In the early hours of the morning,
Malcolm carefully placed a sleeping Caleb back into his cot by the bed. He felt content at the knowledge his son would sleep peacefully for a few hours as he had a fresh nappy and a belly full of milk. Malcolm wished he had it that easy as he looked to Kate who was asleep in their bed. When he had left the room to tend with Caleb she had been curled up in the fetal position, now she was lying on her back with her arms and legs starfished taking up all the space. There was no way he could just slip in without waking her.
He also wasn't game to lie on top of her as she did to him as he felt he was too heavy and she would definitely wake up and take it as an invitation. He lifted the top sheet and blanket off his side of the bed and rolled Kate onto her side. She murmured something unintelligible as he slid in behind her and pulled the blankets over himself. He wrapped an arm around Kate's waist and pressed a kiss to the base of her neck.
"Mmm your nose is cold. What's the time?" she murmured in a sleepy tone. She snuggled back into him and gave a sigh as the warmth of his body warmed her up.
"2am, go back to sleep" Malcolm told her.
"So you can sneak off to your mistress?" Kate asked teasingly as she turned around to face him, she tugged on his t-shirt in a playful manner and smiled.
"I don't have one" he told her in a low voice, drinking in the luscious sight of her mussed hair and sleepy expression.
"How do I know? You work late and you're remarkably restrained for a man who hasn't had sex with his wife in over 4 weeks" Kate said looking at him with raised eyebrows. Malcolm felt his head spin as he really couldn't understand why she was so insistent on having sex. He read that new mothers were supposed to be exhausted and feeling out sorts that they needed to be taken care of, made to feel they were supported and allowed to rest as much as possible.
Kate was like that in the first three but the last week she had turned into a horny teenager with low impulse control and while normally he'd happily indulge her. He didn't feel comfortable with the prospect that he might hurt her. There was also the nagging fact that she did give birth to their son only a month ago and the last thing he wanted was to hurt her. He needed the 6 weeks over so he knew for his own piece of mind that she was completely free and clear in the healing department.
"I'm British" he deadpanned.
"So you can't you just lie on your back and think of England, while I do what I need to do? Isn't that what your people do?" Kate teased, Malcolm laughed as wrapped his arms around hers and pulled her close.
"My people" he murmured in amusement.
"Yes, your people all sexually repressed and proper" Kate said before she licked the column of his neck. He groaned in pleasure as his body responded in kind. She gave a breathy chuckle as she tried to move but he quickly pinned her legs between his and tightened his arms around her so she couldn't move hers. It was the only way he knew to control her until she gave up. Never in his adult life did he think he would need to restrain a woman let alone his wife so she wouldn't have sex with him.
"I thought I had dispelled that stereotype quite a while ago" he said to her.
"I don't know, it's returned these past weeks" she remarked before she gently nipped and kissed his neck. He knew she would continue her delicious onslaught if he didn't speak up, at least she respected his wishes. Or tried to.
"Kate, you're really testing my limits. I want to wait the 6 weeks. Just do this for me. this one thing" He said in an exhausted tone, Kate gave a sigh and dropped her head against his neck. Her body went lax in his arms and he knew she had given up for the night. At least.
"I love you" he told her before he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He relaxed his arms around her just a fraction as he enjoyed holding her close.
"I'm questioning your love right now" she grumbled petulantly and he smiled and tried not to laugh but he couldn't stop his chest from shaking and Kate pushed up and looked down at him.
"You're laughing at me" Kate stated as Malcolm tried vainly not to laugh but it still bubbled up.
"I am" he admitted smiling at her in the low lighting, Kate's eyes narrowed at him and he realised she may not be entirely jesting.
"It's not funny, I throw myself at you nonstop and you reject me over and over"
"You said you recieved the message after the first ten or so times"
"I figured you'd at least change your mind"
"Well it won't as you know I'm doing this because of medical reasons. It'd be the same if you broke your pelvis" he assured her.
"I didn't break my pelvis or tear anything. I'm healthy and completely healed" She told him.
"But the guidelines are set up for your health and safety" He said and Kate rolled her eyes at the lecture she knew was coming. It was in these moments Kate could tell what kind of parent he was going be as he liked to lecture people.
"I'm not operating heavy machinery here" Kate said darkly. Malcolm laughed and she punched his chest just enough to make it hurt but not to bruise. He winced but caught her hand; he brought to his lips and gently kissed her knuckles.
Her eyes softened as she looked down at him. "You're still attracted to me right?" she asked. There was a look of vulnerability she had in her eyes and he knew she wasn't fishing compliments but reassurances. He brushed his hand through her hair slowly and cupped her face.
"I think you can feel the evidence of how attracted I am to you right now" he told her. It was true, there was no denying or hiding the fact that he was painfully aroused.
"You're a man, I've been told it doesn't take much to get it up and going" Kate grumbled as she laid back down on him. Not caring if she was too heavy, if she was then it was up to him to move her.
"Oh how woefully misinformed you are" he said before chuckling. He ran his hand down the curve of her back. "Just a couple more weeks and I will happily indulge every salacious thought running through your head" he told her.
"Promise?" Kate asked her tone excited at the idea.
"Only if you promise to go to sleep instead of riling me" Malcolm countered.
Taylor opened the front door to his home and walked into the house. He closed the door behind him like he normally did when he was in the colony. He knew if he crept around the house it wake Alicia from her sleep. It was also his home so he didn't feel it was necessary for him to be creeping all over the place.
He noticed the lights were on and smiled as he saw Alicia fast asleep on the lounge. He walked over to her and looked down at her, watching her sleep. For a few moments, he just drank in the beautiful sight of her long raven hair, the relaxed expression on her face. He moved to the bedroom and pulled back the blanket and top sheet before he returned to Alicia.
He carefully lifted her up off the lounge into his arms bridal style and carried her into the bedroom. He carefully laid her down onto the bed and tucked her in. She shifted in her sleep and he froze expecting her to wake up but she didn't, instead she made herself comfortable and continued to sleep on. He leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead before he left her to sleep.
Afew hours later, Alicia woke up the delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the promise of hot breakfast. She smiled and stretched her arms out and frowned as she opened her eyes to find herself in bed.
She sat up and looked around, her brain still fogged with sleep she picked up the clock on her bedside table and realised it was 8:30am. She had overslept which meant she had no time to exercise and Taylor had managed to get into the house and put her to bed without her waking up. She felt annoyed at herself for letting her defences slip. She had purposely tried to stay up last night to catch him sneaking into the house but instead she had fallen asleep. It rankled her and she was disappointed in herself as she used to wake up at the slightest noise.
Apparently not anymore… she grumbled in her head, the feelings of inadequacy and annoyance soon evaporated when she heard the twins happily chattering and Taylor's low voice.
"Hey, strawberries are for eating not playing. I'm watching you and no doe eyes will work on me" he said, Alicia couldn't help but smile as she knew he was talking to Ava. Her baby girl loved to play with her food. She got out of bed and changed her clothing, brushed her hair. Preparing herself as it was the first time in over a week she had seen him.
A week since he had given her that letter, a week she had been waiting to talk to him and give him her answer. She squared her shoulders and took a fortifying breath in preparation before she strode out the bedroom.
Taylor heard Alicia's footsteps and looked up from the pancake he was cooking to look at her. She was wearing a light grey loose fitted ¾ sleeve top with a scoop neckline and white linen short shorts. The colours only emphasised her olive complexion and dark hair that was out loose. It made him want to forget about breakfast and take her back to bed but he had a plan and all thoughts of her wrapping her long legs around him and the pleasure of her had to be put on the back burner. They needed to rebuild their relationship and trust in one another something sex didn't help do. No matter how pleasurable.
"Good morning" he said with a smile before he flipped the pancake in the pan so the other side could cook.
"You're back" Alicia said, he watched as she moved to the high chairs and kissed the tops of Ava and Ella's heads as the girls were in the middle of eating their breakfast.
"I am" Taylor said as he plated up the pancake with the rest.
"You made breakfast" Alicia remarked as she moved onto the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee.
"I did, I was wondering if you read the letter" he said as he moved to the table.
"I did" She replied, a short answer that gave him nothing to work with.
"And?" he asked hoping she would give him just an inch to help him out on what his next move could or should be.
"And what?" She replied with a blank expression.
"Do you have an answer?" he pressed feeling slightly exasperated at her being purposefully obtuse with him. She was never one to play games but right now he felt she was messing with him to make him squirm.
"Are those Strawberries? I didn't know they were in season" Alicia asked as she moved to the dining table and sat down with her back to him. He felt his blood pressure rise slightly and not in the good way.
"Yes, and they are. I made pancakes." He remarked as she obviously wasn't going to be kind on him.
"Mmm I noticed." Alicia said after a sip of coffee, she looked to the twins for a moment before she picked up her plate and started to pile it with food. He sat down opposite her.
"Alicia" he said in an imploring manner and she looked at him clearly knowing exactly what he was asking.
"Ok, I thought about it and I don't understand" Alicia told him and it was true. She didn't understand why he wanted to play out some fantasy of wooing her when all she wanted was for him to come back, to treat her respectfully, to love her and for them to be happy again.
"I want us to start fresh, we can't clean the slate but we can begin again. I feel like we've lost touch with one another, so I want to court you with the intentions of renewing our vows" he said.
"So you want to jump through all the hoops you tell the soldiers to go through when they are interested in a partner?" she asked as she fixed up her pancakes with maple syrup and added more berries to her plate.
"Lead by example and considering I never did court you properly. It could be an interesting and rewarding adventure. Maybe we'll learn something new about one another that we haven't in the last two decades. So you in?" he asked.
Alicia opened her mouth to answer, how could she tell him that she didn't want to jump through all the hoops with him. What she wanted was for them to just be together. But before she could even begin to answer him the front door opened and they turned to see Kate walk in looking incredibly frustrated.
"My husband still refuses to have se-" Kate stopped mid sentence as she realised that she was interrupting their family breakfast and what Taylor felt was going to be a pivotal moment. "Oh hey Taylor" Kate said with an awkward smile.
"Morning" Taylor said, his tone and body language said 'go away now'. If it were anyone but Kate they would have turned and left the house. But it was Kate, so she instead closed the front door.
"You're back" Kate stated.
"I am" Taylor remarked as he slipped a look at Alicia who was looking unsure of how she felt. It looked like a combination of relief and an emotion he couldn't quite put a name on it. So he turned his attention back to Kate.
"Normally, Alicia is past breakfast and just moping around" Kate said as she moved to the table.
"I do not mope" Alicia said, she felt like she was lying because she did mope but it was on the inside. By this time she would have been making breakfast for herself after fixing the twins up and workout. Kate would drop by and keep an eye on the twins while she showered but this morning was different as she had slept in and Taylor was back and actually present.
"You do, just a little but that's ok we all have our moments" Kate said as she took a seat at the table. Alicia gave a smile appreciating that Kate didn't make it sound like she was suicidal.
"So Malcolm is refusing to have..?" Taylor asked hoping it might make Kate feel embarrassment and thus she would leave to avoid the conversation entirely. But by the twinkle in her eyes he could tell he was wrong as she propped her head up on her elbow and leaned on the table looking at him.
"You really want to know? Because I was looking for some womanly advice but if you want I'll happily take some advice from you as well" Kate drawled with a smile. It was like she knew she was pushing his buttons and damn it she was enjoying it.
"No, I have a feeling I should stay out of this one" Taylor said.
"Where's Caleb?" Alicia asked now looking amused as she could see Taylor was not enjoying himself. He had plans for their breakfast and Alicia felt the pressure of that question he asked. He already knew the answer, he knew what she wanted but for some reason needed to pretty it up and 'court' her. She had to admit the idea seemed appealing on paper but the reality of it happening made her cringe as she didn't want to pretend that they were starting from scratch and didn't know one another.
"With Malcolm at work, he said I needed some 'relax' time" Kate said, she made finger gestures to emphasise the word 'relax' and rolled her eyes before she reached over and ate a strawberry.
"Then maybe you should go relax at your house by yourself." Taylor suggested. Alicia stifled a smile as she could tell Taylor wanted it to be just them and the twins.
"Or maybe I'm exactly where I need to be- Oh I'll get that" Kate said as a knock sounded at the door. She got up from her seat and moved to the door opening it to find Jim.
"Kate" Jim said in greeting, Taylor wished he could drop his head in his hands. Never had he felt his life so infiltrated as he did right now. It was downright comical.
"Jim" Kate said, she stepped out of the way to let him into the house. He of course had more manners than Kate and stayed at the doorway waiting to be invited in.
"Where's –" Jim started ask Kate where Caleb was when she answered.
"With Malcolm." She said with a smile.
"Sure that's wise" Jim quipped, Kate rolled her eyes at him.
"You're hilarious. Believe it or not Malcolm is capable of looking after our child without me around" Kate said in a sarcastic tone.
"Shannon, what are you doing here?" Taylor asked before the two could continue on, he wanted them to leave so he could get back to the first tender steps towards wooing his wife.
"I heard you were back and I'm here to hand the reins over" Jim said, Kate raised an eyebrow at Jim.
"A little desperate to be unshackled from your responsibilities?" Kate asked Jim in dry tone.
"I'm a sheriff not a Colony leader material. I think the sooner we all agree on that, the happier I'll be. So what's your excuse? What are you doing over here?" Jim asked her.
"My husband wants me to 'relax' and so I came over for some advice" Kate answered.
"Oh, must be terrible, having free time to do whatever you like" Jim said teasingly and Kate shook her head at him.
"I don't mind being Caleb-free but that isn't the issue and I needed advice" Kate told him.
"And you didn't think to come to me?" Jim asked pretending to be offended.
"You're fourth on the list" she told him.
"Fourth? we were partners" Jim said as if he couldn't believe he ranked fourth on the list of people she would defer to for advice.
"Yes, you were my work wife-" she started casually but he cut her off.
"Wife? I think you have that wrong. I was your work husband" he said correcting her and Kate leveled her eyes with his and pursed her lips for a moment before shaking her head.
"Nah, I totally wore the pants in our work relationship" Kate told him.
"I was your boss" Jim argued.
"I allowed you to be my boss, which is what the husband usually allows the wife to do" Kate said, Taylor cleared his throat and the two looked his way. Kate smiled smugly while Jim shook his head in disbelief.
"Sorry" Jim said as he hadn't meant to get sidetracked by Kate and their irreverant conversaton.
"I drop by the command centre in a couple of hours to relieve you Shannon" Taylor said.
"Thanks and that's me. Enjoy your breakfast" Jim said, he gave a nod and left the house.
"Kate" Taylor said hoping the woman would take a hint, maybe he should have bought the cupcakes for her immediately instead of holding off a day as she gave a smug smile.
"Are those pancakes?" Kate asked and Taylor gave her a glower look as she knew that they were pancakes on the table.
"Yep, you want some?" Alicia asked her and Taylor inwardly groaned as he knew that Alicia and he were not going to have their breakfast back and he was not going to get his answer until they were alone.
"Like you have to ask" Kate said.
"I'm not getting my family breakfast back am I?" Taylor asked not bothering to hide his displeasure, he had it coming. If he had bought the cupcakes and told Kate to stay away she wouldn't be here acting as a buffer for Alicia to save her from answering him.
"Not today" Alicia said with an amused tone as Kate sat down next to her and picked up the plate with the pancakes on it making it her own.
"Malcolm" Taylor said as he knocked on the door of Malcolm's temporary office in the secondary research labs. He had finished breakfast with Alicia and Kate then left them to relieve Jim of his duties of being in charge of the colony all before he came to Malcolm.
He felt the only way he'd get access to Alicia was if he got Malcolm to occupy his wife. Hell, he already put in the order for the cupcakes but even he wasn't stupid enough to believe cupcakes would keep Kate from messing with his plans.
"Commander, I heard you were back" Malcolm said as he looked up from his work as he sat behind the desk with the top drawer to his right open. Taylor moved into the room and heard a tiny gurgling noise. He looked to the origin of the source and saw in the open top drawer was Caleb. He was lying on a blanket and dressed in a soft yellow onesie wide awake and looking around while flexing his tiny fingers. He was definitely more active than the last time Taylor saw him.
"I am, I'm also here to get an update. Why is Caleb in a drawer?" Taylor asked.
"Where else would I put him?" Malcolm asked. It was true the office was not large enough for a portable cot but then the drawer wasn't exactly what Taylor considered a suitable place to keep a baby even if it was open.
"Maybe in his bed at home under your wife's supervision?" Taylor said as he took a seat in the guest chair.
"Kate needed some alone time to relax and I like having Caleb around while I'm at work. I'm sure that will change when he's more mobile but for now…" Malcolm's voice trailed off as he looked at his son lying in the open drawer looking around. Malcolm smiled and gently placed his index finger in the boy's tiny hand enjoying how his fingers clasped his finger in a strong grip. Taylor made a derisive noise and Malcolm looked back up at him.
"Kate wants alone time like I want a prostate exam" Taylor scoffed.
"Ok, I walk in at the wrong time" Evan said as he appeared at the doorway with a plex in his hands. Malcolm made a face and motioned to Evan.
"Come in, is that the report I asked for?" Malcolm asked him. Evan nodded and stepped into the office.
"Yeah it is" he said as he handed the plex to Malcolm.
"Thank you" Malcolm said as he took the plex and took a quick look over of the report as he'd rather be working than have Taylor stick his nose into his marriage. It seemed rather hypocritical for Taylor to give him advice when considering Taylor himself had run away from his marital problems. It was beside the point as he and Kate might have problems, what couple didn't? but they weren't bad enough to solicit unwanted advice.
"So Taylor, you back to stay or just in for a pit stop?" Evan asked as he sat down in the other guest chair opposite the desk.
"I'm back" Taylor said from his chair. He was getting tired of answering that question as the answer was blatantly obvious.
"Bout time" Evan remarked dryly, Taylor ignored the tone as Evan would always have a low opinion of him and nothing would change it.
"How are the kids?" Taylor asked to be polite.
"Great, how are your kids?" Evan asked, there was an antagonistic edge to his tone like he was trying to bait Taylor.
"Perfect though Ava could some training in the eating department" Taylor replied casually, he needed Evan cool his heels and not piss him off. A fight between them would only hurt Alicia and any progress Taylor would make.
"She doesn't come off as a fussy eater" Evan said.
"She is smashing her food on the tray before eating it a little more often than I like" Taylor said.
"How ladylike of her" Evan said trying not to laugh. Malcolm looked down at the Plex on his desk stifling a smile as he like Evan couldn't help but be amused that Taylor could be so oblivious to how children acted.
"Are you mocking me?" Taylor asked him.
"Never" Evan drawled, something of his manner smacked of insolence and frankly Taylor's palms itched to smack him upside the head.
"So you going to patch up things with my sister or should I be organising for those weird extensions Kate keeps harping on about?" Evan asked pressing Taylor's buttons further.
"Weird extensions?" Taylor asked out of curiosity as it was the first time he was hearing about it as Kate didn't mention anything.
"She keeps talking about connected my house with her and Malcolm's so we can be a Full house." Evan said looking to Malcolm to back him up.
"It's an old TV show called 'Full House'. She said we'll be the Terra Nova version of the show" Malcolm said correcting Evan. "And she's only jesting… I hope" Malcolm said, he mumbled 'I hope' under his breath but it was notice but they did and they smiled.
"I don't know, I think she has the plans drawn up in her head" Evan said.
"Kate thankfully has a degree in engineering and not architecture otherwise I would be concerned" Malcolm said as if the distinction comforted him even if it was splitting hairs.
"You don't want to share a house with me?" Evan asked mockingly, Malcolm gave him a glower look.
"No and believe me when I say it's not you, it's me" Malcolm told him as he lifted Caleb out of the drawer to his chest just because he wanted to hold his son.
"While we're on the subject of your wife-" Taylor started but Malcolm cut him off.
"What has she done now? It's barely after10" Malcolm said exasperated, Evan laughed and Malcolm shot him a glare. He knew he was over-reacting but couldn't help it was Kate after all.
"Nothing except interrupt breakfast with Alicia and eat my pancakes" Taylor said with a frown, he had been looking forward to more than three pancakes. But the pancakes weren't the issue at hand.
"That sounds oddly dirty" Evan quipped and Taylor glowered at the man as he agreed with Malcolm. Evan was definitely picking up Kate's personality traits.
"Well as long as she isn't hurt" Malcolm said ignoring Evan, he adjusted Caleb in his arm so the baby was resting his head on his shoulder.
"That's not the point. I just wanted to let you know I'm changing the codes to the front door and that maybe you should talk to Doc Shannon about the 6 week rule" Taylor remarked as he got to his feet.
"6 week rule?" Evan asked confused as Malcolm's neck went red with embarrassment and it dawned on his features what Taylor was saying.
"Tell me she didn't air-" Malcolm started to say but Taylor stopped him.
"No but the way she was too energetic and fidgeting like a-" Taylor didn't get to finish as Evan realised what they were talking about and cut in to put in his two cents.
"Oh that 6 week rule. Dude, if she wants-" Evan began to give advice but Malcolm cut him off with a wave of his hand.
"Don't start. I had every Tom, Dick and Harry telling me how to induce my wife into labour. I do not want to receive on this matter from anyone unless I ask for advice" Malcolm said.
"Fair enough" Taylor said respecting Malcolm's wishes.
"It might improve your general disposition if you just gave Kate what she wanted" Evan remarked.
"My disposition is fine" Malcolm said as his expression darkened with annoyance.
"You've been a little cranky but hey a newborn and beautiful hormonal wife in heat will do that. It must be so hard to be you" Evan deadpanned. Taylor smothered a smile as Evan delivered the line perfectly and Malcolm's neck burned red with embarrassment.
"Don't you have work or something to do that is not here mocking me?" Malcolm asked him.
"I'm leaving" Evan said cheekily as he left the office with his hands up in surrender.
"So he's back" Kate said, she felt a zing of excitement after seeing Taylor at the breakfast table with Alicia. She of course stuck around for amusement sake and because the pancakes looked delicious. She really blamed Taylor for not supplying the cupcakes he promised or maybe if Malcolm had just caved last night and given her what she wanted. Then she would have slept in and actually 'relaxed' while Malcolm had been on Caleb watch.
"Yes he is" Alicia said.
"And the grand plan is?" Kate asked as she opened the door to the oven and with an mitt covered hand reached in and pulled out a tray with the lasagne to see its progress. Alicia had been kicked out of her house after lunch and told by Taylor not to come back until 5:30pm for dinner. So Alicia sans the twins invaded Kate's home and decided to pass the time by cooking lasagna for Kate and Malcolm and helping Kate with Caleb. Not that Kate needed any help with him as he was currently asleep in his cot.
"There is no grand plan" Alicia said, it was true. He hadn't asked if she was interested in being courted or anything. In fact he'd been kind of an ass when he came home. He just told her to go to Kate's as he'd take care of the twins and dinner. Ok, if she were honest he had been borderline polite but he hadn't exactly asked when he told her to go.
"It looks cooked to me" Kate said, Alicia looked at Kate and shook her head as the lasagne had only been in the oven for half an hour. It wasn't even enough time for the pasta to cook.
"You're just hungry" Alicia told her.
"I know, I can't help it." Kate admitted in a dramatic manner and Alicia laughed.
"I think it needs another half an hour. But later you'll need to leave it in the oven for 15 to just warm it up" Alicia told her.
"You're the cook" Kate said pragmatically and she shoved the lasagne back into the oven and closed the door before putting the timer on for another half an hour.
"What do you think he's doing over there?" Alicia asked her, wondering what Taylor could be doing in the house with the twins. She felt a little lost not having the twins to watch over.
"Do you really want me to answer that question?" Kate asked.
"No, because you say the most filthy minded things of late" Alicia told her. Kate laughed.
"I know and if I got laid my mind might be able to focus long enough to do something productive and have profoundly intelligent conversations without breaking down into giggles when someone says an innocuous word" Kate said with a shrug of 'what can you do'.
"I still don't see how you found Analgesic amusing. Oh god you're such a child" Alicia said as smacked Kate's arm as she had started to giggle like a nine year old girl.
"I'm young at heart" Kate told her in a dramatic manner as she took a step away from Alicia.
"More like in the head. How does Malcolm put up with you and the deterioration of your maturity?" Alicia asked.
"I think he's clinging to the hope in two weeks that when he finally-"
"No! don't finish that sentence with words or hand gestures" Alicia told her. She had cut Kate off as she knew exactly what the woman was going to say. She had no shame and Alicia attributed it to her being Australian as Boylan was exactly the same.
"Ok" Kate said holding her hands up in surrender.
"Thank you" Alicia said.
"So did you take the test?" Kate asked, Alicia rolled her eyes and wished Kate would give her a momentary reprieve.
"No" Alicia told her.
"I have one in the bathroom" Kate said.
"I'm not taking it" Alicia said shaking her head in disbelief at Kate.
"Please, if you do then I can play a prank on Malcolm. I'll start looking all happy and glowy in the morning then one day it'll all sink in and he'll notice the test missing. BAM! He'll freak out thinking he slipped me one while he was asleep. Then he'll spend hours, maybe days just stewing over how he's going to bring it up into conversation with me" Kate said with an evil grin.
"Isn't that a little cruel?" Alicia asked a little shocked at Kate's devious plan.
"I'm being cruel? He's blue balling me for 6 weeks because my uterus isn't aligned with the phases of the moon or whatever he's read in that stupid plex" Kate said in an annoyed tone.
"You're a woman. You can't be blue balled or a female variation of that" Alicia told her as she went to make a fresh pot of tea.
"I'm sure I could find one if I searched the database" Kate mumbled. Alicia laughed at that as she filled the kettle with water and placed it on the stove.
"Well I'm not helping you play a prank" Alicia said as she turned on the hotplate.
"This works for both of us. You get to know whether you're pregnant or not and I get to play a cruel yet amusing joke on Malcolm. Come on!" Kate said.
"No"
"You're supposed to be my best friend. I pretended to be pregnant for you"
"This is not the same"
"It so is, and it's not like I want you to leave the used test here. Just make it disappear but use it first and tell me the results before you make it disappear" Kate said.
"Why do you even have one in your house?" Alicia asked, she had the question in her head earlier but only remembered to ask now. Kate gave a shrug.
"I don't know, it just kind of appeared in the cupboard. I think Liz put it there, sometimes she makes me feel like I'm a really slutty teenager who believes glad wrap is a form of birth control" Kate said casually with a shrug, Alicia burst out laughing as only Kate could make such a comment and not be offended that her friend thought she were sexually reckless.
Alicia watched as Kate had an epiphany, something quite dangerous for her. Kate's face lit up with a smile.
"Oh just think, if it was Liz who put it there then I could get a two for one prank" Kate said getting even more excited with her plan. Alicia shook her head at Kate.
"I'm not doing it" Alicia stated and Kate frowned.
"I pretended to be pregnant for you. Why can't you pee on a stick tell me you're pregnant and then take the test with you. So I can make my husband squirm?" Kate asked.
"No"
"Why not? And what is it with everyone not helping me lately?" Kate asked in a dramatic manner.
"It's only when you want to play a cruel practical joke" Alicia told her.
"It's not that cruel. He's not going to lose any body parts or be physically harmed. And anyway did I mention that I pretended to be pregnant for you?! You owe me. I got a lecture on safe sex and how babies are made. Do you think I enjoyed that?" Kate asked making a face of disgust. Alicia stifled a smile and looked to Kate with a semi-serious expression.
"Obviously you didn't learn from it as you had a kid"
"Really? You're going to lecture me on birth control?" Kate asked incredulously, she was right Alicia was possibly the worst person to lecture as she had living proof at how she was not entirely proficient with her birth control methods of late.
"So are you going to shower and get dolled up? Use my pregnancy test?" Kate asked.
"I smell fine and I'm not helping you with your plot to make Malcolm freak out." Alicia told her.
"But isn't Taylor going to woo you?" Kate asked mockingly.
"I don't know, I guess." Alicia said with a shrug.
"So going on the assumption that he's going to woo you. It wouldn't hurt for you to- I don't know. Wash your hair and shave your legs in case you go straight to having sex on the dining table" Kate said, Alicia shook her head at Kate's propensity to jump straight to sex.
"The twins will be there to chaperone" Alicia told her.
"I don't think they are old enough to understand what's going on and if they ask just tell them Mummy and Daddy were wrestling and Mummy won" Kate said.
"Kate!" Alicia exclaimed as she shook her head disapprovingly. Kate laughed and grinned evilly.
"Tell me I'm wrong, tell me that Mummy doesn't always come first in the race" Kate said in a teasing manner. Alicia picked up the oven mitt that was on the bench and swatted Kate on the arm.
"Get your mind out of the gutter"
"Or what?" Kate asked.
"Or I'll tell Malcolm that he really has to wait 10 weeks before having sex with you" Alicia threatened in good humour.
"He won't believe that" Kate said.
"I'll find some obscure medical research and Elisabeth owes me a favour. I'm sure two people with medical degrees would convince him to wait 10 weeks. So yeah go ahead and try me" Alicia said with a smile.