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The sky was dark, whether by clouds or by the night it did not matter to the young woman as she lay on her bed, her arms around her stomach as she openly sobbed, her crying competing with the pattering rain and the rumbling thunder, the tears running down her alabaster cheeks soaking the pillow had she been calm enough to care.
"Se-Sesshomaru," she whimpered softly, "please… please come home. Please... come back."
It had barely been four hours since the dog demon had just up and walked out on her; Rin had done nothing but cry in that time, the food that wasn't burnt had gone cold had she felt like eating anything at all, the only moving she did was from the hallway to the kitchen and then up to their shared bedroom where she promptly collapsed onto the bed sobbing once more, her head and stomach hurting almost as much as her heart did after the pain she was suffering through.
Her hands moved over the bed sheets towards his side, praying that by some small chance, she could find whatever warmth had since vanished from the morning, her fingers sliding up the sheets towards his pillow, her hand reaching under to pull out the green shirt he slept in when he slept clothed at all, her tearful brown eyes pulling it towards her face to examine it before she brought it to her nose and inhaled, her heart trembling as the all too familiar scent washed over her and how much she wished he was here with her, his arms around her as they both basked in the warmth of her joyous news. Fresh tears spilt from her eyes at the new thought, her hand running over her now flat stomach, her voice breaking into a sob.
"I'm so sorry honey," she whispered to her unborn child, "you don't deserve this, you should be happy, with a mom and dad that love you more than anything, like he would."
Her heart broke afresh at the memories from earlier this morning, the image of Sesshomaru and her and a little dog-eared babe cradled in his or her arms it did not matter so long as they were happy, happy like the child would make them. She imagined the demon smiling at the news, she imagined the demon stroking her rounding belly with a contented smile, she imagined the half-demon in her being doted upon by his or her father; her mouth slipping out a sob as the wishes caused her even more grief.
"Please," she begged quietly, "please, don't let me lose you too."
Her nose buried into the cloth once more, eyes closing as her face remained in the shirt, her hands gripping one of the last links she had to Sesshomaru, her body succumbing to exhaustion as she slept curled in the center of the large bed, her hair spilt behind her. Rin slept deeply that night, her dreams filled with nothing but Sesshomaru as they would be for the next five years, her comatose state unaware that the man in her dreams had slipped into their bedroom in the middle of the night, his own eyes tearing at the sight of her pained form, his long fingers brushing against her dark locks before his lips lowered to touch the smooth skin on her cheek, his mouth tasting the saltiness of her tears from the pain her had caused her, his heart aching as hers did.
"Mommy?"
Rin woke with a start, her eyes moist as she looked around her room, her eyes landing on the sight of her little boy standing beside her bed, his own eyes tearful but for another reason, his arms clutching the stuffed seal Rin had gotten him before he born to his chest, his ears flat against his head as he quivered slightly.
"What is it? What's wrong sweetie?" Rin asked him as she wiped her eyes.
"The thunder," the boy murmured, "it scares me."
"Oh honey," his mother hushed, her ears noting the patter of rain on her window and the darkness of the night, so similar to that night, "come here."
The boy whimpered slightly as he climbed his mother's bed to her warm arms, his lips releasing a tiny squeak of fear as yet another rumble thunder passed by them, a hand on his head trying to sooth the boy as her voice did, the child rocked in her arms as he clutched her nightgown his face buried just above her chest.
"It's okay," Rin murmured, "it's alright, mommy's here, mommy isn't going to leave you."
"I-I'm sorry mommy," the boy sniffed before he started sobbing, "I'm sorry!"
"For what?" the young mother laughed lightly, "why are you sorry?"
"C-Cause," the boy hiccoughed, "I-I'm supposed to-to be brave an-an stuff-"
"Why?" Rin asked as she looked at her little boy in the eye, her hand brushing a lock of hair off his eyes, "is it because you're a boy?"
"Y-Yeah…"
"Well don't be sorry," his mother whispered, "you may be a boy, but you're my son first, a little boy; I don't expect you to fight lions or tigers for me until you're much older."
"B-But-"
"Let me protect you for the time being," Rin told him softly as she gently tucked her son under the comforters with her, "it's nothing to be ashamed of honey."
"But I'm the boy…"
"Where did you get that idea?"
The boy blushed slightly as his eyes shifted around her room, the flash of lightning and clap of thunder startling him for a moment before his mother's arms were around him, pressing her frightened son close to her body to comfort the child.
"Mr. Shen," the boy finally mumbled as his hears flattened to his head, Rin sighing as she understood.
Akihiko was active, in both his mind and his body, the boy constantly asking to play at the park, his mother rewarding him with the trips when he did as she asked when it came to his readings. More often than not, the boy would play with a kindly old man with round glasses, a yellow-striped scarf, and an old time golf hat, his smile always friendly to her son as he sat on her lap and moved the pieces on the chess board, Mr. Hamada always helping the boy to improve. On the occasion that the old man wasn't there, Akihiko would play at the park with the other children, Rin watching him from a park bench, soon to be joined by a man with his own child who lived just across the street with his own son, the man constantly seeking her affection and trying to woo her with gifts or flowers, almost all into the trash the minute they met her hands, Rin constantly turning him down, Mr. Shen never once giving up on her.
"So, what did he say, exactly?"
"He said that cause you don't have a man around, that's what I gotta be until you get one."
"Well he's wrong," Rin told her boy softly, "I don't need a man, and you don't have to be strong all the time, we're not supposed to be."
"Why not?"
A hand stroked her son's face, "because being strong all the time means we can't let other people know who we are."
"Even for demons and half-demons?"
"Even for them," Rin smiled as she agreed, "it's nice to have people that know who you are, it's how we get to love each other."
"Like… how you love me?"
"Parents to children are a little different," the young woman told him kindly, "I love because you are mine to protect, because you are the little piece of heaven I have in my life."
"Thank you," the boy mumbled blushing as his mother held him closer, her own lips smiling as she giggled softly.
"You're welcome," she breathed, "now go to sleep."
"Mommy?"
"Hm?"
"Why were you crying?"
Rin seemed to freeze at her son's question, her breath hitching before she forced herself calm.
"I… had a dream," the young woman told him.
"A bad dream?"
"No," the young woman shook her head, "that's the problem, it was a good dream."
"So why does it make you sad?"
"Because it reminds me of what I lost," she sighed, her lips to her son's forehead, "but enough of that, go to sleep now."
"But-"
"Please," Rin asked softly, "I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay," the boy shuffled further into her arms, "g'night mommy."
"Good night Akihiko."
Kagome shuffled uncomfortably in her seat on the couch, her eyes darting around the living room, taking in the décor, her heart eased at the thought of how little the young woman had changed in their years apart.
The phone call came as a surprise to her, Rin telling her nothing more than to come over to her house and to not be late after two weeks of her original visit, the other young woman almost bouncing on the balls of her feet at the news, her radiant smile never faltering for the entire three days she needed to wait to see Rin until she arrived on the young mother's doorstep, her nervousness washing over her like a great wave the second she rang the doorbell.
"Here you go."
Blue eyes looked up at the other young woman placed a cup of tea in front of her, Kagome smiling for the briefest of seconds before she turned to the cup, her nose sniffing the tea before she took a sip, Rin taking a seat opposite her old friend.
"So," Kagome started, "how have you been?"
"Fine," Rin muttered, "and yourself?"
"Um, good," the other blushed lightly, "I've been good."
"How's InuYasha?"
"He's good too," Kagome tried awkwardly, "working hard."
"And your marriage?"
The wavy haired girl felt herself stiffen at the words, her eyes looking up at Rin in shock.
"I read," Rin told her softly, "I know all about it."
"Oh, right," Kagome nodded, "it was alright."
"Just alright?"
"The ceremony was nice," the other woman murmured, "but I was missing a Bridesmaid-"
"Sango and Ayame filled their roles quite well," Rin muttered, more bitterly than she meant too, Kagome flinching at the deserved remark.
"I tried inviting you," Kagome whispered, "but we couldn't find you by that point."
"You know the reason why."
"Yeah," the other sighed, her tea cup replaced in the saucer, "look, Rin, this is going to be extremely painful for… both of us, just come out and say it."
"Say what?" Rin asked, her own cup put on the saucer.
"Say what you want to."
"Alright," the young mother inhaled deeply, "I don't think I can ever forgive you for up and leaving me like that, alone in the world, it felt exactly like it did when my parents died. I hate that you just let him walk all over you without even so much as a thought about it-"
"Rin-"
"-and," Rin pressed, "I hate that it took the discovery of my son to make you come knocking on my door!"
The room was silent as the young mother took deep breaths to steady herself, her eyes looking away from her old friend.
"He told us… that the family of his arranged fiancée would come after you if they found out about you," Kagome started, "and-and at first I didn't believe him, but then I met her, she was a piece of work, and her mother was far worse, even worse than Sesshomaru's; there was no doubt in my mind that she would hurt you and then… I saw Sesshomaru's face. He was absolutely devastated without you Rin, he still is. You've changed him, but he's not the same without you, he's… like a shell of what he was without you."
"Then he's an amazing actor-"
"He never danced with anyone at my wedding," Kagome confessed, "not even me."
"Don't," Rin started, tears threatening to bloom, "please don't make me think he still wants me, I still can't sleep without dreaming about that day."
Kagome tightened her jaw but nodded at her words, her fingers playing with the rim of her cup.
"Alright," the other murmured, nodding, "okay."
The two young women drank in an uncomfortable silence, Kagome struggling with her thoughts.
"So," Kagome dared to break the silence, "where is he? Your little boy."
"He's at the park," Rin told her, "he's playing chess with Mr. Hamada, he'll bring him home in about an hour."
"So… he's smart?"
The young woman finally smiled, "he really is, he had his father's brain."
Kagome returned her smile, "so… what's his name?"
Brown eyes looked to meet blue, her own eyes searching before she answered.
"Akihiko," Rin murmured, "his name's Akihiko."
"That's a beautiful name," Kagome smiled, Rin breathing a swift laugh.
"So… what are you going to name yours?"
Her old friend looked up in surprise at her, Rin sitting calmly while Kagome looked confused.
"How did you-"
"You asked for decaf," Rin told her, nodding at the cup, "your chest is bigger and you unconsciously rub your stomach, I did that when I was pregnant," she smiled softly, "since you're not sick, you're not showing, and you know, I'm going to guess you're about fourteen weeks along, given by the idea that you refused something to eat you've only just got over your morning sickness."
"Yeah," Kagome sighed, "I'm fifteen weeks along, we haven't told anyone outside the family yet."
"Con-Congratulations," Rin smiled, "thoughts on names?"
"Not a clue," her friend smiled, "we'll come up with something though."
The young mother nodded as she sipped her tea, the blue eyes looking at her intently.
"Why did you let me come see you?"
Chocolate eyes flicked up to look at her old friend, her teacup replaced with her saucer.
"Because," Rin started, "we-we were really close, once and… no, I don't think we can be like that again, but… maybe I can try."
"That's more than I deserve-"
"But there are conditions you have to meet," the other told her sternly, "the first one is, my son cannot find out about Sesshomaru."
"But-"
"He left me," Rin pressed, "he gave up knowing about his son the minute he walked out that door."
"Rin-"
"You either agree to my conditions or you can walk out," the young mother told her firmly.
"Fine," Kagome sighed after a minute, "alright, I-I won't tell your child about his dad."
"He can know about InuYasha," Rin continued, "I don't think you can hide your husband, and… it would be good for him to meet another half demon."
"Okay," her old friend nodded, "that's… that's fair."
"For the first couple times I want you to play with him here, that is, if you want to play with him at all-"
"Can I!?" Kagome suddenly lit up like a light bulb, "oh Rin! That would be wonderful!"
"Then you can stay here with him," Rin smiled slightly at her old friend's excitement, "I'm sure he'd like that too."
"What about his friends?" the other woman asked, the young mother's face falling slightly.
"He-He doesn't have many to be honest," she murmured softly, "he likes playing chess to sports even though he's very good at them and even though he's smart, some of the kids don't understand when he has trouble reading, they think he's faking it one way or the other."
"He… has trouble reading?"
"My brother did," Rin told her, "guess that's where he got it from."
"But, he's smart right?"
"Oh yes," the boy's mother nodded, "he's Sesshomaru's son, he's so smart he can figure out almost anything given the time, everything save for books."
"So…"
"He's Dyslexic," Rin finished, "but he's smart and he's sensitive about it, so please, don't bring that up around him."
"Right," Kagome nodded, "I'll-I'll remember that; what else?"
"I'm still on the fence about InuTaisho and Izayoi," the other confessed softly, "I know it's not fair to them to never know their grandchild… but at the same time, if the whole world found out about his son, Sesshomaru would figure it out it a heartbeat."
"Al-Alright…"
"Unless… you've already told him," Rin finished sighing, her brown eyes half-hoping, "please don't tell me Sesshomaru knows."
"He doesn't" Kagome told her quickly, "but… InuTaisho does…"
"Figured," the young mother murmured, "has he-"
"InuYasha asked him not too, he's fairly understanding about the wishes of others."
"He always has been," Rin smiled into her cup, "some things just never change."
"And some things change in a heartbeat," Kagome muttered softly, her own eyes sorrowful as Rin nodded.
"Yeah," the other agreed, "I know that too well."
"So um," Kagome stood, lint brushed off her jeans, "i-if that's it I should just-"
"Did you… did you want to meet him?" Rin asked as she looked up at her friend, the blue eyes widening dramatically as she stood in front of the couch.
"You'd… let me meet him?"
"You've already seen him," the young mother smiled, "and… if you want to… be a part of his life, you have to start somewhere."
"I-If you'd let me," Kagome stammered softly, her lips breaking out into a wide grin as she watched Rin nod, her legs practically flying over the table to hug Rin tightly, "oh Rin! Thank you Thank you Thank you!"
Rin simply laughed lightly at her energetic friends actions, her hands patting the arms around her.
"Alright," she smiled for the first time in forever, never truly wondering how much she missed her old life until now, "you're welcome, now, tell me about that baby."
The front door swung open and closed behind the small boy, but not before he waved at the old man, the elder smiling and waving back as he tottered back onto the sidewalk on his cane, his bent back hunched over as his bespectacled face turned towards the house next to hers, a soft smile on Mr. Hamada's face as he thought about how well the boy was growing up despite that he was without a father.
"Mommy?" Akihiko called, "I'm home!"
"Hey sweetie," Rin smiled to him as she came around the corner, her body crouching to allow her boy to hug her, "how was Mr. Hamada?"
"He was good," the boy smiled, "I won the games, six to two!"
"That's great!" his mother congratulated, "and… I've got another surprise for you!"
"Really!?" the boy practically bounced on his feet as his mother led him to the living room, "what is it? What is it? What is it?"
"Well," Rin started kneeling by him as the boy finally saw the young woman standing by the couch, his amber eyes interested as he looked her over, her face unmistakeable from the young woman in the photo, his smile still timid, "this is an old friend of mine, her name's Kagome."
"Old… friend?"
"Yeah," the young mother smiled softly, "we-uh-lost contact a while ago when I moved to this house, but she found me… and wanted to reconnect."
"Hello Akihiko," Kagome smiled timidly, her blue eyes bright, "I've... heard a lot about you."
"Hello Ms. Kagome," Akihiko mumbled politely, his head nodding as he shuffled uncomfortably, slightly shy at the presence of the new woman, "how are you?"
"I'm very well thank you," the young woman smiled, "and yourself?"
"I'm good."
"You're very polite," Kagome murmured, "I bet you're a very nice young boy."
"He is," Rin interrupted softly straightening up, her smile turned to her blushing boy, his ears against his head in bashfulness, his smile timid, "why don't you go talk to her for a bit; do you want a sack?"
"Um, yes please," the boy nodded to his mother, "and some juice?"
"Sure," the young mother nodded, "Kagome, did you want something to eat?"
"If it's no too much trouble…"
"Give a me a few minutes," Rin told them before she directed her attention back to her son, "will you be okay?"
"Yeah," Akihiko nodded looking from his mother to Kagome, "I'll be fine mommy."
Rin nodded and turned to the kitchen, the boy standing awkwardly in the living room before he walked over to the couch, his body crawling up on the sofa before Kagome sat next to him, her face still smiling and her eyes looking him up and down.
"Are you okay with me being here?" Kagome asked him kindly, the boy nodding timidly, "you know," she started, "you're a very handsome boy, Akihiko."
"Thank you," he smiled up at her, his eyes looking over her face before he figured he might not get another chance, "my mom says… I look a lot like my dad."
Blue eyes flickered from the boy to the kitchen, the sound of plates clattering made it evident that Rin hadn't heard a word the boy had told her; the tone of her voice indicated that Rin had told her son nothing of Sesshomaru, which made his statement startling.
"She-She does?"
"Kinda," the boy admitted, his voice lowered so that Rin couldn't hear them, Kagome leaning in to listen to him, "but… she only says it by accident and looks like she doesn't know it… please don't mention it."
"I-I won't," Kagome whispered back, the boy smiling slightly, but not for the reason she thought.
"So… do you think I look like my dad?"
"Well um," the young woman stammered as she pulled back slightly to make sure Rin wasn't listening, "what makes you think… I know your father?"
"You're in the newspaper with him," Akihiko half-lied, "I saw a picture of you."
"How did… you know who it was?"
"She… told me by accident once," the boy lied, "I'm not asking… anything bad… am I?"
"Oh no," Kagome held up her hands at his dejected look, her heart breaking slightly at the sight of the child, "k-kinda, a little, I mean…" her hands touched her forehead and cheeks, "you're, you're hair and eyes are the same colour, but um…"
"Don't tell mommy," the boy smiled up at her, "I won't… things like that make her… sad for some reason."
"I-I can imagine," Kagome smiled kindly down at the boy, the breaking of the first of Rin's conditions made her feel guilt, guilt incomparable to what she'd be feeling if her idea pulled through, "but please, I promised your mother not to talk about… that."
"So… why are you talking about it?"
"Because," the young woman confessed, her eyes flickering to the kitchen where Rin was finishing the last of their snacks, "how much… do you want to meet your dad?"
Whew.. got it done... damn wisdom teeth, WHY do mine need to be impacted, it's literally coming in from a horizontal direction.
Anyway...
Just to clear things up for any confusion, Rin had no idea that Sesshomaru came back that night and Sesshomaru didn't hear the confession about his baby.
Reviews if you would be so kind ^^