Night didn't happen like it would on earth. The sun didn't come up as the moon faded from view, joining the stars. But, shifts changed, the rooms beside them filled and emptied, lunch bells went off; plans were prepared, meetings held, and decisions made. When Dib finally fell away from unconsciousness, stretching and yawning, avoiding opening his eyes until he felt his hand brush against skin that wasn't his.
"Oh." Dib murmured, squinting at the alien next to him. Their legs were intertwined and he must've gotten cold because they were practically flush together. "Sorry." The human struggled sleepily to untangle himself without falling off the bed. Outside, the harsh Irken language could be heard in busied exchanges, along with the hurried footsteps of Irkens who had places to be. It always seemed like an Irken was running late for something.
Zim blinked groggily, coming out of the daze he had worked his way into while Dib was sleeping. He only grunted in reply before sitting up with a groan. "We have a busy day today. Are you well rested?"
Dib snatched up his glasses from the other side of the bed-thingy, fumbling with them for a second before finally getting them to sit right on his nose and blinking, blurrily around the room (which looked as boring as it had before) and then back at Zim. "Right. Busy day. Yes, I'm fully charged." Clearing his throat so that he could speak without sounding like a 80 year old smoker, Dib rolled off the mat and did his best to fix his hair and smooth down the wrinkles from his shirt that he picked off the floor and wriggled into it. There was nothing that looked like a mirror, so Dib turned on his heel and held out his arms to show the alien. "Do I look presentable enough to meet your leaders?"
Zim looked the boy over, his eyes lingering on the wrinkles, slightly bloodstained shirt, the pants a saggy mess the barely seemed to be holding together as it was. Zim clicked his tongue and shook his head.
"Not even close," He walked over to Dib, grabbing his sleeve and dragging him towards the door. "If we are going to do this, you are not going to shame Zim by looking like that." Without waiting for Dib to respond, Zim opened the door and rushed out into the hallway, where other Irkens were leaving their rooms as well. The busy aliens nearly stopped dead in their tracks at the sight of the human, their mouths falling open. Zim would have felt smug, if they didn't have more pressing matters to worry about.
Holding Dib by the wrist, Zim marched his way down the winding corridors. He pushed away any Irken that stopped in his way to gawk, only giving a small mutter as a warning. Whispers came from all around them as the clueless aliens wondered what that thing was doing here, being led by such a short Invader. Eventually, they came to a large set of double doors, where Zim stopped and turned on his heel to face Dib.
"Normally, this isn't something other meat-bags—er aliens, would get the privilege to experience, but in this case I think we can make an exception." Hitting the release button, the doors slid open with a hiss, revealing a large, nearly empty room. As with the rest of the ship, magenta was a favored color. The walls were asymmetrical, and loomed over them as Zim marched into the room. Against the far wall, hooked up by large wires and surrounded by even larger clear tubes, was a strange machine. It was cylindrical in shape, with a hollow center on display through a glass-like (what appeared to be) door.
Taking his place to a control panel seated a few feet away from the machine, Zim turned back to Dib. "This machine will choose some Irken clothes that will fit you." He explained. "Just step inside and hold still." Smacking a large red button, the glass-like door slid open, the machine whirring to life. "Oh and…you might want to strip down," Zim added, waving a hand to gesture Dib's ratty clothes. "To get an accurate scan."
Dib's whole brain was pretty much exploding with awesome as he made eye contact with several Irkens, wondering if he should wave or smile or something but, that whole idea was thrown out in favor of being shown a magical room with tons of blinking buttons and another tube like machine that apparently Zim wanted him to get inside so he'd have better clothes, not that Dib was complaining, his clothes were kind of old and gross now. But, wait, what was that last part?
"What? Strip? Uhhh. Like…" He scratched his head. "Down to my underwear right? No, more than that…hopefully. Zim?" He didn't really think he was um…self conscious because Dib never thought that he was Yanno, hideous or anything. But, the idea of being fully naked in a strange place where the air was pretty cold and in front of Zim who, to be honest, Dib kind of liked in a much more than healthy way and he was human. Humans looked weird naked. And this was not how he'd imagined Zim would see him naked for the first time…not that he'd ever imagined that Zim would see him naked.
Zim tapped his claws against the panel, rolling his eyes a bit. "Dib-worm, even if I knew what underwear was, I'd still need you to take it off." He turned back to the panel and fussed with the settings bit, accommodating for the human's height. Zim shouldn't have been surprised that Dib would make this a bigger deal than it needed to be. Granted, Zim wasn't all too excited about the thought, himself. But he'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious…
"This is really no time to be playing modest. Besides, Zim will do the same after you." He turned back to Dib, motioning to his own bloodstained clothes. "Zim isn't exactly 'Tallest ready', either. I'm missing a boot, for Irk's sake." Placing a hand on an inviting green button, he looked at Dib expectantly. "The sooner the better, Earth-worm."
Dib glanced down at Zim's feet. He really was missing a boot. Why was that slightly funny? Maybe it was because anything besides stripping down himself seemed hilarious. Chewing on his bottom lip, Dib fought the urge to groan in frustration and embarrassment. 'Stop being a baby.'
"Fine. Could you…like turn around or something? No, you know what. Turn around or I'll make you." Maybe he had to get naked and maybe Zim had to see him in order to type in the directions or whatever but, Dib was not taking off his clothes while the alien watched.
Only slightly disappointed—no, wait, why would Zim be disappointed? He wasn't; Dib was gross. Just all over gross. He was a human after all. Zim rolled his eyes again, the light orbs shimmering in the dull light, and turned on his heel back towards the panel. "Fine, just let Zim know when you are in the scanner." He grunted, tapping his boot against the hard metal floor. Zim had to refrain from peeking over his shoulder as he heard the rustling of clothing being slid off of skin. He waited until he got the OK until finally pushing the green button.
The machine sprang into action with the door sliding shut, encasing Dib in its belly. The sound of something spinning, slowly at first but picking up speed, came from the very top of the cylinder before opaque red beams shot down and covered Dib's bare skin in a grid-like fashion. The tiny squares danced over the human, spinning and rotating until finally disappearing, the loud machine giving a sigh it analyzed the information it had received.
Hardly a moment later and a loud hissing noise was accompanied by a smooth canister being dropped from one of the large tubes that wound around the machine.
"There, pick that up and get dressed." Zim barked, still looking down at the panel.
Raising a curious eyebrow, Dib ignored how his face felt too hot, as he stepped from the machine and back into the cool air, picking up the weighted canister and popping it open. Inside he found several articles of clothing, neatly folded and warm, smelling brand new. Oh and Zim wasn't lying when he said he had no idea what underwear were, there was none to be found.
Dib chewed his bottom lip; did he wear his old ones or go commando? A quick glance at the ones in the pile of the rest of his clothes, revealed that they were slightly ratty and it seemed a shame to wear those with his brand new digs. That decided, he slipped on the pants, though they were more like leggings, that had a flexible but hard material in the knees. They fit, but were very…tight. Dib's face screwed up in a faint expression of disgust as he slid on the black long sleeved shirt. That was also tight and went up to his neck. The shoulders and stomach had the same flexible but, hard material. He figured it must cover the most vulnerable parts of irken anatomy.
Finally, Dib slid on the boots, which fit perfectly and arched to his feet and then the gloves. His entire ensemble was black. And tight. Too tight. He felt like he was wearing a second skin. "Okay. You can look now."
Zim sighed in annoyance and impatience, finally looking up. Dib had to drag everything out, like some sort of big reveal. Zim blinked, his throat seeming dry as he tried to speak. Clearing his throat, he tried again. "Not bad. Much better than those ratty Earth clothes." He shrugged a bit. "How does it feel? It's the best in Irken outfitting. I don't see you doing any intense battle in the near future so it seemed fitting." He explained as he fiddled with the controls to match his own height, which was a dramatic difference in this case. He waved Dib over, pointing to the green button before peeling off the top of his tattered uniform. "Press that when I give the OK." He ordered and limped over to the machine, taking his leggings off with tender care, as to not agitate his wound.
He wondered briefly if he should tell Dib not to look, but figured it was a bit late for that, and then wondered if Dib even WAS looking. He wanted to glance back, but feared that the human's eyes would be on him, after all. He wasn't sure why, exactly, that bugged him. Perhaps it was because the human had made such a big deal out of it.
He limped into the machine, shouting at Dib to hit the button. The same dramatic sequence and Zim was provided his own canister. In it, was a getup much like Dib's with some minor details added to the fabric; the Invader emblem printed boldly across his chest. Some gloves and boots, and Zim was good as new. "Much better." He breathed, patting himself over, savoring the fresh fabric against his skin.
Dib kept his eyes to the ground the whole time despite the urge to look. Maybe Zim didn't really care about modesty but, Dib did so…when the whole process was over, he glanced back up and nearly swallowed his tounge. The clothes were just as tight on Zim but, these looked made for him to wear. Obviously these clothes were for Irkens and not humans because they hugged Zim's legs and conformed to his hips and ribs, like black liquid around his neck and arms. It was smooth and yet, showed every sharp angle.
"Umm. Yeah." Dib huffed, self consciously rubbing his arm. "Are we ready now…?"
Zim wrung his hands together as he thought. "Yes, I suppose." He muttered, walking over to the pile of gross clothing and kicking them over with a distasteful look on his face. He nudged them over to the far corner of the room, where he pressed a dimly lit button on the wall. The floor gave way and warm light poured into the room. He nudged the clothes into the opening, where a puff of smoke poured out at they were incinerated. The floor closed back up with another push of the button and Zim turned his attention back towards the human.
"They are going to ask you to speak (maybe)," Zim explained, walking back to Dib and taking the time to fuss with the mess on his head that he called hair. "Do you have any idea what you are going to say?"
Dib was still thinking about his once favorite shirt, now ashes before glancing down just as Zim's gloved hands began messing around with his hair. Blinking as six fingers tugged and caressed, flopping through the mess, he struggled to think clearly. Which was stupid. This was important, Dib. He reached up and grabbed the alien's wrists, pulling them away from his head.
"Hey, tall alien guys, I've heard you want to take over my planet. That isn't cool with me. I propose a compromise, in that you can have what you want from my planet as long as it doesn't interfere with the creatures that live there and/or the geography and resources. In order to make sure this exchange is serious and will be held accountable, I offer up myself as a place holder. In my union with your Invader Zim, hopefully our civilizations can be one and everyone will go home happy."
Zim stared up at Dib in utter disbelief. Taking his hands back, Zim stomped with his good foot.
"That was terrible! You will show my leaders the respect they deserve. You will refer to them as The Mighty Tallest and nothing else! Stand up straight," Zim added, gripping Dib's shoulders and pushing them back. "Wipe that goofy look off your face, don't JUST stand there; stand ready! Stand as if you are prepared for anything! Irkens are a fighting race, and we do not respect the weak!" Zim declared, pacing around Dib with a hawk's eye, looking for anything that would seem out of place. "Speak with a strict tone, loudly and clearly. Use that height to your advantage! Puff out your chest a little bit!" Zim added as he grabbed Dib's ribs from behind, pushing him forward a bit.
"You are Dib, heir to the mighty Membrane Empire, and you will get what you demand!" Zim circled around to face Dib, confidence and determination burning in his eyes. "Now let's hear it!"
Dib was poked and prodded, shove and tugged and after the whole thing was over with Zim standing in front of him with an extremely obnoxious and stubborn look on his face, Dib was fighting the urge to smile. This was serious. Very, very serious. The fate of all of mankind was resting on his shoulders but…
"You're an idiot." He announced, watching Zim stomp around and huff, puff, shaking his hips and waving his arms about in that new uniform. "And I kind of want to kiss you."
Zim's shoulders sagged and he let out a huff, all the energy he had put forward falling flat on the ground at Dib's remark.
"Dib-worm, this is serious." He straightened out and tried to regain some of the determination he had built up, but Dib had that insanely happy look on his face. The corners of his mouths were fighting off the smile that Zim could already see in those tawny eyes. He looked too happy to be in this position, and Zim wanted to slap the giddy out of him, but knew it wouldn't do any good. He waved his hands a bit in defeat.
"Well, if it'll help…just..." He let out a desperate sounding grunt and grabbed Dib's shoulder's, bringing him down to mash their mouths together. Anything to keep that stupid smile from washing away Zim's resolve. Thinking about it now, though, he realized kissing him wasn't helping much, either. He all but melted against the human as their lips found a working rhythm.
Groaning, Dib pulled the Irken flush against him, devouring Zim's mouth, knowing that this was hardly what they needed to be doing right now, what with the fate of his planet in the balance…but there had been this need growing in his stomach. They wobbled a bit, as he felt himself taking in the alien's air and enthusiasm. Nipping Zim's bottom lip, a final time, Dib stepped away, panting a bit.
"Okay. Um. Excuse me , Almighty Tallest, I've heard you want to take over my planet and while I'm sure you have your reasons, I also have my reasons for wishing to keep it safe. I propose a compromise, in that you can have anything from my planet that you desire as long as it doesn't interfere with the creatures that live there or harm the geography or resources. In order to make sure this exchange is valid, I offer up myself, for I am heir to the Membrane Empire, the most powerful operation on Earth and in my union with your Invader Zim, our civilizations can be one and everyone will get what they need."
Dib took a deep breath of air, feeling the axis of his universe, settle. "There. Was that better?"
Zim nodded a bit, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "That's better. Just remember what I told you." He took in a deep breath, feeling light headed for too many reasons. He hadn't realized how much he actually needed that. "Remember; confidence is strength, and strength is respect."
Squaring his shoulders, and taking a moment to wipe away a stray hair from Dib's forehead, he grabbed the boy's wrist and led the way out of the chamber. He felt as though he were marching through molasses; his whole body dreaded the inevitable encounter, and he had to fight to keep a steady pace. He had no idea what was going to happen, if the Tallest were even going to grant them council or not, or even if they would agree.
Zim hadn't planned on that. What if the treaty is granted? A sliver of hope shone through at the thought. Zim wouldn't have to tell Dib that Earth is doomed, and he wouldn't be upset with him. Wait, was Zim actually hoping that this worked? He had to force himself not to think about it; instead he kept his mind busy with concentrating on keeping a steady march.
Notes: My co-author Lil-Banshee drew a comic for a part of this chapter.
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