Chapter 4

The next day was a slow one at the library, and given the small amount of sleep she'd managed to get the night before, Belle found herself starting to nod off while she sat at the circulation desk. A few people had come in occasionally, but the traffic today was slow.

To pass the time, Belle decided to get up and find herself a book to read. As she walked through the isles, she couldn't help but be proud of the work she'd done in restoring the library. It had been in such disarray when she arrived, and now look at it! The books were all in order, neatly tucked away where they belonged, waiting for someone to come pluck them off the shelf and enjoy their splendid contents.

Not consciously paying attention to where she was, Belle ran her hands down the length of a bookshelf, smiling when she found no dust on the dark brown wood. As she reached the end of the row she was in, she looked up, and a book caught her eye.

"What are you doing here?" She muttered as she gently pulled the book off the shelf. At first glance, she thought the book was in the wrong section, but upon closer inspection she realized why. She had ordered the book by author last name, and this book had no author. Curious, Belle took the book back to her desk, pulled over a lamp, and began to inspect it further.

"Someone had to have written you," she said, her voice almost chastising. Then she read the title out loud to herself. "A Traveler's Guide to Magic and Adventures. Hmm." She began to flip through the pages, looking for some clue as to who may have written the book.

"Wow," she exclaimed as she flipped the pages, "this is exquisite detail. Clearly whoever wrote you took great care to do so. So why didn't they claim you?" The irony of the title hadn't crossed Belle's mind quite yet.

"Do you always talk to your books?" Belle jumped at the voice, not expecting anyone to be there.

"Oh, Henry," she said, a bit flustered. "You startled me. What brings you back to the library today?"

"I wanted to find a picture book I can read to baby Neal," he said, and Belle smiled.

Attempting to pull her mind from the book she held back to the here and now, Belle instinctively said, "I think I have just the thing. Follow me," and emerged from behind the desk to lead Henry to the children's book section. "Here we go," she said happily, pulling a small, hardcover book off the shelf and handing it to Henry.

"Perfect!" He exclaimed, taking the book with an excited glimmer in his eyes. "I already read him my storybook, so I needed another one. Thanks Belle!" And with that he ran toward the door, eager to get back to his new baby uncle.

"Oh, Henry, wait!" Belle thought of it just as Henry reached the door. He turned and looked at her, waiting to see what she wanted. "Do you… do you have your storybook with you?"

"Of course, why?"

"Would you mind if I… borrowed it for a bit?" She asked, hoping he wouldn't mind.

"Sure thing," he said, running back to the circulation desk and plopping his book bag on top of it. He gently pulled out his book, but before he gave it to her, he asked, "Why do you want it?"

Belle tried not to blush, and said, as nonchalantly as possible, "Oh, no reason, just curious. You could say I like to read." Her attempt at sarcasm fell flat, but Henry smiled, and set the book down gingerly on the desk. He wasn't ready to give it up just yet, though.

As Henry flipped through the book, Belle began to wonder what he was up to. Surely he couldn't know what she wanted to see in the book, unless David had said something to him…

Just as Belle started to worry, Henry looked up at her, grinned, and turned the book toward her. "You're in here, you know," he said. "Here, here's your story. Thought you might like to read it. Anyway, have a good day, and thanks for the book!" And as unexpectedly as he had come in, he was gone.

Glancing down at the book, Belle muttered "Bye…" not noticing when he had left, already totally engrossed in her story. As she read through the book, she couldn't help but wonder how someone had known exactly how her life had gone. But that wasn't what held her attention.

There were parts of her story that she'd tried to forget over the last few years since the curse broke, but now, looking back, she realized just how important every moment of her life had been. How much each moment had meant to her, and how everything had led her to right where she was now. Reading through everything she had done before being locked away in the Queen's Castle, Belle marveled at how much her life had changed.

Would the girl who fought the Yaoguai ever have thought she'd end up living in a little town in Maine, and getting married to the Dark One in a small little ceremony in the woods? Parts of that, perhaps, she had dreamt about back then, but she doubted she'd ever really thought it would happen.

It was strange, reading her life as if it were just another story. She felt almost detached from it, like it had happened in another life, but at the same time she realized that everything that had ever happened to her made her who she was today, and had led her to the wonderful life she had now with Rumple. It was her life, but it seemed so far away now.

As Belle got closer to the end of her story, the library door creaked open, and she quickly hid the book under the counter, somehow embarrassed to be caught rereading her own life in Henry's book.

Her next visitor was David. "Hi Mr. Nolan," Belle said courteously. "Can I help you find something?"

David shook his head. "No, I just came to talk to you."

Belle knew what he wanted. "This is about the conversation you had with Rumple yesterday, wasn't it?" She really didn't want to have this conversation with him, especially not now.

"What's that?" He asked, glancing at the book Belle had pulled off the shelf earlier. She hadn't realized it was still there. Attempting to make light of it, Belle blushed and pulled the book off the counter, but she was too slow. "Magic and Adventure?" He read. "Belle, you shouldn't be messing around with this stuff, you know."

Belle was momentarily confused. "I… I just pulled this book off the shelf earlier. It didn't have an author so I was trying to find out who wrote it, and then Henry came in and I didn't finish…" Flustered by the suspicious look on David's face, Belle wasn't sure what to say.

"This is about Gold's idea of going back, isn't it?"

Belle was shocked. "What? No, it's… It's just a random book…" And then it hit her. "Oh, I didn't… I didn't realize…" Belle glanced back down at the book. A Traveler's Guide to Magic and Adventures. Of course! She hadn't made the connection before, but now she figured it out. Before she could think of something to say, David started talking.

"You have to talk him out of it, Belle. You can't go back. There's nothing to go back to. Ask Emma or Mary Margaret, they've been back since the curse. The land is ravaged, you'll be in the middle of a war."

"Are you trying to talk me out of going with him?" She asked, annoyed that everyone seemed to think she needed to be protected.

"No," David sighed, "I'm trying to get you to keep him from going at all."

"That's not possible," Belle said confidently. "Did he tell you why he's going back?"

David nodded. "Yeah, to bring Neal back, I know, but he can't do that. You can't let him do that."

"Well I'm not going to stop him." Belle looked at David defiantly, daring him to tell her what to do. "Why would I? The only thing he has ever wanted in his life was to be with his son. It would be wrong to deprive him of the last chance he has to save him."

David didn't get it. "Why would you want to go back there? It's dangerous, and it's not worth it. He doesn't even know how to bring someone back from the dead, and even if he does find a way, Neal's body is buried here. He can't do it. Unless you're planning on lugging his body around while you travel between realms."

That last bit of sarcasm annoyed Belle, and she said, "Yeah, I'm sure it's dangerous. But with Rumple's magic I'm sure he can protect us, we'll be fine. And he'll find a way, I know he will. He loves his son more than anything, and he'll find a way to get him back. You should understand that more than anyone, David."

As David looked into Belle's eyes, he realized she really believed Gold could bring back his dead son. He felt bad for antagonizing her, but he had to try one last tactic. "Sure, Gold's magic can protect you, but do you really want him to do that? Do you really want him to go back to the Enchanted Forest and start using magic again? What could that do to him?"

"No, he won't go back to the man he was before," Belle said, trying to convince herself as much as David.

"And what's keeping him from doing so?"

"It's different this time," Belle said. "He changed before. I saw good in him before, when I first met him back in our land. And when he spared that man's life, I knew he was capable of change. And he has. Now, this time, he's a different man, and this time, he has protection against the darkness. This time, he has me."

Seeing the hopeful, dreamy look in Belle's eyes, David couldn't bring himself to argue any further. "Well," he sighed, "If you're set on doing this, then I guess all I can do is wish you the best of luck." And with that, he turned and headed toward the door.

Before he left, though, he said, "Belle," and she looked up at him expectantly. "As much as Gold and I may not get along, take care of him." Seeing she didn't get it, he said, "Not for me, for Henry. To him, Gold is family now. He's the last link Henry has to his father. The kid's lost so much, don't let him lose his grandfather too."

Belle smiled a sad smile at David and replied, "He won't. And when we get back, he'll have his father back, too."

David wanted to believe they could actually do it, but he wasn't sure, so he just nodded and left.

Belle was upset, but she refused to let David's words get to her. Do you really want him to do that? She wouldn't admit it, maybe not even to herself, but she was afraid of what would happen if Rumple started using magic again. What if he became obsessed with his power again, then what could she do? But he wouldn't do that, not to her, would he?

Belle shook her head, telling herself worrying wasn't worth it. David had just said that to get her to doubt her husband, and she wasn't going to let him succeed. Searching for a way to distract herself, Belle remembered the book in her hands. "Well," she sighed, "I guess it's just you and me now." Never one to deny her sense of curiosity, Belle opened the book and began to read about magic and adventure.

While Belle was at the library, Rumple spent his day in the shop, splitting his time between working with clients, organizing the shop, and spinning. Now he sat at his spinning wheel, thinking about all that had happened since his wedding day.

When he had found out there was a possibility that he could bring his son back, he was elated. Now, though, he found himself doubting what to do. He desperately wanted to get Baelfire back, for he knew that was the only way he could live with himself. But he wanted Belle to be happy, too.

She had agreed to go with him, and he was glad of that, but was it really what she wanted? Rumple knew the girl never lacked for courage, never backed away from an adventure, but would this truly make her happy?

If only she could hear me know, he thought to himself. If he were to voice these concerns to Belle, he knew exactly what she'd say. He could hear her voice now, could see her smile at his concern, telling him of course this will make me happy, Rumple. If it makes you happy, nothing could make me happier.

And that would be the truth. That would be how she would feel, and yet it worried him. He knew how much she cared for him, but at what cost to herself? She was willing to give up the life they had just started together and travel across realms with him just so he could be happy. Her devotion warmed his heart, but he also hoped it didn't hurt hers.

I'm not a good person, Rumple thought, and don't want to end up hurting her.

Realizing that thinking this way would just drag him in a downward spiral, Rumple tried to focus on the wheel and banish these thoughts from his mind. He thought about all the good times they'd had together, and still marveled at the happiness he found in her.

What surprised him even more, though, was how concerned he was for Belle and her happiness. For as long as he could remember, the only person he had ever thought of was himself. He'd been purely self-serving, never caring what his costs his actions had on other people.

Now, though, things were different. He found himself doubting whether he was doing the right thing, solely because he was worried about Belle. It wasn't even her actions that concerned him, it was the effect his actions would have on her, and that was a feeling he hadn't felt for anyone since before he'd lost Baelfire. He never thought he'd feel that way about anyone again, and yet here he was.

Lost in reflection, Rumple continued to spin, only half-noticing the amount of wool that was piling up on the dusty wooden floor at his feet. He listened as the wheel creaked as it turned, and tried not to let himself think about what could possibly go wrong in the future. There was no point in that.

But he couldn't help himself. He kept worrying. That he'd eventually fail and let Belle down, he was sure. He wasn't the man she wanted him to be, and no matter how he tried, he could never completely banish the monster that was inside of him.

That he had changed since he met her, he was sure, but do people every truly completely change? He tried so hard to become a better man for Belle, but could he really change what was in his heart? He wanted to believe he could, but he very much doubted it.

As he continued to think and spin, Rumple lost track of time, and was startled when he heard the bell chime to let him know someone was in his shop. Glancing at the clock on the shelf, he realized he had spent more time than he thought at the wheel; it was time for Belle to be back from the library.

Rising slowly, Rumple made his way through the curtain and into the main room of the shop, and smiled as his wife set her large red purse on the counter and came over to give him a quick hug.

"How was your day at the library?" He asked pleasantly. "No more dragons in the basement I assume?"

"No," Belle laughed, "no dragons. It was just me and the books today," she said, giving him a sweet smile. "How was your day here at the shop?"

"Fine," Rumple said, trying to think of something else to talk about. He wasn't ready to share his misgivings with her yet, hoping once they got their journey underway he could stop worrying so much.

"Well," Belle said, "I'm starving. What do you say we go to Granny's and get some dinner?"

"Sounds great," Rumple said, eager to get out of the shop for a while. "Let me close up a few things here and we'll be on our way."

Satisfied, Belle smiled and nodded. She went over to grab her purse, looking down at the two books she had brought with her. She had learned some interesting things in her adventure book, and hadn't yet gotten a chance to look through Henry's.

"Alright, ready to go?" Rumple asked as he flipped the shop's sign to Closed.

Belle looked up, hurriedly closing her purse. "Yep," she said, and put her arm through his as they walked out the door together.

For a reason Belle couldn't quite explain, even to herself, she decided not to tell Rumple about the books in her bag. She instinctively squeezed her purse closer to her side, as if that would help keep her secret a little bit safer.