A/N: 1) This chapter was originally titled The Lucky Marble. It starts exactly where chapter 10 left off.

2) In the latter part of the chapter, I used some of the lyrics of the song "Demons" by Imagine Dragons and inserted them into the story.

3) Clarification: In Spanish, words like 'nina' are spelled with an accented line over the last 'n'.

Shoulds and Should Nots

"Anyway, son, that's not the only reason I wanted us to have a talk," Jose Antonio gave Tony a flat smile before reaching over to open a drawer of his dark cherry wood desk and pulling out a shiny marble. "I'm proud of you and what you'd decided to do with your life…but I also think that a little extra luck would not hurt you, especially with all those terrorist attacks," he smiled ruefully.

Tony nodded. In truth, he had not brought up even half the things that had gone on since he had started working for CTU. He had not wanted his family to worry.

"This is my dad's lucky marble." His dad solemnly spoke, holding the marble at eye level between his thumb and forefinger. It's been passed down from generation to generation. Hopefully, one day you will pass it down to your own son." He continued in an optimistic tone.

Tony gave his father a quizzical look. It crossed his mind that perhaps his father was terminally ill. "You're not planning on dying on me anytime soon, are you?" he inquired, half joking, half serious.

Antonio threw his head back and laughed in a way Tony had not seen him laugh since he was in grade school. "No, no… well, like your grandpa Luis used to say bicho malo nunca muere (The devil looks after his own)," he smirked. Then, satisfied to see Tony's lips curve into a smile, he continued, "No, really…I think you need this more than me…Even though I do think that our fate has already been predetermined…we also have a role, if however so small. There's always something we can do to change our luck, son." He concluded by handing Tony the marble with the same resolute manner in which he had carved his own future when in the throes of his youthful days, he had fled to Chicago to sweep the love of his life into his forever loving arms.

"So in a way, we are masters of our fate," Tony stated matching the philosophical tone of his father's speech, feeling the full weight of the marble with his fingers. "But also our fate is not just our own. How about the actions of those around us…don't they also play a role in our fate?"

"You mean like society? Our family?" Antonio leaned back in his chair in a relaxed manner. "Yes, of course…they…the people around us and their expectations of us…the shoulds and the should nots. "

Tony sighed, put the marble in his pocket and walked over to the nearest window to stretch his legs.

Ever since he could remember, his parents had made sure that he understood and followed their unambiguous value system of shoulds and should nots.

Take for instance, the drive to succeed was particularly important especially when it came to academics where anything less than an 'A" was simply NOT acceptable. In fact, it was as if his parents had taken upon themselves the role of directive coaches who would make certain that their child never got away with shortcuts or any form of laziness. So they drilled him on his multiplication tables and verb conjugations until he could recite them in his sleep.

On the other hand, there were his peers whom he had secretly envied for (back then) they had seemed luckier than him. Their parents acted more like charming cheerleaders ready to provide unequivocal support and understanding. They volunteered in their classes at the drop of a hat, participated in fundraising events and PTA meetings. They sometimes went as far as to do their children's homework.

More than once, Tony had begrudgingly wondered why his parents could not be more like the other parents…and just attend those darn PTA meetings (and leave him alone)!

For the most part, Tony had risen to meet those expectations and got straight "A"s all the way through high school.

However, there were some areas of his life where he showed a rebellious streak.

"Should is what is expected of me, and it goes against everything I want to be." Tony had said to his parents one day, determined to go against their will and enroll in his highs school's football team (Both of them thought those grueling practices would take too much time away from academics).

"There are two types of shoulds," Jose Antonio went on, as his son continued to stare out the window that faced their front yard . "One type is indisputable…such as the love of your country and your family. Other shoulds are imposed on you by others claiming to hold the gospel truth…Your mother could always tell the difference between the two." Jose Antonio breathed and let out some air slowly. "This wasn't easy to do in a culture where guilt rules over you from the time you breath your first breath, and your destiny is practically sealed from that very moment" Jose Antonio stated matter of factly with no trace of bitterness.

Still standing by the window, Tony turned to stare at his father dumbfounded. He couldn't remember the last time he and his father had had such a deep conversation.

"One of the things I love about your mother is how she has always followed her heart and refused to let herself be bogged down by guilt…" Jose Antonio continued for there seemed that he could never sing enough praises when it came to his wife.

Tony felt like voicing his disagreement… Images of his mother bogged down by guilt and regret; ringing her own mother every day without fail and kneeling in front of religious statues counting beads…things that he had never seen her do until after her father's death.

Back then, Tony had questioned his mother, wondering what would all that praying do.

" Grandpa Luis's soul…Que Dios lo tenga en su Gloria ( God rest his soul) Dolores began, using her right hand to touch her forehead, then the middle of her chest, and then finally crossed over from the left to right shoulder in a fluid motion. "We need to pray for him," she urged him, staring intently into Tony's eyes. "So that his soul… makes it to heaven."

"Hmm…It must be a long way to heaven," Tony had commented nonchalantly. It had been over a year since his grandfather's death… surely he would have found his way to heaven by now? He had wondered.

That's when he had first heard of purgatory, a place where lost souls went until they paid their penance and finally made it to heaven. It was not as terrible as hell nor as wonderful as heaven; apparently it was somewhere in the middle. Ever since then, he had secretly believed that life on earth was indeed a form of purgatory.

Tony eased himself back in his chair, facing his father.

"I would not give this matter of Lilia a second thought," Jose Antonio stated confidently. "Your mom will get over this…in time she will see that you are happy with Michelle now… and the past will stay in the past."

The past had its own demons. Tony didn't know why he still felt rattled, the conversation of this morning had brought the past into the present.

Yet this morning they had talked and Lilia had revealed her feelings about the past that he would have rather not known.

"I never told you this…but it was a mistake. I shouldn't have done it. I have regretted ever since."

He had heard her say those words and for a few moments he had felt numb. Once he had learned what she had done, they had never really talked about it.

Should he care about her regrets?

It was true they had both been young and immature; they had both been seventeen and not quite ready to be adults.

So he and Lilia had played a masquerade, as if indeed there had been nothing to hide. The weeks went by and her period had yet to come. Yet, they STILL told themselves there was really nothing to hide.

"I should have stopped her while there was still a chance," Tony mumbled to himself with remorse while gazing distractedly out the window. But the truth was that part of him had wanted her to go through with it. His relationship with Lilia had been so volatile especially after they'd crossed the line and became lovers. He had given her the ring when everyone eventually found out about the pregnancy because it had been the right thing to do. But instead of things settling into a peaceful state there had been more drama.

Back then, Lilia's mood had changed from day to day like a chameleon.

As it followed, Tony had felt as though there was nothing they could agree on.

For one, she wanted to stay in her hometown following her high school graduation and own a hair salon for she was convinced of her talents as a beautician. Her parents had been a bit frazzled by her flat out refusal to consider going to college the following September and what they considered to be a lack of ambition. They even offered to keep the baby while she went to college in San Diego along with Tony. In response, Lilia dug her heels and insisted she wanted Tony to stay with her in Mexico once they were married.

"That's absolutely out of the question," Tony retorted. He and his friends were planning on attending SDSU together as a group. He wasn't about to be left behind.

Another point of contention was that Lilia insisted on walking down the isle in the church filled with people and a wedding reception of 500 guests. Tony, on the other hand, thought that getting married at the justice of the peace was good enough.

Incidentally, everyone else in the family also happened to agree that a civil ceremony might be the best thing under the circumstances.

"Pero nina, no mas mirate en el espejo, (girl just look at yourself in the mirror! )" Lilia's mother and Dolores agreed that Lilia was already showing to the point of drawing undue attention to herself. By the time the wedding would take place (the day before Christmas) her baby bump would be quite noticeable.

Tony and Lilia broke up only a few days after their official engagement party.

Then, in a fit of anger, she told Tony that she had made an appointment at the best clinic in Mexico City and she was going to 'take care of it.'

But then again, he had heard her make similar statements at least 20 times before, usually when she was feeling particularly stressed out or crossed.

He had stared back at her and had said nothing. Weary of all the unnecessary drama, he watched her walk away.

Presently, Tony shook his head in response to Maria's offer to refill his coffee. He felt a little bewildered for he had no recollection of when the housekeeper had entered his dad's home office. "I didn't think she would go through with it," Tony stated, after taking a moment to collect his thoughts. After all these years, he finally allowed the guilt to wash over him, feeling the full weight of all those should and should nots which he had kept bottled up somewhere in the back of his head.

A/N: So this chapter was rather philosophical and the last one of its kind, I think Also, just to be sure there are no misunderstandings, when Tony says "I should have stopped her while there was still a chance," he's NOT really saying that he wished he had married Lilia. He loves Michelle. He's just expressing regret over what happened after Lilia walked out. This was what I was trying to convey so I hope it came across that way. Thanks for reading!

Next chapter: Michelle, Lilia and Dolores Almeida AND we will go more into what Lilia did. Subject matter will be sensitive/controversial, so be prepared!

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