"Okay, let me get all this straight. You astral travel to a jail across the universe, meet the dude who trashed New York, he's rude as hell, you do a purge on him because he isn't really evil, he's just pissed off, and in return he's going to teach you magic, and you're going to take him up on his offer even though you think he's up to something?" asked Caitlyn, her hazel eyes blinking behind her candy apple red nerd-frame glasses.

Astrid nodded, "Yep, that's pretty much it." She smiled as she sipped her tea, her third cup that afternoon. It was three o'clock and she was still in her nightgown, hair uncombed. She was too preoccupied to bother with dressing and grooming, which happened from time to time when she was obsessing over something.

Caitlyn ran her hand through her pixie-short chestnut hair. "Are you sure it wasn't just a really super vivid dream? I mean, that's kinda out there, even for you, sweetie."

Astrid drained her cup and sat it on the coffee table. "I know it sounds... crazy, but I promise you, it was real. As real as you and I, right here, right now, on this couch."

Caitlyn really wanted to believe her best friend. For twenty-five years, she had always been the one to believe in Astrid, even when no one else did, but after the Incident, Astrid's grip on reality wasn't always as strong as it should be. The past few years, she seemed to be doing fairly okay, but it was possible that she was beginning to slip. Her unkempt appearance did not bode well.

"Alright," said Caitlyn as she finished her own cup of tea. She picked up Astrid's empty cup, taking both cups to the kitchen and placing them in the sink. Returning to sit beside her friend, she asked Astrid, "So what did he look like? You never said."

"Um, well, tall, green eyes, black shoulder-length hair..."

"Okay. But was he attractive?" Caitlyn had a theory brewing. If Astrid was dreaming about helping a hot guy, a god, rid himself of negative emotions, maybe her subconscious was trying to tell her something. Loki was tall and had black hair; definitely Astrid's type, unlike that blonde asshole ex-fiance of hers. Cait was still angry with Nick for betraying Astrid like he did. If she ever saw him again, she would kick him in the groin so hard he would be tasting his nuts for weeks. Astrid had already been through so much, and then that jackass went and made her feel inferior because of her incredible ability. And if that wasn't enough of an insult, he goes and screws some girl he picked up at a bar.

Astrid scrunched her face, "What does that have anything to do with-"

"Just answer the question, Az. Was he attractive?"

Astrid rolled her eyes and gave a small groan, reminiscent of a teenager being questioned by her parents. "Yes. He was. But I really don't see how that affects anything."

Caitlyn adjusted her glasses and spoke, "Okay, here's what I think, sweetie. You haven't been in a relationship in, what, seven years now?"

"Cait..."

"You went on one sucky date, like, two years ago..."

"Cait!" Astrid repeated, more sharply.

"All I'm saying is that maybe this is your mind's way of telling you that it's okay to let go of your own demons and that maybe it's time to get out there and meet someone," Caitlyn explained gently. She didn't want to hurt Astrid's feelings, but Astrid needed to get her shit together, or life was going to just pass her by.

Astrid was upset that Caitlyn didn't believe her. She didn't want to be angry with the woman who first befriended her at the age of ten and was now practically her sister. Caitlyn was always there for her, supporting her, defending her. It was Caitlyn who stuck by her after the Incident, nearly twenty years ago, during her darkest period. If there was anyone in the whole world Astrid thought would believe her, it was Caitlyn.

Astrid took a breath to calm herself before speaking. "I don't need to 'meet someone.' I'm perfectly fine by myself." She could feel the hurt rising in her chest, spilling out into her speech. Cait didn't believe her; instead, she just jumped to the conclusion that this was only 'crazy little Astrid' who had a strange dream. Her eyes began to blur with unshed tears as she continued, "This wasn't a goddamn dream, Cait. It was real. Why don't you believe me?"

"Alright, alright. I believe that you believe it really happened. I'm just concerned about you. I don't want you to... go down the rabbit hole again," Caitlyn said, genuine care in her voice. "I love you and I don't want you to go through that experience again."

Down the rabbit hole. That was a nice way of putting it.

Astrid really couldn't be upset at Cait for not wanting to watch her best friend lose her mind all over again. She imagined it must have been just as scary to witness as it was to experience. She knew that her past would follow her around for the rest of her life, especially since she decided to remain here in this town. As much as she would like to have a fresh start somewhere new, she just couldn't bring herself to leave her family and Cait. She needed them too much.

Caitlyn slid closer and wrapped her arms around Astrid, who returned the embrace with, "Love you, too." Astrid could feel the warmth, care, and concern emanating from Cait, as well as her apprehension. The only way Cait was going to believe her was if Astrid showed her solid proof of her story. She had to show Cait the magic. Astrid had been practicing all morning, so conjuring the small flame came easily to her now. Loki had said it was the first magic he had learned as a child, so it wasn't so complicated a task. It took Astrid nearly no time at all to produce it. She slipped her arms out from under Cait's, cupped her hands and took a cleansing breath, allowing the turquoise flame to take shape. She watched Cait's eyes grow wide enough to fill the frames of her glasses. "Do you believe me now?"

Caitlyn's jaw fell open and all she could do was stare at the flame in Astrid's hands. She couldn't take her eyes off of it. "Holy shit..." she whispered in amazement. "That's incredible... How did you do that?" A smile spread across her face, her gaze lingering on Astrid's hands for a moment longer. Cait finally looked up, her smile fading when her eyes met Astrid's. "I'm so sorry I didn't believe... I just... I'm sorry," she stammered.

Astrid grinned back at Caitlyn, knowing that she finally believed the story. All of it.

Astrid climbed into her bed, ready as ever for her next meeting with the god of mischief. She had no idea what to expect. She was a bit nervous about the soul-travel, astral projection, whatever it's called. Would she even be able to do it? Loki seemed to think she could, but she wasn't so sure. She had spent the entire day thinking about how to project herself, not just out of her own body, but across the freaking universe. And she had been practicing conjuring her flame, which was pretty easy now. As it turns out, yoga helped with that. The breathing, the meditation, it helped clear her mind of its usual raucous ramblings so she could concentrate on allowing the magic to flow. Magic. Jesus, I still can't get over that. I can do freaking magic!

She reached over, turned off the bedside lamp, and proceeded to toss and turn until she found a comfortable position which was no longer a simple task. She started to notice some aches in a few joints over the past year or so. Part of getting older, she assumed. Okay, here goes... She allowed images of Loki and his cell to fill her mind, just as he had instructed. She could see the chair and table, the runes around the barrier window, and she could see him. Glaring at her. No. She wanted to see a softer expression; his face after she had purged him and she collapsed, looking down at her with concern and amazement. The smile as she hugged him. That's better.

She wondered how her purge had affected him after she left. After taking out such a large amount of pain, there was a lot of room left for other emotions to move in and fill the void. If he started thinking about regrets and how he could have done things differently, he could open himself up to a whole other world of hurt. Her purges weren't a cure-all, and Loki had a lot of work to do to get himself past whatever had happened. Maybe she could help him.

What happened to him that caused him so much torment? It was awful how broken he was, how much he hated himself. He felt betrayed, rejected, deceived, but why? And the torture? Yes, it was torture. Physical suffering, humiliation: not unlike what she felt all those years ago. Is that why he attacked New York? It was possible...

Astrid felt herself drifting off to sleep when a random thought entered her mind. I need to pick up some milk tomorrow. I'm almost out. Then that dizzy, disconnected feeling came over her again, the same as last night. She felt as if she were moving forward at a ridiculously fast speed. She snapped her eyes open but this time was different than the last. She wasn't in her bedroom, there was no door to Loki's cell. Instead, she found herself in the dairy section of her supermarket.

"Oh, for Christ's sake!" Here she was, in a dark and empty grocery store, standing in front of the dairy case, looking at the containers of milk. She hadn't crossed the universe so much as traveled five whole blocks up the street. "No, no, no... This wasn't supposed to happen." She brought her hands up to her face, covered her eyes, embarrassed by doing something so utterly stupid. How was she going to get out of here? Maybe if I just thought about him and the cell again? Maybe I could send myself there from here? It was worth a shot. She would really need to center herself, to calm herself and concentrate if this was going to work. She brought her hands into the Anjali Mudra: a prayer position. Palms together, her elbows out to the sides, thumbs at her heart center, she began. She focused on her breaths and entered into the Mountain Pose standing straight and tall with both feet on the ground. Feeling the tension, anxiety, and embarrassment of her mistake leaving her body, she moved into the Tree Pose by lifting her right heel up to her inner left thigh. Her mind now calm, she allowed her thoughts to drift to Loki. Raising her prayer hands up over her head and extending her arms fully, she felt forward movement as she had before. Taking great care to keep her thinking only on her destination and nothing else, the feeling of moving stopped. Did I do it? Did it work? The light filtering through her eyelids was much brighter than the darkened grocery store: she was definitely in a different location. But was it the right one?

"Lady Astrid? What in the name of Yggdrasil are you doing?"

Astrid slowly opened her eyes to the sight of Loki, arms crossed over his chest, looking at her as if she had three heads. She had succeeded. Her lips tugged themselves up into an awkward and embarrassed grin as she dropped her arms and placed her foot back down onto the ground. "Um... hi."

"Good evening." His voice was flat and devoid of any pleasantry.

His appearance was disheveled, hair sticking out in all directions, eyes bloodshot. Astrid surveyed the damage to the cell noticing the broken, overturned furniture and books strewn across the floor. It was obvious to her that he hadn't fared well after the purge and he was still in bad shape. This was what she tried to warn him about, but she hadn't had the chance to tell him before she was pulled back into her body. Damn.

Her gaze met his as she took a few steps toward him. He was within arm's reach and all she had to do was raise her hand, place it on him, and know exactly what he was feeling. But she did not. His face was wrought with guilt, despair, and regret. She didn't need her ability to tell her anything that his body language could not. And his state was her fault. If she hadn't been so distracted by the magic she would have remembered to tell him not to dwell on things and let raw, unfiltered pathos overwhelm him.

She slowly shook her head and began to speak, "I am so sorry. This was what I wanted to tell you-"

"I'm fine," he snapped.

"You don't look fine-you look like hell. It's my fault that this happened and I'm so sorry. I took away your rage, the glue that was holding it all together, and I made things worse for you. Everything is so out of balance right now. But I can fix it- I can purge you again, and this time maybe-"

He held up his hand, and shook his head. "No." He turned away from her, taking a few steps to create distance. "I deserve to keep this after all I've done."

Deserve to keep this? Astrid was confused. Why would he want to be miserable? Was it for some kind of penance? That's ridiculous. He didn't need to beat himself up, he needed to forgive himself. "Why would you think you deserve this?"

He stood silent for a moment, then turned to face her again. "You came here for a lesson. Shall we begin?"

She walked toward the only unbroken piece of furniture in the room delicately stepping over the confetti of book pages. Seating herself near the foot of the bed, she gestured for him to sit beside her. He hesitated for a moment before joining her sitting just out of her reach.

"I know you don't want to talk about what you're feeling and that's fine. I can respect that. But before we jump into the lesson, there's something I want to share with you. Will you listen?"

He briefly considered declining her request but then nodded, "Yes." Humor the little mortal. Perhaps it will help me gain her trust. Or at least serve as some… distraction.

She shifted her position to face him directly. She took a deep breath and prepared herself to speak of what she hated to talk about the most. "Almost twenty years ago now, when I was sixteen, my best friend and I went to a party. I don't really like parties, there are just too many people, but Cait really wanted to go. It was this huge get-together with kids from both of the local high schools." Her hands began to tremble and her mouth ran dry. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, her eyes cast down.

"If it troubles you to speak of this, you needn't continue." His expression showed mild concern which seemed a good sign she just might get through to him.

"Oh, it does trouble me. A lot. But you need to hear this." The trembling in her hands increased and her whole body was now shivering like a frightened chihuahua. Her voice was shaky as she continued. "So everyone at this party was drinking including Caitlyn and me. I wasn't drunk but I was pretty intoxicated. Well this guy from the other school started flirting with me. He was a football player and I was pretty much a nobody so I was really excited that he was even paying attention to me."

Astrid was shaking so badly by this point and her voice was quivering with anxiety. She could barely speak but Loki needed to hear her story. She wanted to just stop talking and shut it all off but she pushed on. "I got so wrapped up in it all that I never saw it coming. And I was so young and naive. When he suggested that I follow him into a bedroom... I had no idea what he was going to do to me."

"Astrid... please don't. I can surmise what happened. You don't have to say anything else." He really didn't want to hear any more about it. She was a child who had been forcibly stripped of her innocence and scarred for life because a brutish, arrogant boy felt entitled to an instant gratification. He himself had lied, manipulated, and murdered without batting an eyelid. But to force himself upon an unwilling maiden? Absolutely not.

"I won't go into gory detail about... the event. I can't. I- I just can't. But what happened afterwards is important. I didn't tell anyone about what happened. Not a soul. I didn't want to get my best friend or myself in trouble for going to a party and drinking and I didn't want that to reflect poorly on my dad's job in law enforcement. I just bottled it all up and pretended it never happened. I put on a smiling face for everyone even though I was dying inside. It ate me up until I just couldn't take it anymore. That's how I ended up with this." She offered out her still trembling left arm displaying a single vertical scar on the underside that began at her wrist and ran nearly halfway up her forearm.

Loki moved closer to Astrid, cradled her wrist, and gently pulled it towards him. He looked down at her pale, white scar. The same scar he quietly noticed last time she was here. An image recreated itself in his mind. He was dangling off the edge of the destroyed Bifrost looking up at Thor and his father. "Why would you do this?" he asked, cutting his eyes up to Astrid.

I could have done it, Father! For you, for all of us!

Her expression softened and her head tilted slightly. She felt the recognition of her pain echoing through him. She picked up on suicidal feelings during the purge but she wasn't sure if he had followed through with an attempt until right now. "Why did you?"

No, Loki. Then, the blackness and silence of the Void...

He lowered his eyes and faced slightly away from her. She felt the lingering agony attached to this memory. She knew what hopelessness felt like as she had experienced it herself. She was someone broken just like him.

"Why did you?" she prompted again gently. Please tell me, it's important... It'll help you.

Raising only his eyes to meet hers, he slid his hand down from her wrist and reached out with his opposite hand and wrapped his long fingers around her palm. He closed his eyes as he gave her hand a small squeeze. "Because I finally knew why I wasn't worthy and that I never would be, no matter what I did." His eyes opened when he felt her slide closer and place her right hand over his.

She had manipulated him this time but it wasn't done in malice or for any personal gain. She had coaxed him into opening up just a tiny bit for his own good. She did it for him. He studied her quietly hoping to find something that would explain why she wanted to reach out to him. She seemed to genuinely care but why she would, he could not comprehend. No one else did. She had made herself vulnerable to him knowing that he could use it against her if he were so inclined; yet, she spoke of it regardless. Was her motivation to connect with him really just out of the kindness of her heart? Could it truly be that simple?

"What's confusing you?"

She broke his reverie. "Why did you share your story with me?"

"I wanted you to know that you're not the only one to freefall into the abyss and bear the mark."

"But you claim not to trust me. Why would you divulge such sensitive information?"

"Because if there's anyone in the world- in the universe-who would understand what it's like to carry this level of hurt around it's you. We're alike just as much as we are different."

He tilted his head slightly and considered her remark. He had never been compared to the likes of a Midgardian before. "How so?"

"Well... we've both suffered because of things that other people did to us and by things we did to ourselves and we handled it poorly. We let ourselves be driven by the pain. We let it fuck us up. But we're different in how we responded to it. I think you exploded and struck out with yours where I imploded and took mine out on myself."

He nodded to approve her observation. Perhaps they did share a few similarities and maybe that was the reason she was so adamant in wanting to help heal him. Is it possible that she can purge others of their hurt but not herself? She seems so strongly affected by speaking of her violation as if she still carries the experience with her. Surely she would have rid herself of that by now if she could. But she cannot. She wants to heal me because she cannot heal herself.

He glanced down and noticed that their hands were still clasped together and resting gently on her knee. It was nice having her here to touch him and care about him. He felt... warm. And calm. Oddly calm. She did something to cause this. "What did you do? Did you purge me?" he demanded as he quickly untangled his hands from hers. Frowning as he rose from the bed, he briskly walked halfway across the room.

"No. All I did was send you a little calming energy while you were holding my hands. You were so out of balance, I just wanted to help. I'm sorry." She honestly didn't think he would even notice. She could influence someone's energy a tiny bit and alter their mood. Like her other abilities, she had to maintain physical contact to accomplish it but it was the weakest of her talents.

His back was turned to her, his arms crossed over his chest. She couldn't see his face but she could hear the irritation in his voice. "I told you not to use any of your mood magic on me again, did I not?"

"You said you deserved to feel miserable. I disagree," she calmly explained.

"I do deserve this. I'm a monster." Defeat in his voice, he hung his head. He truly believed this. He was a monster both in action as well as by the Jotun blood in his veins. Astrid could never understand that his entire life, his entire family, had been a lie.

She tried to keep her voice as soft and low as possible. "No, you're not. I took your soul's story into me, remember that? I didn't see any monster, just someone that-."

"You don't know me! I AM a monster!" he bellowed as he spun around to face her. His eyes were ablaze with anger and his fists tightly curled at his sides.

Her body stiffened in response to his outburst. She drew in a breath and slowly exhaled as she unfolded her legs and swung them over the edge of the bed. Shaking her head, she stood up and gingerly approached him. "No. I know you're not. Because when I purged you, I saw all the way down to your soul. And you know what? It's beautiful, fiercely beautiful. You had it hidden, buried so deep, that I don't think you could even see it anymore. But I did." Her voice barely over a whisper.

"How can you say that? You don't know what I am." Her words had touched him in a way none had in so very long. Only his mother had ever spoken to him in such a manner. His mother whom he had pushed away and who he missed terribly. The anger that had filled him moments ago began to melt into an unfathomable sadness.

"I don't need to know and I really don't care. It doesn't matter. What you are isn't important. It's who you are and what you choose to do with it that counts."

He'd heard enough. He feared that if she uttered even one more syllable he would be unable to control his reaction. "It's time for you to leave."

Leave? Confusion washed over her face. She thought she had gotten through to him, and now he wanted her to leave?

"Now," he ordered, the harshness returning to his eyes.

She had overstepped, gone too far too soon. She pushed him too hard and took too much liberty with him. Just because she had experienced all the emotions of his life in one fell swoop, it didn't mean she knew him. He was still a stranger to her, as she was to him. She opened her mouth to apologize-

"Now!"

She bit the inside of her cheek, not only to prevent retaliatory remarks from flying out, but also to keep the tears at bay. Her feelings were hurt, but she couldn't really blame him for that. She was the one who urged all of this on, not him. He just wanted to give her the magic lesson, but it was she who had opened the proverbial can of worms.

Stepping backwards, she turned and retreated, wordlessly, to the far corner of the cell. She gave him one last glance over her shoulder before closing her eyes and attempting to return home. Placing her hands back into the Anjali Mudra prayer position, she allowed her disappointment and frustration to strip themselves away with a few cleansing breaths. Within moments, she was home.