Let Your Heart Hold Fast

Chapter 33

It didn't take long for Peter and Elizabeth to figure out that there was something wrong with Neal. It took them longer, though, to figure out just when the problem had started. That afternoon, after Neal's nightmare, he seemed extremely clingy, but Elizabeth and Peter chalked it up to whatever he had been dreaming about.

"Hey, buddy….How about if I set you back on the bed for a while?" Peter had been holding Neal for over ten minutes, feeling his little body trembling in his arms, as he clutched him to his chest. Neal's face was buried in the crook of Peter's neck and his little hands were clutching his shirt as tightly as he could.

"No!" Neal cried, burying his face even further into Peter's neck.

"Come on, kiddo…..it's okay. I'm just going to set you down, so your leg doesn't get bumped."

When Neal cried even harder, Peter decided that there was no way he would be able to put Neal down. Instead, he backed up until he felt the chair he had been sitting in hitting the back of his legs, and he slowly sank into the chair, making sure that Neal's leg was in a good position.

"Okay, little man…..okay. It's okay." Peter rubbed Neal's back, trying to soothe the distraught boy. "I'm right here, buddy."

Eventually, Neal fell asleep in Peter's arms and by the time Elizabeth returned to Neal's room Peter was asleep, too. She immediately noticed the tear tracks on Neal's pale face and the beads of sweat on his forehead. She also noticed that Peter looked more exhausted than she had ever seen him.

Deciding to let them sleep for a bit longer, Elizabeth sat down and grabbed her book.

An hour later, Peter woke up to find his left arm and both legs asleep, most likely from having the body of a tiny five year old laid out against him. Taking a few minutes to shake some feeling back into his arm and legs, Peter carefully stood up. Elizabeth offered to take the still sleeping Neal from Peter, but Peter opted to just put Neal down on the bed, hoping not to wake him.

Peter's plan didn't work, though. The minute he let go of Neal, the boy woke up, calling out for him and frantically grabbing for him. "Daddy! Don't leave me! Please!"

"I'm not going anywhere, Neal. I'm right here." Peter sat down next to the little boy. "And Elizabeth's right here, too."

"I don't want you to leave me," Neal sobbed. Peter and Elizabeth were both taken aback by Neal's sobbing, knowing that while the kid could be fairly dramatic, he wasn't prone to such emotional outbursts. After sharing a look with her husband, Elizabeth called for the nurse.

Once the nurse arrived, Elizabeth quickly explained what had happened and asked her to call the doctor. She knew she was panicking a little, but there was something was wrong with her baby and she wanted something done about it.

By that evening, Neal had been checked out by both the vascular surgeon and by the doctor that was responsible for his primary care. After giving him a thorough physical, they both had decided that there wasn't anything physically wrong with Neal. Instead, they thought that it might all be a delayed case of shock, brought on by Neal's memories of recent events returning to him.

Once they had decided on that, they sat down and talked over their plan of action. Peter and Elizabeth had already planned on taking Neal to see Dr. Lennox once they were home, but now they knew that it was needed more emergently. The child had been through a traumatic experience and the aftershocks of that needed to be dealt with.

Neal, who was still being extremely clingy and irritable, hadn't really eaten anything all day, despite everyone trying to bribe him with all of his favorite foods. Peter had even stooped to using his 'I mean business' voice with Neal, but that hadn't worked, either. Instead, Neal just sat there and played in his mashed potatoes and moved his chicken strips around on his plate. Even the promise of ice cream did nothing to stimulate his appetite.

Neal's day had mostly consisted of either sleeping fitfully or clinging tightly to Peter. By the end of the day, they were all completely exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Morning came too early for Peter, who had spent the night in the hospital bed with Neal. His 6'2" frame didn't fit well in the bed and his back and knees were stiff and achy. It didn't help that Neal was still resting fitfully and hadn't let go of Peter at all throughout the night.

Elizabeth hadn't slept well, either, mostly due to the fact that she was worried so much about Neal. She wanted nothing more than to hold him in her arms, but found that hard to do when the boy wouldn't move two inches away from her husband. It wasn't that he didn't want her. No, he was perfectly content if Peter was holding him and Elizabeth was rubbing his back or running her fingers through his hair. While he was comforted by Elizabeth's touch, he depended on Peter's as if it was his lifeline.

One of their biggest obstacles so far was when Peter had to go to the bathroom. He did everything he could to convince Neal that he would only be gone for a few minutes, but the boy fell apart anyway, sobbing uncontrollably and trying to follow after him. Neal was completely inconsolable for the sixty-eight seconds Peter was in the bathroom. When Peter finally came out of the bathroom, Neal's face was beet-red and his nose was running.

"Neal, come on, buddy…I was only gone for a minute."

"No, you weren't," Neal cried. "You were gone forever, Peter. You left me."

"Neal, I didn't leave you. I'd never leave you."

Peter sat in his chair, slowly rocking Neal back and forth, trying to calm him down. It took several minutes, but eventually Neal stopped crying and fell back to sleep against Peter's chest. Peter and Elizabeth looked at each other over the curly locks of Neal's head, neither one of them had any idea of how to help their son.

That afternoon they were surprised when Dr. Lennox arrived at the hospital. Two other doctors had tried to talk with Neal, but the boy wasn't responding well to them. One of the doctors finally decided to call Dr. Lennox, knowing that she already had an established relationship with the boy.

"Dr. Lennox, we're so glad to see you," Elizabeth cried when she realized who was there. "What are you doing here?"

Dr. Lennox walked over to Neal's bed and checked on the sleeping child. "Dr. Matthews is a fellow Stanford alumnus, so when she heard that I had treated Neal before, she reached out to me. So, here I am. Why don't the two of you tell me what you can about everything that's happened?"

Elizabeth filled the doctor in on everything that had happened since they were there in the hospital and Peter filled her in on everything else. When they were all through, Dr. Lennox had a few questions.

"When did Neal's nightmare occur? Was it before or after he saw Pierre and remembered what had happened to Camille?"

"It was after," Elizabeth quickly supplied.

"And up until the point that he remembered Camille, had Neal said anything that made you think he remembered what had happened?"

"Not a thing," Elizabeth answered. "He really didn't even ask what happened to his leg when we told him he hurt it. Do you think we should have told him? Or talked to him about it?"

"I think that it's better that Neal came to that point by himself. Forcing those memories can be more harmful than allowing them to come back naturally, especially in a child with a past such as Neal's. I imagine that he has become pretty good at protecting himself from painful memories, sort of a self-protective measure. He's in a very fragile state right now, but there's no reason we can't give him the help he needs."

Peter and Elizabeth were relieved that Dr. Lennox was there to lead them through what they knew was going to be a difficult time.

Neal woke up to quiet voices talking next to him. His first response was to make sure that Peter was right there next to him and that Neal was touching him. Once he had established that, Neal tuned in to what was being said around him. He was surprised to hear Dr. Lennox talking with Peter and Elizabeth and he couldn't contain his excitement at seeing her.

"Dr. Hope! Did you come to see me?" He asked excitedly.

"I sure did, Neal. Dr. Matthews told me you needed my help, so here I am. How are you?"

Neal looked nervously at Peter, who had shifted his weight as if he were going to get off the bed. Peter immediately stilled, not wanting to upset the precarious peace that had settled in the room. Once the boy was satisfied that Peter wasn't going anywhere, he looked back at Dr. Lennox.

"I'm okay, Dr. Hope. Peter saved me!"

"Yes, he did! I'm so happy he found you."

Neal's eyes lit up. "He always finds me, but you know what, Dr. Hope? I don't think he'll ever lose me again now. He always tells me to stay where he can see me, so I'm always gonna stay with him."

"That's a clever idea, Neal, but what about when Peter has to go to work? Or when you have to go to school?" Dr. Lennox gently probed Neal to see how deep his reasoning went.

Neal frowned at the doctor's words. "Peter said he'd never leave me, didn't you, Peter?" Peter looked down into Neal's big blue eyes, not knowing how to answer that.

"Neal, Peter has to work and you can't go with him on stakeouts and things like that. And don't you think Peter will look funny sitting at one of those little desks in your classroom?"

They all watched as Neal tried to come up with an answer, his tongue sticking out slightly with his concentration. "I don't have to go to school. Mozzie says I'm really smart and I know all about spiracies and plexities and stuff. He says I'm too smart for um…..for f-formal edication. I don't know what that means, but he said I'd learn a lot if I listened to him. I bet he could teach Peter, too, and then me and Peter could get a job together."

Peter rolled his eyes, reminding himself to make sure he was always paying attention when Mozzie was around. Five year old little boys shouldn't have any ideas about conspiracies and stuff.

"You are absolutely the smartest five year old I know, Neal, but I think Peter and Elizabeth would agree when I say that you still need to go to school. And Peter still needs to go to work. And what about when Peter has to take a shower or use the bathroom? What if he goes to the gym and he can't take you with him?"

Neal didn't like the sound of any of those scenarios, as evidenced by the pouty frown on his face. "I can sit on the toilet and wait for Peter to take a shower, Dr. Hope. That's what he does when Elizabeth makes me take a bath. And Peter doesn't go to the gym. He always says he gets enough exercise chasing me around, but I don't get tired like he does."

"What if Peter and Elizabeth want to be alone for a while? Mommies and daddies sometimes need alone time."

"I can be quiet, Dr. Hope. They can have alone time and I'll color in my book."

"Neal, I want you to answer a question for me, okay? Do you remember what happened to your leg?"

Neal's face darkened and he suddenly became very interested in the book that was sitting on his table. With one hand clutching Peter's shirt, he tried to turn the pages of the book, but was having trouble. All three adults could see how his hand was trembling.

"Peter, can you read me a story?" Neal asked, trying to change the course of the conversation. "We haven't finished this one yet and I told Mozzie I'd tell him how it ended."

Dr. Lennox gave Peter a slight nod, indicating that maybe it was time to allow Neal to change the subject. She really didn't want to push him too hard in the beginning. Peter took the book from Neal and allowed him to settle back in the bed and once he was comfortable, Peter started reading where they had left off the night before.

The next few days brought several changes to Neal's routine. His surgeon decided that it was time to step up his physical therapy and Neal was now allowed to leave his room and go to the therapy room where the other kids did their therapy. Of course, his therapy was hindered by the fact that Peter had to be within arm's reach at all times.

Dr. Lennox also stepped up her therapy sessions, pushing Neal a little harder with each session. Neal responded well to his physical therapy, but not so well to his therapy with Dr. Lennox. Frustrations were high whenever they tried to get Neal to open up about recent events, especially with Peter. Sometimes, Neal would be cranky and moody, causing Peter to get annoyed. He knew he needed to be patient, but he was exhausted and he was also used to being able to fix things. He felt like he had no control over anything that was going on with Neal and he felt completely out of his depth.

Elizabeth was exhausted from trying to keep the peace in that little hospital room. She knew that they were all overly emotional and completely stressed out by the recent events and she wished that she could make it all right, but she had no idea what to do. Watching Neal fluctuate between a sobbing, inconsolable mess and a cranky, desperate little boy was driving her mad. She was his mother. She was supposed to be able to fix this!

Dr. Lennox was the only one that felt like things were on the right track. She knew that Neal's recovery was going to be difficult and she knew that eventually this little family was going to be okay. She just had to keep working to get them to that endpoint, no matter hard it was going to be.

On the sixth day of Neal's hospitalization, they had somewhat of a breakthrough. The pediatric physical therapy room was right down the hall from the adult therapy room and it was in that hallway that Neal finally saw Camille. He had been asking to see her ever since he found out she was there, but he was always told that she couldn't have visitors. It was pure coincidence that they happened to be in that hallway at the same time. Neal's therapy usually took place in the afternoon, but his therapist was leaving early that day, so Neal's appointment had been moved up to the morning session.

As Peter wheeled him down the therapy hall, the door opened and Neal was suddenly face to face with a very frail looking Camille. He nearly jumped out of his wheelchair in his excitement, but Peter was able to stop him. Keeping the kid in his wheelchair was becoming a full time job, making Peter think that maybe he wouldn't have to go back to work after all.

"Camille! Camille!" Neal yelled loudly. "It's me, Neal!"

Camille's therapist stopped the wheelchair right in front of Neal. "Darlin'," Camille answered in a weakened voice. "Oh, darlin', I was so worried about you. I couldn't bear the thought of you staying there in that house for one more second, especially once I saw your Peter there."

"Peter always finds me, Camille, but I think this time Santa helped him. Lizbef said I wasn't on Santa's naughty list, so Santa gave me my Christmas wish. And then I wished and wished that you were okay, too."

Camille's eyes had filled with tears while Neal was talking. She couldn't believe that the boy was sitting right there in front of her. Pierre had told her that Neal was okay, but she knew she really wouldn't believe it until she saw him for herself. Now, here he was, right in front of her, giving her that sweet little smile that lit up his eyes. He looked a little worse for wear, but he was alive and breathing. He was talking to her as if everything in her life hadn't been completely turned upside down again the minute Edward Bennett's goons pulled out their guns.

"I'm okay, darlin'," Camille said. "A little banged up, but not enough to keep me down. How about you?"

"I have an owie on my leg and Peter says I can't walk yet, but that's okay. I like riding in this chair and Peter has to push me everywhere. He's not a very good pusher, though. He's always banging me into the wall. Lizbef yelled at him yesterday to be careful."

Camille and Peter both smiled at Neal's enthusiasm. Peter was glad to see a little bit of the old Neal returning. The Neal that talked continuously. Once Neal and Camille had talked for a few minutes, Peter told Neal that it was time to go. After a few feeble arguments, Neal said goodbye to Camille, promising her that he would see her again soon. Peter hesitated and finally asked her if he could visit her later to talk about a few things. Once they had set up a time that wouldn't interfere with her treatment, he wheeled Neal down the hall. Camille laughed when she heard the chair bang into the wall behind her, followed by Neal's indignant yell.

"Ouch, Peter! I'm telling Lizbef….."

That afternoon, Peter worried over how he was going to go about meeting with Camille. For obvious reasons, he didn't want Neal to go with him, thinking it best that he speak with Camille in private. The problem was getting away from Neal with the least amount of trauma. Finally, he decided to take the easiest way out, leaving once Neal had fallen asleep.

He and Camille talked for almost an hour and Peter was relieved that she was finally able to fill in some of the missing pieces for him. She had worked for Edward Bennett since her daughter was a small child, taking care of several different residences for the Bennetts through the years and watching over James Bennett most summers. When her daughter was nineteen and pregnant, Camille learned that she had been having a scandalous affair with Edward Bennett. She was devastated and heart-broken at the revelation, but she loved her daughter deeply and wanted to support her however she could. Edward Bennett swore both of them to secrecy and hid them away in one of his vacation houses.

Camille and Corrine raised Edward Bennett's son in that house. Andrew was a lovely child and Edward provided him with anything and everything he needed, all the while keeping him stowed away. That was the hardest part for Camille. She had been friendly throughout the years with Edward's wife, so being secretive about such a big part of her life was very difficult. Camille wanted to be able to brag about her grandson and show him off, but Edward made it perfectly clear that that would not be allowed.

Instead, Camille and Corrine spent the next four years enjoying their time with Andrew. Financially, they were set, so neither of them had to worry about working to provide for him. They spent their days reading to him and taking long walks on the property. In the summer, they would take Andrew down to the little creek on the property and watch as he splashed in the water and caught tadpoles. Life was good for the three of them. Life was good, in fact, until the day that someone found out about Andrew and Corrine. Suddenly, it was all over the tabloids that Edward Bennett, multi-millionaire and entrepreneur, had an illegitimate son with his housekeeper's daughter. The discovery of this secret was the starting point of Edward's downward spiral.

Within months, his marriage, which had been barely viable to begin with, completely dissolved. His wife had forgiven or overlooked many things through the years, but this scandal proved to be too much for her. With Edward under even closer scrutiny in the media, his business dealings began to suffer, as well, and it wasn't too long before a disgruntled employee became a bit of a whistle blower, leaking to the press that some of Bennett's dealings weren't all that legal or ethical.

With this news, Edward was on the FBI's watchlist and he grew more and more nervous with each passing day. With his personal and business life falling apart around him, Edward sequestered himself away for long periods with Corrine and Andrew. It was during this time, when Corrine was twenty-two and Andrew was only four years old that the accident occurred.

Camille remembered everything about that cold winter day vividly. Edward, who had been called away on business, had insisted that Corrine and Andrew join him on a trip out of the country. Corrine was reluctant to go, because Andrew had just recently been sick, but Edward insisted. On the way to the small airport nearby, where there was a private jet waiting for them, Corrine's car had driven off the road and down a steep embankment where it had landed upside down in the engorged creek that ran through the property…the same creek where they had so many happy memories watching Andrew play. Corrine and Andrew were both killed in the accident, leaving Camille all alone in the world.

Peter knew that Camille was getting tired and that he really needed to get back to Neal, so he started asking more leading questions to point Camille in the direction he wanted.

"Camille, did you know anything at all about Neal before he came to you?"

"Oh, I knew that James had had a baby. By that time, James thought his father was dead, but he sent a wedding announcement and then a baby announcement soon after. I was so proud of James, really. Proud that he had seemed to make something good of himself in this world. He sent me a picture of his baby and I'm not exaggerating when I say that his baby was the prettiest baby I had ever seen. The baby had the darkest curls and the biggest blue eyes. My heart melted at the sight of him."

"Why didn't you report Edward to the police when he came back after so many years? Surely, you knew that he had been under investigation."

Camille looked Peter straight in the eye. "Oh, I knew, Agent Burke. But, Mr. Bennett assured me when he returned that everything had been cleared up. He gave no indication of where he had been and I honestly didn't ask any questions. He had his lawyer with him and they both assured me that the statute of limitations had expired for his alleged crimes, that there was nothing that the FBI could prosecute him for after so many years. Mr. Bennett also assured me that his time away had changed him, that he had no desire to bilk people of their money anymore. He assured me that he was going to live his life honorably, that he had a new lease on life and something to live for. I had no idea, Agent Burke. I had no idea what he had planned."

"Did you know that Bennett was planning on taking Neal?"

"I didn't. At his request, I joined him back at the home he had shared with Corrine and Andrew. I knew that Mr. Bennett was working on something big, but I had no idea what. It wasn't until his men showed up with Neal that I figured out what it was. Even then, he told us all that Neal was there to stay, that he had gotten custody of his grandson. I believed him, Agent Burke. I believed him until Neal kept talking about his Peter and Lizbef. I remember him crying one night and saying something about how Lizbef was probably so sad when she came home and found him gone."

"I still didn't want to believe that Mr. Bennett had actually kidnapped Neal, but all the clues were slapping me right in the face. The day that you showed up was the day that the truth finally sank in. Edward Bennett kidnapped his own grandson. I'm so sorry that I didn't catch on quicker. Maybe I could have gotten Neal out of there and back to you and your wife."

"Camille, Elizabeth and I are truly grateful to you for watching out for Neal while he was there. It's obvious he cares for you deeply," Peter said. "I know you've already talked to the FBI about everything that happened that day, and I won't ask you to go through that again. I do have one more question, though, if it's okay?" At Camille's nod, Peter continued. "Camille, I really need to know this…Did Bennett mistreat Neal in any way while he was there?"

Camille's eyes filled with tears, making Peter's heart beat painfully in his chest. He was so afraid to hear her answer, but he waited patiently, his breath held in fear.

"Mr. Bennett has never been an overly affectionate man, Agent Burke. I knew that through watching him raise James and then again with Andrew, but they were raised being aware of the man's standoffishness. Neal, on the other hand, wasn't used to that. He's a warm and loving little boy with a need for affection. He's also a little mischievous and stubborn at times."

Peter smiled at that, thinking that Camille definitely had Neal pegged. "Tell me something I don't know."

"He's a wonderful little boy, Peter, and I think he would have suffocated under Edward Bennett's care. As for other mistreatment, all I can tell you is that there were a few times that I witnessed Edward speaking harshly to Neal and I know that he spanked him a few times."

This time it was Peter's eyes that welled with tears, as relief shot through him. While he wasn't happy to hear that Bennett had spanked Neal a few times, he had been terrified that the boy had been subjected to much worse treatment. He wasn't sure he could explain that to anyone, but he was nearly overwhelmed with relief.

To his surprise, Camille seemed to understand exactly how he felt.

As soon as Peter stepped off the elevator, he heard the wails that were emanating from the direction of Neal's room. Picking up his step, he walked as fast as he could to the room, not prepared to deal with the situation he was partly responsible for. When he opened the door, his heart nearly broke at the sight of Neal's distress and anxiety. Elizabeth was holding the little boy as he sobbed hysterically and Peter could tell that his wife was just as distressed. Stepping forward, he quickly, but carefully, grabbed Neal from his wife's arm. Neal was so distraught that he didn't even notice that Peter had grabbed him.

"Neal! Neal, buddy, I'm right here. See? Look at me, buddy. I'm right here."

Neal was sobbing so harshly that he couldn't seem to catch his breath. "Come on, little man…just breathe, okay? I'm right here. Just breathe…"

After several minutes of Peter talking to Neal, the little boy finally started to relax and his sobs changed to painful hiccups. Peter continued to talk soothingly to Neal, holding him gently against his chest. "It's okay, Neal. Everything's okay. I'm right here."

Finally, Neal looked up at Peter, his face flushed, his lower lip trembling. "Daddy? I needed you, but you were gone. I needed you, Daddy!"

"Hey, buddy….I was just down the hall. I came back as soon as I could."

"I needed you….." Neal cried softly.

Author's note: Well, I tried to answer a few questions, but I don't know how it all turned out. Did it make sense to all of you? Was anything unclear? I've reread it so many times, that my brain is just all muddled.

I guess it isn't too unusual that Neal would have a delayed reaction to the shock of everything that has happened. I'm sure the boy will have a little bit of PTSD, but who better to help him through that than Peter, Elizabeth, Mozzie and Dr. Lennox (Dr. Hope, as Neal calls her). I think it would be too much to expect a young child to handle everything without a few issues. That being said, I do think that small children bounce back quicker than adults, so with the right help, Neal will get through this. In the meantime, sit back and enjoy a lot of Peter/Neal fluff and a little bit of angst.

Last, but not least, I said that the first reviewer of the last chapter would be my 500th reviewer, but I was wrong. Actually, RRyde4lyfe tweet me (nice user name :) ) was the 500th when she reviewed chapter 1. However, AlinaDeja was the first reviewer for chapter 32. Kudos to both of you and of course, to everyone who read/reviewed.