AN: Anon on Tumblr asked for Zoro crying at Sanji's funeral.
Zoro hadn't cried when Sanji died.
He'd been stricken by it- he wasn't that emotionless- but not a tear was shed. He remembered clearly the grip of Sanji's hand on his as he'd tried to pull the cook out of the debris- he still had the nail marks from the blonde to prove it.
Sanji had been trapped under the fallen debris, a metal crossbeam pinning him down with a simple slab of rubble stopping it from crushing his chest. Zoro wasn't sure what had happened as he tried tugging the blonde to safety but the next minute Sanji's grip slackened.
The bar had slipped.
Zoro had fought on to pull him out, an action he did not regret despite how he'd been kept in the infirmary for the gashes and deep cuts in his palms and wrists. He'd managed to get Sanji out and that was all he cared about and no amount of stitches could make him change his mind.
Chopper had sort of stabilised the cook and, for a few days, things seemed to be getting better no matter how close his chest had come to caving in. He was looking healthier even if he hadn't opened his eyes. And, now that he looked back on it all, Zoro was glad Sanji had remained unconscious until the very end.
The cook's heart finally gave out a day later.
Chopper, though distraught, had said it was better that way: at least the blonde passed in his sleep rather than awake and in agony until the end. The others, and Zoro, had agreed- though the swordsman was the only one not sobbing over it. It was as if he was waiting. Like he thought this was just something that would swiftly blow over and the cook would be back in the kitchen fawning over the girls and pissing him off to no end. Chopper put it all down to shock after Luffy had dragged the green haired man to the infirmary, demanding to know why the unspoken first mate hadn't cried for his Nakama. The little reindeer had offered therapy-like sessions in which he and Zoro would just talk about it. Zoro, politely, declined.
Today however, was Sanji's funeral.
It had been two days since his death and, though he wouldn't admit it to anyone, Zoro had noticed some changes on the ship. It was quiet, though that could've been due to the fact that Usopp, Luffy and Chopper were to downhearted to do anything rambunctious or stupid. Zoro wished they would, even if it would be considered too soon after Sanji's passing. Something inside of him wanted that happiness, that normality restored on the Sunny. If it wasn't, he was sure he would go mad.
There was something else as well. Something Zoro couldn't quite put his finger on but it felt like something had been ripped away from him and left him with a raw, open wound that seemed to be aggravated every time someone so much as mentioned the cook. He didn't know what it was and it unsettled him so he buried it deep down and away. He didn't like the way it made him feel.
It reminded him too much of when Kuina died.
He was thinking on some vague thought that had long dissipated and left his head when Chopper poked his head around the door, "Zoro?"
Zoro looked up, surprised to find himself in the kitchen again. He didn't even remember walking in here... His eyes caught the stove where the cook should be and he quickly diverted his gaze when the unwelcome feeling of not being complete threatened to raise its ugly head. He looked at the little reindeer and forced a smile, something to cover up his inner turmoil, "Chopper."
The doctor nodded, "Are you coming?"
Zoro looked at him blankly.
"The... The funeral, Zoro..." Chopper said, rubbing his hooves together slowly.
The swordsman blinked, "O-oh yeah..." He got up, unsure of what to do. Zoro hadn't taken part in any of the funeral plans- he'd chosen to stay out of it because it only seemed to give an open invitation to that goddamned empty feeling he didn't want.
"You can go and see him if you want. Everyone else has... We were waiting for you... to.. come join us," Chopper mumbled and sniffed, he sounded on the verge of tears already.
Zoro shrugged. If every one else had gone, he should too. He followed the reindeer out, shutting the kitchen door after him out of habit- Sanji didn't like it when people left the door open.
He tried to smother that feeling in his chest again.
Sanji didn't look as if he'd died from heart failure. That's what Chopper had said it was. But Zoro had expected... he didn't know what, but Sanji looked awfully peaceful. Not like his heart had gone into arrest at all. If Zoro didn't know any better then he would've thought the cook was sleeping.
Sanji was in one of his suits, the clothes pristine and pressed, his hair was neat and groomed perfectly and his blue eyes were delicately shut. He looked just like Zoro remembered him.
Chopper had informed him that it was to be a Viking Funeral which meant they were going to put the blonde out to sea and burn him. But seeing Sanji like this, as though he were asleep, made that idea unbearable. To know that this body who'd been a person once, who'd smiled and laughed, fought and lived, argued and pissed Zoro off to no extent was about to be consumed by flames and burnt into nothing opened that hole again and Zoro didn't think that it would close this time.
There would be no more fighting, sparring or even those rare moments where they didn't and just enjoyed one another's company. There would be no more of that cooking he secretly loved to bits or anyone to leave him sake by the trap door whilst he was training in the Crows Nest.
Sanji was gone.
And nothing would bring him back.
Zoro felt sick.
When they set Sanji's body off on a little Going Merry Franky had specially made, the crew stood sombre by the side railing to watch it go as the small fire at the end of it picked up heat and size. Soon the little boat was alight, a plume of flame that burned intensely on the blue waters.
The crew crowded together save for that of Zoro who sat up in the Crows Nest at the window, looking out. He still felt sick despite the fact he'd already thrown up shortly after running from the infirmary. His eyes were burning as he watched the whole funeral.
As he watched Sanji go.
At that something broke. The open chasm in him tore deeper and it physically HURT to watch the little boat burn for any longer.
Zoro buried his face into his hands and screamed.