Not sure where this came from, except I think I might have dreamed it. (Which is a terribly sad thing to admit, I know). Need I say, extreme fluff...
Evelyn Brown, Evie to her friends, paused in her spiel about the new rental. Neither of the men was listening to her rhapsodizing about the features of Nordic pine floorboards anyway. A bit of a blow to the ego, that the two most gorgeous men Evie had ever seen in Cardiff only had eyes and ears for each other. And she was wearing her best suit, too.
"I'll just leave you to look around for a bit, shall I?" Evie offered. She'd been working in real estate long enough to recognize a futile effort when she was in the midst of one. The older man seemed fairly keen on the flat anyway, so it was probably in the nature of a strategic withdrawal when Evie left them to it and stepped out into the hall. She'd be within earshot if they called, and her phone was burning a path to her ear. It'd devastate the singletons of Cardiff when they heard that the gorgeous bloke from the tourist office was not only off the market, but hey girls, he was never really on it to begin with. At least, not on our side.
She wasn't surprised about the one with the coat though, gorgeous as he was. Straight mean don't wear period military.
-XXX-
"I thought she'd never shut up," Jack grumbled. He followed Ianto into the master bedroom, which was as empty as the rest of the flat. Not that they'd have had a chance to use the bed if there was one. As Ianto reminded him firmly when Jack saw the Jacuzzi, they were here on Torchwood business.
"She was just doing her job," Ianto said, with mild reproof. "If anyone was being annoying, it was you," he added, with the reproof more in evidence.
Jack stopped by the window. "Nice view," he commented. Then Ianto's words sank in. "What did I do this time?"
Ianto was busy unsnapping his briefcase. "You were a bit over the top," he said disapprovingly.
Jack shrugged and began pulling components out of the briefcase. "I'll put the safe together, you can start on the wires," he directed. "And I was just admiring the flat," he continued, slipping effortlessly out of boss-mode again. "I was supposed to be playing the part of potential tenant, wasn't I?" Not that he'd had to dredge for enthusiasm. It really was a nice place. Lots of room. Even Ianto was impressed by the kitchen. And the view from the roof had to be spectacular.
"It's not your enthusiasm for the flat I was referring to," Ianto answered, voice muffled by the fact that he was on his knees in the corner of the walk-in wardrobe, using a pair of pliers to tease some slender wires through from the other side of the wall.
"She was trying to chat you up," Jack said defensively. "So I might have been staking my claim. You got a problem with that?"
Ianto chuckled, the sound echoing in the empty space. Nice acoustics, too, Jack noted. If he could tease Ianto into singing again, it'd sound brilliant. Jack finished his project, which he was quite proud of. It looked exactly like the sort of safe people kept their valuables in at home, even if it only had three sides and weighed practically nothing. It was a perfect disguise for the surveillance equipment Ianto had installed.
Duty done, Jack moved closer to enjoy the view, which today was enhanced by pinstripes, and had its usual effect. Jack was slightly astonished to realise he was actually licking his lips, though that might be an attempt to contain the drool. It was true what they say, he reflected, the appetite does grow from what it's fed on.
"I have boundless enthusiasm for your charms, Ianto Jones," Jack said, voice dripping honey. He was quite impressed by his ability to string a sentence together, given the distraction. "And I rarely get the excuse to let it run rampant." An errant part of Jack's mind remembered the estate agent saying the floors were softwood and went on to wonder whether that might eliminate the risk of splinters. At which point a well-tuned instinct for self-preservation shrieked that Ianto was talking to him and Jack had better listen if he wanted the opportunity to further examine the splinters issue.
"We were in public," Ianto protested. "And at work. It was inappropriate, Jack."
No splinters in the near future then. Damn. Maybe they could come back. It really was a great flat. And it had a Jacuzzi.
"You know what she's going to think, don't you?" Ianto continued, in an aggrieved tone.
Jack turned on the puppy-dog eyes. "Are you ashamed of being with me, Ianto?"
Ianto snorted and decided to treat that as seriously as it deserved. Besides, this was his opportunity to use the line he'd been longing to say.
"Of course not, Jack," Ianto answered. He stood up, brushed carpet fluff off his knees and grinned at Jack from the depths of the wardrobe. "But I'm quite happy in the closet."
Jack groaned. "Quite possibly the worst joke you've ever made, Ianto."
"You're just jealous you didn't say it first," Ianto accused. "I thought it was clever." Jack was fairly sure the drooping lower lip was a ploy, but he couldn't help kissing it all better anyway.
"Now get back to work," Jack ordered, drawing away reluctantly. "Before you find out first-hand how hard softwood floors really are."
-XXX-
The two men stood back and admired their handiwork. Well, Jack was admiring it. Ianto was eyeing it doubtfully.
"It looks perfect," Jack said, defensive of his project.
"Exactly," Ianto agreed. "So what if the next tenant decides to use it?"
It was a fair question, given that the fake safe looked remarkably close to the real thing. But the innocent grey box housed the business end of a series of tiny surveillance cameras in the flat on the other side of the wall. The occupant of which was currently sleeping off a substantial dose of Retcon.
The object of the surveillance was completely human, but the hitchhiker currently ensconced in his abdomen wasn't. Scans, however, had confirmed that not only did the parasite actually have beneficial properties, but removal would kill the host. They'd decided on remote monitoring instead, hence the current subterfuge.
Jack shook his head. "No one will bother. It's in an awkward spot. It's too small to be useful. No-one knows the combination. And there's no key. If anyone wants a safe they'll just buy another."
Ianto blinked at the torrent of words. "Or they could call a locksmith," he pointed out. Jack pouted.
Ianto sighed. He couldn't fight the pout. "I guess we'll know they've found it when the cameras die," he muttered.
"If you really think it's a problem," Jack said, in what Ianto considered a very odd voice. "We could just lease this place ourselves."
Ianto frowned. "Do we need another flat?"
"It's nice," Jack said defensively. "More room than your flat. A bigger bathroom. And it's walking distance from the Hub."
Ianto looked around as if he hadn't seen the place before. "Um, yeah, all that. But we've still got two safe houses unoccupied. We don't really need another, do we?"
Jack didn't answer. The silence stretched out. Ianto looked back at Jack enquiringly, only to find that Jack wasn't even looking at him. And might possibly be….no…was Jack actually blushing? Couldn't be. Jack didn't blush. Then again….
"Jack? Is something wrong?"
Jack sighed. "I didn't mean Torchwood," he explained to the knot of wood beneath his foot. "Or a safe house."
"You didn't?" Ianto would have said more, except there appeared to be something lodged in his throat, and he probably had it all wrong, anyway.
"Look, if you don't want to….that's fine…I'm fine with that...We're good, right? But this is a really nice place, and we could monitor the guy next door…and….."
Jack looked up, met Ianto's bewildered eyes, and spoke as clearly as he could with his heart in his mouth. "I meant….we….as in…you and me…..here….both of us…" Which wasn't very clearly at all, apparently.
Time rolled back, and Jack was babbling about officey feels and butt photocopying. From which he progressed to looking for a bomb under plant pots before stammering his way through dinner and a movie. Definitely the least coherent invitation to a date Ianto had ever received. And Jack sounded exactly the same right now, so was he really asking…..that?
Time caught up, and Ianto realized that he, too, was mimicking that moment in the past, because his hands were planted on his hips, and he was once again about to cut through the babble with his pulse hammering against his temples so loudly he could barely hear what he was saying.
"Are you asking me to move in with you?"
Jack stopped, breathed and replayed the past too, because after all, it had worked.
"Interested?"
-XXX-
Evie finally got sick of loitering in the hallway. She'd called nearly all of her girlfriends, and there was a limit to the number of times you could agree that all the best ones were on the other bus before running out of euphemisms. She did knock before entering, but obviously they didn't hear.
Because surely they would have stopped.
Evie supposed she should be relieved that the older man's coat was big enough to cover both of them. Being disappointed would be terribly unprofessional, however toned she suspected they were. And she hoped the brochures were right about the lacquer on the floorboards being heat-resistant, because Mighty Aphrodite this was hot.
And to top it all off, Evie now had the story of the office Christmas party.
And if she kept watching without saying anything she'd have to admit to being a voyeur.
"I assume this means you've going to take the flat?" Evie asked, as professionally as she could in the circumstances.
That young man from the Tourism office had a really cute squeal.
The reference to Ianto singing comes from the book 'Into the silence'. Anything else you don't recognise comes from my diseased imagination. Hope you enjoyed.