She made herself busy in the kitchen, preparing breakfast in an effort to take her mind off of the difficult conversation she was about to have. There would be no easy way of telling him, it would be best for both of them if she just came out and said it.
He could hardly accuse her of making an off-the-cuff decision, she had thought about nothing else all night after witnessing him having the most horrific nightmare she had ever seen.
She had struggled to go back to sleep, long after he had drifted off into an exhausted slumber, afraid that if she slept too that the demons would return to torment him again. They were both tired, neither of them sleeping well for the last few days, she realised that she had no choice but to make the decision she had been dreading, a choice she'd hoped to avoid altogether.
"Good morning, Calleigh."
She gave him a tired smile as she watched him amble over to the breakfast table and sit down.
"We need to talk," she replied, no preamble, just straight to the point.
He rubbed at his forehead as he leant his elbow on the table, lifting his eyes to look into hers.
It seemed so easy in her head; she had gone over and over what she would say to him. She had prepared her speech right down to the last word, now she found the words failing her. What she was about to say, she knew he would not take it well.
Her continued silence began to concern him as he sat straighter and held her hand, stroking the back of it tenderly with his thumb.
"What is it, Sweetheart?"
Pulling her hand away slowly, she sat down in the nearest chair and placed a hand on his thigh, giving it a light squeeze.
"Horatio….." she paused, still not sure that she could utter the words that would break his heart. "I want you to know that I didn't come to this decision lightly…I've gone over and over it in my mind…."
His mind began racing at the possible scenarios of what she was about to say, had she finally had enough of him and decided it was time for him to move out?
Had she tired so much of him that she no longer wanted him in her life at all?
"Horatio…in light of everything that has happened these last few days, I have to decide what's best for the team…I don't think you're fit enough to be out in the field at the moment."
She watched his face closely for any signs of how he might be taking the news; his blank expression gave away nothing as he continued to meet her eyes, never breaking contact with her.
Emboldened by his lack of negative reaction, she continued.
"There's plenty for you to do in the lab, processing evidence, helping me with the reports…..I think it's best if I remain in charge until you're in a better place. It's still your lab and you can have it back…..as soon as you're ready."
His lack of reaction was beginning to unnerve her, was he even taking in what she was saying?
"Say something, please," she begged.
Picking her hands up, he raised them to his lips and gave them a gentle kiss.
"I understand, Sweetheart. It's ok."
"You do?" she asked uncertainly. She had been expecting a much harsher reaction than the one he was currently displaying.
"Yes. It's why I chose you as my second in command, I knew that you'd be able to make the tough calls when you had to….when I couldn't."
"You're not mad at me?
His eyes widened in surprise at the question.
"Why would I be upset with you?"
Her face still held the same blank expression.
"It's not about you or me; you've made a decision about what is best for the team and the crime lab. I'm proud of you, Calleigh."
"But we're ok; this doesn't change things between us?"
He gave her a shy smile as he cocked his head to one side.
"Of course it doesn't. If we have any hope of sustaining a relationship we're going to have to put our personal feelings to one side when it interferes with our professional duties. Besides, conflicts of interest might not be an issue for much longer."
Now it was her turn to frown at him in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"Maybe be the crime lab isn't the place for me anymore, maybe I don't have what it takes to do the job properly now."
"Horatio, no….."
"Perhaps it's time to retire, I'm tired of fighting, Calleigh."
"You don't mean that."
"Don't I? What's the point of doing a job if I can't do it properly?"
"But you can, you just need to work through some things…."
"And how long will that take?"
She knew she didn't have an answer for that.
"What if I can't work through it, what if this is the best it's going to get?"
"You'll get through it, I know you, Horatio."
He appreciated the support, even if her faith in him was misplaced. He knew he had to try to make her understand just how difficult a task it would be.
"Calleigh…losing my memory…..going back to those dark places, having to live those horrible days over again…..I can't make those memories go away, the people I hurt….the people I lied to, I can't take any of that back. I brought the Malucci's here to Miami because I was too proud to ask for help and look what happened…..all of this pain and heartache is my fault."
"No," was her firm response as she wiped away the errant tear from her eye.
He looked at her puzzled.
"No?"
"You're not making any decisions yet. You're going to the session with the psychologist today; you need to come to terms with what happened. You're not in any fit state to be making any decisions about your future, I won't let you."
He gave her a wry smile.
"You won't let me?"
"That's right. I'm still in charge, remember?" she told him proudly.
"How could I forget?"
"You're late, Wolfe," Eric growled as he watched Ryan hang his bag and jacket in his locker.
"I didn't realise you were playing hall monitor today, Delko."
The Cuban took a good look at his colleague; he could see that Ryan's face hadn't seen a razor in the last few days. It was obvious that something was bothering the man.
"Good," he thought bitterly, "Serves him right."
"You got something to say?" Ryan asked as he invaded the other man's personal space in a deliberate gesture of antagonism.
It didn't take much for Eric's fiery temper to be ignited as the two of them began shoving each other, both of them itching for a fight.
"What the hell is going on in here?"
Both of them looked round as they heard Calleigh's distinctive Southern voice. She didn't give either of them a chance to explain.
"My office, now!" she commanded before storming out.
"Sit," her firm voice gave either man little chance to object as the followed her into Horatio's office.
They glared at each other before reluctantly sitting in the chairs next to each other.
"Which one of you is going to tell me what's going on?"
The two men glared at each other again before looking away.
"Eric?"
"Why don't you ask Wolfe? He didn't have any problem talking to IAB the other day."
"Ryan?"
The shorter of the two men let out a deep sigh as he ran a hand across his stubbled jawline.
"Like I keep trying to tell him, I didn't say anything to Craig. It's not my fault he won't believe me."
"Is this about the incident at the warehouse?" she asked, resigned to the fact that she already knew the answer.
"Look, Craig didn't ask and so I didn't tell her," Ryan responded with another glare at his adversary.
"That's big of you, Wolfe."
"That's enough, Eric."
Calleigh turned her attention back to Ryan who had suddenly found an interesting spot in the carpet to look at.
"Ryan, you're well within your rights to report what happened if you feel that it compromises the team or us as a crime lab facility, but you should know that until circumstances change that Horatio will not be out in the field with any of you."
"See, you happy now, Wolfe?" Eric goaded the other man, jabbing an accusing finger in his direction.
"Eric, this has nothing to do with Ryan. I made the decision, any fallout is on me, ok?
Her former lover glared at her this time, wanting nothing more than to protect his brother in law from the people who were determined to end his career.
"And before you ask, Horatio agreed with me."
She arched an eyebrow at Eric, daring him to respond with another criticism.
"I'll be in charge of the lab until Horatio and I decide the time is right for him to return in a full-time capacity."
"And what about IAB?"
"As far as I'm aware, they don't know what happened at the warehouse. I would appreciate it if we could keep this between the three of us for now; they're already gunning for us as it is. But if you choose to report it, Ryan, I'll understand."
"They won't hear it from me," Ryan responded as he looked pointedly at Eric.
"And I won't tolerate any bickering from either of you. This ends now, understood?"
She looked at the two men in turn, piercing them with her fierce stare until the both finally nodded in agreement.
"The only way we're going to get through this investigation is as a team. We have to stick together otherwise they'll pick us off one by one. Horatio has worked too hard to build this lab up only to see it fall apart in front of him. He needs you to keep it together so he at least has a lab to come back to."
It was a low blow to use her colleague's idolisation of their leader against them but right now it was all she had. Horatio was the pin that held the team and the lab together, when their foundation was damaged it left the whole team wobbling wildly to and fro, fighting with each other would not do any of them any good. Without their lynchpin the whole team would fall apart.
Horatio was in no position to support the team right now; he was the one who needed supporting. He needed their collective strength if he ever hoped to rebuild his own.