A/N: Thanks to you all for all the support, I'm so glad there's actually somewhere to post a story about Our Girl! Here's the next installment, from episode three. Enjoy :)
Why do I have to be so bloody angry? My pride is getting in the way of what really matters: Dawes – no, Molly.
I was infuriated. Our intimate meeting in her tent gave me enough hope that we would survive together and get out of this war alive. Before she went on leave she gave me her word that she would come back safely to me but when she was hesitant to jump on the helicopter my heart skipped a beat. I needed her safe and was willing to make the sacrifice of sending her away from me to make that happen. I came up with the excuse that I needed the coffee from England, but in reality I needed her. Over the next week or two I brooded silently so that no one would catch on to our relationship.
Then not only did she come back, but she bought stories of Smurf with her. Apparently she went to Newport and he to London and that's all I wanted to know about that happened. I'm not stupid. After hearing the elaborate, rather too detailed versions from the rest of the platoon, I thought I'd lost her to another man. Thoughts ran through my head: why should I care? It was their well-earned leave so they could have spent it however they wished. I adopted my outer shell and acted like I was supposed to, and not like I had any feelings for the girl.
However, there was a niggling feeling in the back of my head that was exposed as I questioned: she wouldn't do this to me. Surely. She was the moral compass among us tainted soldiers. She always did the right thing despite the orders launched upon her. Through my uncaring outer shell her words in denial of anything happening sounded false and I couldn't take any more of this foolery. I needed to speak to her alone, but couldn't quite find the right opportunity, besides; she seemed to spend all of her time in heated discussions with Smurf that I (along with the rest of the platoon) stayed away from.
But then she kept pleading with me to believe her. And I wanted to believe it, I truly did, but my stubbornness got the better of me. It was only when I found the box of coffee on my bed wrapped neatly with a ribbon did I realise that she was thinking of me when she was in London. I breathed a sigh of relief. How could I even for one second think that she would have broken such a serious promise?
Going against everything she'd ever been taught she joined me in the face of imminent death as a symbol of her 'fondness' of me. She literally poured her heart out but I couldn't reply because I was too bloody proud. I knew that the radio was still on and the whole platoon could probably hear every word of what she said and that we would have to face the banterous consequences later. I suppose I didn't want to seem like I was getting involved, which is a top rule in the army. I was her captain and she was beneath me, and that's all there was meant to be to it. In all fairness, I was also concentrating on finding any mines and trying not to get us both blown up.
"Do you love me?"
The words are still ringing in my head. I had to physically stop and turn around to face her, looking her straight in the eyes. Yes. Ys! I screamed in my head. Of course I love you, can't you see it? She stared back in confusion, and suddenly the sheet moved and my feelings had to be aborted.
Later, when the victim's shaky hand pointed up towards her my heart stammered in my chest and I wondered vaguely if the whole world could hear it. I could see liquid fear spreading through her veins and pouring out through her face and shaking body. I can't let this happen to her. I have to keep her out of harm's way. And that is the most impossible thing when you're in the army.
P.S. I feel like I'm writing an essay, what do you think? Please review! Much love