I was in the house as Seth held a menorah and candy cane. He was also wearing an ugly sweater. It's too hot for those. He's probably sweating under it.
"So do you want a menorah or candy cane?" He asked. "Christmas or Chanukah?"
Well I didn't really know anything about Chanukah. I didn't know what to say.
"Don't answer because in this house we celebrate Chrismukkah." He responded.
"How do you spell that?" I questioned.
"It's a new holiday that's sweeping the nation." Seth answered as Sandy and Kirsten brought in a tree. "Or at least the living room. Your head needs this."
He put a Santa hat on my head as I went to help with the tree. Seth decided that he would supervise and I sighed.
"That's perfect, A+." He stated.
"Thanks for the help." Sandy quipped.
"We didn't really know how to raise Seth." Kirsten told me. "So we let him raise himself."
"And in doing so, I created the greatest super-holiday of all time drawing on the best that Christianity and Judaism have to offer." He boasted with a wide grin.
"But why the fuck do you call it Chrismukkah?" I asked as I noticed Kirsten glaring at me. "Sorry."
"Allow me to elaborate. You see for my father here, a poor struggling Jew growing up in the Bronx, Christmas meant Chinese food and a movie." He said as he grabbed Sandy's shoulder. He then moved over to Kirsten. "And for my mom over here, Waspy McWasp, it meant a tree stocking and all the trimmings."
"Was there some sort of Santa Rabbi?" I questioned curiously. Seth glared at me. "I'm not making fun of you. I really wanna know."
"No, but there are eight days of present followed by one day of many presents." He explained. "So what do you think?"
"I think that it sounds great for you guys." I replied.
"For you too." Sandy added.
"Yeah, dip a toe in the Chrismukkah pool." Seth urged me.
"Isn't there something in the Atwood family tradition that you would like to incorporate into Seth's uber-holiday?" Kirsten asked.
"One of the main reasons I changed my name is that I wanted to leave that behind." I replied. "The only holiday memories I have are the scars, both literal and emotional."
"Well this year will be entirely different." Sandy promised.
"You'll get new memories and it'll be great." Kirsten added.
"Okay, I guess I want to see what Chrismukkah is all about." I told them.
"That's the spirit!" Seth replied as he gave me a hug. I squirmed so he would let me go.
Once I was free, I went to take a shower. When I came out, I found that Seth was decorating the pool house.
"I was in there for 15 minutes, how did you turn it into Santa's workshop so fast?" I asked in disbelief.
"I see someone took down the wreath I put on the door." He commented.
"It fell." I lied. "What is that?"
"It's a starter pack of Seth Cohen music." He stated before he listed numerous hipster/indie bands. "Summer and Anna will love them both equally."
"Summer hated your music during the trip." I reminded him. "Plus you shouldn't get them both the same thing. How about you get them stuff they want?"
"I'm crafty." He answered.
"No good will come of this." I told him.
"I choose to ignore your negativity." He replied as he began to wrap.
"You have to choose." I replied. "You can't have two girlfriends. I chose and now it is your turn to do the same."
"I don't have to choose on Chrismukkah." He argued. "There's no choosing for Chrismukkah."
"Please tell me that you didn't get me anything." I stated.
"No." He responded. I glared at him. "Come on, Sis, don't be a Grinch."
"If they want to make a new Grinch movie with Taylor Momsen in a sexy Santa outfit, I'd be very interested." I stated.
We walked into the kitchen and found Kirsten was making a list.
"Sammie, what's your shoe size?" She asked me.
"Six, why?" I responded. I think she might she might get me heels. "Are you getting me shoes?"
"No, why would you think that?" Kirsten denied.
"You said no gifts." I reminded her.
"What we meant was no gifts for us." She pointed out before Sandy walked in on his phone.
"Well Chrismukkah is ruined." He declared.
"No, Chrismukkah is invincible and magical and perfect." Seth responded. I think he was broken.
"Your father just refused the latest settlement and wants to go to trial." Sandy explicated.
"That's not what he said yesterday." Kirsten replied. "He said if you met his offer…"
"Well as of this morning, Ebenezer Scrooge decided that he wants to go to court, which means I'm gonna have to spend the holidays going through files and preparing for trial." He told us.
"Chrismukkah is ruined." Kirsten agreed as Seth gasped. "Sooner or later, we will get through a holiday around here."
"Stop don't give up on the miracle that is Chrismukkah." Seth declared, voice cracking. "You'll see. You'll all see. Chrismukkah is great."
I decided that now would be a good time to see Kaitlin. She must have been thinking the same because she was at the door.
"I was just coming to see you." I told her as I gave her a kiss.
"Well here I am." She responded. "Marissa wants to skip Christmas. We need to convince her not to."
"We can do that at school." I suggested as we began to walk with Seth. "So if Seth has this alternative holiday if you don't want Christmas."
"Please call it Chrismukkah." Seth told me.
"What the fuck is Chrismukkah?" Kaitlin asked. "What are you gonna do about Summer and Anna? You need to choose and I think you should pick Summer."
"Well they're both coming to the party and neither as my date, which both of them know." Seth answered. "I am snowflakes and latkes here."
"Those are the potato pancakes, right?" Kaitlin asked.
Suddenly both of the girls showed up. They didn't look very happy to see each other.
"Ladies, I think we should meet there at whatever time you so choose." Seth told them. Neither of them seemed happy about it.
"You need a Chrismukkah miracle." I stated before I walked to get some coffee with Kaitlin.
"So I have a small amount of money that I can spend on a gift for you." Kaitlin told me. "Are there any movies that you want me to get?"
"Maybe you should get something for your dad." I responded. "I need to tell you upfront that I am terrible at picking gifts."
"You could give me a check or gift card?" She offered. "I think you'll get better in the future. So we're not gonna have to see your brother again, are we?"
"No." I promised her. "There is one gift that I know I can give you."
"That's not an acceptable gift because I can have that anytime." She told me. "That doesn't mean that I will reject it as long as you give me something else, though."
As were leaving, we met up with Marissa.
"I hate Christmas." She replied with a big scowl.
"Come on, don't be such a scrooge." Kaitlin urged her. "Christmas is great."
"That was before Mom and broke up." Marissa argued. "Now we have two Christmases with none of the fun."
"There's a holiday party tonight and we can all have a good time." I suggested.
"Marissa, if Sammie can get in the holiday spirit without having any of the good memories that we have, so can you." Kaitlin suggested. "Marissa, how about you take Sammie shopping because she doesn't know what to get me?"
That led to us going to the mall together. We tried on some makeup and noticed a woman with a dog wearing antlers. I couldn't help but wonder if his name was Max or it if was even male.
"So what should I get her?" I inquired.
"It doesn't have to be anything spectacular." Marissa told me.
"Are you upset about Christmas because you don't have anyone to spend it with?" I asked her.
"No." She replied. "I still can't believe you chose her over me."
"Marissa, don't." I warned her. "I'm not having this conversation. Anymore and I'm calling a cab."
"Okay, I won't talk about it." Marissa agreed before she stopped in front of a dress. It was a cobalt blue. "This is what you should get her."
"You know I saw you put that watch in your bag." I told her. "Come on, take it from me. Stealing things only gets you in trouble."
She handed me the watch and I walked over to the counter.
"Excuse me, my friend forgot she was wearing this." I stated. You know it felt good being good. I think I was starting to become a Cohen. "I'll take it and that dress."
I needed to figure out what dress I was going to wear to the party tonight. There was this blue one that I really liked. I would also have to tell Kaitlin about it.
I went to the pool house and changed into said blue dress. Seth then popped in before I could even zip it.
"Good, you can zip me." I told him. I couldn't help but notice that my mom and brother got me gifts. How did Trey get me something from prison? They were still address to Samantha Atwood. I guess I need to tell them.
"Did you get any gifts?" He asked me.
"Well I got something for Marissa and Kaitlin." I told him. "Just give me a list of new comics and I'll make that you get at least one."
"So how was shopping with Marissa?" He asked me.
"Well I caught her trying to shoplift." I answered.
"That is weird, have you told Kaitlin?" He asked.
"I kind of want to tell her mom, but only because I'm worried about her." I stated. "What do you think?"
"I think that telling Kaitlin first would be a good idea." He responded. "I got something."
He produced a stocking with my name on it.
"I never had one of these before." I replied with a tear in my eye. "Thank you. I just need to finish my makeup and then I'll be ready."
"If you're going to be doing more of that you might want to forego the mascara." He suggested. And now he was the Seth I knew again.
I went into the living room to find that both Summer and Anna were there.
"Hello, Summer, Anna." I greeted.
"Hey, Samantha." They reciprocated simultaneously. That was a little bit weird.
"I think you need to let Seth choose." I suggested to them. "And he doesn't have to choose tonight."
When I got to the party, I met up with Kaitlin.
"I have something to tell you." I told her. "Did Marissa say anything about our shopping trip today?"'
"No." Kaitlin replied.
"I have something that you need to know." I said. "Marissa tried to steal a watch. I think we need to tell your mom because I'm concerned about her."
"I think that I might be the only normal one in this family." Kaitlin sighed. "Marissa's got hate us if we tell my mom."
"Well we can't let her get away with it." I told her. "We have to do something. I mean she obviously stole it due to your lack of money, I even bought it for her, but this is going a bit too far."
"Okay, we'll tell my mom." She agreed. I couldn't help but notice that Santa was at the party. I hoped he wouldn't get drunk. Seth then came over, trying to get away from Summer and Anna.
"Hide me." He told us.
"Seth, maybe you should choose tonight." I told him. "I think you should choose Anna."
"I still think Summer." Kaitlin replied.
"Okay, not helping you two." He cut us off.
"We should dance." I suggested to Kaitlin as I grabbed her and took her to the dance floor. We got into waltz position.
"I can't believe that you remembered that." She replied. "We've never danced before."
"We've never had the opportunity." I declared.
"Maybe we should talk to Marissa first before we squeal to my mom." She suggested as she moved her foot just before she almost stepped on mine. "Sorry, I really am not a very good dancer. Let's go find Marissa."
We went and found her by the balcony.
"Hey, how are you doing?" I asked her.
"I'm fine." Marissa replied. "I feel better now that you're here."
"Marissa, I know about the mall." Kaitlin told her.
"Marissa, you haven't said hello to Caleb yet." Julie replied as she walked over.
"That's because he was talking to other people and I didn't want to interrupt." Marissa stated in annoyance.
"Well, he's ready now." Julie insisted. The two of them then broke out into a sudden argument. If this was how it was without her knowing, I couldn't imagine how bad it would be if we tell her.
"I'm going to the bathroom." Marissa announced.
"I need to tell you something." I told Julie. "Usually, I wouldn't do this, but I don't know what else to do. She tried to steal from the mall today. I think she needs help. I only ask that you don't make a scene of this."
"I'll take to her father and we'll deal with this." Julie promised. "Thank you for telling me."
She walked away and I looked at Kaitlin.
"You know being good doesn't feel so good anymore." I stated. "I hope that was the right move."
"I don't know if there was another one." Kaitlin admitted. "I think I might move back next door so Marissa doesn't kill me in my sleep."
We then went upstairs to one of the rooms.
"Oh my God." I declared as we walked in. It just happened that Seth had followed us and he looked like a deer in the headlights when he saw it. Anna's dress was partially removed and Summer was dressed like Wonder Woman and they had been kissing. They two of them blushed brightly as Anna zipped up her dress and obviously didn't know what to do.
"We can explain." Summer replied. I couldn't help but wonder what sort of explanation they were going to come up with. This was a little bit amusing. I think I would still pay for dinner because of Kaitlin's lack of funds.
"You know I think my dad just called me." Summer stated as she hastily put her dress back on. "My phone's on silent. I'm gonna go find him to see what he wants."
"Summer, wait." Anna told her as she followed behind her.
"How did this happen?" Seth asked me. "Did I really drive two girls into each other's arms?"
"This is not the bathroom." Holly replied as we suddenly saw her in the doorway. I didn't know that she was here. "So is it weird that Anna Stern just ran chasing after Summer?"
"Not as weird as what we just saw." I told her as Seth still looked completely and utterly shocked. "So how are you doing, Holly?"
"Well I just saw Marissa in the hallway, but I think I'm okay." She answered. We then looked at her. "I take it that you didn't know about that. She was really wasted and I don't think I had anything to do with it."
Kaitlin and I ran to find her, but she ended up finding us. The first thing that she did was put her mouth on mine.
"Get off of my girlfriend." Kaitlin responded as she pushed her off of me. "You smell like Russia and you look horrible."
"Well you two told Mom about what happened at the store today." She responded. "How could you do that?"
"Because you need help." I responded. "You're drunk at an office party. I was going to give a Christmas present here tonight. I bought that watch for you since you wanted it so much. Maybe when you stop being a wreck, we can be friends."
"I'm just having fun." She told us.
"Well we don't wanna have fun with you." Kaitlin replied. "Last time you had fun was in Mexico."
"I'm outta here." Marissa declared.
"There is no way that you're driving." I told her.
"I have enough people in my life telling me what to do. I don't need it from you two." She declared.
We knew that we needed to run out after her. I noticed her getting into her car. I couldn't believe that the valet gave it to her.
"Marissa, stop." I told her.
She started to move forward and Kaitlin stood in front of her. It was definitely a risky, but it got her to stop… but only to back up. Luckily, she backed into someone else's car. She then began to cry in the front seat. This was not good.
Kaitlin and I got in the car with me in the driver's seat, but not before Marissa left her insurance info. She reached into her purse and pulled out the bottle of vodka from which she had been drinking earlier. It was almost empty.
"You have to be fucking kidding me." Kaitlin muttered from the back seat.
"Sammie's driving." Marissa pointed out.
"It's only because you're drunk." I told her. Suddenly I saw a pair of flashing lights and heard a siren. Fuck me.
The officer stopped us for the broken light. Luckily for us, he needed to leave because of a call.
"Thank you God." Kaitlin cried out.
"That was scary." Marissa commented.
"Scary?" I responded. "No, scary is finding you in an alley barely breathing. Scary is seeing you get behind the wheel drunk. Scary is seeing you throw your life away. This is the life that I left behind and I'm not getting involved in it again."
I drove to Jimmy's house and Kaitlin went to her room and came down with a bag.
"What are you doing?" Marissa asked.
"I stood up for you." Kaitlin told her sister. "But Mom was right. Maybe you do need to be committed. All I wanted from this party was to have a great time and you took that from me. Tell Dad I'm moving back with Mom."
In the morning, I was in the kitchen and Seth walked over to me. Kaitlin had spent the night in the pool house with me.
"How did this happen? How did I lose the only two girls to ever show interest in me?" He questioned. "How was your night? I noticed Kaitlin stayed in the pool house."
"Marissa got drunk and I'm moving back in with my mom." Kaitlin answered. "Not to mention that we got pulled over with an open thing of vodka. If the cop hadn't got called away, we would have spent the night at the police station."
"This is a Chrismukkah miracle." Seth explained. "Samantha Atwood would have got busted, but Samantha Cohen got off free. You had Jesus and Moses working together to save you."
"Is he drunk too?" Kaitlin asked me.
"No, this is him when he's normal." I explained.
"My faith has been restored." Seth declared as he walked away.
"You know he's in a pretty good mood for someone whose two girlfriends dumped him for each other." She commented. "How do you feel like watching a movie in the pool house? I got one called D.E.B.S."
"I guess that sounds good." I agreed.
So in case you ask, yes that Summer and Anna scene was inspired by another story. It's called a dead story called AVDC, but the relationship won't play out the same as it did there. Things with Marissa have reached their boiling point and neither Sammie nor Kaitlin want anything to do with her right now. Please don't forget to review.