Let Your Heart Hold Fast

Chapter 23

Peter and Elizabeth just watched as Neal turned and ran up the stairs, both shocked at the fact that the boy had stolen the pencils. Peter stood to go after him, obviously upset with the recent turn of events, but his wife stopped him immediately. "Peter, wait…..Let me go and check on him, okay?"

"El, he stole those pencils after I told him that he couldn't have them. We can't let him get away with that."

Elizabeth could tell that Peter was extremely frustrated, but she held her ground. "I'm not saying that we let him get away with anything, Peter. I just think that with his experiences with William we need to handle this delicately. Did you see the look on his face? He's scared and I think most of that is because he doesn't know what to expect, especially from you."

"How can you say that, El? I've been consistent and fair with him ever since he came to stay with us." Peter couldn't help but feel offended by Elizabeth's words.

"What I'm trying to say is that he spent over a year with William Miller, never knowing what to expect from the man. That has to be a hard thing to forget, hon, especially when he knows he's done something wrong. I think he knows that you won't hurt him, but he panics whenever you show any anger. It's not your fault, Peter. We just need to be patient with him. He's only five and he's really only known us for a short time, remember? We're all still trying to figure this stuff out."

Peter sat back down in his chair, anxiously running his fingers through his hair. Elizabeth walked over to him and knelt down beside him.

"I don't think I'm cut out for this, El. I feel like I keep screwing everything up with him and that he deserves better. I have no idea what I'm doing."

Elizabeth's eyes filled with tears. "Oh, hon…..You're not screwing anything up. You need to cut yourself some slack. I have no idea what I'm doing, either, but I do know that I love that little boy with all my heart and that I'll do everything I can to keep him healthy, happy and safe. I also know that you'll do the same. There aren't any perfect parents in this world, Peter, and we are bound to make mistakes from time to time. We just have to do the best we can. Neal deserves to be loved and we definitely love him, right?"

Peter didn't look completely convinced. "I don't want him to be scared of me, El. That breaks my heart."

Elizabeth hugged her husband and kissed him gently. "I don't think he's scared of you, Peter. Not anymore than you were ever scared of your dad when you were little and found yourself in trouble. He just panicked, so I'm going to go up and talk to him, okay? I'll bring him back downstairs in a little bit."

Once Neal was in his room, he jumped in his bed and pulled the blankets over his head, clutching Charlie to him as tightly as he could. His eyes filled with tears and he couldn't stop the shaking that took over his body. For just a single second, when he had looked at Peter as the pencils dropped to the floor, he thought of William and panic quickly filled him. Before even realizing what he was doing, he turned and ran upstairs. His heart was beating so fast and so hard that he thought it might fly out of his chest and he felt like he might be sick. As he lay under the blankets, he tried to calm the rushing sound in his head as he listened to see if anyone had followed him. There was a part of him that wanted Peter and Elizabeth to come and tell him that everything was okay. That they still loved him. But, another part of him was reluctant to see the look of disappointment they would undoubtedly have on their faces.

Eventually, he heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs and he was relieved to realize that they weren't Peter's. Seconds later, his door opened and he found himself curling up tighter under the blankets. He listened as the footsteps moved across his bedroom floor and then felt his bed shift as Elizabeth sat down on the bed next to him.

"Hey, sweetie…..Can you come out of there so I can talk to you?" Elizabeth gently nudged Neal's backside, hoping that the boy would do what she asked. When he didn't budge, Elizabeth tried again. "Neal, I really want to talk to you about what happened, okay? So, I need you to come out from under the blankets."

After a few long seconds, she heard a few sniffles before Neal finally pulled the blankets down. Her heart melted at the sight of the miserable look on Neal's face, his eyes sparkling with tears, his face already tear-streaked and his hair plastered to his forehead with sweat. Before she could even say anything else, Neal scrambled out from under the blankets and launched himself at her. He threw himself so hard at her that his arm hit her in the jaw, causing her to bite her tongue, painfully.

"Hey, there, sweetie…..it's okay. Don't cry, Neal. Everything's okay, I promise."

"No, it's not," Neal sobbed. "Peter hates me, cuz I was disbedident, Lizbef. I don't want him to hate me!"

"Oh, baby….Peter could never hate you. Why would you think that? He loves you very much." Elizabeth held onto Neal tightly, feeling Neal's body tremble slightly. When Neal didn't answer her, she just held onto him, allowing him to calm himself down. Eventually, he was able to, and he finally pulled himself away from her. He settled himself in her lap, but kept his eyes focused on his hands.

"Do you feel a little better, Neal?" Elizabeth asked, as she gently rubbed his back. Neal finally nodded his head slightly. "Do you think we can go back downstairs now? Peter's waiting on us."

"I don't want to, Lizbef. Peter's mad at me and I really don't want to sit in the time-out chair again."

"Peter is not mad at you, Neal. He and I both are disappointed that you would take something that didn't belong to you, but we're not mad, okay? Now, let's go downstairs. It's time to face the music, okay?"

Neal looked at Elizabeth in confusion. "Why do we have to face the music, Lizbef? I can hear it even when I'm not facing it, if it's turned up loud."

"Never mind, sweetie. Let's just go downstairs."

Peter sat in his armchair as he watched his wife head upstairs. As he sat there, he remembered his dad's words professing that he often felt inadequate as a father, often second guessing the choices he made. In Peter's opinion, his father was the best father a child could hope to have. He was patient, kind, understanding, and engaged in every aspect of the lives of his children. Richard Burke was everything Peter wanted to be as a man and as a father, and knowing that he himself sometimes felt inadequate lifted Peter's spirits a little.

In such a short amount of time, Peter had gone from thinking he would never be a father to being the father of a very precocious five year old. It was terrifying, but he realized that it was also the best thing that had ever happened to him. It was hard to believe that in such a short time he was completely and totally enamored by Neal. He knew that Elizabeth loved Neal as if he were her own flesh and blood, and he was surprised to find that he felt the same way. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for that little boy, he realized. For the first time in his life, he found true purpose in what he was doing.

Elizabeth held onto Neal's hand as she led him downstairs. The poor kid was trying to walk as slowly as he could, but Elizabeth made sure to keep up a steady pace, wanting to get this all over with so things could get back to normal. She hated it when things were unsettled.

Once they were downstairs, she led Neal into the living room, where Peter was still sitting in his armchair. She smiled at the look on her husband's face, which was a mixture of uncertainty, fear and love. The man didn't see it himself, but he was a wonderful father, and it warmed Elizabeth's heart to realize that.

Leading Neal over to the sofa, Elizabeth sat down and pulled him up to sit next to her. He still hadn't made eye contact with Peter, choosing instead to stare down at his knees. She couldn't help but notice the way he jumped a little at the sound of Peter's voice.

"It seems we have a few things to talk about, Neal, don't you think? You've had kind of a busy evening in the misbehaving department."

Peter tried to keep his voice gentle, but he noticed that Neal had started to squirm a little. When the boy didn't answer, Peter continued. "Before we talk about that, though, I want to talk to you about something else, okay? Neal? Can you look at me, bud?"

Peter waited several long seconds before Neal finally lifted his head to look at him. The sadness and uncertainty in those big blue eyes nearly did him in. "Buddy, you made quite a few mistakes tonight, but I need you to understand that it's okay. Elizabeth and I aren't mad at you, okay? We might be a little frustrated and disappointed that you made the choices you made, but we aren't mad at you. Can you understand that, Neal?"

Peter thought he saw Neal's head bob a little, but he wasn't sure. He decided to continue anyway. "It's really important to us that you understand that, Neal. You're just a kid and you're bound to screw up every once in a while. It's important that you understand that you will always be forgiven. Yes…. If you misbehave, you will be punished, but you will always be forgiven. Always, Neal. There isn't anything you can do that would change that, okay?

Neal didn't look completely convinced, but he did stop squirming a little and Peter took this as a good sign. "The most important thing we want you to understand, Neal, is that you don't have to be afraid of us. I don't ever want you to feel like you have to run away or hide from us. We will never hurt you, little man."

Peter watched as Neal's little body relaxed even more. He suddenly felt a grand desire to visit William Miller in prison and show him just what he thought about the man's treatment of Neal. In Peter's opinion, the man was the lowest form of scum on the earth.

Sharing a quick look with his wife, Peter decided to move things along. "Okay, buddy….why don't you tell us why you took the pencils? You already have a set of colored pencils and I told you that you didn't need another set."

Neal spoke so quietly that both Peter and Elizabeth had to strain to hear. "I-I wanted them."

"Why, Neal? What was so special about that set?" Elizabeth asked gently.

After a long pause, Neal answered in an even quieter voice. "They're like the ones my mommy gave me. William took them away from me and never gave them back."

By this time, Neal's eyes were filled with tears. "Why didn't you just tell me that in the store, buddy?"

"I don't know," Neal said, as he shrugged his shoulders and wiped his nose on the back of his hand. "You already said I couldn't have them, Peter. And you said I couldn't ask Lizbef, either."

"So, you decided to steal them? You obviously knew that was wrong, Neal, because you hid them from us."

"I-I'm sorry, Peter. I stoled them and I-I'm sorry. I won't ever do it again, I promise."

"I hope not, Neal. Taking something that doesn't belong to you is very selfish and disrespectful. How would you feel if the young lady working at that store got in trouble for letting someone steal something while she was working? What if her boss made her pay for what you stole?"

Neal's eyes widened at that. "That won't happen, will it? I liked her! She gave me candy when we left."

"It could happen, Neal, and all because you were being selfish. You also lied to us, kiddo. When Elizabeth and I both told you to take off your coat, you told us that you were cold. But, the truth was that you didn't want to take off your coat until you were able to hide the pencils, right? You were being deceitful, Neal. Lying is never the answer, little man. Elizabeth and I need to know that we can trust you, and we can't do that if you lie to us."

Neal looked absolutely miserable, as he sat there and listened to Peter list his multiple offenses. He just wanted the day to be over, so he could go to bed and forget everything. But, it seemed that Peter was far from being done.

"The last thing we need to talk about, before we get on to your punishment, is the fact that you went off on your own again tonight. How many times do we have to tell you that you ABSOLUTELY cannot wander off like that?! Do you have any idea how scared Elizabeth was when she realized you were gone? Neal, it is extremely important that you understand this. You CANNOT wander off! You have to ALWAYS be right with us. Is that clear?"

Neal gave Peter a solemn nod. "Okay, Peter. "

Peter was pretty convinced that he had finally gotten through to the kid on that, at least. It was finally time to talk about punishment, and Peter suddenly wished that he were anywhere but where he was. How in the world did you punish a five year old for stealing, lying and wandering off? Peter knew that if he had done these things as a child, he would have been nursing a sore bottom as he went to bed, but that was not an option with this particular child. Instead, he and Elizabeth would have to be creative in their discipline.

"Well, I guess it's time to talk about punishment, isn't it?" Peter said.

"We don't have to, Peter," Neal quickly said. "I promise I won't ever be disbedident again. I'm sorry I stoled the pencils and lied to you, and I won't ever do it again, okay?"

"Nice try, buddy, but you're not getting off that easily. You've already served a time-out for wandering off, so we don't need to deal with that, at least. Let's start with the lying and deceitfulness, first. Elizabeth, do you want to handle this one?"

Elizabeth looked surprised when Peter asker her that, but she realized that it was only fair that she take part in the disciplining, even if she didn't want to. It wasn't fair to Peter to have to handle that all on his own. Looking down at Neal's miserable face, she couldn't help but smile. "I think that an early bedtime is appropriate for the next week. And no dessert during that time, as well."

"No dessert for a whole week? That's not fair, Lizbef!" Neal cried. "I didn't lie that much!"

"A lie is a lie, Neal," Elizabeth answered. "And I think you'll survive no dessert for a week."

Neal pouted at that, obviously finding the idea extremely unfair. Luckily, he didn't argue about the early bedtime.

Peter gave his wife an encouraging smile, before continuing. "As for the stealing, Neal, I'll take you back to the store tomorrow afternoon so you can return the pencils. Also, you'll sit in the time-out chair for fifteen minutes every night for a week, before you go to bed."

Neal looked like he was about to argue, but after the look Peter gave him, he kept quiet. "Last, but not least, our trip to the dinosaur exhibit is off for now."

At these words, Neal burst into tears. "That's not fair! I wanna see the dinosaurs, Peter. Please!"

"I'm sorry, little man, but maybe early bedtimes, no desserts, extra time-outs and not getting to go to the exhibit will help you to make better choices next time."

Neal cried for several minutes at what he perceived as the unfairness of it all, until finally Elizabeth picked him up. "Okay, Neal….that's enough. Let's go up and get your bath over with. I think we're all ready for an early bedtime tonight."

As Peter watched them walk upstairs, he couldn't help but smile when he heard Neal talking to Elizabeth. "Lizbef, do you think Peter will still read me a bedtime story?"

The next day, Peter picked Neal up at school and drove him back to the craft store. Neal wasn't very happy to find that Peter remembered what he had said. He was hoping that maybe Peter would have had a busy day at work and would forget about the pencils. Not only did he really want to keep the pencils, but he really didn't want to have to admit to anyone that he had stolen them.

Peter made him carry the pencils into the store himself, and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to get rid of them. Neal couldn't help but think what his mama would have said if she knew he had stolen them and suddenly his eyes were filled with tears. Once inside the store, Peter led him up to the customer service desk and asked to talk to the manager.

Neal stood next to Peter anxiously, shifting from leg to leg. His anxiety spiked when a rather large man came out of an office behind the desk. "Hi, my name is Bill Leonard and I'm the manager. Can I help you with something?"

Peter shook the man's hand after introducing himself. "Mr. Leonard, this is my foster son, Neal, and he has something to tell you."

The manager looked down at Neal, who was nervously hiding behind Peter's leg. Neal was aware that there was a small crowd of people watching them, too, and for a split second he wanted to run. Fortunately, Peter chose that exact moment to place his hands on Neal's shoulders, pulling him to stand in front of him. With a gentle squeeze and a nudge, Peter encouraged Neal to start talking.

Neal held out the pencils and looked the manager straight in the eye. "I t-took these last night and I'm really sorry."

"You stole these pencils, young man?"

Neal nodded his head and apologized again.

Mr. Leonard looked down at Neal with a grim face. "Well, young man, I sure do hope that your father made it clear to you how wrong that was."

"He did," Neal answered sadly. "I have to go to bed early for a week and I don't get to go see the dinosaur exhibit. And, I don't get dessert for a whole week!"

The crowd of women that surrounded them all oohed and aahed at Neal's righteous indignation. Peter wasn't surprised that they were all taken in by his dark curls and big blue eyes. He suddenly had a vision of a grown up Neal getting whatever he wanted just by flashing those blue eyes. Lord, help them all!

The manager gave Neal a smile, too. "I appreciate you bringing them back to us and I appreciate you admitting to what you did. Thank you." Turning to Peter, the man shook his hand again. "Thank you for trying to instill a sense of responsibility and honesty into your son, Mr. Burke. So many times, we see parents that don't care enough to do that."

After a few more minutes of talking, Peter finally led a relieved Neal out of the store. Once they were in the car, Peter turned to talk to the boy. "I'm proud of you, Neal. You handled that very well."

Neal smiled brightly at Peter. "Does that mean I can go to the dinosaur exhibit?"

"No, it just means that I'm proud of you, little man, but nice try. Now, what do you say we go get some ice cream?"

"Peter, Lizbef said I couldn't have dessert for a week, remember?"

"Well, we haven't had dinner yet, so technically this wouldn't be dessert, Neal. It's just a snack."

Peter smiled at the look of joy on Neal's face. "Can I have two scoops, Peter?"

Author's note: Wow! It seems like I just can't get away from the fluff. When I started this chapter I intended to move it back into the main plot of the story, but Neal and Peter had different plans. Oh well, I guess you can't have too much family bonding time, right? Or, can you?

So, I'm curious if you all think that there's too much fluff in this story. Would you rather I get to the serious stuff quicker? Are you okay with chapters that don't really move the story along all that well? What do you think of the pace of the story?

Thanks so much for reading. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and ideas.