Chapter 13
When Rumple was done giving Belle all the details of his plan, she sat there in silence for a moment, taking it all in. She wasn't sure if she could do it; she wasn't sure if she had it in her. But if there was one thing Belle had learned throughout her life, it was to never give up.
Reading the worry on her face, Rumple smiled and took Belle's hand in his. "Belle," he whispered softly, and she raised her head to meet his gaze. "You can do this," he said, and she smiled and slowly began to nod her head. He added, "We can do this."
Belle sat there for a moment longer, staring into his eyes, trying to take comfort and courage from his assurances. Then, heaving a long sigh, she said, "Well, we better get to work." Rising from the bench and pacing, she prepared herself to become a student again, and to do whatever was required of her for their quest to be a success. Then, looking at Rumple, she simply asked, "What's next?"
Rumple rose from the bench as well, and began to walk around the room, looking for something. As he was looking, he said, "Next, you must learn to control your magic. You'll need to be able to use it on your own terms, and without something to help you. For that, you must learn how to focus the energy you possess and bring it out when you want to."
He stopped then, and picked up a small golden bowl. Walking back to Belle, he held it out on top of his hand. "Put your hands on either side of it, but don't touch it," he instructed, and she did so. "Now, don't let it fall."
Belle looked at him questioningly, but he wasn't looking at her, he was staring down at the bowl. Not knowing what else to do, she looked down at it, too. He held it there for what seemed like an eternity, and then he let it fall from his hand.
It clinked on the floor. Belle was confused. How was she supposed to stop it from falling? Rumple bent over and picked up the bowl, then held it out the same as he had before. "Try again." Once more, the golden bowl fell and clinked on the cold tile floor. Once more he picked it up, and, saying nothing, held it out. "Don't let it fall."
By this time, Belle was frustrated and confused. Sighing angrily, she asked, "How?"
"You hold it," he said, and she grabbed it from his hand.
Holding it out as he had, Belle sarcastically attempted to mock Rumple's voice. "Don't let it fall." Rumple put his hands on either side of the bowl, and Belle tipped her hand to let it fall, just as he had. This time, though, it never hit the floor. It just stayed there, hovering, between his hands.
"How did you do that?" Belle said, amazed and annoyed at the same time.
When Rumple finally pulled his eyes away from the bowl and looked at her, the bowl fell from between his hands and hit the floor once more. "Concentration," he said, "That's the key. You have to concentrate on the bowl, concentrate on keeping it right where you want it. Your entire universe must come down to that bowl."
Belle nodded, determined to figure it out. "Okay, hold it out again," she said, and he did so. This time, Belle never looked away from the bowl. She thought of the entire universe, then brought her focus down to just the space around the bowl, determined to keep it right there. Rumple tipped his hand. The bowl fell.
Belle sighed angrily and looked up at Rumple. "What am I doing wrong?"
Rumple thought about it for a second before responding. "Well," he said slowly, "When I do it, I have to think about what it feels like to use magic. I have to remember exactly what my hands feel like, and exactly what I am thinking, and so on. So, think about the last time you used magic. What did it feel like?"
"I don't know," Belle said honestly. "I… I was just trying to escape that room, and all my focus was on the place I wanted to go. But, it was tiring, it felt like I was using all my energy…" She trailed off, trying to remember.
"You were," Rumple said. "Magic comes from within. You have it inside you, but it is part of you. When you use it, you spend your energy. Until you learn to control it more, it will wear you out."
"Okay," Belle nodded. "I remember…. Last time, it felt like I was pulling all the energy out of my body and putting that into the ring. Like I was transferring myself into the ring,"
Rumple nodded approvingly. "That's good, that's a start. Now what you want to do is focus your energy around the bowl. Envision yourself putting it in a big sphere of energy, and keeping it there. Put your energy around the bowl."
Belle nodded, and this time she picked the bowl up and handed it to him. "Let's try again." Rumple smiled approvingly; the girl had heart. Holding the bowl out, he watched as she stared at it for a few moments, unblinking, before she slowly put her hands on either side of the bowl.
She closed her eyes, and Rumple could see the concentration and determination on her face. He could tell she wanted it, and for a moment he feared she'd overdo it.
"Okay," she said, opening her eyes and staring at the bowl once more. "I can do it."
Slowly, Rumple tilted his hand, and the bowl slid off. It only went about an inch, and then stopped. Rumple grinned at Belle, but she wasn't looking at him. She was absorbed in the bowl hanging in the air between her hands.
"You did it, Belle," Rumple said. Belle didn't respond. "Let it go now."
Belle never heard him. She just stood there, staring at the bowl, not aware of what was going on around her. As Rumple watched her, he could see the color draining from her face. She was going too far.
She hadn't practiced enough, she didn't know how to keep the magic from taking all of her energy. If he let her go, she'd spend all the energy she had, and the magic would kill her. He had to find a way to stop her.
Grabbing her arm, Rumple shook it. "Belle!" He yelled, hoping it would break her focus. "Belle! You need to stop now."
Grabbing her shoulder, he kept shaking her, trying to break her focus. All of a sudden, the bowl fell to the floor with a loud clank, and Belle's eyes closed. She began to sway, and Rumple put his arms around her and caught her before she fell to the floor. Turning her over in his arms so he could look at her face, Rumple shook her gently and murmured, "Belle, Belle wake up."
Belle slowly regained consciousness, and, moaning, she tried to open her eyes. When she did, the light hurt, so she squeezed them shut again. She tried to bring her arms up to rub her eyes, but they were extremely heavy, so she sighed and let them drop down again, and slipped back into the comforting blackness behind her eyelids, letting the darkness envelop her.
"Belle, are you alright?" Belle wanted to keep drifting off, but Rumple's voice pulled her out of semi-consciousness. "Belle, open your eyes. Wake up, Belle."
Even in her exhausted state, Belle could hear the gravity and concern in Rumple's voice, and she could feel his arms tense up around her. He was worried. She didn't feel bad, and she wanted to tell him to just let her sleep, but it was difficult to move, and impossible to talk.
Not wanting him to worry or panic, Belle forced herself to open her eyes. Slowly, she tried to ignore the pain from the light, and forced her consciousness to return to her. As her vision returned, she became aware of a pounding headache, and she brought her heavy hand up to press against her temple.
When Rumple saw that she was awake, he was relieved. She had a lot of recovery to do, but at least now he knew she'd be okay. "Belle," he said softly, "Let's get you somewhere a bit more comfortable. Belle nodded absently, and, gathering her up as gently as possible, Rumple picked her up and held her to him. "Are you good?" he asked, and she nodded, then leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes again. Slowly, Rumple stood up and headed up the stairs to their bedroom.
Lowering her slowly down to the bed, Rumple gingerly pulled the covers up over her and then went in search of a glass of water. When he returned, he lit the fire in the hearth and went over to sit next to Belle on the bed.
She was awake now, if not entirely aware of what was happening. "Here," Rumple said, holding the cup out to her. "Drink this, it'll help." Belle slowly pulled her arms out from under the covers and took the cup from him with shaky hands. When she nearly dropped it, Rumple put his hands over hers and helped her hold the cup up to her lips so she could drink. When she was finished, he took it from her, and she put her arms back under the covers.
Closing her eyes so she could rest, Belle absently asked, "What happened? Did I do it?"
Rumple smiled at her, and gently stroked her beautiful brown hair. "Yes," he said, "You did it," and she smiled to herself. "You exhausted yourself. I tried to stop you, but I couldn't. I'm sorry Belle…" He said, more to himself than her.
This was exactly what he had been afraid of. He didn't have any power over light magic, so he couldn't stop her magic from taking her over. If she started doing something and the magic became too powerful for her, he had no way to protect her. Rumple suddenly found himself afraid, afraid that something would happen to her, and that he would be powerless to stop it.
He couldn't let anything happen to her, or he would never forgive himself. Without realizing it, Rumple had begun to cry. He also didn't realize that Belle had opened her eyes, slowly regaining her strength and her consciousness.
"It's okay Rumple," she said, struggling to sit up. "It wasn't your fault. And I'm fine now, it's okay," she said again, and slowly took his hand in hers.
Rumple smiled sadly at her. How ironic, that she was the one who had almost died, yet she was comforting him? Rumple had never been very good at expressing his emotions, but Belle had a way of seeing right through him. He always knew what needed to be said, and Rumple found he relied on that more than he had realized. If it weren't for Belle, he would surely have given in to his despair a long time ago.
At times, it frightened Rumple to know that he had let someone so far into his life. There was a time where the thought of ever letting someone know how he felt was unfathomable to him. Then Belle came along. She'd changed his life. When they had met, he wasn't ready to let her in. He couldn't risk losing his power, and he couldn't admit to himself that he was capable of loving someone.
But once he lost her, he regretted it every day. She had been the only light in his life, the only one who could see who he really was. The only one who could ever love him. And she was gone.
Then, as if by some miracle, she was returned to him. She just walked into his shop, walked back into his life, and changed it again. He'd failed her many times since then, but she'd learned to read him. She'd never given up on him, no matter how many times he messed up, and now, even when he had messed up once again, she was there to tell him that it would be okay, that she would forgive him, and that she would never leave him.
"Rumple," Belle's voice snapped him out of his reverie, and he looked at her blankly. "Will that happen every time? Or will I be able to control it?"
For a moment, Rumple was confused. He hadn't planned on letting her try again, he just couldn't risk it. It hadn't occurred to him that she'd want to keep trying.
When he didn't respond, Belle knew what he was thinking. "I'm going to figure it out, Rumple," she said, her voice telling him she knew all the doubts he had.
He began to shake his head. "No, it's too dangerous Belle," he said, and when she tried to respond, he added, "I can't ask you to risk yourself."
"You aren't asking," she said, "I'm offering," and gave him a sly smile.
"Well Madame," he said dramatically, "I must decline your generous offer." Seeing the look of disappointment on her face, his smile faded, and he said more seriously, "Belle, I can't let you risk your life like that. I don't know if I can keep you safe, and I will not let anything happen to you. We'll find another way, don't worry about it."
Belle had been shaking her head the whole time. "No, I'm not going to give up that easily. I can do this, I know I can." Seeing his unhappy look, she went on. "You told me when this whole thing started that I needed to have faith in you. Even though neither of us knew what laid ahead, I believed we'd figure it out together. Now I'm asking you to have that faith in me. I can figure this out, you just have to believe in me. Can you do that?"
Despite himself, Rumple blinked back tears and nodded. He hadn't meant to agree to that, but how could he tell the woman he loved that he didn't believe in her? It wasn't that he didn't think she could do it, it was that he was afraid of what would happen if she went too far. But how could he deny her now?
Seeing his nod, Belle smiled a sweet, tired smile at him and laid her head back down on the pillow. Within a few minutes, she was asleep. Rumple slowly stood up, and looked at his sleeping wife. "I hope you're right Belle," he whispered. He gave her a soft, gentle kiss on the head, and then walked over to the hearth to stroke the fire.
As he stared into the fire, Rumple contemplated casting a spell to make Belle forget the past few days. That way, he could take her back to before she had known about Merlin's deal, before she had decided to learn magic. That would make his life a lot easier, and be a lot safer for her.
What would Belle think? He asked himself, knowing the answer. She'd be furious, and rightly so. Rumple knew he needed to stop lying to her, but if he did it to keep her safe, was that really bad? Was that really such a terrible thing to do?
Even though he justified it to himself, Rumple knew Belle wouldn't approve. If he had to lie to keep her safe, then he didn't deserve her. And, if he was honest with himself, he knew he didn't deserve her. But she wouldn't care. She never cared what other people thought of them, or whether or not he deserved her. They loved each other, and that was all that mattered.
So if he loved her, why did he find it so hard to tell her the truth? To stop lying to her? Was it just bad habits, or was there something more?
Self-reflection had never been one of Rumple's strongest qualities, so he walked away from the fire and went downstairs to find something to do. Whatever he did, he knew he needed to tell Belle the truth. Casting a spell on her wasn't the answer, it was the easy way out. Although he was accustomed to taking the easy way out, Rumple knew it wasn't the right thing to do, and not what Belle would want.
But it still worried him. What if he couldn't protect her? What if something else happened, something he couldn't control? What if something happened, and he lost her forever?