Let Your Heart Hold Fast

Chapter 31

Peter could barely see through the tears that were rolling down his face as he held Neal tightly in his arms. His tie was wrapped around the upper part of Neal's leg and he was still pressing his shirt to the wound, trying desperately to stop the bleeding. Neal had finally lost consciousness, leaving Peter to search frantically for help as he stared at the blood that was surrounding him. How could such a little body lose so much blood?

As Peter held Neal he didn't hear all of the commotion around him. He didn't hear Diana as she barked orders to the local police department that had shown up. He didn't hear Jones as he ran to help Camille. He didn't even notice as Mozzie showed up at his side, nearly pushing him away to get to Neal. All he noticed was the blood and the tiny pale face of a five year old little boy who deserved so much more than the life he was given.

Mozzie kept calling Peter, trying to get him to focus, but Peter couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from Neal.

"Suit! Suit!" Mozzie yelled. And then, "Peter! What happened?"

Peter finally looked at Mozzie as if he had lost his mind. What happened? Wasn't it obvious what had happened? Couldn't he tell that Neal was dying? Peter's eyes finally focused on the things around him and he immediately began yelling again.

"Where's the ambulance? Diana! We need an ambulance right now!"

"They're on the way, boss. I can hear the sirens. They're almost here."

Diana ran over to where Peter and Mozzie were crouched on the ground, gasping loudly at the sight of Neal. "Is he okay? What can I do, Boss?"

"He's lost a lot of blood, Diana. He needs to get to the hospital."

Diana looked around helplessly, not knowing how to help Peter or Neal. Finally Mozzie spoke up. "Suit, once when I was pretending to be an Eagle Scout I learned that to prevent shock you should keep the patient warm and elevate their legs. Something about facilitating blood flow to the heart."

Peter watched as Mozzie took off his coat and covered Neal with it. He then sat down at Neal's feet and gently lifted the boy's uninjured leg up to rest on his own. Diana went to see if she could do anything to help Camille, leaving Peter and Mozzie with Neal. Peter wasn't sure if it was seconds, minutes, or hours later, but finally the ambulance arrived and a team of paramedics ran through the door. Peter and Mozzie both reluctantly stepped away as the paramedics immediately began treating Neal.

And Peter finally let out the breath he felt like he had been holding forever.

Once they were at the hospital, Diana and Mozzie left to go get Elizabeth. Peter wanted to call her and tell her what had happened, but he thought it might be easier to let Diana tell her. That way she wouldn't have to sit at home, worrying about Neal as she waited for them to arrive. If he could save her from several hours of worrying, then he would. He only hoped that she would understand his reasoning on that once she found out.

In the meantime, Peter was driven to the hospital by one of the local policemen, while Jones stayed at the scene to clear everything up. Peter tried to get into the ambulance with Neal, not wanting to let the boy out of his sight, but the paramedics were adamant that they needed the room to work on Neal. Peter didn't want to do anything that would hinder them in any way, so he stepped away from the ambulance. The ride to the hospital was nearly too much for Peter. He could see the paramedics moving around in the back of the ambulance and couldn't help but imagine that the worst was happening back there. What if Neal died before he got to see him again? What if Neal died without knowing how much Peter and Elizabeth loved him? What if he never got the chance to look into those beautiful blue eyes again or hear that sweet little voice he had grown to love?

Once at the hospital, Peter waited impatiently for any news on Neal. They had whisked the boy right back to the trauma bay and no one had come out to talk to him yet, a fact that made him more and more nervous as each second passed. Eventually, a middle-aged man with slightly graying hair walked through the door and straight over to Peter, who was the only one in the waiting room at the moment.

Holding out his hand for a handshake, the man introduced himself. "Sir, I'm Dr. Hill and I'm treating your son."

Before he could go on, Peter jumped in. "Is he okay? What's going on?"

"Your son is very lucky that you were there, Mr…"

"Burke," Peter answered. "Peter Burke."

"Well, Mr. Burke, by putting that tourniquet on his leg, you most likely saved him from bleeding out. The gunshot nicked his femoral artery and he lost quite a bit of blood, causing him to go into hemorrhagic shock. Do you know his blood type?"

Peter paled at the doctor's question. "No! I don't! Why don't I know his blood type? I should know that!"

"Calm down, Mr. Burke. It's okay. We can work around you not knowing by running a simple test. It's okay." Dr. Hill placed a reassuring hand on Peter's shoulder, knowing that the man was close to going into shock himself. "Why don't you have a seat, sir? Is there someone I can call for you?"

Peter sat down in a nearby chair. "No, my uh….agent went to get my wife. We live in Brooklyn, so she'll be here in a few hours. I didn't want her to have to come by herself."

One of the secretaries from the front desk brought Peter a cup of water, for which he was very thankful. Dr. Hill sat next to Peter and explained what was going on. "Mr. Burke, we're prepping your son for surgery and giving him IV fluids and blood to replace the blood that he lost. The gunshot was a through and through, so the surgery to repair the wound should be fairly straightforward. That being said, I want you to understand that any surgery has its risks, okay? I promise you, though, that we will do everything we can for him. He's in good hands."

Peter nodded his head, not trusting his voice to speak. After a few more words, the doctor stood up and returned to the trauma room, promising to update Peter as often as he could. Once Dr. Hill had gone, Peter sank back into the chair, not having the strength to hold himself up anymore.

Peter had been sitting in the waiting room for almost two hours when Elizabeth finally arrived. She ran through the door and straight into his arms, grilling him with questions. Once he was able to extricate himself from her a little, he answered the best he could. He didn't realize that Elizabeth wasn't hearing a word he said, though. Instead, she was staring at his hands and t-shirt that, to his complete horror, were soaked in Neal's blood. How had he not noticed that before?

"Oh, Peter….Is that Neal's blood? Oh, my God! There's so much!"

Peter drew Elizabeth back into his arms. "It's okay, El. Right before you came in the ER doctor told me that the surgery was going great and that Neal was doing okay. He's going to be okay, hon. Really!"

Peter, Elizabeth, Mozzie, Diana, and Jones, who had just joined them as well, all sat down in chairs facing the ER door, waiting for someone to come out and tell them that everything was okay…. that Neal was okay.

Hours later, Neal was finally in his hospital room, still sleeping from all the medications he had been given. He would occasionally wake up with a small groan, but he could barely open his eyes and had yet to acknowledge anyone in the room. Peter and Elizabeth were both in the room with him, watching every rise and fall of his chest. Elizabeth was sitting in a chair next to him and would run her fingers through his hair every once in a while. It seemed that whenever Neal started to get agitated, her touch would calm him down a little.

Peter was sitting in a chair over by the window, staring at the small body underneath all the blankets. He couldn't believe how small Neal looked in the big hospital bed, or how pale he looked in the harsh hospital lights. He also couldn't believe the sight of the boy's chest moving up and down with each breath. Hours ago, when he was holding Neal there on the foyer floor, Peter thought for sure that the boy was going to die. He thought for sure that he would be holding Neal when he took his last breath and when his last drop of blood fell onto the foyer floor. Remembering what Neal had looked like then, Peter never thought that the boy would survive such a horrific event. Obviously, the boy was made of stronger stuff than Peter had given him credit for. Not that he was complaining…..

Diana, Jones, and Mozzie occasionally came in to check on Neal and to see if Peter and Elizabeth needed anything. Mozzie looked particularly uncomfortable in the hospital and would only stay for a few minutes before hurrying out as he muttered something about experimental medical procedures and pharmaceutical conspiracies. The little man really was paranoid.

Jones came in often to give Peter updates on Camille's condition. She was in critical condition in the ICU two floors up, but she was expected to make it. Peter was really interested in talking to her as soon as he could, knowing that she would be able to give him the information he needed. He wondered why she had decided to confront her boss the way she did. She had to know that confronting him wouldn't have turned out well for her.

Almost two hours after Neal had returned from surgery, he finally woke up. Elizabeth had fallen asleep in the chair next to him and Peter had stepped out to take a phone call from his boss. Neal opened his eyes and looked around the room, trying to get his bearings. Where was he? What had happened?

His eyes finally landed on Elizabeth's face and he immediately called out to her. He thought he might be dreaming, but he didn't care. "Lizbef?" He called out in a weak voice. "Lizbef?"

Elizabeth didn't budge at all, and it wasn't until Neal tried to move his leg and cried out in pain that she finally woke up.

"Neal! Oh, sweetie, it's okay. I'm right here." Standing up, she immediately leaned over and plastered Neal's sweaty forehead with kisses. "Are you hurting?"

"My leg hurts, Lizbef! Why does it hurt so much?" Neal cried.

Elizabeth leaned over and pushed the button to call for the nurse. "Neal, you're in the hospital, sweetie. You hurt your leg and the doctor had to operate on it. I know it hurts, but the nurse is going to give you something to make it better, okay? Just hang in there a few minutes and it'll feel better."

Elizabeth watched Neal worriedly, wiping the tears from his face, and wondering what was taking the nurse so long. She also wished that Peter would come back. Just as she was about to call for the nurse again, the door opened and the nurse came in.

"Well, hello there, young man. You finally decided to wake up." Heading straight for the bed, she pulled back the blankets to look at Neal's dressings. "Neal, my name is Marjorie and I'm just going to take a look at your leg, okay? Then, I bet you could use something to make it feel better."

After examining the dressing and proclaiming it to be perfect, she stepped over and gave Neal some medicine through his IV. "There you go, Neal. You should be feeling better in just a few minutes. Would you like a sip of water?"

Marjorie helped Neal to take a few sips of water before placing the cup back on the table. Turning to Elizabeth, she instructed her on what Neal was allowed to have. "Just a few sips at a time for now, okay? If he does okay with that, we can try a little more and maybe a few other things. The trick is to take it all slow for now." Turning to Neal, she continued, "As for you, young man, I want you to stay in bed and do what your mommy tells you, okay?"

Neal, who was already looking drowsy from the pain medication, just nodded his head. Once the nurse left, Elizabeth sat back down in her chair by his bed. "Are you feeling better, sweetie?"

Neal looked at Elizabeth and nodded his head. After several long minutes of Elizabeth fussing with Neal's blankets and carding her fingers through his hair, Neal spoke. "Lizbef? Is it still Christmas?"

"It is, Neal, and when we get you home you're going to have a lot of presents to open."

After another few minutes of silence, Neal spoke again. "Lizbef? Do you believe in Santa Claus?"

"Of course, I do, sweetie."

"Me, too," Neal answered. "I asked Camille to tell Santa that all I wanted for Christmas was to go home to you and Peter. I didn't think he was going to give me what I wanted because Peter always says I'm being disbedient and I thought I was probably on his naughty list."

"You're not on his naughty list, Neal. You're a sweet, brave, good little boy."

Neal yawned widely and Elizabeth watched him as he snuggled deeper under the blankets. She watched him for a few minutes and thought he had fallen asleep, but then she heard his quiet voice.

"Lizbef? That nurse called you my mommy."

"Yes, she did," Elizabeth answered matter of factly, not knowing where Neal was going with that statement.

"You're not mad at her for saying that, are you?" He asked quietly.

"Of course not, Neal! Why would you think that?"

"Well, you're not really my mommy, are you?"

"I'm your foster mother, Neal, remember?" Elizabeth answered.

"I wish you were my for real mommy, Lizbef," Neal whispered.

Elizabeth's eyes filled up with tears. "Oh, sweetie…Peter and I are working on that, remember? We're working on adopting you and making it all legal and official, but it takes time. But, you know what, Neal? I don't need a judge or a piece of paper to tell me that I'm your mommy. I love you and you're already my son, so I'm already your for real mommy, okay?"

Elizabeth could see the tired smile on Neal's pale face. He yawned widely again before answering. "Does that mean I can call you mommy now, Lizbef?"

"I would love it if you called me mommy, sweetie. Nothing could make me happier."

Neal smiled again. "I'm tired, Lizbef, so I'm going to go to sleep now."

"Goodnight, sweetie," Elizabeth said as she kissed him again on the forehead.

"Goodnight, mommy. I love you," Neal said tiredly.

Elizabeth was so choked up with emotion that she could barely answer him back. "I love you, too, Neal."

Just as Elizabeth thought that Neal had fallen asleep again, he spoke one more time. "So, if you're my for real mommy, does that mean that Peter is my for real daddy, too?"

"Yes it does, baby. It sure does." Seconds later, Elizabeth heard Neal's breathing even out and she knew that he was finally asleep. Looking towards the door, she waited impatiently for Peter to return. She couldn't wait to tell him all about the conversation she had just had.

Peter was feeling a little beaten up after the call from Hughes, who wasn't happy with the way Peter had handled everything. Not for the first time, Peter felt guilt shoot through him as he thought about everything that had happened. Not for the first time, he wondered if things would have turned out differently if he had handled things according to FBI procedure. Maybe Neal wouldn't have been shot if he had only been a little more patient. He knew that in his rush to bring Neal home, he had put his team, Neal, and himself at risk.

Once he was done listening to his boss angrily admonishing him for his recent actions, Peter headed back to Neal's room. As he passed the nurse's station, Neal's nurse appeared in front of him.

"Mr. Burke, I just left Neal's room and he's finally awake. I checked his bandages and gave him some pain medication. Everything looks great, so far."

Peter quickly looked down at the nurse's name tag. "Thank you, Marjorie. I'm so relieved to hear that."

Once he was done talking to the nurse, Peter walked as quickly as he could to Neal's room, but to his immense disappointment, by the time he got there Neal had already fallen back asleep. Elizabeth stood up and threw her arms around Peter. "He woke up for a few minutes, Peter, and I can finally see that he's going to be okay."

"What did he say when he woke up? Does he remember anything about what happened?"

Elizabeth laughed and Peter thought he had never seen his wife looking quite so beautiful. "He asked me if it was still Christmas and then he asked me if I believed in Santa Claus." After kissing her husband on the cheek, Elizabeth continued. "Nothing like this can ever happen again, Peter. We have to make sure of that, okay? I can't go through this again. Ever!"

"I know, hon. I'm sorry I let this happen to him," Peter said guiltily.

"Peter Burke! You did not let this happen to Neal. None of this is your fault!"

"I should have waited, El. I shouldn't have gone off half-cocked without the Bureau's consent. None of this would have happened if I had just waited for the proper clearance."

"You don't know that, Peter. What if Edward Bennett found out that the FBI was looking into him and decided to take Neal and run? We would have never gotten him back then. You did what you had to do to protect our son."

Peter choked up when he heard his wife's words. Our son. Suddenly, he remembered Neal's last words to him. Neal had called him daddy. Peter's eyes filled with tears and his heart soared with awe-filled happiness. Neal had called him daddy.

That single realization had Peter's brain swimming with a multitude of thoughts. He was filled with a fierce fatherly pride in knowing that Neal felt that way about him. He was filled with immense anger at the thought that Edward Bennett's actions could have taken that away from him. And he was filled with a sudden desperation to do whatever he had to do to insure that Neal never came to any harm again.

It was nearly midnight when Neal woke up again, crying out from the pain in his leg. Peter and Elizabeth, who were both sleeping next to Neal's bed, both jerked awake at the sound of his cries.

"Hey, there, little man," Peter said soothingly. "It's okay. We're right here with you."

Elizabeth leaned over and called for the nurse, knowing that Neal probably needed something more for pain. She watched as Peter gently rubbed Neal's shoulder and talked to him in a soothing voice.

"Your nurse will be here in a few minutes, buddy, and we can get you some more medicine, okay? You'll be feeling better in no time."

"It hurts, daddy," Neal cried, still drowsy from his sleep. "I don't like owies."

"I know, kiddo. Hang in there just a little longer, okay?"

Peter continued to talk to Neal quietly, telling him how brave he was and how Peter was so proud of him. Neal continued to cry from the pain, but eventually Peter's soft voice and Elizabeth's gentle hands carding through his hair calmed him down a little. By the time the nurse had arrived with the pain medication, he was much calmer.

Neal watched as the nurse gave him his medicine through his IV and then watched as she looked at the dressings on his leg. When she was all done, she took his temperature and declared him to be doing "just fine." Once the nurse was gone, Neal looked sleepily back up at Peter and Elizabeth.

"When can I go home?" he asked. "I wanna go home."

Elizabeth squeezed Neal's hand and smiled. "In a few days, sweetie. The doctor wants to make sure that your owie is getting all better first."

Neal looked up at Peter. "Can you read me a story, daddy….um, Peter?" Neal quickly looked away from Peter, nervous about having called him daddy.

Peter leaned over and gently lifted Neal's chin up. "Hey, buddy, look at me for a minute, okay?" When Neal finally raised his eyes to meet Peter's, he continued. "Neal, I just want you to know that nothing would make me happier than to have you call me daddy, okay? But, only if you want to, bud. If you're more comfortable calling me Peter, that's okay."

"I can call you daddy?" Neal asked in a small voice.

"I would love it if you called me daddy, Neal. And….I would love to read you a story, too."

Neal's tired smile lit up the small room. "Okay…..daddy, but you owe me a lot of stories!"

Peter's smile was even brighter than Neal's.

Author's note: Whew! Neal's okay and our little family is finally reunited. I hope the reunion was satisfying to all of you. The next chapter will have a little more detail on what happened to Camille and Edward Bennett.

I'm wondering how you all feel about Neal calling Elizabeth and Peter mommy and daddy. He's been with them for quite a while and I think it's obvious through the evolution of their relationships and time together that he was already seeing them as his mother and father. I, personally, don't see it as too soon for him to call them mommy and daddy, but what do you all think about it? Just curious.

I'm also wondering how much more of this story you all want. The recent developments were always the main plot of this particular story, but I'm sure I can come up with lots more fun and turmoil for our little family. I'm trying to decide whether to continue this one or to start a new one, so I would love to hear your opinions.

Thanks, all, for reading and reviewing. I'm amazed that I'm almost at 500 reviews. How crazy is that?!