Chapter Five

It was like learning to breathe again.

I wiped my eyes as I stared at myself in the small mirror Carver had found for me. My eyes were slightly pink from crying and I didn't want to go out there if I had signs of crying written so clearly on my face. I pulled at my cheeks, trying to get them to turn slightly pink as my skin was paler than normal, and I felt sick to my stomach. I leaned my head against my hands, trying to take deep, calming breaths. I didn't necessarily regret standing up for myself, but I felt guilty that I let whatever this was go on for so long. All that waiting- hoping things would change... I shook my head, standing up from my chair and walking out of my tent. I wouldn't let Luke's actions ruin my life. I would ignore him, and move on from him, because I was nothing to him the entire time.

I walked to the table where everyone was sitting, and I couldn't help but feel nauseous. Everyone glanced up at me as I nervously took a seat beside Sarah, who was finishing her food, unaware of anything that happened.

"Hey, can I braid your hair?" I asked her quietly while the others stared at me. She nodded enthusiastically as she turned her back to me. I could feel everyone's eyes either on Luke or on me but I ignored it, focusing on braiding Sarah's hair.

It was strange knowing Luke and I wouldn't be spending the night together. It was awkward running into him around camp, and I wasn't ready to be his friend... Not after everything. I hummed quietly as I stared at sketchpad, using my finger to shade out some harsh lines I had drawn of the scenery from the camp. Drawing was my escape- that and singing, but I hadn't sang sing Ben died... I frowned as I thought of Ben. Sure, he made a lot of mistakes during his life, but everyone does... I just wished I could see him again, even just for a day...

"Are you okay?" I looked up at Nick from my sketchpad, staring at him intently for a moment. I sighed as I leaned back against a tree. "Yeah, I'm fine." Nick took a few steps towards me, and I knew I couldn't shake him off that easily. "Ya know, your words say one thing but your eyes tell me another." I laughed slightly, looking down at my sketchpad. "Well, be that as it may, I don't wanna talk about it." Nick chuckled, placing his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him, unable to stop looking at his bright blue eyes. "I'm not gonna ask. It's not my business, but Luke's a good guy."

"I know..." I replied slowly, taking a deep breath. "He's a good friend.." There was no point in anyone knowing about Luke and I. I was going to move on, one way or another. Nick blinked, causing me to laugh. "You realize him and I are just friends... Right?"

Nick rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Luke said-"

"Luke doesn't always get what he wants." I replied simply, hoping Nick understood I didn't want to talk about Luke at all. Nick nodded, folding his arms across his chest. "Sorry I asked... Look, I was wondering if you wanted to go check traps with me and Uncle Pete." I looked up at him, a smiling appearing across my face. "I get it if you don't want to, I mean you haven't really been out-"

"Nick, I want to go." I walked over to my back, setting my sketchpad in it. I threw it onto my back, tossing my hair up while Nick went over to Pete and told him I'd be tagging along. "That's good." Pete said as we began to walk away from the group. "We could use more hands."

I walked behind Nick and Pete a few paces, staring at the forest around us. It had been so long since I had been in the forest, and strangely I missed it. I had gotten used to climbing trees, and sleeping on them that it had taken time to adjust to sleeping on blankets and the ground.

"I heard you and Luke got into a row this morning." Pete said to me as Nick went to check the first trap. I stood beside Pete, distracting myself from watching the bloody, dead animal being pulled from the snare. "He's been on edge recently, that's for sure."

"He was being a dick." I said bluntly, looking at the ground, digging a hole in the dirt with my shoes. "He was telling me not to trust Carver, and stuff. I call out bullshit when I hear it so I got defensive." It wasn't technically a lie. A few days earlier Luke had came to me and told me to be careful around Carver. I wasn't sure why; I mean, Carver seemed like one of the kindest guys still alive in the apocalypse. "Anyways, I don't take well to people telling me what to do..." I trailed off as Nick walked up to us holding a dead carcass in his hands. I gagged slightly, frowning as I stared at the poor animal. I could sense that Nick didn't necessarily enjoy this part of the hunt. "How many more traps do we have to check?" I asked as Pete began to walk again, further into the forest. "Two; maybe three if we're lucky."

I sighed before walking beside Nick who had out the carcass into a large bag, and hauling it behind him as we walked. "You don't look like you enjoy this." I said after a few minutes of walking in silence. "Pete seems like the hunting type, so I assumed you would be too." Nick chuckled, glancing at me from under his hat. "I don't like killing anything unless I have to."

"I hate killing animals." I said after a while, feeling like I could trust Nick enough to open up a little bit. "I've killed my fair share of walkers, it's kind of second nature to me now... But I still can't get over killing a poor, defenseless animal for food."

"What were you a vegetarian or something?" Nick asked as we stopped walking, waiting for Pete to get the dead carcass out of the snare. "Are you kidding? I loved to eat steak, chicken wings, you name it. I was far from a vegetarian." I teased, pushing his arm lightly. Nick smiled slightly, pushing my arm back.

Pete put the animal carcass in my arms, causing me to gag. It was larger than the other one, but I didn't look to see what it was. "That should be good enough for today. Don't wanna get too far from the group carryin' all of this." I nodded slowly, putting the dead carcass into the bag that Nick was carrying. I looked at the animal blood on my hands before taking a rag from Nick and wiping the gross blood off my hands. "Thanks." I muttered as we walked back to camp. Nick offered me a smile as he shoved the rag back into his pocket. "No problem."

I smiled at Nick as I sat across from him at dinner that night. Nick smiled, almost shyly at me before going back to eating his food. I glanced up from my plate a few moments later when Luke sat down beside Nick, causing me to swallow my food slowly. I felt uncomfortable being so close to Luke, mostly because I knew deep down I had feelings for Nick but I knew they were best friends so nothing good would come from that.

"I heard you went to check the snares with Pete and Nick." Luke said casually as he took a bit of his food. I nodded slowly, not looking at him or anyone else. "Yeah, I did. Nick was nice enough to offer."

"That was nice of him." Luke said as he clasped Nick on the shoulder. "Take care of her when ya take her out there, she tends to be a bit reckless." I rolled my eyes. "She is sitting right here." I replied heatedly, looking at Luke with a glare. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

Luke shrugged. "I don't doubt that, but you've gotten used to being in camp and I just want you to be careful."

"Yes, mom." I muttered under my breath, causing Nick to chuckle. I smiled as Luke walked away angrily. I never said I'd be nice to him after what he did. I knew eventually we'd have to try to be friends again, but for now I couldn't stand to be around him. The more I thought about it, the more free I felt. I could feel whatever I wanted for whoever I wanted, but I was far too afraid to admit I could possibly have feelings for someone.

I was sitting by the campfire later that night, braiding my hair while listening to Carlos tell Sarah stories. I really enjoyed how he always tried to keep her away from the apocalypse surrounding us all. I knew eventually she'd have to be taught how to defend herself, but Carlos was her father and I wasn't going to step in the way of his parenting, even if deep down I didn't fully agree with it.

"Hey."

I smiled as Nick sat down beside me, closer than normal. I pushed against him playfully, staring at the fire burning in front of us. "Hey." I looked over at Luke who started playing a guitar quietly across from us. He played with such emotion- I found it almost impossible to still be mad at him. I slowly felt myself leaning my head against Nick's shoulder as I let my eyes close, listening to the guitar as I ended up drifting off into a deep sleep.

A/N: Once again I would like to thank you all for reading my story c: it really means a lot! DONT FORGET TO LEAVE A REVIEW!

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