We started back to home since it was getting really dark out. The sun has almost set and only its yellowish tail was peaking out through the horizan. The night had gone horrifyingly chilly and i shivered in my hoodie,wrapping a cold hand around myself in a pathetic attempt to spare myself any future suffering in the form of cold. But Ethan walked beside me, all confident and sickenigly calm and collected. I turned my head to him and glared at him.

"Any particular reason why you are glaring at me like i murdered your boyfriend?" Ethan's voice broke through the silence.

I pouted and threw my hands up in the air in a dramatic fashion.

"It is not fair that Im freezing my butt off here while you are obviously enjoying yourself. I mean, aren't you supposed to give me your jacket and add a cheesy pick up line to it?" I asked narrowing my eyes.

"Huh? Geez woman, First I don't have a jacket and second, Im not a prince charming. Not even close"

I rolled my eyes and stuck out my lips more and wore my best puppy dog expression.

"B-but you do have you shirt, don't you?" I asked him, fake stuttering.

His eyes widened and he turhed his body fully to face me, eyebrows practically disappearing into his hairline.

"Oh my goodness. I didn't know I was friends with a big pervert." he exclaimed, eyebrows rising suggestively.

"Ha Ha very funny. Remind me to laugh next time." I said sarcastically.

And then silence enveloped again and I was still shivering. That asshole of a vampire didn't even bother doing anything about it. He just continued walking, a smirk clearly eveident in his pink lips. Clearly he was enjoying my misery.

I groaned softly. I almost couldn't feel my fingers anymore. They went numb and turned a bit blue.

We turned a corner and I could spot my house in the distance. I grinned in happiness ( A rare event since I detest going home but like a wise saint once said "Desperation is stronger than hatred"... true. P.S- The wise saint by the way is me, if you haven't already guessed.)

My pace increased and within a few minutes, i was practically sprinting back to home with a mean vampire at my heels. Within mere seconds, i was standing in front of the gate,staring dumbly at it. I couldn't bring myself to open it. A wave of nausea hit me and I almost fell backwards with the sudden force. I remembered the scene a few days back when I stood in front of this same gate, broken and vulnerable. And that brought back the feelings i managed to abandon in the morning. The feel of ease disappeared replaced by the same damn hopelessness which clawed you till you fell apart.

A shiver went through my body but this time, it was not from the cold but the sudden change of emotions. I couldn't see straight, I wobbled in my steps and bent down to catch my breadth. I couldn't get myself to calm down, my breathing started increasing and I started sweating.

I felt a hand catch my shoulder and I snapped my head up to see Ethan peering worried down at me. I bit my lips and looked back down and shrugged of his hands from my shoulders. I felt so overwhelmed that it was physically hurting. I struggled to stand back up.

" Cinder? Are you Okay? You looked pretty sick there."

I attempted a smile and reassured him as best as I could without making my voice sound so shaky.

"I-Iam alright. I was j-just a bit dizzy from the r-running."

He nodded a bit unsure so I quickly smiled at him. I pushed open the gates and dashed inside to find my safe place inside my house which is my room. A place where I can go back and hide when things get tough. A place I can cry or scream into the pillows. A place where i can put all my guards down and be vulnarable.

" Cinder! Cinder! Wait! Why are you running like that?" Ethan shouted behind me.

I suddenly just wanted to cry. I mean I can't even get through a single day without feeling like this or disappointing someone. I can't forget and throw away the past and present too. I just wanted to throw it all down the drain and suck it up and just live. Not feeling like shit every time I have been even a bit happy. God, why did I talk to Ethan and manged to be happy for last few hours? This makes it all harder. I was doing pretty fine in the numb shell I had built for myself. Not being happy but not sad either. But this happiness makes accepting the pain harder. No matter what the people say about happiness being the cure or whatever, it truely just kills you because you never know when you going to lose once you have it.

As soon as i entered my room, i just locked it as fast as I could. And I just leant against the door crumbling down towards the floor. I was crying my heart out. Why does hurt want to hurt so much? I heard some footsteps nearing and I tried to stop whailing, but unfortunately even the whailing is stronger than me. There was a pause, which i assume that the person has reached my room's door. Who was it? Defenately not my dad or sis or mum they just barge into my room or knock immediately. Or is just my sis doing some evil mean tricks on me? What is that person waiting for? I just wish that it wont be my sis 'cause I'm really really not in the mood.

And soon I felt myself drift into a dreamless, restless sleep...

If I get more than 10 comments today then Iam totally updating tomorrow :)