Hmm… I wonder what could be in this wonderfully wrapped orange box that sits so seductively on my desk.

I wonder.

So what is it?

Open it and find out, you idiot.

Is it underwear?

No.

Is it your underwear?

Definitely not, you perverted old man.

I'm joking. Plus, you can't be mean to me because it's my birthday.

Oh, please. I can do whatever I want.

I can fire you.

I believe we have had this conversation.

So we have.

Stop writing and open the present!

Alright, alright.

Do you like it?

Calm down, woman! You're like an annoying puppy.

Hmm… that's usually you.

Isn't role reversal fun?

No.

Minerva… what is 'popping candy'?

Your birthday present.

Yes, but what does it do?

Three guesses, genius.

Why must you insult me?

Why must you make it so easy?

Stop being obtuse, Minerva. Where did you get this, anyway?

Rosmerta suggested it. I didn't want to buy you those damned sherbet lemons again.

You will not insult the name of the holy sherbet lemons!

Calm down, Albus, they're just sweets.

Just sweets? Just sweets, she says. Oh, poor Minerva, I do envy your simplicity.

Are you calling me stupid?

Yes, dear.

Well, if that's your attitude, you can shove that stupid popping candy right up your –

Oh, I had forgotten about that!

Already?

You know I have a short attention span on my birthday. I'm too excited to pay any attention to anything.

How can you still be excited about your birthday? You've had so many, it must be the same old thing every year.

No two days are the same, Minerva, unless you make them the same.

Stop trying to be profound.

I don't need to try, it's who I am.

Just eat the candy.

Alright, alright. You're the woman who is always telling me to stop eating sweets, but here you are, practically forcing it down my throat. You, sir, are a hypocrite.

Albus!

Alright.

So?

Why is there an explosion in my mouth? It's biting my tongue! MINERVA, IS THIS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?

Yes, Albus, this is quite normal apparently.

I WANT A SECOND OPINION!

Well, I can't give you one.

MINERVA, I AM ABOUT TO DIE HERE!

It's only popping candy, Albus.

YES, BUT IT IS TRYING TO KILL ME BY BLOWING MY HEAD OFF!

Oh, come on, it can't be that strong.

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!

Well, I hope you survive the night. See you at dinner.

DON'T LEAVE ME! YOU JUST GAVE ME A BIRTHDAY PRESENT THAT IS TRYING TO KILL ME! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE.

Watch me.

GET POPPY!

A/N: Poor Albus! I'm going to apologise in advance for the fact that I probably won't update much in the next few weeks because of exams (but after them I've got two weeks, so I'll put more up then, hopefully). I hope you continue to enjoy the memos as much as I like writing them!