"Hey! you're back early and with the twins. Hello my pretties" Kate cooed at the girls as she helped take Ella from Alicia's arm to lighten the weight on her. Alicia smiled as Kate Eskimo kissed with Ella, the baby girl giggled and scrunched her nose at the sensation of rubbing noses. Kate looked to Alicia and noted that she had change of outfit as Alicia was now in a navy blue tank maxi dress. She also noted Alicia's red rimmed, blood shot eyes and rosy nose all indicators that she had been crying.
"Come in" Kate said welcoming Alicia into her house again. "So, you want to tell me why you're here early? Not that I mind and you changed. I like the dress" Kate said as they moved to the lounge room area. Alicia saw Caleb was in his portable cot by the lounge asleep as they moved to sit down. Kate reclined in one of the arm chairs with Ella on her knee. She started bopping her knee as the motion kept Ella from fussing.
"Taylor and I had a disagreement and I couldn't stay in my house. The dress is due to being lazy and Ella had a spew on my early outfit" Alicia told her, Kate slowed her movements on Ella as she didn't want the girl to spew on her. Alicia smiled weakly as she he took a shaky breath and quelled the emotions that threatened to make her break down into a puddle of tears.
"I take it nothing was resolved" Kate said as she surreptitiously felt Ella's forehead for a temperature to find the girl was fine. She wished she felt the same as she was exhausted and a little achy but she ignored her current state and focussed on Alicia who needed her.
"How did you know?" Alicia asked.
"Well you weren't gone long enough and your hair does not say 'I had awesome make up sex'. The wardrobe change did throw me a bit and well you look bloody miserable" Kate said Alicia gave a sardonic laugh, miserable didn't cover what she was feeling.
"Yeah, Taylor was called away before we could finish our conversation" Alicia said shaking her head. She kissed the top of Ava's head as the girl pulled on her dress marvelling at how stretchy the fabric was.
"Malcolm messaged me about a minute before you knocked on the door to tell me to eat lunch without him and that he'll be home for dinner. So something must up. Maybe a building collapsed" Kate said in a dramatic manner.
"Doesn't it bother you?" Alicia asked her. The question had slipped out of her mouth by accident but she did wonder if Kate felt the same annoyance and resentment of the Colony coming before her and Caleb.
"A little but I know if I really need him. I can call him he'll drop everything to come home. So it's ok" Kate said with a shrug, and there was the rub of it all. Alicia and Kate had very different husbands, there really was no comparison to be made.
"Yeah I just wish one time I could finish a conversation with Taylor before some crisis in the Colony calls him away." Alicia said frustrated as she felt like Taylor was married to the colony and she was becoming that unwanted mistress but also because she came over to Kate's house for distraction.
"So, I was thinking when Caleb is bigger and things calm down we could go to the firing range and then have lunch at Boylan's for a cold beverage" Kate said to Alicia, who smiled at the momentary change of conversation.
"Isn't it a little early to be teaching him how to fire a pistol?" Alicia asked teasingly. Kate looked her dead on with a serious expression.
"No, not at all. I expect him to be able to break down and name every part of an assault rifle and then reassemble it by the age of 3" Kate deadpanned. After a few seconds a smile cracked on Kate's lips and she laughed, Alicia joined in as Kate nearly had her going.
"Actually that would be really adorable if he could do that. I should start reading weaponry tech manuals to him" Kate said thoughtfully. Alicia looked at her incredulously.
"Yes, I'm sure Malcolm would be thrilled" Alicia drawled in a dry tone. Ava grew restless so Alicia placed her on the floor and allowed the girl to roam as she knew Malcolm had the place baby proofed, hell he even 'Kate' proofed it with the triple glaze windows.
"Why not? He reads environmental science textbooks to Caleb" Kate said in a slightly defensive manner.
"Really?" Alicia asked with a chuckle as she kept an eye on Ava who was crawling around the floor like the devil was on her tail.
"Yeah and it puts me straight to sleep, how he finds all that stuff interesting is beyond me. Anyway I was thinking I'd leave Caleb in Malcolm's care and maybe you could leave the twins with Taylor. We could just have a girl's day" Kate said. Alicia laughed as a 'typical' girl's day did not usually involve shooting weapons and a drink.
"Sounds like a plan, we should invite Liz. She gets a real kick out firing guns even though she misses the target 80% of the time." Alicia said. Kate chuckled as she too remembered the last time they had taken Elisabeth to the shooting range. Elisabeth had just been toying with the idea of learning how to use a gun in case the situation arose and she needed the skill.
"So you want to tell me what put you into tears?" Kate asked taking the conversation back to Alicia. Kate didn't need the gory details but she knew that Alicia needed to vent.
"You want to tell me why you didn't tell me that Taylor abandoned the colony for four days?" Alicia counted, Kate blew out her breath in a slow manner as the tables turned back on her.
"To be honest?" Kate asked.
"I'd appreciate it" Alicia said tightly, Kate lifted Ella to her chest and then moved to sit beside her on the lounge. She then placed Ella in her lap just holding her making sure the baby girl was comfortable before she looked Alicia head on.
"I swear to you. I didn't do keep it from you on purpose. I just didn't want to think about it, when he dropped off the twins Malcolm had just left me alone for the first time with Caleb. Malcolm said he was only going to be gone half an hour and so I thought 'hey, I'm tired but I can do this' but then Taylor came in and just gave me the twins and left. Who by the way were crying, then Caleb started crying and then I was crying having a meltdown. It was overwhelming and frankly I felt like such a failure." Kate told her, Alicia felt like a bitch for asking as she saw the defeated look in Kate's eyes.
She like Kate were used to being experts at what they did. They were soldiers and years of training and honing the skills they were taught gave them a sense of pride and strength but yet give them crying children and overactive hormones and their tough exterior melted away. New insecurities emerged as there was no manual or training exercise with children it was a 'learn as you go' and everyone was tossed in at the deep end of the pool.
"Kate-" Alicia started but Kate cut her off.
"I was crushed I couldn't look after all three of the kids and so I called Malcolm for help. My first week with Caleb was like living in the lobby of a hotel. I had your brother, Jim, Liz, Maddy and Malcolm; all of them coming and going from here. But I felt like a failure" Kate told her, she placed Ella on the floor to crawl and explore with Ava as Kate was starting to get emotional and she didn't trust herself enough to hold onto Ella. "I had a complete meltdown which wasn't pretty" Kate said, Alicia touched her hand and Kate looked to her.
"You're not a failure" Alicia told her adamantly.
"Thanks but at the time I felt it and when Taylor came back and he took the twins back. He wasn't happy and he didn't say anything. No apologies or thank yous, just collected them and left. I felt horrible as if I had done everything wrong, like I had disappointed him and you by failing to cope with the girls and Caleb. Oh and today with Taylor was just another episode of whether I'm really fit to be a mother. but like I said I swear I wasn't keeping it a secret I just pushed it out of my mind and honestly I-" Kate didn't get to the finished the sentence as Alicia cut her off.
"It's ok, I understand and don't beat yourself up about it. Remember how I was a wreck when the twins were born? So I know what it's like to overwhelmed and stressed out. To lose control" Alicia told her in a sympathetic tone, hearing Kate talk as she was made her angrier at Taylor for making Kate question her abilities and come up short when it wasn't true.
"Yeah but you didn't break windows or have to put the twins down because you were afraid you'd hurt them. I did, I'm like a ticking time bomb" Kate told her in a hushed voice as tears glittered in her eyes. Alicia could just hear the recriminations and the 'what if's' rolling around in Kate's head.
"Oh God. Kate, No. Don't ever think like that and don't play 'what if' games. Every person has a breaking point and yours just keeps getting tested and pushed a little more. I'm not angry or disappointed in you. I'm incredibly grateful that I have someone like you in my life and I trust you to take care of my girls. Sure you had to call in back up but hell I would've done the same in your situation. It was a situation that should have never occurred at all. I wanted your first weeks of parenting to be as peaceful as possible. Not end up being a circus act" Alicia told her.
"Taylor-"
"He left the twins and me, he left us to bury Lucas and he came back but he's spent his days rebuilding the colony and spending little to no time at home. Sure, he's helped around the house but he's not present. The first chance he gets he's out the door. The colony has become more important than me and the twins" Alicia said throwing her hands up in frustration.
"He's grieving-"
"No, he's punishing us for surviving his son. Well punishing me, the twins are just collateral damage" Alicia said admitting the truth of how she felt.
"Alicia-" Kate started again but Alicia needed Kate to understand not make excuses for Taylor.
"He sleeps on the couch Kate. Today was the first time in over a week where we've said more than 5 sentences to one another. The only reason we had an argument was that I overheard Malcolm tearing him a new one for what he did to you. I was so angry. No, I am angry and disappointed in him. And I don't want you to make excuses for him either" Alicia told her.
"Ok, I won't" Kate said.
"You were collateral damage in our mess. You smashed your back window because Taylor upset you with his request to interrogate me. Something he should have never asked you to do. If he was even thinking he'd know it'd be a waste of time to ask" Alicia said, she watched as Kate's eyes flickered to the fractured window that still sat in it's frame.
"Well the window didn't break, we have triple glazed windows and well worth the cost as it's incredibly hard to break and look at it. It just fractured in the frame and thank goodness as I don't have to worry about broken glass shards on the floor" Kate explained defensively as she still felt like an idiot for breaking it. She didn't know why she downplayed it but in a small way it made her feel better.
"Still, Taylor is going to pay for that" Alicia said grimly as she felt he was more responsible for the damage than Kate who broke it.
"With money right?" Kate asked as she didn't think Carter and his associate would accept blood as payment.
"Of course" Alicia said making a face as if she had heard Kate's thoughts.
"Just checking, look you should also know I resigned from my position as deputy" Kate said carefully.
"What?! Why?!" Alicia demanded. Kate ducked her head slightly and looked sheepish as if she wasn't upset in the slightest by her decision to quit her job.
"Well I really just wanted to take myself out of Taylor and Jim's bag of tricks. In a weird way it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can just focus on myself and getting used to everything without worrying about my maternity leave running out and returning to work. I'm sure I will regret the decision later but for now I think it's for the best. I need to relax more and well Malcolm is happy about it" Kate said with a sheepish smile. She always felt if she ever had a family of her own she'd be some kind super organized, working mother. But right now she just wanted to stay home and not think about work or anything else besides Malcolm and her son. She felt like a 1950's house wife wannabe something that would make her grandmother roll in her grave.
"I'm sure he is" Alicia said smugly as Malcolm was just like every other man. They never said it but they all secretly relished being the money earners and taking care of business. That and it wasn't news that Malcolm hated Kate being a deputy and the inherent dangers involved in that career path. Kate's smile grew wider as she knew Alicia was enjoying the change in Kate and Malcolm's power dynamic.
"Yeah, yeah. So what are you going to do with your husband?" Kate asked turning the tables back to Alicia. So they wouldn't talk about her anymore.
"Talk to him later when he's finished with work. Would it be ok if I left the girls stay here for a couple of hours this evening? I really want to talk to him without the twins around" Alicia said.
"Yeah of course, just let me tell Malcolm so he can be here to help. What?" Kate said she pulled out her comm. unit from the pocket of her. She noticed Alicia giving her a smug and satisfied look.
"Aren't you a little Miss Dependant calling her man for permission to do things" Alicia teased. Kate rolled her eyes at the comment.
"Excuse me but that's Mrs Dependant to you. I'm a married woman now. Anyway I'm human, I can't be exceptional at everything ok?" Kate said with chuckle as she typed a message to Malcolm.
"Tell me this is a joke" Jim said to Malcolm as he came into Evan's office in the secondary research labs. Evan looked from his plex as he sat behind his desk. He and Malcolm were prioritising space and research when Jim interrupted them. Malcolm was currently sitting back in one of the guest chairs in the office. He pocketed his comm. unit after messaging a reply to her, giving a time he'd be home to help her look after the twins and Caleb.
"What?" Malcolm asked as he picked his plex up from where he placed it on the desk.
"Kate, she sent me a message with an attached file. Her formal letter of resignation, she is resigning her post as my deputy. It's a joke right?" Jim asked.
"So it's one of those days" Evan remarked going back to his plex. Malcolm silently agreed.
"Is it true?" Jim asked Malcolm.
"Yes" Malcolm replied before he turned to Evan "We should just shut down all non essential research until further notice." He said.
"That's going to upset a lot of people" Evan told him.
"I know but it's only for a few weeks" Malcolm told him, he knew he wasn't going to be winning any awards for his decisions but they just didn't have the luxury to keep his whole department happy.
"Did you tell her to quit?" Jim asked Malcolm, pushing his agenda into their conversation. Evan made a derisive noise as he was sure that no one could tell Kate what to do especially something as major as quitting her job. But the question got Malcolm's hackles up as the man looked up from his plex and gave Jim an incredulous look.
"What? Don't be absurd. She didn't even tell me she was resigning until after she informed Taylor." Malcolm told him.
"So then what happened?" Jim asked.
"Didn't Kate explain herself in the letter of resignation?" Malcolm asked in an exhausted tone.
"No, she gave me a generic letter of resignation. So what gives?" Jim asked.
"You're asking me?" Malcolm asked.
"Well I'd ask her but she's a little oversensitive these days and I'd rather not rock that boat for another few weeks if I can" Jim said carefully, the truth was that he just couldn't handle Kate when she became emotional or erratic as he had the knack of exacerbating her into an worse state instead of calming her.
"I appreciate that but it's rather simple. Kate and Taylor had a discussion which I was not privy to and as an end result Kate decided to resign from her job." Malcolm told him truthfully, he hoped Jim would back off as he was getting tired of everyone upsetting his wife. Even if it was mostly unintentional he just wanted a break from all the drama but sadly he couldn't just send a memo out with that request.
"Great another 'Taylor' related event. I thought we were past all that" Jim said taking a seat in the office. Malcolm kept his mouth shut as he really wanted to get back to work than bemoan their Leader's lack of decorum. Malcolm felt the futality of the conversation and it only annoyed him as he had gone to Taylor's not to vent his frustrations but to make the man see some sense in his actions. To show better decorum and also to tell him to leave his wife out of his marital problems.
"He's grieving" Evan said diplomatically.
"Making excuses for him" Malcolm grumbled as he didn't think it qualified as an acceptable excuse. He could accept that people grieved in their own way but they still had to be held accountable for actions.
"He's married to my sister until they get divorced or Taylor dies whichever comes first. I have to pretend there's a smidgen of love between us" Evan said with a shrug.
"So, what am I going to do?" Jim asked.
"Find a new deputy" Malcolm told him as he felt the answer was quite obvious.
"So pragmatic aren't you going to help me try and convince Kate to come back. I was happy to wait a few months as she's handy with intimidation and dealing with the sixers" Jim said.
"Yes because I just enjoy having my wife continuously put her life and sanity on the line for basic pay and no gratitude" Malcolm said dryly.
"That's rather harsh" Jim told him.
"Well I remember having to dissuade Kate from violence after you told her that it was her job to get Alicia to file a witness account-" Malcolm started but Jim cut him off.
"No, I mentioned that we needed one in the future but it was not an order just a heads up as Taylor asked me to do it. I wasn't telling her to do it" Jim clarified as Evan was looking at them with raised eyebrows but Malcolm was not convinced by Jim's clarifications.
"Yes well Taylor turned it into an order this morning after insinuating that Kate had no moral integrity among other things" Malcolm said folding his arms across his chest.
"So this is just a knee jerk reaction and you said you weren't privy to the conversation they had" Jim said narrowing his eyes as Malcolm knew the man was going into his 'cop' mode. Malcolm gave a sigh and fought the urge to roll his eyes.
"I wasn't privy to all the details but I do have to get my back window replaced thanks to Taylor and whatever he said to Kate that she didn't tell me. So I'd appreciate it if you gave her a break before upsetting Kate any further than she has been for the day" Malcolm said as he wanted Jim to know he didn't want Kate disturbed.
"You should've gone triple glazed windows" Evan remarked to Malcolm.
"We did, the window didn't break but it has huge cracks in it. The point being is that I don't know the whole story nor do I want to. What Alicia wants to share with you and Taylor about what happened with Lucas is her business. My wife is on Maternity leave which means all she has to focus on is Caleb and her recovery. It is not the time when you and Taylor tell her what her job is and ask her to break the confidence of her closest friend then insult her integrity and question her mental stability when she refuses to do so" Malcolm told him firmly.
"It's not like that" Jim told him.
"No? Well that is how it feels." Malcolm snapped, a knock sounded at the door and Malcolm looked over at the doorway to see Dr Haynes. The woman was truly a thorn in his side the last two weeks. "Yes, Dr Haynes?" he asked.
"I was hoping for a moment of your time" she said.
"Now is not the time" Malcolm told her in a polite yet dismissive manner as he really didn't want to hear the complaints of yet another person especially Haynes as she had a flare of being overdramatic.
"But this is important. You're shutting down what is left of my research!" Haynes hissed at him, at least she blushed lightly acknowledging the impropriety of how she was acting.
"Dr Haynes, you're no Robinson Crusoe. I'm shutting down many scientists research including my own until further notice. I'll be holding a meeting tomorrow afternoon where you can air your issues" Malcolm told her. He made his tone clear that he was not going to discuss it further with.
"But-" Haynes started not taking the hint.
"Goodbye, Dr Haynes" Malcolm said in a cold and dismissive manner. Haynes closed her mouth and left in a huff. Jim and Evan exchanged looks as Malcolm was normally more cordial with his staff. Malcolm rubbed a hand over his face and gave an exhausted sigh.
"Malcolm, maybe you should take the day off. Get some sleep" Jim suggested.
"The day is half gone. I'll take the weekend off" Malcolm said as he placed his plex on the desk.
"Good idea and turn off your comm. unit get some sleep and family time" Evan said.
"Ok, if that's the case you should take the rest of today and tomorrow off. So that way you get to spend some time with your kids" Malcolm said to Evan.
"I won't say no to that" Evan told him with a smile, he looked at his watch noting the time but made no moves to leave as it was too early to pick Olivia up from day care and Sean was still in school. But then it was his office.
"As to your problem Jim, I suggest you take it up with Taylor. Kate would not have sent you a letter of resignation if she wasn't serious."
"Ok, so you're telling me I shouldn't ask Kate or maybe give her incentives to entice her to take back the resignation?" Jim asked with a hopeful tone.
"Do you know how much Kate made back in her old life?" Malcolm asked.
"No" Jim said.
"Three times what I currently make and that's because she was on hazardous pay and earned healthy Christmas bonuses as well as being given exceptional health and tax benefits. If you can match that then maybe she could be convinced" Malcolm said with a smirk.
"Ah yeah I can't match that" Jim said rubbing the back of his neck grimacing at the figure. He definitely had chosen the wrong line of work. Now he was beginning to wonder how much Malcolm made.
"Either way it doesn't matter. She won't be working for another four years at least" Evan said.
"Oh and why is that?" Jim asked him.
"Because they are going to have another kid. I can guarantee you, this time next year they will have a second kid either in their arms or on the way" Evan said in a smug tone.
"Really? and What makes you so sure?" Malcolm asked Evan. He couldn't help but smile at the assumption as it was definitely something he would like. He loved Caleb to pieces but didn't want him to grow up an only child like he had been. Not that his childhood was lacking as it hadn't been but he also did want a younger sibling when growing up.
"Just a feeling and Kate told me ages ago how you want three littles girls so you two are going to be busy" Evan said.
Alicia had made sure the twins were fed, bathed and changed before she left Kate's house. She wanted to make sure that Kate and Malcolm didn't have to do anything more than just play with the twins before she fingers crossed with Taylor came to pick them up to take them home. But even she felt it was wishful thinking, like anything she could say to Taylor would make him happy.
She opened the door to the house and took a deep breath as she walked in and closed the door behind her. Taylor wasn't home yet. She moved to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of whisky Taylor had stashed under the kitchen sink. He wasn't a drinker but sometimes he liked to indulge in a shot or two. She took off the lid and got a glass pouring herself a shot for courage as her nerves felt brittle and raw.
She capped the bottle and placed it back in its hiding place before she took a sip of the whisky. She savoured the flavour and the burning sensation as it slid down her throat into her belly. She gave a sigh just as the door opened. She placed the glass on the bench and turned to face Taylor who walked into the house. She watched as he closed the door and then kicked off his boots, a sign that he had no intention of leaving the house anytime soon.
"Where are the twins?" Taylor asked.
"I'm just peachy. Thanks so much for asking. How was your day?" Alicia asked dryly as she folded her arms across her chest. Taylor moved to her side and picked up the glass of whisky, he took a sip and sized her up for a moment before he spoke.
"Horrible, I argued with my wife who's keeping secrets from to come home to find her drinking the good stuff and my children nowhere to be seen" he told her as he placed the glass on the bench.
"Our children" Alicia corrected before continuing "are at Kate and Malcolm's as I want us to finish what we started earlier. I'm tired of our stalemate and I will not have our children no matter what age they are witness us argue about something I consider to be an issue between you and me" Alicia told him.
"So you're ready to talk?" he asked.
"I was ready before. I told you I want us to move past this. I just want us to be happy again, for you to look at me like I am the woman you promised to love and behold until your dying days. The mother of your beautiful children, I want to see you smile and laugh again. We were happy I want that. Tell me how do we get back to there?" Alicia asked as she cupped his face and pleaded with him silently to take what she was offering.
Taylor closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he took the warmth of her hands away from his face and held them in his own hands. He opened his eyes and looked at her, he could see the strain of the past week writing in her face, the pain she was experiencing from his behaviour.
"It's not that easy" He told her in a low voice. He could see the despair in her and he felt it too but he couldn't just let his son's death be a mystery to him. He needed to know to find closure.
"Nathaniel, I love you but I can't keep being punished" Alicia told him.
"I'm not punishing you"
"You punish me for my silence with your own, you have kept me at arm's length for days. You only care about what happened to Lucas, not about what happened to me. If I told you the truth you'd hate me, if you don't already" She told him, her voice quavered in pain as tears slipped down her face.
"I don't hate you and I don't want to know what happened to punish you. It's about getting closure, I need to know what happened for my peace of mind. I can't let it go until I know" He told her. She snatched her hands from him as anger boiled up in her.
"Fine, you can't let it go then I'll tell you. I killed him" She told him in a scathing tone as she resented how he couldn't make a concession for her. His features turned to stone but his eyes glittered with an emotion she couldn't place. "It's what you wanted to hear right?" Alicia asked him.
"I want to know the whole story" Taylor told her in a low voice as he braced himself for what she was going to say next.
"Why? All you'll hear is that I murdered your son and nothing else" Alicia told him.
"Not true!" he said vehemently.
"It is, I can see it when you look at me. The way you avoid touching me or even interacting with me!" She exclaimed throwing her hands up in the air in complete despair. She couldn't win either way and right now she was completely out of her depth.
"Just tell me" he pleaded.
"Ok fine" She said she pulled the playpen to the area between the lounge and dining areas.
"What are you doing?" he asked as he wondered why she was rearranging the furniture.
"You want a blow by blow of what happened to your son. Well I can't just tell you without you understanding. So I have to show you, to make you understand" Alicia told him as she slammed a chair by the playpen. She gestured to the empty chair. "Go ahead, take your seat" she told him.