Let Your Heart Hold Fast
Chapter 40
By the time Peter and Neal arrived at the party, Neal was completely worked up into a ball of excitement and Peter was feeling completely exhausted. The boy had asked where they were going at least twenty times and Peter felt like his head was going to explode. He wanted to just answer the question, but he knew that that would only lead to Neal asking a thousand more questions. He could only imagine how the boy was going to react when he figured out that Elizabeth had thrown a party for him.
Pulling into the parking lot, Peter was surprised to see how many cars were there. It looked like there was a great turnout for the party. Neal was trying desperately to get out of his booster seat, but the seat belt was causing him problems, and after realizing that he couldn't get the seat belt undone, he immediately started yelling for Peter to help him.
"Hang on, Neal," Peter said. "Calm down a little, bud."
"I wanna see my surprise," Neal shouted. "Hurry, Daddy!"
Seconds later, Peter had released the seat belt and Neal scrambled out of the car. He was just about to take off across the parking lot when Peter grabbed the hood of his sweatshirt, pulling him backwards.
"Whoa! No running off, little man!" Peter scolded, as he grabbed Neal's hand. "This is a busy parking lot, Neal, so we need to be careful."
Neal waited impatiently for Peter to lock up the car and then tugged his hand hurriedly. "Let's go, Daddy," he whined. "What if my surprise gets away?"
Peter laughed at that. "Trust me, kiddo, it's not going anywhere."
As they got closer to the building, Neal's excitement grew. "What is this place, Daddy?" he asked.
"This is where your surprise is, Neal. Mommy's right inside waiting for us." Peter opened the door, allowing Neal to walk through first. He hoped someone got a picture of Neal's face, because the moment he walked through the door, everyone there yelled an ear-splitting "Surprise!" causing Neal to take a step backward. Half a second later, he was stepping into the crowd of partygoers, with a huge smile plastered on his face.
Elizabeth and Peter were so happy to see that Neal was having a great time and they couldn't seem to take their eyes off of him. Neal was the consummate party host, showing equal attention to each of his party guests as he made his way around the room. Of course, he might have spent just a little bit longer with Mozzie. After about twenty minutes, though, he was ready to run wild in the Adventure Zone with his friends.
Peter could barely keep up with the kid as he ran off with his friends, and after several minutes, he decided that there were enough kids with Neal to keep him safe. He worked his way over to where his father and brother were sitting, allowing him to still keep an eye on Neal.
"This is a great party, son," Peter's father said. "Congratulations!"
"Thanks, Dad. I'm not sure Neal even realizes yet what we're celebrating," Peter answered.
The three men watched as Neal, Cam, and all the other kids ran around and played. Elizabeth, with lots of help from her mother, mother-in law, sister-in-law, and Mozzie, had the food table ready to go and was just waiting for the kids to get hungry enough to stop playing. After about thirty minutes, Elizabeth called Neal over to her.
"Mommy, I'm playing," Neal said in exasperation.
"I think it's time for a break, sweetie," Elizabeth answered as she noticed the fine sheen of sweat covering Neal's face. "You look thirsty."
Neal looked back at his friends, but quickly agreed to take a break. He was feeling a little thirsty, after all. Once Elizabeth had Neal sitting down at the table, she called over all of the other kids and adults. Once everyone was settled at nearby tables, Elizabeth started speaking.
"Thank you, everyone, for coming today to help us celebrate. It means a lot to us to have all of you here. Less than a year ago, certain circumstances brought Neal into our lives, and from the moment I first laid eyes on him, I knew that he was special. I knew that our lives had crossed paths for a reason and as time went by, that reason became more and more apparent. Neal has long since found a permanent place in our hearts, but as of just a few days ago, he has finally become a permanent, legal part of our family. Peter and I couldn't be happier to finally introduce you all to our son, Neal George Caffrey-Burke."
Applause sounded throughout the room, as everyone congratulated the new family. Peter and Elizabeth both looked at Neal, who looked a little confused, so after Elizabeth encouraged everyone to help themselves to the food, they both stepped over to Neal.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" Elizabeth asked.
"I thought I was already your son, Mommy. You're already my Mommy and Daddy's already my daddy, right?"
"Of course, sweetie, but now it's official. You belong to us forever and always, and no one can change that."
Neal looked thoughtfully at Elizabeth and Peter. "So, I can be Neal Burke now? Cam asked me why my name was Neal Caffrey and not Neal Burke, but I didn't answer him."
"You are most definitely Neal Burke, buddy, but Mommy and I thought you might want to hang on to the name Caffrey, too, so you can always remember your mom." Peter placed his hand on Neal's head, ruffling his hair.
"Daddy!" Neal cried. "You're messing up my hair!"
"Sorry, buddy," Peter said with a laugh.
Neal looked up at Elizabeth with a mischievous look that made Peter nervous. "Mommy, if I just got to be your son a few days ago, isn't this kinda like a birthday party for me?"
"I guess you could say that, sweetie."
"Yay! That means I get to have two birthday parties every year!" Neal yelled. "Wait til I tell Cam and Leah!"
With that, Neal ran off to find his cousin and his friend to tell them the good news, leaving Elizabeth to laugh at Peter, who was rolling his eyes again.
The party had been going strong for almost two hours and all of the adults were perfectly content to watch the kids as they jumped in the Bounce House, climbed the rock wall, went down the mini zip-line, and played Laser Tag. Jones, Diana, Agent Davidson, and Peter joined the kids playing Laser Tag, until Elizabeth made them stop. Apparently, she thought that they were taking it all too seriously and scolded them for actually ganging up on the kids.
Elizabeth had noticed earlier that Patrick and his mother had made it to the party, and she made a point to try to talk to the timid woman as much as she could. Elizabeth was surprised how different the woman acted when she wasn't in the shadow of her husband and she found her to be truly delightful. It even seemed that Patrick was a different child now, and even though he and Neal weren't directly playing together, they were at least getting along in the group setting.
Just as all of the kids seemed to be tiring out and things were settling down, the front door opened and an obviously drunk Patrick Thomas walked in. Peter quickly jumped to his feet, but Elizabeth placed a hand on his arm, holding him back. She was hoping that the man wasn't going to cause any trouble, but doubt was looming spectacularly in her mind.
Little Patrick was still off playing with a few of the other kids that weren't quite ready to quit, but Neal was sitting tiredly at a nearby table. Elizabeth walked quickly over to him, wanting to protect him if the need arose. Julia Thomas looked at her husband, before frantically letting her eyes search out her son. Before anyone could do or say anything, Patrick Thomas lurched forward, stumbling as he went to his wife.
"What are you doing here, woman?" he slurred. "I told you to stay away from this freak kid and his family."
"Patrick, please….." she pleaded. "Please don't make a scene!"
"Is that what you think I do? Make a scene? I'm not making a scene, Julia. I'm just here to take my family back where they belong."
"We're not going back with you, Pat," Julia whispered. "I told you that Patrick and I are staying with my sister for a while."
"The hell you are!" Patrick roared. "You're both coming home where you belong!"
By this time, Peter and his fellow agents had moved forward, placing themselves in positions to stop Patrick, if needed. Patrick noticed that they were drawing closer to him, and before anyone knew what was happening, he had grabbed his wife and pulled her to him. At the same time, he pulled out a long hunting knife and held it up to her throat.
"Back off!" he yelled. "Leave us alone. This is none of your business."
He aimed his words at Peter, who had inched himself closer than the rest of his agents. Peter regretted the fact that he had left his gun in his car and he silently wondered if any of his agents had their service revolvers on them. He was guessing no, but he held out hope that at least one of them did.
"You're making this my business, Mr. Thomas," Peter said firmly. "I'm responsible for all of the children here, so it's definitely my business. Now, put the knife down and let's talk about this like rational adults."
"I have nothing to say to you, Burke. Do you think you're better than me? Is that it? You're some high and mighty federal agent and I'm just scum of the earth? Is that it?" Patrick Thomas yelled, as he pointed his knife at Peter.
"I never said that, Thomas. But, you're right… I am a federal agent, so you'll want to be careful where you're pointing that knife. Right now, you're just facing a drunken disorderly and menacing charge, so let's leave it at that, okay?"
To everyone's horror, little Patrick chose that moment to choose to take a break from playing. As he walked towards the group, he suddenly realized that his father was holding a knife to his mother's throat.
"Daddy! What are your doing? You're hurting Mommy!" the boy cried.
"Get over here, Patrick. We're leaving!"
Before Patrick could reach his father, Peter grabbed him and held onto him tightly, causing the older Patrick to curse loudly.
"Damn it! Get your hands off my boy!" he bellowed.
"I can't do that, Thomas. Come on, man…can't you see your son and wife are scared? Look at them! They're terrified." Peter tried to reason with the man, but knew that he was fighting a lost cause. Even sober, the man wasn't one you could reason with easily.
Peter threw a quick glance over at Neal and Elizabeth, who both looked equally terrified. He wished that there was a way to get them out of the room, or at least further away from the man, but there wasn't. Before he could put much more thought into that, though, Patrick Thomas lurched forward, pushing his wife down to the floor and grabbing for his son.
Peter reacted quickly, but not quickly enough. As he turned his body to protect the boy, Patrick Thomas brought the knife down and imbedded it into Peter's back. Peter felt his body crumple to the floor at the same time he realized that his agents had already taken the man down. Someone had grabbed little Patrick out of the way and suddenly he was surrounded by the worried faces of his family and friends. The last thing he saw before everything went black was the terrified look on his wife's face. The last thing he heard was the sound of Neal's voice, rich in fear and panic.
"DADDY!"
Peter felt like he was slowly swimming toward the surface of a deep lake. Everything around him was pitch black, but he felt a pressure growing in his lungs, driving him upward to where he knew he would find what he needed. His heart was pounding, his lungs were burning, and his brain was on fire. He needed something, but he had no idea what it was, no idea what he was yearning so deeply for.
He felt a dreadful panic rising up in him, trying to pull him back into the depths of whatever despair he was trying to escape, and he didn't know if he had the strength to fight it. What if he didn't fight it? What if he just let it overtake him? Would that be so bad? Did he have a reason to fight so hard, when it was so much easier to just give in? Did it really matter? Did anything at all really matter?
Something niggled in the back of his fiery brain, something that he couldn't quite grasp. He knew that whatever it was had to be important. In fact, he knew that it was the most important thing of all, but he couldn't hold onto it. It was there, just beyond his reach, but he was too tired, too weak to fight for it.
Without knowing how to stop it, he let the darkness overcome him again, his heart aching at the loss of something he couldn't even name.
Elizabeth watched as her husband fought for his life. There was nothing else she could do, so hour after hour she sat by her husband's hospital bed, crying, praying, worrying. She had no idea how much time had passed. She had no idea of anything, except the fact that the love of her life needed help and there was nothing she could do for him.
Once they arrived at the hospital, Elizabeth had followed the paramedics through the trauma bay, refusing to leave Peter's side. The ER staff tried to get her to leave, but she refused. Instead, she stood off to the side, so as not to get in the way of the people that were trying to save her husband's life, but her eyes never left Peter's face. She had never seen him look more vulnerable and she wanted nothing more than to hold him in her arms.
The thought that she might never get the chance to do that again nearly brought her to her knees, but she stayed strong. She had to stay strong….. for Peter, for Neal, and for herself. She knew that once she gave in to the panic and despair that was threatening to overtake her, she would be of no use to anyone. She absolutely could not let that happen, so she stood there, watching them as they tried to stop the bleeding. She watched as they put a tube down his throat to help him breathe, and then another tube in his chest to drain the blood. She watched as they poured blood products and IV fluids into him to keep him from going into shock. She watched as they did everything humanly possible to save her husband's life. And then she prayed.
Neal had watched as Peter turned his back, protecting Patrick from his own father. He had watched as big Patrick had lurched forward, stabbing Peter with the huge knife in his hands. He watched as Peter fell to the floor, watched as blood spread across the back of his shirt, watched as everyone around him flew into action. Jones, Diana, and Rob Davidson flew immediately to Patrick Thomas, pulling him off of Peter and throwing him to the ground. Elizabeth and Neal's grandparents flew to Peter's side, while Andy and Jackie herded all of the kids off to the side of the room. Andy was just about to pick Neal up when Neal darted around him, running over to Peter.
"DADDY!" he cried, as he made it to Peter's side. Before he could say or do anything, though, strong arms grabbed him and moved him away from Peter. Neal struggled to get away, but the person holding him wasn't about to let him go.
"Neal! Neal, calm down, mon frère."
Somewhere in the deep recesses of his brain, Neal realized that it was Mozzie that was holding him, but he still struggled to get away. "DADDY!" he cried again. "Daddy, wake up! Wake up!"
Mozzie held Neal closer to him, trying to reassure him the best he could. Unfortunately, there wasn't much he could say or do. One look at Peter, laying there on the floor, pale and lifeless, told the whole story. The man's injuries were severe and Mozzie wasn't sure that he would survive. To his amazement, he found himself praying for The Suit. And for Neal.
Elizabeth was completely and utterly exhausted, but she rarely moved from Peter's bedside. The doctor had just made rounds, and Elizabeth was glad to hear that Peter's vital signs were stabilizing. He wasn't out of the woods yet, but things were looking a little better.
She didn't know how long she had been there. All she knew was that every bone in her body ached, every fiber of her being resonated with weariness. She hadn't showered in two days, and her hair hung limply around her face. She hadn't eaten, hadn't slept, and hadn't spoken more than ten words to anyone other than the medical staff. To her dismay, she realized that she hadn't given much thought at all to Neal. The weariness that had settled in her soul begged her to not think about it, but she suddenly knew that she had to go to him. The poor boy was probably terrified beyond belief and she suddenly felt a deep desire to see him, to hold him.
Taking another look at her husband and determining that nothing had changed, she stood up and left the room. Making her way down the hall, she paid no attention to the looks of pity that followed her. She held her head as high as she physically could, not wanting Neal to see her beaten down and bone weary. As she entered the waiting room, she wasn't surprised to see that it was full of the people that loved Peter the most. They had been there every waking moment, only leaving to go home for the night to get some sleep.
Elizabeth made her way over to where her parents and Peter's parents were sitting, noticing that Neal was sleeping on a chair in between them. As they realized she was there, they all stood up, speaking at once.
"How is he?"
"Is he awake?"
"Is he okay?"
Elizabeth gave them all a tight smile and reassured them that things were as okay as they could be at the moment. They all seemed relieved that nothing had changed for the worst and were happy to hear that Peter's vital signs were improving.
Elizabeth cast a worried glance over at Neal, before turning back to the four grandparents.
"How is he?" she asked, the worry evident in her voice.
"He's exhausted and scared," her mother answered. "But, he's okay."
"He looks so pale," Elizabeth said softly. "Has he been sleeping?"
Tina and Nancy shared a quick look. "He's been having several nightmares a night, Elizabeth," Tina answered. "They seem to be pretty bad, too. He wakes up screaming and it takes him quite a while to settle back down."
"He hasn't been eating, either. The only thing he'll eat is cereal and he always insists on eating out of a certain blue bowl." This time it was Nancy talking and giving her daughter-in-law a troubled look.
"That's Peter's bowl," Elizabeth said quietly. "Do you think I should let him see Peter? Maybe that will make him feel better. But, then again, Peter looks so bad right now. I don't want to scare him."
The five of them talked over the idea of letting Neal see Peter and they all agreed that they should wait. Neal would be too traumatized at seeing Peter in the state he was currently in.
After several minutes of talking, Elizabeth went over to Neal, who had been whimpering in his sleep, and gently woke him up. "Neal, sweetie…..it's Mommy. Can you wake up for me? Neal?"
Neal's eyes slowly opened and Elizabeth's heart broke at the sight of them. His normally intense blue eyes were shadowed and reddened from lack of sleep and from crying. She immediately pulled Neal into her lap and hugged him fiercely.
"Mommy?" he asked wearily. "Where's Daddy? I wanna see Daddy."
"Oh, sweetie," Elizabeth whispered. "You can't see Daddy right now, okay? He's sleeping and he's not feeling well. He needs to sleep."
"But, I wanna see him," Neal cried. "I can kiss his owie and make him all better, Mommy."
"Maybe tomorrow, Neal. Right now, I want you to go with Nana Nan and Grandma Tina and get something to eat, okay? Promise me you'll eat something, sweetie."
"I'm not hungry, Mommy. My tummy hurts."
"I bet your tummy hurts because you're hungry, baby. Nana Nan said you haven't been eating. I need you to eat, okay? When Daddy wakes up, I want to tell him that you're okay, and I can't do that if you don't eat."
"I'll try, Mommy," Neal whispered.
"Okay, sweetie….I'll see you later." Elizabeth tried to set Neal back on the chair, but he clung to her with everything he had in him.
"No! I don't want you to leave, Mommy! Stay with me. Please?"
Elizabeth's eyes filled with tears. Her heart was torn between wanting to stay with Neal and needing to go back to her husband, and she suddenly felt like she lacked the strength to do either. Looking into Neal's sad blue eyes, she explained to him that she needed to go check on Peter. As she handed Neal off to Richard Burke, she walked away as quickly as she could, the sounds of Neal's cries following her down the hallway.
Peter felt like he was swimming toward the surface of that deep lake again, but this time it didn't seem so far away. His lungs were burning and his heart was pounding, but it didn't seem as severe as before. This time, he was able to see a light shining on the surface of the lake and he could hear the low susurration of voices above him.
Trying with all of his might to reach the surface, he felt his strength leaving him, but he refused to give up. He had never had to fight so hard in his life for anything, but he knew he had no choice. There were things he needed to do, people he needed to see. More than anything, he knew that someone desperately needed him to break through the surface and to start living again. More than anything, he knew that he had to fight as hard as he could.
Author's note: I hope you don't mind all the jumping around from viewpoint to viewpoint. And I hope you don't mind a little more angst. I had a reviewer of my other story say that he/she was a little tired of the angst, but I can't seem to stop writing it, lol. So, I hope that even if you are tired of it all, that you'll hang around for the feel-good stuff that's sure to follow.
I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter and/or story. I think this one is coming to an end, which makes me unbelievably sad. I absolutely adore five year old Neal, so it will be sad to say good-bye. Don't worry, though…I'm sure I'll keep on writing.