AN: There are only 4 chapters after this one. If there's anything you'd like to see, you should let me know now!
Still off the Key of Reason
Chapter 33: It's a You and Me House
While Quinn's pregnancy had been relatively easy, Rachel had come to the conclusion that she was carrying the spawn of the devil. The child was doing things to her- painful, gross, gut rumbling, uncomfortable things.
She retched into the kitchen sink one last time and then bent at the waist and rested her forehead on the counter. She whined pathetically into her arm and listened to the rushed footsteps coming from the hallway.
"Oh, baby." Quinn said gently, coming up behind her and rubbing lightly on Rachel's back. She avoided glancing at the sink at all costs and leaned forward to see Rachel's face.
"You couldn't make it to the bathroom?"
Oh, she could. She just thought it'd be more exciting to puke all over the dishes in the sink.
Rachel rolled her forehead against the counter miserably.
"That's okay." Quinn assured softly. She blindly turned on the water and then swatted for the garbage disposal, grimacing at the sound of whatever was going down the drain.
Rachel caught her expression out of the corner of her eye and smiled slightly.
"Do you think you're finished?" Quinn asked.
Rachel shrugged tiredly. Yes or no. It always came upon her like a wave. She'd have a sudden need to vomit, and then she'd keep going until she felt like death. All day. She disgusted herself. Even James was repulsed.
Quinn grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. "Come on, baby." She urged, gently pulling on Rachel's shoulder to get her to stand upright. She leaned heavily into Quinn's side, groaning like a zombie and one wrong step away from pitching forward and throwing up all over the hardwood.
Quinn moved slowly, humming the Thomas the Tank Engine tune because James was watching it in the living room. She deposited Rachel on the couch, and Rachel curled up into a ball and pressed her face against the cushions.
She was valiantly trying to keep it all together, keep everything down. Her cheeks burned with nausea and the pillows were comforting and soft.
"Maybe I'll stay home." Quinn said quietly, concerned. She grazed a hand over Rachel's forehead.
Rachel smiled wryly, hesitant to open her mouth too wide. "You've been home for two months, bear." She tapped where she knew Quinn's knee brace was under her slacks. "Get back to the zoo. Who let you out of your cage anyway?
Quinn ignored her statement, searching Rachel's face. Rachel tried to make it seem like her insides weren't about to become outsides. She was only able to pull it off because James laughed loudly at Thomas on the television.
She could be inches from death- she probably was, actually- and that would always make her smile.
James got up from the floor, still in his pajamas, and toddled hurriedly over to the couch, dragging his blanket. His smile was wide and his fluffy blonde hair curled into his eyes. Quinn put a hand on his head and dropped a kiss there before he could climb onto Rachel's lap.
"Did you bring this for mama?" Quinn wondered, pointing at his blanket.
James glanced at her, then at the blanket, then at Rachel. He shook his head slightly, confused, swaying where he stood.
Quinn chuckled. "Oh, you didn't?" She wrapped an arm around James and patted his bottom. "Okay then. Mama can have a different blanket."
James nodded absently. He looked back at Rachel and grinned, and then pointed at the television. "Mama! See?"
Rachel hummed. "I do, Jimbo. That's Thomas, right?"
"And trains." James chuckled at himself.
Quinn tickled his sides and leaned forward until she was inches from his face. "Hey, Christopher Robin. How about we let mama rest for a bit, okay? Let's watch the rest of Thomas."
James tipped forward into Quinn's legs, giggling against her thigh. The sight actually made Rachel forget about her nausea for half a second. And then it was back. James laughed like Quinn was being ridiculous and then turned and tripped over his blanket.
"'Kay, mommy." He said happily, crawling back to his spot on the floor.
Rachel took a deep breath and pressed her fingers over her mouth.
Quinn turned to her, frowning sadly. "I'll get you a bucket, baby."
"I can make it to the bathroom."
Quinn looked dubious.
"Or…at least the kitchen sink." Rachel amended. She tipped to the side and nuzzled into Quinn's shoulder.
Quinn wrapped her arms around her little ball of a wife. "Can I bring you anything after work?" She pressed her cheek against Rachel's head. "Crackers? Oatmeal? Dinosaur oatmeal? Dinosaur crackers?"
Rachel hesitated, toying with Quinn's sleeve. Quinn ducked lower to catch her gaze. Her hazel eyes were warm and encouraging and bright, like always.
Rachel sighed, resigned.
"Chicken nuggets." She mumbled, almost inaudibly.
She was so ashamed.
Quinn's brow lifted slowly.
"It's- I tried the vegan substitute!" Rachel defended immediately. She rubbed her volatile stomach and whined against Quinn's shoulder. "They're not- I need chicken nuggets. Please. I'm so…I need them. I just do."
Quinn smiled at her. "Raaachel." She dragged out. She squeezed Rachel closer and kissed all over her head. "Remember the onions? It's okay to want chicken nuggets. Baby needs chicken nuggets. I need chicken nuggets."
Rachel played with Quinn's collar. "You'll bring me some?" she asked quietly.
"Of course I will."
"Not McNuggets, though." Rachel scrunched up her nose. "Just chicken nuggets."
"And a McFlurry." Quinn nodded thoughtfully.
Rachel snorted. "No, bear. Focus. You should go to work."
Quinn smiled.
Rachel sat up a bit and tapped her knee brace. "Don't take this off." She said, eyeing Quinn seriously. "Don't try to…go running around with the animals. Leave it on all day. I'll know if you don't."
Quinn would be unable to meet her eyes. She'd be shifty and extra sweet, she'd probably stutter. Rachel pushed at Quinn's shoulders.
"Now get lost, you."
Quinn leaned back in for a goodbye kiss.
Rachel grimaced and turned away. "No, no, baby. I'm all gross."
"Mm-mm." Quinn shook her head. She trapped Rachel against the back of the couch and sloppily kissed her face, and then she bent and kissed her belly. She crossed the room and kissed James next, wrapping him up in a bear hug.
"Take care of mama." She told him, smiling at Rachel.
She left the room with an "I love you, babies," thrown over her shoulder, loudly questioning if Rachel would like Oreos or M & M's in her McFlurry.
~ooooooooooooo~
Only a week later, Rachel rolled around in bed, frustrated and exhausted and trying to find a position that would get rid of her cramps and ease the roiling of her stomach. She curled and uncurled her limbs, stretched onto her back, kicked off her sheets, whined loudly into the pillow, and finally realized James was crying.
She flung a hand out beside her, too far gone to even care that it landed heavily on Quinn's face.
Quinn groaned and blindly caught Rachel's wrist, and then rolled on top of her arm to hold it still. She blinked into the darkness and rubbed the spot where Rachel's hand had landed.
"You need to get James." Rachel said shortly, wide awake, eyes blazing because it was one in the morning and she had yet to fall asleep. She'd just get more annoyed every time she glanced at the clock, and warmer, so that she was radiating heat and a little out of her mind.
Quinn was in bed with a psychopathic furnace.
"What, Rach?" Quinn mumbled, sitting up. She caught sight of the blankets, pillow, cell phone, and water bottle all on the floor of Rachel's side of the bed and frowned.
"What are-"
"James is crying. You need to get him." Rachel said again, contorting so that she was spread diagonally across the bed. It seemed to east the discomfort.
Quinn stared at her.
Rachel raised her eyebrows impatiently. "Are you awake, Quinn? You need to get James."
Quinn nodded slightly. She ran a hand through her hair and rubbed at her eyes. "Yeah. I…okay." She said quietly, rolling herself out of bed.
Rachel was only able to lie comfortably for a minute or two before the cramps returned. She growled, exasperated, and turned all the way over onto her stomach. She let one leg dangle off the bed and bent her head back at a ninety degree angle.
James grew louder, and Rachel balled her fists up in her pillowcase and turned to see Quinn carry him through the doorway. He was shrieking and red-faced, rubbing at his ear with one hand and clinging to Quinn with the other.
"I think he's got an ear infection." Quinn said loudly, holding him close.
Rachel untwisted her limbs and sat up abruptly, eyes wide.
"He's very warm." Quinn observed.
Rachel fell out of bed and hurried to check over James herself. "Oh my-is he-do we go to the hospital?" She fretted. She rubbed his back lightly and patted his hair down while he screamed into Quinn's ear.
Quinn winced at his volume. "Since he's only fifteen months, I think we should."
"Well get your-get your stuff." Rachel clipped, swaying on her feet, suddenly remembering why she'd been lying down.
Because it was one in the morning and her stomach was revolting.
Quinn eyed her warily. "I'll-yeah-I'll just grab-"
James cut Quinn off with a pained wail. He rubbed his ear against her shoulder and Quinn felt his forehead, concerned.
"He was fine when he went to sleep." Rachel complained over the shrieking. She bent at the waist to remove her pajama pants and decided to stay bent over for a moment because it seemed to ease her discomfort.
Quinn blinked at her. "What..."
She trailed off, confused. She stood in the middle of the room, in bare feet and pajamas with bed hair and sleep lines on her face, with a red-faced one-year-old clinging to her and bawling in her ear.
And Rachel was bent at the waist in her underwear desperately trying not to vomit.
"No, he was-he was a little off at dinner." Quinn finally said, bouncing James up and down. "He didn't eat his macaroni."
Rachel straightened up and threw her hands in the air. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?" she nearly yelled to be heard over James. She whirled around to find some pants to change into.
"Rachel," Quinn tried, stepping after her. James swung a hand blindly and it collided with her cheek, and Quinn recoiled and gently grabbed his arm to lower it.
"Honey, Jimbo, please. Shhhh." She soothed, fidgeting in place.
"He could have antibiotics by now." Rachel plowed on, yanking some sweatpants out of the dresser. "He would be sleeping soundly. We wouldn't be heading to the hospital in the middle of the night."
"You can-you can stay here if you like." Quinn's voice shook.
"No, that's alright." Rachel laughed humorlessly. She pulled on the pants and then stayed bent at the waist. "I'd be awake anyway. I'm always awake and I'm always sick because I'm carrying a demon baby, Quinn."
She was being carried away around some kind of manic bend.
"That's an awful-"
"That's what it is!" Rachel screeched, spinning around. "All those happy, glowy tales of pregnancy are lies! Isn't this experience supposed to be magical? I bought scrapbooks for this, Quinn."
Rachel scoffed. "You seemed alright. I've never felt worse in my life!"
She was just about out of her mind. Sleepless, overheated, hormonal, probably deafened by now. Tears burned her eyes and James shrieked even louder.
And then Quinn shook her head around- once, twice- and Rachel caught the action. Quinn's fingers were frantically dancing over her thigh. She was blinking rapidly, breathing shallowly.
"Shit." Rachel muttered, moving forward quickly.
Apparently she was fueling a breakdown. She took James from Quinn's arms and hurried down the hall to put him back in his toddler bed for a moment.
"I'll be right back, Jimbo." She assured, kissing his head and pausing to catch her own breath.
Rachel returned to find that Quinn hadn't moved. She reached out for Quinn's arm, but Quinn stepped away, pulling anxiously at the rubber band around her wrist.
"You can't just off-go off on me in the mor-middle of the night, Rachel!" She rolled over her words, eyes unfocused.
Rachel took a deep, calming breath. Don't throw up. Don't keel over. Don't pass out.
Simple enough.
"I'm sorry, baby." She said carefully, stepping forward to get her hands on Quinn. She backed Quinn up against the wall and slipped the rubber band from her wife's wrist. "Just breathe, honey."
"It's-I can't-it's the middle of the night. I can't things-do things like this." Quinn fumbled, rubbing at her face.
"I know. I know." Rachel said softly. She exaggerated her inhales to match Quinn's. "You're a daytime person."
Quinn shook her head around. "That's not what-that's not what-" she groaned hopelessly. "Help me, Rachel."
Rachel spied Barnaby sitting in the doorway, watching the scene. "Come here, dog." She called without letting go of Quinn. She urged Quinn to slide to the floor. Barnaby walked over stiffly, tail wagging.
Rachel knelt in front of her wife, studying her carefully. It wasn't really a panic attack- Quinn hadn't had any in over a year. It was on the edge, but not full blown. Anxiety at most, because it was loud and unscheduled and everybody around her was flipping out.
Rachel kissed Quinn's hands and then settled them in Barnaby's fur. Quinn exhaled sharply from her nose. Her blinking slowed so that she could examine the dog properly.
She frowned at Rachel. "What are-why are-"
"Just love on him." Rachel said quickly, pleased to see that Quinn was taking larger breaths. "Kiss him. Kiss his face. Tell me…his heart rate or something."
Rachel rolled her eyes at herself. Really, her she couldn't function properly in the middle of the night. Neither could her wife or her baby, apparently. James's shrieking was drifting through the open door.
Quinn didn't say anything. She didn't recite anything. She sat with Rachel's hand on her knee, scratching Barnaby's back and rubbing his tummy and breathing with him and letting his golden fur tangle around her fingers.
Rachel tapped consistently against her leg. She slid her hand along Quinn's thigh after five minutes. "I don't think our baby's a demon." She said quietly.
Quinn snorted. She looked at Rachel, eyes clear.
"I really don't." Rachel continued, smiling tiredly. "But it acts like one sometimes."
"It's making things as dramatic as possible." Quinn suggested roughly. She squeezed Rachel'shand. "Which sounds pretty familiar."
"Hey." Rachel tipped against the wall, absolutely out of energy. She would definitely be able to fall asleep now.
Except it was still the middle of the night and she still had to take her baby to the hospital.
"Do you feel better?" Quinn wondered quietly, climbing to her feet before helping Rachel up. She brushed the dog hair off both of them.
Rachel nodded. She no longer felt the need to bend herself in half to ease the cramps.
"I love you, bear." She murmured, catching Quinn by the arm before she could leave the room. She kissed the corner of Quinn's mouth and brushed the messy hair out of her eyes, and then pushed her gently down the hallway towards James's room.
"Grab his wooly hat, baby. Please." Rachel requested. "Let's try this again."
Quinn nodded. She still looked mildly confused. She always did when she was supposed to be sleeping. "Love you too." she mouthed, overpowered by James's crying.
Barnaby lay against the wall dozing happily with all four feet in the air.
~ooooooooooooo~
"You are perfectly healthy, Rachel."
Rachel narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the doctor. There was no way. The dark shadows under her eyes, abdominal discomfort, and endless vomit told a different story.
He smiled at her. "Really. Morning sickness and cramps are more severe in some women than others. Everything looks fine."
"Everything." Rachel repeated evenly, swinging her heels into the bottom of the exam table.
"Everything."
"You're positive my blood pressure isn't elevated? I'm getting the appropriate amounts of all my vitamins? There are no…beings growing in my uterus or stomach other than our baby?"
Quinn snorted at this, staring at the side of Rachel's head. Rachel ignored her.
"Mrs. Berry, I cannot find a single problem." The doctor repeated slowly, amused. "Maybe you could do with more sleep, but that will come when the discomfort fades after the first trimester."
Rachel scoffed lightly. "Sleep." She muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.
She'd forgotten what it was like.
Quinn said something quietly to the doctor and then stood in front of the exam table between Rachel's dangling legs. She squeezed Rachel's knees and leaned in close to her face.
"You're being a grump." Quinn whispered, smiling fondly.
Rachel rolled her eyes and tried to shove her away.
"I know how to make you feel better." Quinn informed, easily catching Rachel's hands.
Rachel sighed heavily. She kicked her feet forward against Quinn's legs, but Quinn stood solidly, unflinching.
"I can't do six more months of this." Rachel said pitifully.
Quinn studied her, lips quirked. "When you do the things that you can do, you'll find a way."
Rachel actually groaned at that. She recognized it from Pooh Bear or Rupert Bear or Yogi Bear. The Bear in the Big Blue goddamn House. Any fictional, cartoon bear who filled their home.
"Hey." Quinn smiled. She tugged on Rachel's ears. "Don't roll your eyes at me, baby. I can make you feel better."
"You can't." Rachel said glumly.
"I think I can."
Rachel shook her head.
"This feeling is only going to last for a little bit longer, sweetheart." Quinn said quietly, seriously. She covered Rachel's ears and held her gaze. "And then we'll have another beautiful baby, like James."
"James is screaming his head off at home with an ear infection." Rachel mumbled, smile tugging at her lips. She pictured his teary, red face and glazed eyes.
"And I have news." Quinn whispered, eyes sparkling.
Rachel took Quinn's hands from her ears and held them in her lap. "What?" she wondered, still kicking lightly at Quinn's legs.
"I can't tell you yet." Quinn shook her head.
Rachel stared at her, unamused.
Quinn smiled softly. "Be nice to me, Rachel."
Rachel's expression melted. She ceased her kicking and squeezed Quinn's hands. "What do you need, bear?"
"Just a kiss." Quinn shrugged, tipping forward.
Rachel laughed wryly and obliged. Quinn made a small, victorious noise in the back of her throat and then fell fully against Rachel, refusing to support any of her own weight. Rachel gripped tightly to her sweatshirt and laughed loudly against her lips.
"You're-Quinn-you're slipping." Rachel snorted, watching Quinn slither towards the floor.
Quinn stood back up again, smiling widely. She squeezed Rachel's knees and watched her for a moment. Rachel ducked her head under her wife's stare.
"It's a girl." Quinn finally said.
Rachel's gaze shot back up, eyes wide. Her neck cracked painfully and her heart took off. She didn't need to say anything, to ask Quinn to clarify. Watery hazel eyes were proof that Rachel had heard correctly.
Rachel wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck, her legs around Quinn's waist.
"It's a girl." Rachel repeated, strangled and happy.
She clung tightly to Quinn. Her stomach pitched dangerously, probably due to sheer relief. It was a baby girl. She was not a demon. And she would probably be just like Rachel.
~ooooooooooooo~
"I will find you a comfortable position, Rachel." Quinn said resolutely, toppling onto the bed. She fumbled her way toward Rachel and loomed over her. "I promise."
"That…is a ridiculous thing to promise." Rachel smiled.
Quinn was wearing no pants because she couldn't find them. And because Rachel had been complaining so petulantly about not sleeping that it had distracted Quinn from her search. Rachel wrapped a leg around Quinn's thigh to trap her.
"It's not." Quinn shook her head. She ducked so that all of her hair went into Rachel's face and mouth.
Rachel pushed her back and Quinn bounced lightly on her hands and knees.
"I'll just ruin your night." Rachel protested, smiling at her wife's behavior. "I'll make you uncomfortable and neither of us will get any sleep."
Quinn rolled her eyes. She let herself fall gently on top of Rachel, and then squeezed her and rolled them over until Rachel was on top. She kept rolling from side to side because Rachel was shaking with laughter.
"This is so uncomfortable for me." Quinn complained loudly. "You're too warm, too soft, too sweet. I wish I were anywhere else in the world."
Rachel laughed. "You love me."
Quinn groaned, shaking her head. She stopped rolling and scrunched up her nose, repulsed. "I would never say that. You're insufferable."
"You can't lie to me."
"I lie all the time." Quinn scoffed.
Rachel narrowed her eyes challengingly. "Name one time."
Quinn didn't miss a beat. She quirked an eyebrow and held Rachel's gaze. "When I feed waffles to Cornelius and tell you I ate them."
"Nope." Rachel was shaking her head before Quinn even finished her sentence. "Things like that don't count. I know about them."
Quinn blinked at her, smug smile fading. Like she'd been proud of getting away with feeding Cornelius waffles.
Rachel bounced gently on top of her, amused. "Name something else."
Quinn's eyes flickered away. Her mouth moved absently but no words came out. Rachel traced her jaw while she thought.
"You don't lie, bear." Rachel said after a minute passed.
Quinn puffed her cheeks out and blew the air into Rachel's face. "I could if I was so inclined."
"But you just enjoy sharing everything with me." Rachel laughed.
Quinn sighed exaggeratedly. She patted her hands over Rachel's butt. "You just-you just mess everything up, Rachel. Why are you even here right now?"
"Hey. Shush." Rachel prodded Quinn's cheeks.
"I'm so uncomfortable right now." Quinn drawled.
Rachel propped her chin on Quinn's chest contentedly. She closed her eyes, rising and falling with every breath Quinn took.
Quinn watched her. She lifted a hand to drag it through Rachel's hair. "You don't lie either, baby." She pointed out.
"I think I do." Rachel said quietly.
"To me?"
Rachel opened her eyes and shook her head, frowning. "No, no. Of course not."
Quinn hummed. She scratched lightly at Rachel's head, and Rachel realized she was actually comfortable. She could fall asleep in this position. She turned her head so that her ear was pillowed on Quinn's chest.
"I think I want to take another break from the stage." She admitted softly. "Not just when the baby's born. I feel a couple of years should be adequate."
Maybe eighteen or so. Just until her babies go out on their own.
Quinn nodded slowly. "That's not lying, little bear."
"I haven't told anybody."
"Your fans will understand." Quinn smiled.
Rachel was silent.
"I understand." Quinn tapped lightly along Rachel's sides. "Why wouldn't you want to spend more time with me? I'm charming."
"Stop yourself." Rachel chuckled drily.
Quinn blew more air into her face. Rachel scrunched up her nose and turned away.
"If your fans can forgive you for the four years I dragged you to California, they can handle a couple here." Quinn reasoned. She lolled her head sideways. "You'll still be out and about. Maybe you can do special appearances."
Rachel nodded.
"And help me finish my book. And bake all day." Quinn watched Rachel, eyes dancing and waiting for a reaction. "You and James and baby can spend all day making me treats. Because I deserve them. You can even deliver-"
"Shut up." Rachel laughed, trying to plaster a hand over Quinn's mouth.
"Deliver them to me for lunch." Quinn finished, squirming away. She grinned successfully.
Rachel rolled her eyes. "Maybe I'll start my memoir." she mused, settling back against her wife's chest.
Quinn hummed. "What will you call it?"
"Rachel Barbra Berry. A life…" Rachel trailed off, frowning.
Maybe she'd spend her two years coming up with the perfect title for her autobiography. Re-reading Barbra's A Passion for Design, teaching dance to her toddler, baking for Quinn. It all sounded more than pleasant.
"On stage?" Quinn offered to finish the sentence. She laughed to herself. "A life in hell? A life as the wife of stunning, brilliant Quinn Fabray?"
"You are just full of it tonight." Rachel chuckled, a little surprised.
Quinn watched her, eyes bright. "Are you comfortable?"
"I actually am, baby."
"That's too bad." Quinn shook her head sadly. "I think I'm going to get up and walk around for a bit."
Rachel curled her fists into Quinn's t-shirt. "I'm sure you are."
"I don't lie, Rachel."
Rachel met her animated eyes. "But you play games. I know you're not getting up."
Quinn gazed back at her curiously, amused. She wrapped her arms around Rachel's back and held her there. "How do you know that?"
"Just because you love me." Rachel said confidently.
Quinn stared.
"And because I'm tired and sick, but I'm comfortable for once. And you may not be, but you're not going to get up right now because you wouldn't do that to me." Rachel smiled smugly. "Right?"
"That's…" Quinn scoffed, cheeks turning pink. She nodded shortly.
"And I love you too."
Quinn tipped her head up to catch Rachel's lips. "You're just insufferable." She murmured.
Rachel kissed her jaw, and then her cheeks and her lips again. She grinned. "I know. Our night is just ruined."