Memos
You are cold hearted.
That hurt.
You can't hurt a heart of stone.
Alright, don't get your wand in a knot.
I WILL GET MY WAND IN A KNOT IF I SO WISH!
Well, excuse me!
NO I WILL NOT!
Calm yourself down.
NO!
Albus.
GOODBYE, MINERVA!
Fine. I shall talk to you when you figure out how to be CIVIL!
Minerva, what is going on?
Alright, this is my favourite story in history. Screw Albus's nonsense. This is perfect. Are you sitting comfortably?
Get on with the story, will you?
So we were sitting at dinner tonight - you know, the one that you neglected to attend.
I was brewing potions.
If that's what you want to call it…
Minerva!
Alright! What is wrong with everybody today?
Your manner is disturbing me.
Your face is disturbing me.
You can't see my face.
Yes I can.
How old are you?
Never ask a lady her age.
Forgive me, I see no lady around.
Low blow, Severus.
You always reprimand Albus for acting like a child, and yet here you are!
Do you want to hear this story or not?
Okay.
Good. So, we were eating dinner when suddenly this magazine appears in front of Albus. He picks it up, stares down at it and then drops it in disgust.
What was on it?
I'm getting to that. So, the cubs nearest the front –
I'm sorry, who?
Sigh. The GRYFFINDORS nearest the front –
Thank you.
You're welcome. The Gryffindors nearest the front start giggling and saying "Ew, Professor!". So I look over at it and guess what it is.
A knitting magazine again?
No… I… what? You're terrible at guessing, I'll just tell you.
That's all I ask.
Well stop interrupting then!
Sigh. Please continue, Minerva.
I will. It was page three.
Page three of what?
Page three Severus. You know, page THREE. Wink, wink, nudge,nudge.
What?
Still don't get it? Did you never read a tabloid newspaper?
No.
Please look it up. It will make things much less embarrassing for both of us.
Well… if you insist.
Actually, I've got the one I confiscated from one of your snakes.
Pardon.
I meant 'one of your SLYTHERINS.'
*Ten minutes later*
MINERVA! THERE ARE –
Women?
YES! AND THEY'RE –
Exposing themselves?
YES!
Now you see why the children were laughing.
This is… you read this drivel?
No. Not normally. What do you take me for?
How did you come across this in the first place?
Oh, Severus, everybody who has ever been in a Muggle newsagents' knows what page three is.
I don't.
You have not lived, my friend.