Let Your Heart Hold Fast
Chapter 14
Richard Burke was a self-professed, die-hard, play hard or go home kind of guy, who had raised three rowdy boys in much the same manner. He had worked hard all of his life to provide for his wife and sons, often working his fingers to the bone to put dinner on the table. He lived his life by the age-old philosophy that if you're going to do something, you should do it right.
To say that he set high expectations for his sons would be a complete understatement. All three of his boys knew what was expected of them and they knew exactly what to expect if they got out of line. They knew that their father expected them to be men of integrity and honor and they all endeavored to be those men.
That's not to say that they always lived up to his expectations. In fact, there were many times that one or all of them fell mightily short in their father's eyes. They were, after all, young boys who were bound to make bad decisions every now and then. Richard Burke, however, understood that mistakes would be made and bad decisions would sometimes come about. He didn't expect his boys to be perfect, but he did expect them to understand that every action has a consequence. And he expected them to always accept those consequences with honor and integrity.
Richard Burke was definitely the disciplinarian of the Burke family, although Nan could hold her own, if she had to. The most dreaded phrase of the Burke family was the infamous "Wait until your father gets home" which was usually shouted out by an extremely frustrated Nancy Burke, whenever one of her sons had pushed her to the limit. When this happened, the guilty party knew they were in for it and would spend the next however long listening for their father to get home and dreading the sound of his footsteps on the stairs.
Being lectured by their father and seeing the disappointment on his face was almost as bad as hearing him announce that they were in for a spanking. Almost… As an adult, Peter realized that the disappointment was actually way worse, but you definitely couldn't have convinced him of that as a child. His father definitely had a hard hand!
Despite the many times he had found himself over his father's knees, always for a good reason, Peter loved his father immensely. He respected his father more than any other man on the planet and for this reason, he often sought out his advice, whether it was financial, marital, or anything else he needed help with. Peter had often listened as his brothers asked their father for parenting advice, but he had obviously never had that need. Until now.
Peter and Elizabeth had, of course, told both of their families about Neal, and they had decided to let the little boy settle in before they all eagerly pounced on him. Both sets of parents were dying to meet their new foster-grandchild, after thinking for so long that Peter and Elizabeth wouldn't ever be parents. Peter had talked with his father on several occasions regarding Neal and had taken his advice to heart. He was a little more hesitant this time, though, knowing that his father might lean toward dealing with Neal's behavior in the same way he had dealt with Peter's repeated mistakes. Peter wasn't sure if he could dole out that type of punishment, especially knowing that Neal would be looking at him with those big blue eyes.
When Richard Burke answered his phone, a feeling of peace immediately settled over Peter. There was something about his dad's voice that had that effect on him and he wondered to himself why he always waited so long to call him.
"Dad? It's Peter. Yeah, everything's fine, dad. I just….um….I just needed some advice."
Richard listened as Peter told him everything that had happened in the last few days, including Neal's little adventure on the elevators. After he assured his father that they were doing everything they could to find the man stalking Neal, he was surprised to hear his father's deep laugh.
"Are you laughing, dad? Do you have any idea how frustrated I am that Neal keeps running off?"
Richard stopped laughing. "I'm sorry, son," he said. "It's just…. I remember telling you when you were little, after you had wandered off yet again, that I would laugh when one day your son would be ten times worse than you. I guess I was right, wasn't I?"
Peter couldn't help but laugh at that, either, really. He could remember how frustrated his mother and father would get when they took their eyes off of him for two seconds and he would disappear. Of course, the world was a little safer back then, and there definitely wasn't anyone stalking him.
"Dad, I don't know what I'm doing with him and he deserves better. I don't think I'm ready to be a father."
"Peter, listen to me for a minute, son. What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Do you have any idea how many times I felt like I didn't know what I was doing with you boys? Almost continually, son. I was always second-guessing myself, always wondering if I should have done something differently. And do you know why? Because I loved you three so much and I only wanted the best for you. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but you love that little boy, right? As if he were your own flesh and blood, right? That's what he deserves, Peter. You and Elizabeth are what he deserves. You're going to make mistakes, I can promise you that, but as long as he knows you love him, everything will be okay. I promise!"
Peter took a deep breath, trying to calm himself a little. "I do love him, dad. And I'm terrified that something is going to happen that's going to take him away from us. Every day, I expect to hear that someone in his family has come forward to claim him. Every time my phone rings, I expect it to be CPS telling me they're sending someone to get him. Now, there's some stranger stalking him. I feel like I'm in way over my head and I can't even get the kid to understand that he can't just wander off like he does." By this time, Peter's voice was shaking, his frustration and fear completely obvious.
"Settle down, Peter. Take a deep breath, okay? Take several deep breaths. No one said being a father was easy, especially when it seems your little one is awfully precocious and adventurous. I can tell you have your hands full with him, son, but you have to find a way to make him understand that this behavior is unacceptable. I can't tell you how to do that, though. You're going to have to figure out what works best for this particular boy yourself. Talk it over with Elizabeth, too. Make sure you're both on the same page, as far as disciplining the little scamp. And then, always be consistent. Always send a clear message when he misbehaves. Make sure he knows what's expected of him and what happens if he misbehaves. That way, there will never be any confusion for the boy. Or for you."
Peter was feeling much better, even though he still didn't know exactly how to deal with Neal. Before he could say goodbye, Richard Burke continued. "Peter, I know that taking Neal in was sort of a spur of the moment decision, but have you and Elizabeth put much thought into what your future plan is? It's been several months since Neal came to stay with you. Are you looking to make it a permanent thing?"
"Things have been so chaotic lately, dad, that we've only talked about it a few times. I know that El wants to make it permanent, that she wanted to make it permanent from the very beginning. I've been a little more cautious, but lately I've been feeling the same way. We have an appointment with an adoption lawyer next week to talk over the possibility."
"Congratulations, son. Your mother and I couldn't be happier for you. And she's telling me to tell you that we can't wait to meet Neal. Let us know when you're ready for a visit, okay?"
After a few more words between them, Peter finally hung up the phone, feeling a hundred times better, but still unprepared to face the five year old sitting in his dining room corner.
Neal knew that he shouldn't have left Peter's office to ride the elevator. Even though Peter didn't specifically tell him to stay in the office, he knew that the man wouldn't have let him go off by himself. He knew that when Peter told him to keep himself busy, he meant to keep himself busy right there in the office. But, Neal really, really wanted to ride the elevators. He didn't really understand what the big deal was, anyway. He wasn't a baby, anymore. He was five years old and they were in the FBI building, after all. It was a building full of good guys with guns.
Neal thought about the new friend he had made…..Agent Rob. He was a nice guy and he didn't treat Neal like he was a baby. He didn't even say anything when Neal's eyes watered because he couldn't remember what floor Peter was on. Agent Rob just kept talking to Neal, asking him a bunch of questions about Peter and what kind of work he did, until he finally figured out who Peter was. Agent Rob even told Neal that he was brave and really smart when Neal remembered that Peter worked in the "White Color" division. Neal wondered why they called it that when everything in the office looked gray to him.
The second they stepped off the elevator, Neal saw Peter and could immediately tell that the man was angry. He didn't even give Neal a chance to say goodbye to his new friend before he sent him upstairs to pack up his things.
The ride home was even worse. Peter barely looked at Neal the whole way and by the time they got home, his knuckles were completely white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. What was even scarier was the fact that his face was a scary shade of red-purple. Once they were in the house, Peter had immediately sent him to sit in the corner, and Neal knew better than to argue.
So, there he sat, in his least favorite chair, staring at his least favorite wall of the house. Neal felt like he had been sitting there forever and he really, really wanted to get up. Instead, he just sat there, singing songs to himself and making up stories in his head, hoping that Elizabeth would come home and make Peter be not so mad.
Fortunately, just minutes after he thought that, Elizabeth walked through the door. He wanted desperately to jump up and run to her, but he stayed where he was, listening to her take off her coat and put her handbag away. Finally, he could hear her heels clicking his way.
"Neal? Sweetie, what happened? Why are you sitting in the time-out chair?"
At the sound of her voice, Neal immediately started crying. "Peter's mad at me, Lizbef! And he made me sit here! Can I come out now? Please?"
"Just a minute, sweetheart. Let me talk to Peter, okay? Do you know where he is?"
Neal pointed to the kitchen, but before Elizabeth could go in to talk to Peter, he came out into the dining room.
"El, you're home!"
Elizabeth noticed the relief in Peter's voice and also how frazzled he looked. "Peter, what happened? It looks like the two of you had a rough afternoon."
Peter gave his wife a tired smile, before turning to Neal. "Neal, why don't you go on up to your room and color in your book, okay? I need to talk to Elizabeth."
Peter and Elizabeth watched as Neal slowly got up and sadly trudged to the stairs. They both wanted to laugh at the pitiful sight before them, but they didn't. The kid could be so melodramatic sometimes. Once he was upstairs, Peter led Elizabeth over to the dining room table and filled her in on what had happened.
Elizabeth couldn't believe that Neal would do such a thing. "What in the world was he thinking?" she asked her husband.
"I think he was thinking how much fun it would be to ride the elevators," Peter answered.
"I don't even want to think about what could have happened, Peter. What if that man had been there? What if Neal had wandered out into the street? What if he had found some agent's gun lying on a desk somewhere?"
"Well, I would hope that a trained agent wouldn't just leave their gun unattended, El. Anyway, I just don't know what to do to get him to understand how dangerous his little adventure was." Peter sighed in frustration. "I called my dad, El, and asked him for some advice. He didn't specifically tell me what to do, but he gave me a good idea. He said we need to make sure that Neal knows what's expected of him and that he knows what to expect if he misbehaves. We've never really sat him down and talked about any of that stuff, have we? Dad also said that you and I need to be on the same page, as far as how we're going to punish Neal when he misbehaves."
Peter was surprised to see a smile cross his wife's face. "I never thought we'd be having this conversation, hon," she said. "This is new territory for us.
"Definitely new, terrifying territory, El!"
After talking for almost thirty minutes, Peter and Elizabeth decided that they would have a talk with Neal after dinner. He always seemed to be more attentive when his growling stomach wasn't distracting him. Once dinner was over, the three of them went into the living room. Neal could tell that something was up, just by how nervous both Peter and Elizabeth were acting.
Elizabeth sat down on the sofa and patted the seat next to her, as she called Neal over. Neal climbed up onto the sofa, snuggling as close to Elizabeth as he could without actually being in her lap. Peter sat down in the armchair directly across from them.
"Neal, Elizabeth and I need to talk to you about some very important things, okay? This is something we should have done when you first came home with us, buddy, but we didn't think about it. We want to talk to you about our house rules, okay?"
Neal frowned at that, never having been a fan of rules in his young life. "I already know the rules, Peter. I have to take a bath every day, I can't walk Satchmo by myself, I can't watch Dean Martin in the middle of the night, I can't manilupate people to get more cookies, I can't jump on or off the furniture, and I can't leave you alone. Oh, and I can't stomp my foot or throw things at people."
"Those are definitely some of the rules, Neal, but Elizabeth and I want to make sure you understand everything, especially the big rules." Once Peter was sure he had Neal's attention, he continued. "The biggest rule we have in this house is that you are never, ever to wander off by yourself, Neal. That means you always stay with whoever is in charge of you. Do you understand what I mean by that, Neal?"
Neal nodded. "That means no more elevator rides by myself, right?"
"That's right, sweetie. You are never to walk off by yourself, for any reason." Elizabeth smiled at the sheepish look on Neal's face.
"The next rule is that you don't ever talk to strangers, Neal. Not for any reason. If someone approaches you that you don't know, you scream as loud as you can, okay? For now, you're not to go out into the backyard by yourself, either. If you want to go outside and play, you need to let one of us know, so we can go out with you. And remember…..no more night time wanderings in the house. Elizabeth and I need to know where you are at all times, okay, bud?"
"Okay, Peter."
"Now, just a few more things, Neal. Like you said, no more jumping on or off the furniture. No climbing trees. No sliding down the banisters. No climbing on the kitchen counters. No standing on the barstool to reach the cookies. These are all things I've seen you do recently, and I don't want to catch you doing any of them again. Is that clear?"
"Okay, Peter." Neal agreed again, but he had a thoughtful look on his face. "Lizbef, do you think you could stop putting the cookies on the highest shelf? That way I wouldn't need to climb on the counter or stand on the barstool."
Elizabeth laughed. "No way, Neal. I think it's better that you have to ask for a cookie. Otherwise, you'd eat them all at once."
Neal definitely wasn't happy with that answer.
Once they had talked over a few more points, Peter decided it was time to talk about consequences. "Neal, now that we've talked about the rules, do you understand what you can and can't do? Are you confused about anything we talked about?"
"I understand, Peter."
"Okay, then….now we want to talk about consequences. Do you know what that word means?"
"It means what happens after you do something. Like if you eat too many cookies, consequences make your tummy hurt. I don't like consequences."
"Consequences aren't always bad, sweetie," Elizabeth said. "Remember when your class was the quietest at the assembly and you all got an extra recess? That was a consequence of good behavior."
"I like those kinds of consequences, Lizbef. I just don't like the others."
"Neal, we have to have both good and bad consequences to help reinforce the type of behavior we want. Good consequences make you want to continue to do the right thing, right? And bad consequences make you want to do the right thing the next time. When you behave yourself and do what's expected of you, you're rewarded. When you misbehave and break the rules, you're punished."
"I don't like to be punished, Lizbef. It makes me sad."
"I think that's part of the point, Neal," Peter answered. "Punishment isn't supposed to make you happy. It's supposed to help you understand what you did wrong and make you not want to do it again. What are some of the consequences you've had to face when you did something wrong? Can you tell us?"
Neal looked thoughtfully at the two of them, his nose scrunched up. "You made me go to bed early, remember? And I didn't get a story. That made me really sad, Peter."
"What else, Neal?"
"I had to sit in the time-out chair for hours, too."
Peter laughed at that. "I'm pretty sure it was less than twenty minutes, but I'm sure it felt like hours to you."
"Kid minutes are longer than big people minutes, Peter," Neal said, matter-of-factly.
"Okay, Neal, I guess I forgot that. Can you think of anything else?"
Neal thought hard again. "At school I have to sit down on the time-out bench and miss recess. And all the kids stare at me like I'm a crinimal or something." Neal obviously felt that this was unacceptable.
"Does that make you want to behave better at school, sweetie?" Elizabeth asked.
"I try, Lizbef, but sometimes it's hard. It's like my energy gets all fired up and I can't stop talking and moving. Mr. Parker doesn't like that very much. He always says his patience is running out."
Elizabeth could imagine the frustration of trying to keep a kid like Neal calm throughout the day. The boy really did have more energy than normal. She vowed to make Mr. Parker a batch of cookies to show her appreciation. "Just keep trying, Neal, okay?"
Peter interrupted before Neal could answer. "Okay, buddy….one last thing. Do you remember what I told you about what happened when I jumped off the furniture and broke my mom's vase?" Peter could tell by the way Neal's eyes widened that he remembered.
"Your daddy spanked you, Peter," he whispered.
"Yes, he did, buddy. And the reason he spanked me was because I had already been told to not jump on the furniture, remember? When I did it again, even though I knew I wasn't supposed to, I was being deliberately disobedient. And in my house, that earned me a spanking."
Peter hesitated after saying that to see what Neal would say.
After several long seconds, he looked up at Peter. "Peter? Will I earn a spanking, too, if I'm delibately disbedient? "
"Yes, you will, Neal. Elizabeth and I want you to learn how important it is to follow our rules. If you do something that you know you're not supposed to do, you might earn yourself a spanking. If you break one of our big rules, you'll definitely get a spanking. Do you understand?"
Neal looked seriously at Peter. "I don't like spankings, Peter, so I won't be delibately disbedient. I'll never be disbedient again, as long as I live!"
Peter had never heard such an unlikely statement before. Poor little mischievous Neal wouldn't be able to stay out of trouble for too long, no matter how hard he tried. Just as Peter was about to suggest that they play a game, Neal spoke up again.
"Peter? I'm sorry I rode the elevators without you today. You're not gonna s-s-spank me, are you?"
"You've already been punished for your little elevator adventure, Neal, so I'm not going to spank you. Now, how about we play a game of Slap Jack? I need to defend my throne."
"It's my throne now, Peter," Neal giggled. "Remember? I beat you the last three times!"
Peter loved the sound of Neal's giggles and he vowed to make sure they continued. Maybe his father was right…..Maybe he was exactly what Neal deserved.
Author's note: So, what do you all think of Peter's dad? I think he sounds like a reasonable kind of guy that raised a reasonable kind of son, lol. I'd also like your opinions on whether or not the idea of Peter spanking Neal is too much for you all. If I decide to go that route, I definitely wouldn't go into details of said punishment. It just seems plausible to me that Peter would use that sort of discipline in some circumstances. Anyway, I'm not sure if that's the direction I'm going in (and if I do go in that direction, it will not be a big part of the story), but I'd really like to hear your thoughts on it. Thanks for reading.