A/N: Hey everybody *waves* here comes a new chapter finally and I really, really hope you will like it, hopefully more than you seemed to like the new chapters of my other stories *sheepish smile*
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IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ: And well, I've come to a decision regarding this story: It's going to be MPREG in the future chapters, so if this is not your cup of tea, then here is your warning and you unfortunately need to stop reading. I'll be sad if I lose some of you as readers, but I can also understand that this is not everyone's cup of tea... so yeah, I just wanted to warn you *smiles* Maybe I'll make alternate chapters, some with MPreg and some without it, but that also depends on your reactions, because if all of you really do not want me to turn this into Mpreg I can co with another storyline, which I will probably write down anyway, hence the two versions idea *smiles*
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Please keep in mind that English is not my native language...
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Of course thank you to STARS-NEMESIS, dr3, McCoy's Secret Lover, SlytherinQueen020, msdarque, alaine1910, darkshadowarchfiend, Kittendragon, Jesco123, Zak saturday 1, fro-chan, guest and TerrorInYerBathtub for all your kind words *hugs you all* They really mean a lot to me *smiles brightly*
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Warnings: AU, SLASH (Lindsey/?, Lindsey/Angel somewhere along the way) MPREG
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Disclaimer: The characters from Angel belong to Joss Whedon and I'm just borrowing them for my little story. This is not for money, but just for fun...
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Chapter 4
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Time seemed to stand still for a few seconds when suddenly Lindsey felt Angel's lips on his own and he responded without hesitation, because that was something he had been dreaming about for quite a while now. But then suddenly his conscience kicked back in and the young lawyer broke the kiss, pushing the vampire away with his good arm.
Lindsey stared at Angel, not sure if the vampire was trying to mess with him or if he'd simply finally lost his mind.
"What the hell?" he questioned, not even bothering to hide his shock and confusion. Ever since he'd woken up things had gotten stranger and stranger with everything he learned. First he had found out that Angel had not only saved his life but that he had also taken care of him and his son. And then Eliot had told him that he wanted to stay with Angel and now to top it all off, the vampire had kissed him. So Lindsey thought that he had every right to be confused.
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Not that the kiss had been unpleasant or anything like that, quite the contrary actually. And he had wanted to be kissed by Angel for quite some time now and his heart was still doing happy somersaults, but his brain told him that this was all wrong and that Angel normally hated him. The master vampire still looked at him in a way he had never done before and that look gave Lindsey goosebumps all over his body, not that he'd admit that out loud anytime soon.
Nonetheless he remained silent, waiting for Angel to say something, because the ball was in the vampire's court now. And Angel actually continued to speak.
"Lindsey, I've been so stupid and blind," he started and Lindsey couldn't help and snort at that.
"I'm not going to argue with you on that, Angel," he replied and was surprisingly rewarded with an amused smile from the master vampire, which did funny things to his insides. And to hide his embarrassment and his body's reaction to Angel's smile, the young lawyer questioned: "And what exactly have you been stupid about."
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Angel ran a hand through his short hair, but he didn't answer.
And so Lindsey decided to just voice his opinion why Angel thought he'd been so stupid.
"Let me guess, you think it was stupid to kiss me just now and it was just because you didn't think straight for a second and let your hero-complex guide you for a moment. And you think it's better if Eliot and I leave the city as soon as possible so you won't have to worry about us anymore." There was a bitterness in his voice and before he could really get a grip on his emotions, he let out all of the hurt he felt because of the way Angel had treated him over the last years.
"You want us to leave and you just don't care that I'll be the one who has to explain this to my son, who will be devastated, because he has become attached to you and will once again be tossed aside by someone he has started to trust, just like his father has always been cast aside because nobody was willing to listen to him or believe in him."
Lindsey hadn't even meant to say the last part, but he somehow felt better now that he had said it, now that all the bitterness he had carried because of Angel's treatment of him had found a way out. All the resentment he had carried because of all the failed attempts to convince Angel that he wasn't a bad person and wanted out of Wolfram & Hart, only to be cruelly mocked and tossed aside by Angel and his crew, and all the hurt that had come from years of fighting his feelings for the master vampire, no matter how he had treated him.
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Angel stared at the young lawyer for a second and Lindsey half expected Angel to give an angry speech to defend his actions. But instead he only sighed regretfully and even a little sadly.
"Is that really what you thought I was going to say after what has just happened?" he asked. Lindsey shrugged and then winced in pain when the movement aggravated the wound on his back.
"How was I supposed to think anything else? Every time I tried to get you to see the real me, you pushed me away," he informed and didn't dare to look at the vampire when he said that.
"And that sure as hell didn't change just because I spent a few days in a sort-of-coma," he added a little hesitantly, not sure how Angel would react to those words. But his head snapped up at the vampire's next words.
"And that's exactly what I've been stupid about all this time and why Lorne nearly killed, or at least severely injured me when he learned the truth behind my behavior towards you and scolded me for not coming to him sooner to sort this out. Apparently Lorne cares a great deal about you and about Eliot, maybe even more than he cares about me," Angel explained and if he was still able to really blush, he probably would have blushed like crazy.
Again Lindsey only snorted, a little surprised that Angel hadn't figured that out a lot sooner that Lindsey and Lorne were close, especially when one considered how much time the vampire and his team spent at Lorne's bar. But then again, Lindsey had made a point at hiding in the backroom when Angel was there.
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Nonetheless he muttered: "There's a reason Lorne is named Eliot's godfather."
At the young lawyer's words Angel's eyes widened because that was something else he hadn't known about Lindsey and with every new thing he learned about the younger man, he regretted that deeply. But he tried not to show his surprise at that, because he needed to tell Lindsey how he felt without getting off track with questions he could get answers to later. And he hoped that Lindsey would believe him. To achieve that, Angel had decided and knew that honesty was the best policy here.
"Lindsey, I know that what I'm going to tell you is going to sound unbelievable to you, but I swear that it's the truth. And I really should have told you all this a lot sooner," he began, nervously running a hand through his hair. Lindsey raised an eyebrow and wondered what he was going to hear from Angel now. But he nodded silently, waiting for Angel to continue. And the vampire did only seconds later.
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"When I saw that demon attack and hurt you, I thought my heart would stop... well if my heart were still beating that is. I felt so much fury that I literally tore that demon apart limb from limb," he explained and Lindsey raised his eyebrow, not sure if he should believe it or not. But Lorne had told Lindsey too that Angel had reacted violently when the demon had attacked him, so he decided to give the master vampire the benefit of the doubt and reserve judgment until the vampire had finished his story.
"And that feeling scared the hell out of me, because for a moment I feared that Angelus might come to the surface, no matter that it's impossible for that to happen, now that my soul is permanently attached."
Lindsey gaped at the vampire. He had not known that Angel's soul was permanent now and that meant that Wolfram and Hart didn't know either. And the young lawyer was also shocked that Angel had just admitted that in front of him.
/Does that mean that he believes I don't want to go back to the firm?/ Lindsey wondered and hope sparked in his heart, but he quickly tried to push that hope down immediately, because he had learned the hard way that whenever he hoped for something it was almost always taken away from him. The only exception to that was Eliot and even his son had been kept away from him by Wolfram and Hart, so that he'd do their dirty work and whatever else extra activities they required from him. So he was sure that Angel would dash any hopes he might have very quickly.
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Angel had obviously expected Lindsey to say something to his little revelation, but when Lindsey only stared at him, he continued: "Well and when that happened, so many memories assaulted me and I couldn't really make sense of them, didn't even really remember that I had them. And so I talked to Lorne and sang for him, hoping that he could help me figure this out."
The vampire ended and started pacing the room like a caged lion and Lindsey watched his movements carefully before asking: "And, was Lorne able to help you?"
The young lawyer was curious now and wondering what kind of memories that were and why they seemed so important to Angel and he also wondered what that would mean for their relationship in the future, no matter what kind of relationship it was. Angel sighed again and then he nodded slowly.
"Yeah, he helped me to see what an asshole I've been when it comes to you," the vampire admitted and then stopped when Lindsey snorted.
"I never thought I'd hear you say that and once again, I'm not going to argue with you about that."
Angel chuckled darkly.
"To be fair, you weren't exactly a saint either," he couldn't help but say, because Lindsey had done a lot of things that were pretty bad. The younger man nodded.
"Yeah, I know that I did some not so nice to very bad things, but I didn't have much of a choice, because of Eliot and what Wolfram and Hart would have done to him if I hadn't obeyed. What's your excuse?" he questioned, trying not to sound too arrogant, because he knew that the blackmailing didn't make everything he had done right all of sudden, because he had hurt other people no matter what his reasons had been.
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Angel meanwhile again had that look in his eyes that Lindsey couldn't identify and the vampire's shoulders slumped a little-
"The funny thing is that I have an excuse, even though it's not really a good one," the master vampire admitted and Lindsey raised both his eyebrows this time.
"Maybe you should let me be the judge of that since it concern me," he informed, but he really wasn't prepared for what Angel said next.
"I pushed you away because I love you."
The words stunned Lindsey into silence and a wave of emotions washed through the young lawyer: anger, hatred, disappointment and even something like hope. But the anger finally won out.
"So you're saying that you have made my life hell, put me down and mocked me every chance you got and never believed me when I told you that I wanted out because you loved me?" he questioned, shaking his head in disbelief, before he continued: "And now you just expect me to fall into your arms and forgive you for everything? And you even dragged my son into this as a bargaining chip?"
That last part had come out entirely involuntarily, because no matter what Lindsey thought about Angel, he knew that the vampire would never use an innocent child for his own devices.
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But after that revelation Angel had just made, Lindsey thought he deserved to lash out at the vampire. And he felt a little satisfied to see the hurt look in Angel's eyes. He had fully expected the other to get angry at him and so he was surprised when Angel just sighed.
"Well, again you're partly right. I really tried to get to know Eliot over the last few days, but not because I wanted to use him against you in any way. First of all, I really wanted to distract him, because he was worried to death about you, just like I was and talking to him helped me and talking to me helped him. And second I really wanted Eliot to like me, because he's a bright kid and I happen to be in love with his father," the vampire admitted and Lindsey shook his head wildly.
"Stop saying that," he pleaded, hating that he suddenly had tears in his eyes.
"What? That I love you?" Angel asked, coming closer to the bed and sitting down on the bed, which made Lindsey scoot away a little, wincing when once again the wound on his back hurt.
"Yes, please don't say that anymore," Lindsey repeated, staring at the vampire with wide eyes, especially when Angel shook his head.
"I won't stop saying it, Lindsey," he said, reaching out to run a gentle hand over the other man's cheek, a little smile on his lips when Lindsey didn't flinch away from him.
"Because it's the truth and I'll say it as often as you need to hear it to believe me and even when you believe me I won't stop saying it, Lindsey. I just want you to give me a chance to make it up to you."
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"I'm not sure if I can do that, Angel."
Lindsey once again shook his head wildly, this time a tear running down his cheek. He really wanted to believe Angel, but he just couldn't, not after everything that had happened between the two and not in the current situation he was in. But he also couldn't help the hope bubbling inside him that maybe, just maybe he might have a future with the vampire. And since he had no idea what to say to Angel now, he just kept silent, trying to process his own feelings.
"I can be patient, Lindsey and I didn't expect you to forgive me all at once. Take all the time you need and just know that I'm here, waiting for your decision."
Angel smiled down at him and before Lindsey knew what was happening, the vampire bent down and kissed him again, gently, almost lovingly and Lindsey once again found himself melting into the kiss, his heart going a mile a minute. When they broke the kiss, Lindsey was slightly out of breath and Angel's hand still rested on his cheek. The vampire obviously wasn't willing to lose body contact with Lindsey.
But he also had a guilty look on his face that made Lindsey wary again immediately.
"What is it you're not telling me, Angel?" he questioned, gulping nervously, especially when Angel looked even more guilty.
"Lindsey, there's something else I need to tell you, something you might not believe, but I swear that it's the truth," Angel started and when Lindsey only looked at him with wide eyes, he hesitated for a second, before he whispered quietly: "It's something about Eliot... about me and Eliot to be exact..."
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to be continued...
Please read the A/N, it's important...