Let Your Heart Hold Fast

Chapter 20

It wasn't long before things returned to a routine of sorts, even if Peter and Elizabeth weren't quite ready for it. Neal had to eventually go back to school and they both had to return to work. Neal was back to having nightly nightmares, although they were of a different sort after his kidnapping. Dr. Lennox had opened up an appointment for them as soon as she heard what had happened, and Neal had already seen her on two separate occasions. She explained to Peter and Elizabeth that the recent events would undoubtedly cause a setback in Neal's progress, more than likely making him clingier, more irritable, and overall scared.

That much was evident when Peter tried to drop Neal off at school. Despite his repeated assurances that Rhianna and Shawn were behind bars, and that there was an agent keeping watch over the school, Neal didn't want to go inside. "What if they escape from jail, Peter? What if William escapes? I don't want to go away again."

Peter didn't blame Neal for being scared, but he was feeling a familiar frustration building up inside of him. Part of that frustration stemmed from the fact that he felt some of the same fears himself. What if Rhianna and Shawn escaped from jail? What if William escaped? What if whoever was behind everything made another move? Suddenly, Peter wanted to bundle Neal up and run away with him.

By this time, Neal was in tears and Peter knew that it was a lost cause. There was no way he could put Neal through something that was obviously traumatizing him. "Okay, bud….What do you say we head back home, huh? Maybe stop and get a smoothie along the way? As long as you don't tell Elizabeth, we could even get some cookies."

Neal's face brightened at that and he tried to control the sobs that were racking his body. "O-okay, Peter. I won't tell Lizbef," Neal sniffled.

As Peter watched him in the rearview mirror, he could see the little body take several deep shuddering breaths before finally looking a little calmer. He tried to make small talk with the boy and eventually Neal was chattering away at whatever popped in his mind. Once they got to a little coffee shop that Peter liked to stop at, he seated Neal down at a table and ordered them both a drink. Neal's eyes lit up when he saw the waitress place a strawberry smoothie with whip cream in front of him, followed by a plate of still warm cookies. Peter sat quietly and drank his coffee as he watched Neal dig into his treat and continue to chatter away.

Once they were done at the coffee shop, Peter drove over to Elizabeth's office to explain the morning to her and to try to figure out what they were going to do. Elizabeth wasn't really surprised to hear that the morning hadn't gone well and she had a few ideas of how to tackle it all.

"I think we need to get him a tutor, hon. Someone that can come to the house and work with him. I could do it myself, but we're getting into the busy holiday seasons now and I have quite a few events coming up. I was also thinking that maybe we could find a babysitter for him while we're working."

Neal, who had been drawing on a blank piece of paper on Elizabeth's desk, looked up at that. "I don't need a babysitter, Lizbef. I'm not a baby!" Neal had an adorable look of indignation on his face that caused both Peter and Elizabeth to laugh.

"Of course, you're not a baby, sweetie," Elizabeth reassured him. "I just meant that we need someone to stay with you while Peter and I are working, that's all."

"Oh," Neal said. "Satchmo can stay with me, Lizbef. He wouldn't let anything happen to me. Or how about Mozzie?! He'd be a great babysi- um, I mean…..he could stay with me!"

Peter and Elizabeth shared a look. "Neal, Satchmo's a dog, buddy, and although I think he would protect you with everything he had, I don't really see him making your lunch or helping you with your homework. As for Mozzie…well, we don't really know him, do we?"

"I know him, Peter. I know he's funny and nice, and he's really smart. He liked my jokes, too. And you know what else? He loves Frank Sinatra. He told me so when he put a CD in to listen to."

"Neal," Peter laughed. "Just because someone is funny and nice and has good taste in music doesn't mean they're qualified to take care of children. Besides, I don't know how to find him. I don't even know his full name."

"I know how to find him, Peter. He gave me his phone number, just in case I ever needed help, he said."

"I'm sorry, buddy….we're going to have to find someone more appropriate."

Neal didn't look happy at that, but he didn't say anything else as he turned back to his drawing. Peter and Elizabeth talked a little more before it was decided that Neal would stay with her at the office. She figured that she would probably be done in a few hours and then she could take Neal home.

By the time Peter came home that evening, Elizabeth and Neal were both in a cranky mood. Unbeknownst to Elizabeth, Neal had a headache and his throat was feeling scratchy. He tried to hide this from Elizabeth, figuring that she would probably make him take a nap. He wasn't tired, he just didn't feel good. Elizabeth didn't feel well herself, so she set Neal up at the dining room table with his crayons, coloring pencils and coloring books, asking him to play quietly while she rested on the sofa.

He spent most of the afternoon doing just that, but eventually he grew bored and not wanting to sit at the table anymore, he jumped down. It was time to find something else to do. Neal looked over at Elizabeth, who had fallen asleep, and decided to let her sleep. He didn't want to play with any of his other toys and he couldn't go outside with Satchmo. Watching television would disturb Elizabeth's nap, so he couldn't do that. After thinking for a few minutes, Neal decided to go exploring. He had been down in the basement a few times, but only to help Elizabeth carry up the laundry, so he decided he would go down there and explore.

Opening up the basement door, Neal almost backed out of his plan. It seemed awfully dark down there. After turning on the light, though, it didn't seem as scary. He called out to Satchmo, always feeling safer with the dog by his side, and walked down into the basement. On the other side of the laundry room was a storage section that was filled with plastic containers and boxes. Neal's curiosity got the better of him and minutes later he was elbow deep into a container that was full of treasures.

Elizabeth woke up, feeling out of sorts and confused. Looking at the clock on the mantel, she was surprised to see that it was almost five o'clock and that she had been asleep for almost two hours. Her heart lurched at the thought of Neal being alone all that time and she jumped up immediately. She wasn't sure if she really expected the boy to still be sitting at the table, but her heart lurched again when she realized that he wasn't there.

"Neal? Neal, where are you?" Quickly checking the front and back doors, she was relieved to see that they were still locked. She also realized that Satchmo wasn't around, which made her feel a little calmer, too. If something had happened to Neal, Satchmo would have let her know.

Continuing to call out his name, Elizabeth went upstairs to look for him. Maybe the boy had fallen asleep in his room. Maybe he was up there drawing on his chalkboard wall. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found on the second floor. That left only one place left to look, so Elizabeth hurried back downstairs and straight to the basement door.

Neal had found all sorts of treasures, but the real treasure was found in a small box, buried deep in the bottom of one of the plastic containers. The box itself was a thing of beauty, ornately carved wood depicting a scene of a father and son fishing on a lake. Neal ran his fingers over the box for several long seconds, liking the way the smooth wood felt, before opening it up to reveal what was inside.

The second Neal realized what it was, he knew he should leave it alone, but his impetuousness and natural inquisitiveness led him to take the object out of the box. He had only ever touched a gun once before, but he had seen Peter's gun multiple times. Neal wasn't necessarily scared of guns, but he surely didn't like it when Peter and the other agents had pulled their guns on Mozzie. He had a healthy respect for guns, instilled in him by his mother at a young age. Neal didn't really remember his father, other than the few times his mother spoke of him, but he did remember that his mother always kept his father's gun in the drawer next to her bed. He remembered that one time he had opened up the drawer to look at the gun, but his mom had walked through the door just as he picked it up. Neal remembered his mom swatting him on the backside four times and telling him to never, ever touch a gun again. Afterwards, she had apologized for spanking him, telling him that she had just been so scared when she saw him there holding the gun. She went on to explain to him how dangerous guns were when you didn't know how to use them and Neal remembered promising her that he would never touch a gun again.

He felt guilty at breaking that promise to her now, but he continued to stare at the gun he held in his hand. It was older than the one Peter had, and Neal was surprised at how heavy it seemed. Lifting it up, he pointed it at the wall across from him, wondering what it would feel like to shoot it. Would it be loud? Just as he was about to put it back in the box, he heard a loud gasp come from behind him.

"Neal George Caffrey! Put that thing down! Right now!"

Elizabeth walked down the basement stairs, wondering what in the world Neal could be up to. Once she was downstairs, she quickly found evidence that Neal had been going through boxes and boxes of things. She really didn't even remember what was in the boxes, since most of it had been there for over ten years. To her absolute horror, her eyes finally landed on Neal, only to find him standing there holding a gun in his hand. For the first time in her life, Elizabeth knew what it meant to nearly die of shock.

"Neal George Caffrey! Put that thing down! Right now!" Elizabeth ran over to where Neal was and grabbed the gun carefully out of his hand. "Oh my God, where did you get this, Neal?"

Neal's eyes filled with tears as he looked at Elizabeth, who had yelled rather loudly at him. "I f-f-found it in the box, Lizbef," he cried.

"You know better than to touch a gun, young man. I remember Peter telling you that just a few nights ago. What were you thinking?"

"I just wanted to look at it, Lizbef. I wasn't going to pull the trigger, I promise!"

"Neal, you are never, ever, EVER to touch another gun again, do you hear me? Never!"

Elizabeth reminded him so much of his mother in that moment that he maneuvered himself away from her, just in case she thought he deserved a spanking, too. He couldn't bear the thought of Elizabeth being angry enough to do that. "I'm sorry, Lizbef. I promise I won't!"

Elizabeth quickly put everything except the gun back into the boxes while Neal watched on in silence. Once she was done, she grabbed Neal's hand in hers and led him back upstairs. Neal wasn't surprised to see her grab the time-out chair and place it in the corner.

"Sit down, young man. I want you to sit there and think about what you did, okay? Guns are not meant for children, Neal, and I want you to think about why that is."

Neal quietly sat down in the chair, huge crocodile tears streaming down his face. He didn't like it when Elizabeth was mad at him. He liked it even less when he heard her next words.

"When Peter gets home, we're going to tell him what happened and then we're going to have a talk about guns."

Unfortunately, Peter had to work late at the office. Elizabeth and Neal, who had spent almost twenty minutes in the time-out chair before being sent to his room, were sitting at the dinner table when Peter finally got home. The minute he walked in the door, he could tell that something was wrong.

"Hey, guys….I'm sorry I'm late. Busy day at the office. What are we having for dinner?"

Usually, by this time, Neal had jumped on Peter, telling him everything about the day he had had and chattering non-stop. The Neal he was facing at the moment was a subdued, pale Neal. Peter couldn't help but notice that the same could be said of Elizabeth.

"El? What's going on? Did something happen?"

Elizabeth shot a quick glance at Neal before answering. "Why don't you eat first, hon? We can talk about it when you're done."

"I ate something at the office, El, so I'm really not that hungry. Now, will you please tell me what has both of you upset?"

Elizabeth suggested that they all go into the living room where they could be more comfortable. After they were all settled, Elizabeth spoke. "I fell asleep on the sofa this afternoon, Peter, while Neal was drawing at the table. I didn't mean to, but my head was hurting a little and I just wanted to close my eyes for a few minutes. When I woke up, Neal was gone. I searched the house and finally found him down in the basement. He was going through a bunch of old boxes and containers, Peter, and he found the one with your grandfather's stuff in it. From the war….."

Peter's face paled at that, remembering that his grandfather's service revolver was in there. Before he could say anything, Elizabeth continued. "Neal, I want you to tell Peter what you did, okay?"

Neal looked miserable and Peter had a flashback to how he always thought his brothers looked when they had been caught doing something. He knew he must have always looked the same way. He had always hated it when his father made him and his brothers confess their misbehavior to him, even though he already knew the story. His father thought that it forced the boys to take responsibility for their actions, something that he now understood.

Neal, who was sitting on the sofa next to Elizabeth, looked up at Peter with his big blue eyes. Peter thought that it would be better if he could blindfold the kid whenever he was in trouble. It was torture looking into those eyes and trying to discipline the kid. Finally, after several long seconds, Neal started talking.

"I found a gun, Peter. It was in a box and I didn't know what it was until I opened it. I just wanted to look at it. I wasn't going to shoot it, I promise."

Peter felt terror shoot through him at the thought of Neal finding that gun. He was pretty sure that it was unloaded, but he wasn't a hundred percent sure. He had been close to his grandfather and when the man died, Peter asked to keep some of his mementoes. His grandfather had often talked of the days of the war with his grandson, so when Peter's grandmother had given him all of his things from the war, Peter had been overwhelmed. He had put them all down in the basement, with the idea that he would go through it all one day. Unfortunately, that day had never come for Peter. Every time he thought he might be ready to go through it all, he found that he wasn't ready. Now, he wished that he would have taken the time, so all of this could have been avoided.

Now looking at the little boy that he was supposed to protect, he felt guilt and anger wash over him. "Neal? Did you touch the gun, son?"

Neal nodded his head, his curls flopping on his forehead. "I'm sorry, Peter," he said, miserably. "I knew I wasn't supposed to, but my hand wasn't listening to me. It made me pick it up."

Peter looked sternly at the boy in front of him. "Enough of that, Neal," he said strictly. "We just talked about how dangerous guns were a few days ago, remember? I distinctly remember telling you that if you ever came across a gun anywhere, that you were to leave it alone and find an adult. Do you remember that?"

"I remember, Peter," Neal said sadly.

"Well, then why did you pick it up, if you knew you weren't supposed to?"

"I just wanted to see what it felt like," Neal whispered. "And, I wanted to be like you, Peter."

Peter's anger softened a little at those words, but not much. "I appreciate that, Neal, but you deliberately disobeyed Elizabeth and me. You knew you weren't supposed to touch that gun, but you did anyway. I'm very disappointed, little man."

Neal looked like he was about to cry, his eyes filled with tears and his lower lip quivering. "I don't like it when you're dispointed, Peter. I don't like it, at all."

"Maybe you can remember that the next time you're thinking about disobeying me, okay?" Peter gave Elizabeth a small smile before continuing. "Now, let's talk about consequences…."

"I already had consequences, Peter! Lizbef made me sit in the time-out chair for hours. I don't want more consequences," Neal whined.

"Sorry, little man, but there will be more consequences. What you did was very serious, especially because we had just talked to you about the dangers of guns. So, in addition to Elizabeth's consequence, you'll go to bed early tonight and tomorrow, and our trip to the museum this weekend will have to be postponed."

Neal was clearly not happy to hear any of that, but he was relieved that he wasn't going to get a spanking. He was also relieved to hear that Peter didn't say anything about his bedtime story. He really didn't want to miss out on that.

"Okay, kid, do you understand completely what you're to do if you ever find a gun again? Or if one of your friends ever shows you a gun?"

"I won't touch it, I promise. And I'll get a grown-up."

"Don't forget that, okay? Because if it happens again, you really won't like the consequences. Now, I think it's time for your bath and then bed."

Neal stood up to go upstairs, but stopped in front of Elizabeth. "I'm sorry for being disbedient, Lizbef. Are you dispointed, too?"

"I am, Neal, because I know what a smart boy you are. I know you remembered what Peter said about guns, so I'm disappointed that you disobeyed us. But, you're forgiven, okay?"

Neal looked sadly at Elizabeth. "Do you still love me, Lizbef?" he whispered.

Elizabeth immediately pulled Neal into her arms, holding him as tight as she dared. "Of course, I do! Sweetie, there isn't anything you could ever do that would make me stop loving you, okay? I will always love you!"

"I'll always love you, too, Lizbef," Neal whispered in her ear.

After Neal finished his bath and brushed his teeth, he climbed into bed, anxious to hear his story. Peter was surprised that the boy didn't complain about missing their usual game or movie, but he didn't question it. In truth, Neal's head was hurting and he felt tired.

After the story was read, Peter and Elizabeth kissed Neal goodnight and tucked him in tightly. He was asleep within minutes, which surprised both of them. Elizabeth decided to go to bed early, too, since her head was still hurting. It didn't take her long to fall asleep, either.

It was almost three in the morning when Peter woke up to someone shaking his leg. He opened his eyes to find a small shape outlined in the dark. "Neal? What's wrong, buddy? Bad dream?"

"I don't feel good, Peter," Neal answered miserably.

Peter turned on the lamp next to him and looked at Neal, who had bright red cheeks and glassy eyes. Peter put the back of his hand against Neal's cheek, surprised to feel how hot it was. "You're burning up, Neal! Do you feel like you're going to throw up?"

'No," he answered. "My head really hurts and my nose is all stuffed up. I can't breathe, Peter."

Peter pulled Neal into bed next to him and covered him with the blanket when he saw him shivering. Then, he gently shook Elizabeth's shoulder, trying to wake her up. She was much better at dealing with these things, he thought.

Elizabeth finally woke up and was surprised to see Neal in their bed. Usually, if Neal had a nightmare, she woke up to him crying or screaming. This time she hadn't heard anything. "What's going on? Bad dream?"

"Neal's sick, El. He's burning up and his head hurts."

Elizabeth immediately jumped into action, feeling Neal's cheek and forehead before heading into the bathroom for supplies. She returned with a thermometer that she quickly placed under Neal's tongue. While she was waiting for that to be done, she poured out some medication for Neal to take. Minutes later, it was determined that Neal had a temperature of 100.9F. After giving him the medicine that would hopefully take care of the fever and the headache, she settled him down next to her in the bed and softly sang to him. It didn't take Neal long to fall back asleep.

Author's note: A little more fluff for those of you who like that. I don't think it's going to last long, though, because I tend to like angst more than fluff and, well….. I am the one writing this, lol.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, if you'd like to share. I always find them so interesting to read. Thanks so much for reading.

Oh, and by the way…I should have one more chapter out soon, but then I'm going on vacation and won't have time to write. Hmmmmm…should I leave you all with a nasty cliffhanger with the next chapter? Or should it be a fluffy chapter to tide you over? Weigh in on what you want…