I couldn't sleep at all, so I stared out the tiny part of my window that wasn't boarded up until I saw slight daylight, telling me that the sun was about to rise. I stand up as quietly as possible, grab my bag, and tip toe out of the plane. The air has a slight chill to it that gives me goose bumps, and I think of going back to the plane to grab the only sweatshirt I packed, but I figured it was too risky to go back in there. Plus it will get warmer when the sun fully rises.
I grab a few pieces of dried fruit and an almost full water bottle in case I do find Austin and he's thirsty. I look around, and think of how they'll react when I'm gone. Maybe they'll come looking for me, or maybe they'll just stay here and wait for us to come back. I shrug at my own thoughts and go into the woods.
I walk slowly, looking out for any unwanted attention from animals, and for any signs of Austin. I follow the trail back to where we were the other night, and decide to go the same way Thomas and I did, but further. He has to be around here somewhere, possibly hiding, possible laying somewhere hurt…
"Stop it." I say out loud to myself.
The sun is completely raised now, and the air is getting warmer by the minute. My surroundings are very quiet, and it sort of freaks me out, but I keep walking, tripping over tree branches and big rocks. It's slightly uphill now, and I'm afraid I may fall. But I keep going as fast as I can, determined to find my Austin Moon. He'd do the same for me; I know that for a fact. I owe this to him.
The swelling in my wrist is still there, and I'm just sort of getting used to the sickening pulsating pain it brings me. It's still wrapped up, and I haven't dared to remove it. I haven't been able to take much pain medicine, with fear that someone might need it more than I someday and there won't be any.
I stop walking when I hear a noise. I look all around me, but see nothing but trees. I decide to pretend I didn't hear anything and continue. But when I walk again, I hear it clearly, and I realize it's a rattling noise and that's when I know what it is. I look down and only a few feet away is a big rattlesnake, and flash backs of Caroline run through my brain. I back away slowly, and that catches its attention. It comes towards me, ready to strike, when someone grabs me and I'm pulled away. I fall to the ground and when I look back over, Thomas is striking the snake multiple times with a big rock.
I stand up; full of disappointment that it is Thomas and not Austin. For some reason, I'm extremely annoyed and angry at everything that just happened, so I walk by Thomas and continue on my path. Thomas follows me instantly, grabbing my shoulder, "Where are you going?" He asks.
I give him an odd look. Is he stupid? "I'm looking for Austin obviously." I tell him, and then I continue to walk, but he grabs my shoulder again.
"You just almost died, I saved you. I think a thank you is in order." He says.
"Oh thank you so much Thomas for stalking me and killed a snake in my path." I say sarcastically, turning away from him.
"I didn't stalk you. I simply followed you knowing you'd need help eventually." He says.
I face him now, and my face turns in a glare, "Are you calling me weak or something?" I ask.
"No, you just need someone around to protect you, like me." He says.
I laugh at him, "The only person I need is Austin. He's the one who protects me, and I'm going to find him." I say.
"I'm going to help." He says.
"I don't want your help." I tell him.
"Please, let me help you." He says, and he grabs my face and tries to kiss me, but I turn. I push him away from me, "What the hell are you doing!" I yell at him.
"I-I don't know." He says.
I turn away from him and stomp away, and thankfully he doesn't follow. I walk as fast as I can, and I'm in complete disbelief of what just happened. How could Thomas do that? I thought he was one of my friends. I really can't depend on anyone besides Austin, and he's not even here. To think of Thomas' face that close to mine makes me sick. Austin's the only person I've kissed and I want to keep it that way right now.
I make sure I don't miss any details around me, and when I still find nothing, I start to freak out. What happened with Thomas is getting to me, and now being able to find Austin is too, and this is all too much. I stop and go down on my knees and hold my face in my hands. I can't stop the flowing tears that come. What if I'll never see Austin again?
"Austin!" I scream through tears, and this time I lay down on the ground, hugging my knees. I know I'm very vulnerable like this, but I don't care about it anymore. If an animal wants to come and kill me, then I guess it's my time to go. I feel like I've already cheated death a few times, and I don't think I can be lucky any more than that.
The sky is clear, clouds nowhere to be found in the small clearing through the trees. I decide to lay here like this, even though I know it's not helping find Austin, but I just don't know where to look anymore. I've looked in the direction he went, as far as I think he could go, and I can't find any damn thing. I haven't given up though; I'll never give up on him. I just need this break. I can't help the goose bumps that rise on my skin when I think that Thomas could be anywhere around watching me and following me still, but I ignore the thought quickly.
I start to think about what will happen when I go back to 'camp'. Things will be too weird with Thomas now, and I thought he was someone I can trust. He knows how I've felt about Austin; heck he's told me things about Austin to make me think he's interested in me. I don't understand why he would have acted that way. Maybe being stuck here is starting to affect us all in the head. I know I've felt crazy here sometimes.
I want to trust Frank, but I just don't know him at all. I can't just put my trust in him like that. The twins are too young to confide in, and the others I've never even associated with in school, and we were in the same class for crying out loud. And I wouldn't even expect Austin to be the one I get along with, or confide in, or trust because we didn't associate much at school either, and he's the golden boy of course, but he's the only one that I can trust here, and that's just something that surprises me.
"Austin!" I yell again while still keeping focus on the sky.
I should head back to the plane, and deal with whatever I'm going to have to deal with. I get up slowly and head back towards 'camp'. It's just about dark when I get back there, and everyone's around the fire. Frank stands up and runs over to me, "Where the hell have you been?" He asks. I guess Thomas didn't tell anyone about our run in since no one has known where I was all day. I look over to Thomas and he's staring at the fire.
"I was looking for Austin." I tell him.
"It wasn't very smart to go off on your own." He tells me.
"Someone had to do it." I tell him.
"We can't just risk ourselves to go looking for him like that." He tells me.
"I don't understand why. He'd risk his life to help any of us, because that's the type of person he is." I say.
"I'm sure he would understand our reasoning's." He tells me.
"Well I sure as hell don't." I tell him. I turn around and head into the plane, not in the mood for any more socializing.
Risk our lives to go looking for him? Sure there are animals out there that could get us and we could get hurt but it shouldn't be such a risk to go find one of us. No wonder when I was missing Austin was the only one that came for me, because he and I are the only ones that care about each other here. None of them would care if it was Austin lost, or Wanda for crying out loud. They all care about themselves. But that's okay I suppose, because I don't care about them, only Austin. I guess they figure they should stick to themselves at a time like this. And here I thought we would be able to get over our high school labels and whatever else to fight to stay alive, but I guess I was wrong.
I set up Austin's blanket and lay down on his side, facing the plane wall, thinking of my next route that I will take tomorrow to look for him. I'm getting a bad feeling about this. I think if he wasn't hurt he would have been back here by now. But I really hope that's not the case.
Thomas walks into the plane, and instead of taking his normal spot towards my feet where he always sleeps, he goes to the other end of the plane and lies down. Good, I think to myself. I wouldn't want him anywhere near me, unless he apologizes or something.
Lyrics pop into my head, and I grab my book out of my bag, but I can't find my pen, so I decide to try to store them in my brain for another time. I could have sworn I had a pen in here before; someone must have taken it.
Eventually everyone comes in to go to sleep, and I really want to go outside to get away from them all, but the fires out and it will be so dark, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. So I force myself to fall asleep, hoping that tomorrow will be the day I'm reunited with Austin Moon, the boy I know I've fallen for.