Following him into the kitchen, she was glad to see that at least Moses could still get through to him as she watched him fuss the black cat who has greedily lapping up the attention his new owner was lavishing on him.
He straightened to his full height as he heard her enter the room and stood stiffly by the counter, watching her with wary eyes.
"We need to talk about this, Horatio," she began as she walked closer towards him and frowned when he tried to put further distance between them.
"There's nothing to talk about. I'd rather just forget the whole thing happened."
"Fine, then maybe you should talk to someone else about how you're feeling," she responded as she felt an unjustified sense of frustration building within her.
"No," he responded firmly as his eyes shot up to meet hers.
"Horatio, you're not coping. You need to talk to someone to try and get past this."
She watched as the emotions flitted across his face, first shock which soon turned into righteous anger.
"I am coping; I don't need to talk to anyone about how I'm feeling. I just want people to leave me alone and stop badgering me!"
"I've tried to stand back and watch you come to terms with this but it's not happening. You need to let it go, Horatio."
"I don't need to do anything," he growled, his voice dangerously low as the muscles in his cheeks twitched with barely controlled rage.
She could feel her own anger grow in turn with his as she slammed a coffee cup down, causing Moses to hide under the table as he continued to watch the scene unfold in front of him warily.
"So this is how you're going to live the rest of your life? Shutting yourself off from the people who care about you?"
"If that's what it takes," he replied evenly.
"Maybe Andy was right about you; maybe you do run away and hide when things get too tough."
She let out a gasp of shock as she realised what she had said. She felt her heart shatter into tiny pieces as she saw the look of hurt that crossed his handsome features.
He stood stock still for a number of moments before shaking himself from his stupor, stalking from the room he grabbed his keys and made his way to the front door, slamming it behind him in much the same way he had the night before.
Tears fell from her eyes as she sat heavily on the kitchen chair closest to her. In all of the weeks previous she had never spoken to him so coldly and it shook her that she could be capable of saying something so callous towards him and she had no idea how she could ever make things right between them again.
With a heavy heart, she collected her cell phone and rang a familiar number, praying that the other person would answer straight away. She couldn't hide the relief from her voice as they picked up after the second ring.
"Alexx, thank God," she let out in a breathy whisper
The doctor could hear the worry in her voice.
"What's the matter, sugar? Has something happened to Horatio?"
She felt the tears brimming in her eyes once more.
"Oh God, Alexx. I hurt him, I hurt him so badly," she sobbed.
"He's gone," she added quietly.
Alexx struggled to make sense of the stuttering jumble of words spilling from her friend's mouth and knew that she needed to take control of the situation before it got out of hand.
"Just start at the beginning, sugar," she crooned as she encouraged Calleigh to begin.
The emotional wounds that Calleigh had inflicted on him still felt open and raw as he handed a $20 bill to the cab driver and made his way to the front of the crime lab building. Perhaps she had been right; he'd hardly been open and honest with those around him yet alone himself.
He had been barely holding himself together since he'd woken in the hospital. His mind was a jumbled mess of memories and emotions from the past as he struggled to make sense of them and put them into any kind of order. He simply felt lost; unsure as to whom he was anymore. He was no longer John Kelly but not Horatio Caine either. The two sides of him had been brought together with violent force and had left him in state of extreme uncertainty.
It was foolish, but he hoped that he would just be able to forget about his ordeal at the hands of the Malucci's, to block out what they had done to him and move on in much the same way he had when he left New York.
It had taken him years to come to any sort of peace with his past back then and there were times when the memories would rear their ugly heads and make their presence known when he least expected it. It had changed him as a person, something that he was painfully aware of. He had retreated within himself in order to protect his past and the people he loved; he had distanced himself, never letting anyone get too close for fear of losing them too.
And so he would be forced to change again, even though he didn't want to. He would have given anything to take Calleigh in his arms and love her in the way she deserved yet the demons from his past prevented him from being able to satisfy her. He had never felt less of a man than he did right now. Calleigh and Andy were right, he was weak and cowardly.
"Hey, H!" Ryan greeted him brightly as he met him on the steps outside the crime lab building.
"Mr Wolfe," he replied as he gazed into the distance.
"Didn't expect to see you here so early, where's Cal?"
The young CSI caught the pained look on his superior's face as the redhead winced slightly.
"She's…making her own way in today."
Ryan knew better than to get involved in the complicated personal lives of his colleagues, it seemed to be an unwritten rule within the team that they would not question each other on such delicate subjects unless it interfered with their professional commitment to the lab.
He didn't give Ryan a chance to say anything else as he deftly slipped away and made his way into the building, heading straight to the Trace lab and hoping to avoid anyone else on his way in.
The phone began to vibrate in his pocket, he pulled it out with a sigh and looked at the caller ID, half expecting it to be Calleigh, and he was only slightly less disappointed to find that it was Alexx calling him instead.
"Horatio Caine," Alexx began before he'd barely had time to say hello.
"Alexx," he replied patiently.
"You and I need to sit down and have a serious conversation, sugar."
He paused briefly.
"You've been talking to Calleigh."
"Damn right I have. Do you have any idea how upset she is right now?"
He winced visibly as he prepared himself for the tirade that was to come.
"She told you what happened last night I take it," he muttered before adding, "She had no right to do that."
"How long are you going to carry on doing this?"
"Doing what, Alexx?" he asked, feigning innocence as his irritation at yet another person trying to interfere with his life built within him.
"Pretending like nothing's wrong!"
"Alexx…"
"No sugar, not this time. I'm not going to stand back and watch you throw your life away because of what those animals did to you. You're going to face up to this and then put it behind you before it eats you up completely."
He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.
"And how exactly do I do that?"
"I've made you an appointment with an old friend of mine. If you won't talk to your friends then maybe you'll talk to him."
He blanched visibly at her words.
"I'm not going to talk to some kind of...shrink," he spluttered.
"You are and you will. You don't get a choice in this, Horatio."
"You can't make me."
His response sounded childish and petulant even to his own ears.
"Watch me, sugar."
Flashback. Miami 10 weeks ago:
Pushing the plate of barely edible food away from him he groaned in frustration as he found the walls of his hospital room closing in on him once more.
The brightness of the lights had been increased for the second time in as many days and although he was able to tolerate it better than he had before he still found his progress achingly slow.
What progress? he muttered to himself as he threw his head back in frustration before wincing at the pain his hasty movement caused.
He was getting sick of this, sick of waiting on others to tend to his every need. His left arm was fitted with plates and pins and a garish cast covered it up to his elbow. It had left his arm cumbersome and heavy and of little use to him.
The shame at having to rely on another person to cut his food, shave him or help him to the toilet ate away at the small amount of pride that he had left and the small sense of hope he would ever leave this Godforsaken place grew dimmer by the day.
"You need to eat up, sugar," a soft voice spoke from the doorway.
He didn't need to glance up to know the owner.
"I'm not hungry."
"Horatio," she began, trying to make him see reason, "You need to build your strength up if you ever hope to get out of here anytime soon."
"Why bother?" he sighed as he risked a brief glance at her.
"I'm never going to get out of here."
"Of course you are, the Horatio Caine I know never backed down from a fight."
And that was it in a nutshell; he had no idea if he was the same man anymore. Too many things had changed, could he ever go back to the way things were?
"I'm not who you think I am, not anymore," he responded, his voice barely a whisper.
She moved quickly to his side, covering the short distance from one end of the room to the other.
"You've been through Hell, we all know that. You've been so badly injured and God knows that we've pumped you full of enough drugs, you're just going through a rough patch."
"Stop lying to me, Alexx. You've always been honest with me; it's the one thing that I treasure more than anything about our friendship."
They sat staring at each other for a number of moments until Alexx broke the silence by picking up the knife and fork as she set about cutting the food up on the plate.
"What are you doing?" he asked warily as he watched her fill the fork with food.
"I'm feeding you," she replied with a bright smile, it faltered as he tried to move further up the bed and away from her.
"No you're not."
"Fine, you either feed yourself or I'll do it for you. Either way, I'm not leaving this room until you've cleared that plate."
His gaze travelled from his friend and then to the plate and back again. He knew that there would be no way he could match her in a battle of wits in his weakened state. It was also one of the things he loved about her, she had never been afraid to call him out on his bullshit and her refreshing honesty was something he admired the most about her.
He picked up the fork with a sigh and threw dirty looks at her as he slowly went about eating the bland-tasting food on his plate, arching an eyebrow at her as he placed the fork back down on the empty plate.
"Happy now?" he grumbled as he pushed the tray away.
"Ecstatic, sugar," she replied triumphantly.
There was no way that she was going to let her beloved friend sink away into a pit of despair and misery, not if she could help it anyway. No matter how much he resisted her, she would drag him out of the mire kicking and screaming if she had to.
She made her way to the door and was about to leave when she stopped suddenly and regarded the stubborn man in front of her.
"Get some rest, honey. Tomorrow we're gonna start getting you back on your feet so I can kick your scrawny backside out of here, understood?"
He gave her a shy smile before dropping his head back to the pillows, wondering what he had done to deserve such a good group of people around him. For all of his self-pitying behaviour they had never once wavered in their support of him. Each time he felt the pull of despair one of them would hold their hand out to him so that he could drag his head back above water.
He doubted that their faith in him was justified and it unnerved him more than he thought it would to think of failing them. He owed it to them at least to try.