Chapter 3

That night it was Belle's turn to lay in bed awake, wondering, not for the first time, what the future had in store for her. When she had gotten married, she hadn't really thought about what it might mean for her. She never figured they'd be leaving Storybrooke so soon, let alone to go back to their own land. Was such a thing even possible?

She'd admit it would be nice to get away; their honeymoon had been nice, but far too brief. They hadn't really escaped their everyday lives to just be together, which was all she really wanted.

With a sigh, Belle decided lying in bed feeling sorry for herself wasn't going to get her anywhere, so she got up and strolled over to the window. Her bare footsteps on the cold marble floor hardly made a sound, but somehow he heard her.

"Belle?" Although it was too dark for her to see much of anything, Belle knew the sleepy voice had come from the direction of the bed. As she turned back around, she heard the covers rustling as her husband slowly sat up.

"Belle, what are you doing up?" He sounded confused and a bit worried. "Last night you were lecturing me on not getting enough sleep, and now look at you." That last part came out with more amused sarcasm than worry.

"I, I just couldn't sleep, I guess," Belle whispered, hoping he wouldn't ask any questions. She didn't want to tell him she was worried about his "quest" idea. How could she? The only thing he had ever truly wanted in life was to find his son, so how could she admit that she wanted him to run away with her, wanted them to just live their lives in peace? That would mean giving up the search for his son, and she couldn't ask him to do that.

Look who is keeping secrets now, she thought bitterly. It wasn't that she didn't want to help Rumple find Baelfire; she did, it was just that she was afraid. Afraid of losing him. She desperately wanted to go on an adventure and be a hero next to her newlywed husband, but she was afraid of what might happen if they failed. If they found Rumple's "wizard" and he couldn't bring Neal back? She didn't want to think of how Rumple might react if that happened. Or if they never found him at all? She knew he'd spend the rest of his life looking if he had to, and although she looked forward to an adventure, she didn't want it to consume the rest of their lives. No, she told herself. That's not going to happen. She couldn't let herself think that way.

When the silence between them started to get awkward, Rumple said, "Well, come back to bed, sweetheart. You'll freeze standing there by the window in your nightgown."

Reluctantly, Belle made her way slowly back to the bed. She sat down, and, though she couldn't see him very clearly, she could feel Rumple's eyes on her. She struggled to avoid his gaze, not wanting to talk.

"Belle, we need to stop making a habit of having midnight heart-to-hearts. It's not very healthy," Rumple said with a grin, one that Belle never saw. She was staring off into the distance, with a spacy look in her eyes that Rumple hadn't seen there before.

Realizing she wasn't going to say anything, Rumple said, "If you want to talk, though, I'm listening. If not, I'm here for that, too. But please don't torture yourself Belle, it's painful to watch."

Belle was surprised; she'd always thought she was the one who could see into his soul, but now she found that he could read hers as well. Somewhat comforted by the fact that he sounded so caring, Belle decided to be honest. She didn't want to tell him how she felt, but she figured not doing so wasn't fair, either. After all, how could she expect honesty from him and hold back herself?

"I'm just worried, Rumple."

Rumple looked at her with a concerning gaze, and moved over to put his arm around her shoulders. "There's nothing to be concerned about darling. What's bothering you so much?"

Sighing, Belle turned her bright blue eyes on her husband, and saw that he genuinely didn't think she'd have a reason to be concerned. "What if…" She started, then paused, thinking of how best to say what was on her mind. "What if we go to look for Baelfire, and we can't bring him back? What if we fail, Rumple?" There, she said it. Not for the first time, she was surprised she had been so candid.

Rumple looked at her in utter misunderstanding. "How could we fail?"

He really didn't get it. "I mean, what if there is no way to bring him back? What will you do?"

"Well, I don't know what I'd do. But don't worry about me, Belle. We'll find a way, I know we will."

When Belle searched his face, she found that he wasn't just saying that to make her feel better, he honestly believed that. He honestly believed there was no way he could fail.

"Of course I'm going to worry about you Rumple," she whispered. Then, a bit louder, she added "we're a family now, remember?" Then, with a bit more sarcasm, she laughed, "I'm your wife now, it's my job to worry about you."

Rumple laughed, the first genuine, hearty laugh she'd heard from him in a long time. "Alright," he said, "fair enough. But really Belle, we will succeed." Seeing that she wasn't convinced, he searched for the right words to convince her.

"When we met," he said, "when you first kissed me, what did I do? I sent you away. I was afraid. I was a coward, Belle, a monster. But somehow you saw right through that. You told me yourself you were going to come back for me, that you never stopped loving me. And as hard as it was for me to admit it, I never stopped loving you, either. Now, after what I did, why didn't you give up on me?"

"Because Rumple," she said, not getting where he was going. "I believed in you. I believed you could change, I believed you were capable of opening yourself up again, and I loved you." Losing herself in memories of her past, Belle suddenly found herself caught in the life they once shared, however brief it may have been. Despite herself, Belle couldn't keep from shedding a tear as she remembered the time they had spent together, so thankful that she finally had him at last, had him here with her now. She leaned into her husband's arms and smiled as he wiped the tear from her face.

Forcing herself back into the here and now, Belle looked up at him, and asked, "Why were you wondering?"

"Because now I'm asking you to believe in me once again," he murmured as he held her to him. "You believed in me then, and I'm asking you to believe in me again now." He paused to look at her before adding, "Do you remember what you said to me in the car, right before I was going to leave to look for Baelfire the first time?" he asked.

Nodding, she smiled and said, "When you find something that's worth fighting for, you never give up." Now she saw where he was going.

"That's right," Rumple smiled back at her. "You taught me that, and I won't forget it. Finding my son, Belle, that's what I have to fight for. This is something I have to do, and I can't fail. I will find a way to get my boy back, and then we can be happy."

"Are you not happy, Rumple?" Belle asked, disappointed that he couldn't find his happiness with her.

Rumple saw he'd made a mistake, knew what Belle was trying to say. "Oh, Belle," he sighed, "That's not what I meant. Of course I'm happy here with you, but… I just feel like something is missing."

Belle didn't trust herself to respond, not wanting to show him just how much emotion she was trying to hold in.

Feeling her tense up in his arms, Rumple said, "I failed my son once. I failed him, and regretted it for the rest of my life. Once I found him again, he was so angry. He had every right to be angry with me, and he was." Rumple paused, considering how to phrase the complicated relationship he had with his son. "But, after a while, we made amends, at least got to the point of being civil to each other again, but I still owed him. I owed him so much Belle, and I never got to pay. I never got to repay him for the wrong I'd done him, and then it was too late. I lost him. He gave his life, gave it to save me. He owed me nothing, and yet he paid the ultimate sacrifice. Now, I must find a way to honor that sacrifice. I must find a way to repay the lifelong debt I owed my son, or I don't think I could ever forgive myself."

"Is that what this is about Rumple? Seeking forgiveness?"

"It's not something I've been very good at Belle, as you well know. But I can only hope that if, somehow, I can bring Baelfire back, he'd forgive me, so I could forgive myself."

Without hesitation, Belle said "he would. He would forgive you, I know it."

Slightly amused despite himself, Rumple laughed, "and what makes you so sure?"

Belle sat up again so she could look into his eyes, and, putting her hand gently on the side of his face, said, "Because you deserve it. You spent so long looking for him, you gave up so much to try to be with him. You were even willing to give your life to save his son. You've become a better man, Rumple, I know it. And if I can see it, Baelfire would, too. He'd forgive you, I know he would."

Rumple wanted to believe her, but he couldn't let himself give in to hope that easily. Hope is too easily shattered. "No, Belle," he said, "you would forgive me. You always have, that's who you are. But I can't know that Baelfire would feel the same way."

"Do you know why I forgive you when you make a mistake?" Belle asked genuinely. Rumple shook his head slightly, so she continued, "Because I love you. And Baelfire loved you, too. Of course he was angry when you were first reunited, but he loved you, Rumple. And love means forgiving the other person when they make a mistake. It means being willing to accept their faults and their past, and moving on."

Rumple smiled down at her, saying, "Are you talking about Baelfire or yourself?"

Belle giggled, "Both, I suppose. But trust me, he would have forgiven you."

Rumple sighed, not sure if he liked where this conversation was headed. "I hope so," he whispered to himself. Then, louder, he said, "Belle, I know you are trying to make this easier for me, and I appreciate that, I really do. But you do understand I still have to do this, don't you?"

"Of course I do," she said without hesitation. "I just want to make sure that you won't end up getting hurt."

"Well, if we fail, it would break my heart," he said. "But," he added, "I wouldn't be as bad off as I was the first time I lost my son."

Hoping she already knew the answer, Belle still asked, "why not?"

Looking down into her beautiful eyes, Rumple said, "Because this time I still have love in my life. I have something other than pain. I have you."

"That's right, you do," Belle said as she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "And don't you forget it. This time, I'll be with you the whole way. This time, we'll do this together."

And with that, the two of them realized what their wedding vows truly meant. They were a commitment to be there for each other, which meant that neither of them had to face the world alone anymore. Neither of them had to be afraid, because as long as they lived, they'd have each other.