But when the blue dot began to look like a planet, Zim's mind worked in overdrive. His fingers flew over the control panel, the lights illuminating his tired eyes.
"Yes!" He exclaimed, triumphantly. "We've managed to beat the armada by just a few days. How amazing am I?" He laughed, shaking his head knowing there was no real answer to his question. His amazing-ness was infinite.
Dib's amber eyes locked onto the steadily growing planet and all those feelings, the anger, panic, fear, sorrow, anticipation, dread…all vanished. It was as though finally seeing it, setting his decision into action had solidified what he was planning to do. This small azul marble was what he was risking his life for.
Numb, he breathed deeply and smiled a bit. "Yeah. You're wonderful." It wasn't sarcastic, just dull. A few hours and they could reach the first atmosphere of Earth, a few more and they would land somewhere on green, familiar land.
Zim gave the human a glance, ready for some backhanded compliment, but it never came. With a heavy sigh, Zim pretended to look busy with the control panel. "Unlike the cruiser, it may be a bit more conspicuous of us to just fly into the atmosphere in this ship. Unfortunately, there are no other options. Let's hope the humans haven't stepped up their defenses since my last visit."
Dib nodded, stepping back from the big windows and went to prepare his things. Not that he was taking much…just some special stuff. A wrapper that he'd found shoved into his old suit from Foodcourtia. A little sphere that Zim had 'borrowed' from a vendor back on Fishika, which held a tiny forever, swirling nebula. His trench coat that carried his numerous weapons he'd garnered. And an image captured by what might be called a photographer; The creature, with it's many arms had an object that scanned them and put the 'picture' on a little chip. Press the button and it unfolded, a hologram. A 3-d Image of Zim looking impatient and himself, looking like a kid in a candy store. But, they are standing really close together and despite their height difference they just look…right.
All of this went into the recesses of his pocket. All of it fit in one.
"I thought you weren't going to take that stuff." Zim seemed a bit put off as he circled around in his chair to watch the human. "I'm not going to throw it away." He defended, crossing his arms. Indeed, most of this stuff carried the same memories for him that Dib cherished. Though Zim wouldn't admit to being sentimental, he wouldn't have the heart to part with them.
"I'm not taking all of it." And there was a lot that he could take. The maps, the posters, pieces of technology, the bigger weapons, food boxes, little videos, the blankets, scarves, religious tokens, text books…he could. But, he wouldn't. "I'm just taking the things that really matter." Besides well, the obvious. He cleared his throat and looked around at what had quickly become home.
Zim sighed, his features softening a bit as he pushed himself up and made his way over to Dib. In a few hours they would part, and whatever happened after that…was pretty much up in the air at this point. Who knew if this stuff would even survive what was to come? Zim clasped a hand on Dib's shoulder as he looked around their living space.
"It doesn't have to be this way." He tried for the umpteenth time. Maybe the gravity of the situation was finally sinking in through that dark hair. Maybe now, Dib could see that it would be better for him to stay with Zim.
Dib turned his head to looked down at Zim. Down at an alien face. At least alien in origin. Because now it was the most familiar thing in the entire universe to him. He'd spend hours staring at it, tracing it, watching it for laughter, anger, desire…he could see past that and into the mind that lay beyond. And it was inside of him as well. The numbness was still there but, he felt his throat clenching up none the less.
"Yes, it does."
The finality in his words made Zim's gut drop, his antennae drooping as he stared into the face of his companion. Soon to be ex-companion."Fine." He breathed, the hurt clear in his weak voice. "I've tried to save you, Dib, but it is clear you do not want my help." He tore his gaze away, glaring at his boots.
The human's brows furrowed and he grabbed the alien's chin. He lifted it till the other's eyes met his own, reluctantly. "Hey. Stop that. You…already know why I'm doing this. We've talked about it. You know that I love you. You know that." The tightness in his throat wasn't decreasing by any, as he searched Zim's face, although he wasn't sure for what.
"I'm not asking you to give up your Empire for me. I'm not begging you to help me. I am asking you to understand why I'm doing this. Why I have to. And that no matter what happens, that you are part of me." A few tears might've escaped if the hot, blurr was anything to go by but, this time he didn't care about sucking it up. Fuck tears. He had a reason to cry.
"Erase me, Zim. You're good with technology. It's possible, I know it is. Or at least clear me from your head then. If this is going to hurt you…then delete everything."
Zim couldn't believe what he was listening to. Dib had made this suggestion before, but Zim had assumed he was just speaking out of hurt. But now…was he seriously suggesting that he do such a thing?
He watched the tears spill over his heated cheeks and knew the sincerity in his words. Zim shook his head, freeing himself from Dib's fingers before hiding his face in the human's chest.
"You moron! What would that accomplish! Even with you out of my head, I'll always have you within me. In my very being. You are in my skin, code, my DNA. Nothing could ever change that, you big headed…" He couldn't bring himself to finish the statement as his body tensed up to push back the tears. A few harsh minutes rolled by before he spoke again. His voice was soft and high pitched in a whimper.
"You promised this wouldn't be goodbye." Behind them, the control panel warned that they were approaching Earth's first atmosphere. How long had they been standing here? Seconds? Hours? Years? Time held no reason while they were together.
Dib looked out the window, where they were heading closer towards the dark green and blue surface of his planet, before quickly locking eyes with Zim. Those were tears. Real ones. Zim was real and he would have to hold onto that when he was gone. His jaw twitched and he reached a hand up in the alien's direction before dropping it.
"I-I hope it's not. But, I can't predict the future…and you said yourself. I'll probably die. At least if you delete the memories it'll be just an empty ache. One you can't put your finger on. It won't haunt you for the fucking centuries you live for." He didn't want that. And Dib knew if he could feel right now, the agony of that idea would be tearing him to pieces.
Zim shook his head again, furiously this time. Those weren't the words he wanted—needed to hear. "No, Dib! You tell me right now that this isn't goodbye!" He demanded, gripping onto the human's jacket. "You have to promise. And if you break it, I swear I will scour whatever pitiful afterlife you human's believe in and I will find you and make you pay for breaking your promise to me."
His lips curled up in a grimace and his shoulders hunched up as he fought to keep the sob from breaking free. "I am an Irken, and I do not let go of what is mine, easily. If you think I'm going to let you leave without you swearing to me that we will see each other again," He looked up, his eyes a dangerous shade of magenta. "You are sorely mistaken."
The air hitched in Dib's throat and for a second it was gone and whether that was because of how fast they were falling on autopilot or because the look on Zim's face made him want to rip his own heart out, he didn't know. Dib tried to swallow and failed. So, instead he nodded. Slowly at first but, then soon it was all he could do and with shaky hands he reached up and cupped the alien's face, thumbs brushing at dark tears.
"Yes. No. It isn't-" The air was coming back to him. "it isn't goodbye. I promise…80 years, Spaceboy." And fuck, he would do his best to keep that promise.
Zim reached up and grabbed the human's face as well, bringing him close. The reflection of the impending planet danced in Zim's eyes as they darted back and forth between Dib's two. "At least." He stated simply before sealing the deal with a heated kiss.
The vessel shook around them as they made their way through the atmosphere.
With a final nod, Zim rushed to the control panel. Dib was catching his breath from the kiss, had sat in the co-pilot seat, buckling his belt and waiting for the bumpy ride he knew accompanied the entering of atmospheres. Zim's brow creased as he maneuvered the ship, breaking through the clouds until finally pulling them into an even cruise. "I assume you want to be let off at your old home?"
When they were finally in the clear, Dib's heart beat over time because he could see civilization. At least the kind he'd once been so used to and now seemed almost alien in and of itself. Like tiny shining specks. They could almost be stars, only stars were much more brilliant.
"Yes." Odds were Gaz was home but, dad was at the lab. He could change, grab what tools he would need and book it.
Zim wanted to ask if that was wise, considering he had pretty much abandoned his father. The last time Dib had seen him. But, fuck it, the human seemed to know what he was doing.
Finding the area he had once fled from proved to be easier than he had imagined at first. Just like he had done all that time ago, he eased the ship into the back yard of Dib's house. A much tighter fit that with the cruiser; one side of the fence gave way easily to accommodate for the vessel.
"Let's make this quick; I doubt we weren't noticed."
There was no time to gawk at his house and the fact that he was back! In this little, dirty street where he'd grown up, riding bikes, chasing big foot, playing with his imaginary ghost friends in the backyard who turned out to be real…Dib shook himself and pushed away from his spot, making sure he had everything and pushing the button so the ship's door opened. It opened with that silent whoosh.
But, just as he laid one foot outside on the earth ground, he turned back to Zim like being yanked backwards, grabbed him, encompassing the alien's small body in his arms, and kissed him desperately before pulling away.
"I promise."
"Eighty years." Zim reminded as he leaned out of the ship to meet the human halfway. His claws ran over Dib's shoulders as they parted. They seemed to move in slow motion as the ship's engines idled loudly, reminding them that this moment could not last forever.
Finally Zim tore away from the bittersweet farewell, sinking back into the ship and closing the door. This was it; they were on their separate paths now. Zim lifted the ship off the ground, taking a tree branch with him as he ascended.
"Don't make me hunt you down in the afterlife, Dib. Don't think I won't do it." He spoke to himself, watching the human shrink below him as he drifted farther and farther away. Back to the sky which no longer held any promises of glory. Only the promise of utter desolation and the impending doom of the armada.