Let Your Heart Hold Fast
Chapter 34
After almost ten days, Neal was finally released to go home. His wound was healing nicely and the Burkes had been given strict instructions on his post-hospital care, including follow-up appointments with a vascular surgeon and physical therapy. Peter and Elizabeth wouldn't admit it, but they were terrified to have all of Neal's care resting in their hands.
Dr. Lennox scheduled several appointments for Neal and offered to come to their home for the sessions. She was quickly becoming a close friend to the Burkes and they were extremely grateful for her and for everything she was doing for Neal.
The hardest part of leaving the hospital was having to leave all of the new friends that Neal had made. He was definitely everyone's favorite patient and everyone involved in his care was sad to see him go. Peter was always surprised at how quickly people came to care for Neal, but he completely understood it.
Before they left the hospital, Peter wheeled Neal up to see Camille one last time. She had been moved to a different floor, so Neal had been able to visit her several times over the last two days. Despite that, Neal was really sad to have to leave her.
"Camille, when you get to leave the hospital, will you come and see me?" Neal asked.
Camille gave Neal a big grin. "I would love that, darlin', but it might be a while. I'm going to need some time to recover and get my life back on track. But, I promise you that I will come as soon as I can."
"I'm gonna miss you, Camille. And Pierre, too." Neal sniffled.
"Well, I have just the thing for that, darlin'. Your Lizbef gave me her phone number, so we can talk whenever we want. And she promised to send me pictures of you, too. Your Lizbef is pretty amazing, Neal."
"I told you," Neal said confidently. "She's the smartest, beautifullest mommy I know."
"Yes, she sure is," Camille agreed. "Now, darlin', I think your Peter is ready to leave, so why don't you wheel over here and give me a goodbye kiss."
Peter wheeled Neal over to Camille's bed and lifted him out of the chair so he could place a big kiss on her cheek. "Bye, Camille. I love you," Neal said softly.
"Goodbye, sweet boy. I love you, too." As Peter wheeled Neal through the door, Camille felt like a piece of her was going with them.
The trip home was fairly quick and uneventful, to everyone's relief. Neal, who had never been in a plane before, spent most of the time looking out the window and commenting on every cloud he saw. By the end of the short trip, Elizabeth could tell that he was getting tired and by the time they had made it out of the airport, he was sound asleep. Diana had met them at the airport and drove them home, wanting to see for herself how Neal was doing. He was excited to see her, too, but his exhaustion won out over the excitement.
Finally pulling up in front of their house, Peter and Elizabeth shared a look. There had been a time during this whole mess where they both thought that Neal would never come home again. They both had imagined the house that they loved feeling forever empty without his presence. It was almost overwhelming to realize that they were given another chance.
Peter gently withdrew Neal from the booster seat, trying not to jostle him too much. The boy's leg was still painful, especially if it was moved too much. Once they were inside the house, Peter headed upstairs, while Diana and Elizabeth brought in the bags. Peter started to head into Neal's room, but realized quickly that that wasn't going to work. There was no way that he was going to try to sleep in Neal's bed again. And there was no way that Neal would sleep on his own.
Entering into his and Elizabeth's bedroom, Peter leaned over and with one hand pulled back the comforter. He gently laid Neal down on the bed, making sure to keep one hand on the boy's chest while he worked to remove Neal's shoes. Once he had the shoes and socks off, he pulled his own off and laid down next to Neal. As he lay there watching Neal breathe, Peter wondered just how they were going to deal with this exaggerated clinginess of Neal's. It wasn't feasible that he could stay with Neal every single second of every single day, and he knew that Dr. Lennox was working on that with Neal, but in the meantime, Peter decided that he had to do everything he could to stay with Neal. If that was what the boy needed, then that was what he had to do.
Neal woke up almost two hours later and was surprised to see that he was home. He immediately searched for Peter and was relieved to find him sleeping next to him. Sitting up in the bed, Neal stared at Peter, who had drool on his pillow and was snoring loudly. Neal couldn't help but laugh at the loud snores, which abruptly stopped when he pinched Peter's nose shut.
Peter sat up immediately to find a giggling Neal looking awfully guilty. "Neal George Caffrey, did you pinch my nose off?" Peter pretended to be upset, but Neal wasn't buying it.
"You were snoring, Peter! It was really loud. And, you were drooling!" Neal laughed.
"I was tired!" Peter said with fake grumpiness. "Someone's been keeping me up past my bedtime."
Neal continued to giggle and soon Peter was laughing with him. A few minutes later, Elizabeth walked through the door, wondering what was happening.
"What in the world is going on in here?" she asked, happy to hear Neal's laughter filling the room. It had been a while since she had heard him laughing in such a carefree manner.
"Lizbef!" Neal laughed. "Did you hear Peter snoring? He sounded like a angry bear."
"Like a big angry bear, right? I listen to that almost every night, sweetie." Elizabeth laughed at the look of phony anger on her husband's face. "I think maybe he should sleep on the couch, don't you? Otherwise, we won't get any sleep."
"Awwww," Neal whined. "That's not fair! Why does Peter always get to sleep on the couch?!"
Once they had all laughed until their tummies hurt, Elizabeth told them that dinner was ready. The minute she suggested that they go downstairs, Neal's eyes had darkened and he grabbed onto Peter's arm. Without a word, Peter carefully grabbed the little boy and followed his wife down the stairs. Once they were at the table, Peter tried to set Neal down in his usual chair, but Neal immediately began to cry.
Elizabeth and Neal were both surprised when Peter calmly, but forcefully, told Neal to stop crying.
"Neal! That's enough. I want you to stop crying and listen to me for a minute. I'm right here, little man, and I'm not going anywhere. Now, you need to sit there and eat the dinner that your mommy made for you, okay? I'm going to sit right here and eat mine. You're safe now and Elizabeth and I are right here."
Neal looked like he was trying as hard as he could to stop crying and by the time Peter was done talking, his tears had stopped. It had been a while since Peter had talked to him in such a way, other than when he had been trying to get him to eat in the hospital, and Neal could tell that the man meant business. Looking nervously at Peter and then Elizabeth, Neal finally picked up his fork and started eating. Peter and Elizabeth both felt relief shoot through them at the positive sign of Neal's emotional healing.
Dinnertime was usually a loud affair with Neal's non-stop chatter, but this particular dinner he was quiet. Neither Peter nor Elizabeth missed the constant looks he was shooting at Peter throughout the dinner, but overall Neal was handling it well.
Once they were all through eating, they finally went into the living room to open presents. Neal's jaw dropped at the sight of the beautiful Christmas tree and all of the presents under them. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "Are those all for me?"
"They sure are, sweetie. Some are from us and some are from Santa. Why don't you sit on the sofa and Peter can hand the presents to you?
Peter sat Neal down on the sofa and covered him with his favorite blanket. "Okay, little man….prepare to be spoiled."
The next twenty minutes, Neal opened present after present, completely in awe of each and every gift. When he thought he was all done, Elizabeth brought over his Christmas stocking that was spilling over with goodies. Neal was so excited that he didn't really know what to do, causing Peter and Elizabeth to laugh loudly. Elizabeth made sure she took lots of pictures and when they were all finally done, she went into the kitchen to clean up the dinner dishes.
Peter started to walk away from Neal, but he heard a small sound of distress come out of the boy. "Neal, I'm just going to get a movie and put it in the DVD player, okay? Then I'll be right back. What do you want to watch, kiddo?"
Neal looked a little nervous that Peter was going to walk away from him, but he tried to be brave. "I wanna watch my favorite movie, Peter," he said in a sad little voice.
"Oh, come on, Neal. Please, not again!" Peter groaned.
"Please, Peter? I wanna watch it. It makes me feel better." Neal's big blue eyes and adorable pout practically pierced the man's soul and before he knew it, he was putting the movie that Neal so loved and he so despised into the DVD player. Once he was done, he settled onto the sofa next to Neal, pushed play on the remote, and prepared himself to sit through two hours of pure torture.
The next several days were long and frustrating for everyone in the Burke house. Neal had gotten a little better about letting Peter out of his sight, but he still had moments where he would fall into a panic. He was upset that Satchmo was gone, too, but Elizabeth assured him that the dog was at her parent's house and would be coming home soon. The worst part, though, was that he was getting really tired of being in the house and a bored/tired Neal made for a frustrated/annoyed Peter.
Elizabeth tried to keep the peace, as usual, but she was beginning to feel claustrophobic and agitated, as well. When Monday finally rolled around, they were all excited to have a reason to leave the house. Neal had a physical therapy appointment that morning and then an appointment with Dr. Lennox that afternoon. They decided to take Neal to Dr. Lennox's office and just make a day of it.
For some reason, Neal had decided that morning that he wanted Elizabeth to help him take a bath and get dressed. Peter figured out why when he went into Neal's bedroom and found the boy waiting for him, all dressed up in a shirt, tie, fedora, and a pair of sweats that fit over his bulky bandage.
"Nice fashion statement, buddy. Wouldn't you be more comfortable in a t-shirt?"
"Lizbef said I could wear anything I wanted to and I wanna wear this." Neal adjusted his hat and grinned up at Peter.
"Elizabeth said you could wear that?" Peter asked doubtfuly. Usually his wife was more fashion conscious with Neal's wardrobe.
"Yep."
"Well, I guess she's the boss, right?" Peter picked Neal up and took him downstairs where his wife was waiting for them. "I guess we'd better get going."
The physical therapy appointment went well and Neal was finally able to start trying to walk. His leg was extremely weak, but the therapist reassured them that he would regain his strength and mobility eventually. Neal was pretty tired after his therapy, so they decided to head back home for a quick nap. Neal was definitely getting stronger, but he still required more sleep than usual.
At two o'clock that afternoon, Dr. Lennox led them into her office and made sure they were all comfortable, with Neal sitting in Peter's lap, of course. "How are things going for all of you?" she asked.
Neal yawned widely and Peter looked at his watch, so Elizabeth answered. "Things are slowly getting better, Dr. Lennox. Peter was actually able to drive us here this afternoon, once Neal realized that they would be just a few feet away from each other in the car. And he's been able to go to the bathroom and take a shower without his shadow. Neal has been slowly getting used to the idea of not needing to constantly be right beside Peter."
"That's great, Neal. How do you feel about that?"
"Peter said he wouldn't leave me, Dr. Hope. And I don't think Peter would lie, because Lizbef doesn't like it when someone lies. Peter said it wasn't worth Lizbef getting mad at him, because then she won't let him have dessert."
"Neal," Peter groaned. "You weren't supposed to share that with Elizabeth."
"Oops," Neal said with a giggle. "Lizbef, can you use your magination and pretend you didn't hear that?"
"Hear what?" Elizabeth asked Neal. "I didn't hear anything."
After they were all done laughing, Dr. Lennox continued. "Neal, do you remember what happened with your leg now?"
"I don't wanna talk about that, okay, Dr. Hope?"
"I think it's important that we talk about it, Neal. In order for you to get better, we need to deal with everything and make sure you understand what happened."
"I don't wanna understand," Neal whined. "I don't wanna think about it." Turning to Elizabeth, he told her the same thing. "Mommy, I don't wanna talk about that man. Please."
"Neal, sweetie…..I wish you didn't have to talk about him, too, but it's necessary."
"I don't want it to be n-n-nessary, Lizbef." Neal whined again. The three adults were completely surprised when Neal crossed his arms across his chest and clamped his mouth shut, a frown covering his face. It was obvious that he had no intention of talking about anything he didn't want to talk about.
"Neal….." Elizabeth started.
Dr. Lennox placed her hand on Elizabeth's arm. "Elizabeth, it's okay." Turning her attention back to Neal, she addressed the little boy. "Well, Neal, I think we can wait on talking about that if you want to, but we will be talking about it soon, okay? So, what would you rather talk about?"
Neal looked nervously up at Peter, before shyly turning back to the doctor. "Do you wanna hear what I got for Christmas, Dr. Hope?"
"Of course, Neal. That's a great place to start."
The three adults sat and listened as Neal excitedly told Dr. Lennox everything that he had gotten. He was equally excited about every present, big or small, and made sure to tell the doctor every detail he could remember. He even told her how he and Peter had watched his favorite movie, making Peter groan loudly. What was it with the kid and that movie? Out of all the movies available to him, why did it have to be that one?
After Neal had said all he could about Christmas, Dr. Lennox asked him another question, trying to get him back on track. "Neal, why don't you tell me about your room at your grandfather's? Was it nice?"
Neal's frown immediately returned. "I didn't like it, Dr. Hope. The blanket wasn't soft like my blue blanket. And the window was stuck. It was a no fun room, too."
"What do you mean, Neal? You didn't have anything to play with?"
"Not really. But, you know what, Dr. Hope? There was another room that had toys and books and things. I wasn't supposed to go in there, but I snuck in and looked at all the toys and books. I don't know who slept in that room, but they sure were lucky. There were lots of books that you haven't read to me yet, Peter. And the blanket on that bed was better than mine."
Peter and Elizabeth exchanged a sad look. Dr. Lennox decided to try to keep Neal talking. "Neal, I know you don't want to talk about your grandfather, but I'd like you to answer one question for me, okay? I just want you to tell me how being in that house made you feel. Can you do that?"
Neal wiggled back into Peter's chest as if he was trying to disappear. Elizabeth could see his lower lip tremble and she suddenly wanted to wrap him up in her arms and never talk about any of this again. Maybe it wasn't good for him to have to relive everything. Maybe they should just let it go. Maybe they were pushing too hard.
It didn't look like Neal was going to answer the question, but then he suddenly spoke up in a quiet voice. "I felt sad, Dr. Hope. The happiness was all gone in that house, but not like when I get in trouble and my happiness hides away. It's like the happiness went away and never came back. I wanted to cry every day, but I didn't, Peter," Neal said, looking up again at Peter. "I was brave like you."
"You were very brave, little man, and we are so proud of you." Peter kissed the top of Neal's head and placed an arm around his chest, pulling him even closer. Neal beamed at Peter's words.
"Thank you for sharing that with us, Neal," Dr. Lennox said. "Is there anything else you want to talk about before you leave?"
"I don't think so, Dr. Hope. My talker is getting tired."
"Is your leg hurting, sweetie?" Elizabeth asked.
"A little, Lizbef, but I know what will make it feel better."
"I bet you do," Peter grumbled.
"What do you think will make it better, sweetie?" Elizabeth asked, completely ignoring her husband.
"Ice cream!" Neal bellowed.
"I think that's a great idea, Neal," Elizabeth said. "Anything else?"
"Can I watch my movie again when I get home?"
Elizabeth and Dr. Lennox both laughed at Peter's answering groan.
"Of course, you can, Neal. I'm sure daddy would love to watch it with you, too. Right, hon?"
Peter gave his wife the king of all glares, before giving in to Neal's request. Oh, what he wouldn't do for that boy….
Author's note: Whew! I've been in a writing mood lately, so I hope you all don't mind another update so quickly. Don't expect me to keep up the pace, though. I do have to work periodically, after all.
There were a few loose ends that I almost forgot to tie up in this chapter, so I hope it doesn't feel rushed. And I hope it all flowed well. Neal has made great progress in his healing, but he's not completely better yet. At least, Peter can go to the bathroom without him now, lol.
So, any ideas on what movie Neal loves and Peter hates? I'd love to hear your theories, to see if anyone can guess the right movie. Challenge generated….. Oh, and just so you know, I posted a one-shot recently that I hope you all enjoy. I would love it if you all would check it out. It's called More of a Father and revolves around Neal's statement that Peter had been more of a father to him than James ever was.
Thanks so much for reading/reviewing/favoriting/following this story. It seems I've had a lot of new readers lately, too, which is just so darn exciting!