the bedroom.
Hiram and Leroy were sitting on the couch when Rachel and Quinn descended the stairs twenty minutes later. Leroy surged forward to give a bashful Quinn a hug and Rachel found herself pulled into Hiram's arms. Hiram pulled an amused face at their mussed hair and wrinkled clothes.
"All good?" he asked Rachel quietly, spinning her around.
Rachel chuckled. "Yes. Perfect." She assured.
Hiram nodded and stepped back, clapping his hands together loudly.
"Good!" He declared jovially. He swung a finger in Leroy and Quinn's direction. "Because I need back up. Your dad just told me that if the house was on fire, he'd choose to rescue his golf clubs over me. Can you believe that?"
Rachel chuckled, glad for this random distraction. Her dads were wonderful. And yes, she could believe that.
Leroy stopped murmuring with Quinn to defend himself. "Uh, no. Don't even try that." He said, pointing at his husband. "I assumed you had already gotten out of the house, and we were talking about inanimate objects."
Hiram rolled his eyes. "Golf clubs." He muttered.
Quinn straightened Leroy's collar and brushed the lint off his shoulders before pushing him to sit next to Hiram. He scoffed at her, but threw a wink over his shoulder and swatted at her messy hair. Rachel and Quinn moved to sit on the loveseat. It was blissfully quiet.
The little bird had moved on. Maybe somebody had shot it.
"Quinn, if your house was on fire, what would you rescue?" Hiram asked, still looking for somebody to back him up. For validation that "golf clubs" wasn't an acceptable answer.
"Rachel." Quinn said immediately. She grabbed Rachel's feet and pulled them into her lap, and Rachel reached out and ruffled her hair fondly. Quinn ducked away from her and into the cushions.
Hiram nodded approvingly.
"No, Rachel doesn't count." Leroy interrupted.
Rachel was a bit offended. She definitely could not be counted on to navigate her way out of a burning building by herself. Quinn would need to rescue her.
"The pets don't count either." Leroy continued, seeing that Quinn's mouth had opened to speak again.
"I'd rescue my Tony." Rachel offered loudly. Any chance to bring that up was a chance she seized.
Quinn squeezed her feet. "Okay, I'd rescue Rachel's Tony." She said to Leroy.
Rachel melted again.
Leroy looked like he was melting as well. "No, you have to-you have to pick…" he gave up and sighed resignedly. "That's a good answer."
Hiram looked slightly disappointed in himself that he'd chosen to save his own golf clubs.
Rachel crawled over to her wife until she was lying on top of her. Quinn grunted exaggeratedly at the weight.
"Hey, don't squash her." Leroy warned Rachel. He got up to put in the movie. "We like her. And no funny business."
Quinn's ears turned red. Rachel's dads smirked.
Rachel ignored them. "I got you Animal Crackers." She told Quinn, rubbing her nose against Quinn's cheek.
Quinn pulled her into a bear hug. "You're perfect."
Rachel chuckled. "And gummy bears."
"Perfect little bear." Quinn smiled.
Rachel pulled herself up to kiss the corner of Quinn's mouth.
"Hey!" Hiram interrupted, pointing the remote in their direction. "I will separate you!"
Quinn hummed along with the opening music on Grease and it rumbled through Rachel's body. And then "Summer Nights" started, and Rachel just had to get up and sing with her wife. Hiram and Leroy joined as well, simply because this was the Berry house. It was almost required.
Rachel's dads were a little softer with Quinn than usual, but then they saw Rachel throwing gummy bears at the side of Quinn's head and joined in.
Rachel looked at her own smiling Edward Bear and knew they'd get to the top of those stairs.