She let out a breath as she heard his key turn in the door, smoothing down her top; she sat at the kitchen table expectantly.
"Good evening, Calleigh," he said softly as he placed his keys and phone on the worktop.
"I was starting to worry, Horatio." The words had come out of her mouth before she'd even realised it, if it annoyed him he didn't show it outwardly.
"Dr Pearce gave me a lot to think about. I just needed a little time to get my head around some things."
"You think the sessions with him are helping?" she asked hopefully.
He cocked his head to one side and gave her a bashful smile.
"Define helping," he countered wryly.
And she would take his good-natured grousing any day over the withdrawn and quiet shell of a man he'd become over the last few months. She returned her attention to the stove where dinner was currently cooking.
"I made pasta and sauce for dinner, I hope that's alright. I know it won't be a patch on your cooking," she babbled as she picked at the hem of the tea towel she was holding only to have her hands steadied by Horatio's firm grip as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
"It sounds delicious, have a little more faith in yourself."
Hypocrite! His mind shouted at him as he willed the voice to be quiet. He was trying his best to follow the therapist's advice and not be so hard on himself, the only trouble being that it was hard to break the habit of what seemed like a lifetime.
"Where's our wounded soldier?" he asked as he deftly changed the subject and the attention away from himself.
As if on cue, the small black cat strolled into the kitchen and wound his way around Horatio's legs, rubbing his body up against that of his favourite owner, leaping into his arms as Horatio bent down to pick him up.
"I could get jealous, you know," Calleigh teased from her position by the stove.
Horatio looked up at her as Moses continued to rub himself against his chest, neck and face.
"Of me or the cat?" he asked playfully.
"Both. That cat is enamoured with you."
He shrugged his shoulders slightly as Moses purred in his ear. "At least someone is."
He regretted the words the moment they had escaped from his mouth as he placed the cat down onto the floor and made his way over to her, sensing that he'd hurt her with his careless remark.
"I'm sorry, Calleigh. That was a terrible thing for me to say."
She wiped her hands on the towel and attempted to regain her composure.
"Dinner will be ready soon, why don't you get cleaned up," she responded stiffly as she steadfastly refused to look at him.
He stood next to her for a few moments, reaching his hands out to touch her before pulling away at the last moment. He left the room with a sigh, cursing his inability to accept the love from Calleigh that was clearly on offer.
He'd felt considerably lighter after his session with the therapist, which had taken him by surprise. He had never put much stock in talking about his feelings; it wasn't the manly thing to do. He'd revisited some memories that he'd rather stay hidden, yet he couldn't deny that things seemed marginally brighter than they had before the start of the session.
The scenic drive that he'd taken afterwards was vastly different to the one he'd made two days ago after his colossal failure at the warehouse. This time the drive had helped to clear his head, he'd left the session feeling a little less helpless than when he'd entered. Still, he wasn't fool enough to believe that everything would suddenly seem better after one session of opening up and coming to terms with his past. His life, just like his moods, were fickle at best at the moment, happiness always seemed to be a fleeting notion, something that passed him by all too quickly and usually before he'd had the time to realise how much he'd really had.
He'd returned to Calleigh's house in good spirits and was determined to show her how much he appreciated her unwavering support of him. He had started well enough, but once again he had fallen into the trap of criticising himself, something the he knew would anger the spirited Calleigh Duquesne. Even when things were going well he couldn't seem to help himself as his subconscious continued to sabotage his efforts to move on with his life at every turn.
After washing and changing, he made his way gingerly into the kitchen, unsure of the welcome he would receive from the woman he had angered less than fifteen minutes previously. He watched as she poured herself a glass of wine and thumped the bottle down on the table, making him jump slightly.
He ate his dinner quietly, fearing that one wrong move or word would cause her to unleash a barrage of pent-up frustration at him. He knew that he'd fully deserve it too, and not just because of his self-loathing, but because Calleigh had been bending over backwards to accommodate him for months now and he had given her little in return except his bitterness and anger. It was a wonder that she hadn't tired of him already.
"That was delicious," he said with a slightly nervous lilt to his voice. He'd stared down some fearsome opponents in his life but nothing unnerved him more than a powerful woman scorned.
She stared at him for a number of moments, before placing her cutlery down on the plate with a clang. "You're lucky I didn't feed yours to the cat."
He pinched the bridge of his nose, willing his temper to stay in check. "Calleigh, I've said I'm sorry. I'm not sure what else you want me to do."
The process of collecting the plates and placing them in the sink gave Calleigh precious time to decide as to how she would respond to her exasperating lover.
"I'm trying, Horatio. I really am," she said as she leant back against the sink, folding her arms across her chest as she looked at him. "I'm trying to understand what it is that you're going through but it's not exactly easy when you won't talk to me!"
The level of her anger caught him by surprise as he sat at the table, stunned.
"Calleigh…..it's not that easy, " he implored her.
"I'm not sure I can do this anymore, I love you, Horatio….but this is too much."
"You don't want me here anymore?" he asked quietly.
She looked dejected as she regarded him, her bright emerald eyes dulled by the months of stress he had placed upon her.
"I want you, more than you know. I want all of you though, faults and all….I can't keep loving only the parts of you that you want me to see. It's got to be all or nothing or it's not worth it."
He walked towards her, giving the impression that has was more composed than he actually was. Inside he was a nervous wreck as he placed his hands on her elbows, hoping that she would not pull away from him.
"Calleigh, you should know by now that I'm a complicated man. There's a lot in my life that I regret, there are things about me that aren't all that nice. The only reason that I keep that from you is because I don't want you to think less of me…..I couldn't bear it if you hated me."
"I could never hate you, Horatio."
"And I want to believe you, it's just…I haven't had anyone in my life for a long time, I've got used to being alone. It's been easier that way for me to hide in plain sight, only showing people what I want them to see."
"But I want to see it all."
"I know you do, Sweetheart, it's not that simple though. I'm willing to try though... for you."
He gave her a small smile as he lifted her chin up so that she could meet his gaze.
"You are?"
He answered her with a sensual kiss, before cupping her face with his hands and kissing her forehead tenderly. "I am."
It had turned out to be a pleasant evening, despite the rocky start, as Calleigh leaned back in the arms of the man she had fallen desperately in love with. The two of them had retired to the couch in the living room, with Moses making himself comfortable in between them, not wanting to be left out of any fussing that might be on offer.
She revelled in his touch as he kept one arm wrapped firmly round her whilst the other stroked her hair lovingly. With her head against his chest she could hear the steady thumping of his heart and feel his chest move up and down as he breathed. It was a beautiful sound to her and one that she had learnt not to take for granted. Had things turned out differently, Horatio might never have made it back to shore. It was only through good fortune and his team's unwillingness to give up that they had found him alive in the choppy waters off the coast of Miami at all.
He had been broken and battered when they had found him, and now after months of effort it appeared as if he were slowly healing emotionally, finally laying to rest the demons that had haunted him for so long.
Flashback. Miami 4 weeks ago:
The day that all three of them had been dreading for the last two weeks had finally arrived, Kyle was due to report to his new posting at Camp Blanding the following morning and not one member of the Duquesne household knew what today might bring.
Horatio had begun to get more mobile and require less support with his everyday needs not long after Alexx had commanded him to leave the bed that had held him hostage for so long. The movement and subtle amounts of strength began to return to Horatio's body as each day he found it marginally easier and less painful than the last to pull himself from the bed and greet the day.
With his new found freedom came a change in his demeanour, there were fewer episodes of anger and frustration as they were replaced with focus and determination to get back on his feet. Only Calleigh and Kyle had seen the toll that Horatio's injuries took on him and the horrific dreams that still haunted him at night. Respecting his wishes, they had done their best to limit the amount of visitors that Horatio received, knowing that he hated to appear weak in front of his team. The only people that the stubborn Lieutenant had agreed to see were Eric and Andy, he had tried is best to avoid visits and the inevitable check-up that would follow each time Alexx came to the house but had ended up failing miserably.
Calleigh knew that Horatio had not taken the news of his son's imminent departure well and was thankful that Andy had been on hand to offer some honest, if brutal, advice to him. The positive progress that Horatio had made over the last week and a half seemed to unravel as he became increasingly quiet and withdrawn with each day that passed. The nightmares had also increased in tandem with his growing fear for his son's safety.
Kyle had tried to reassure his father that his posting was State-side and that he would not be in any danger, but it was of little reassurance to the older man. It was understandable why he would worry though, Danny Malucci had convinced him that Kyle had been killed and it was an image that Horatio was unable to rid from his damaged psyche.
She, along with Andy, had tried to help Horatio gain a little perspective and to cherish the time he had left with Kyle before he would be forced to return to his career in the Army. And Horatio had tried, spending as much time as he could with his boy, making the most of the time they had left. He had been confronted with the brutal realisation that nothing could be taken for granted between father and son and how quickly everything could be taken away.
She kept a close eye on Horatio as he made his way slowly to the coffee pot and poured himself a mug, it was clear to see that he was still hampered by his injuries as the pot shook slightly in his right hand, she resisted the urge to walk over and help him, knowing that if she did he would not thank her for it. Coffee poured, he made his way gingerly over to the table and eased himself down onto a chair, staring absent-mindedly out of the sliding patio doors as he did.
She saw him tense as they both heard Kyle make his way down the stairs, placing his large holdall in the hallway as he did so before entering the kitchen.
"Hey, Dad. How you feeling?" the young man asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down next to his father.
Horatio tried his best to smile reassuringly at his son, not wanting to give the poor boy any more to worry about than he already had. "Good, thank you, son. Did you sleep well?"
Kyle frowned in response. "Not really."
An awkward silence seemed to descend on the room as both men sat staring at their mugs.
"What time do you need to leave?"
"The cab is coming for me at 11.30."
"You'll ring us when you land?"
He placed a hand on his father's undamaged right arm and gave it a quick squeeze. "I promise I'll let you know the minute I land. Please try not to worry about me so much, Dad."
"Easier said than done," the older man replied with a humourless laugh.
"I've been thinking," Kyle said quietly, pausing as his father looked up at him, "I'm going to ask for a transfer to the Military Police, hopefully there will be less time on the frontline that way."
"Kyle, you don't have to sacrifice your career to keep me happy. Don't let my problems hold you back."
The young man smiled at his concerned father. "I want to do it. I figure that it's the next best thing to what you do, I know I'll never be able to join the MDPD with my criminal record so this way I can still be like you. I want to make you proud of me, Dad."
The older man nearly choked on his mouthful of coffee, not expecting to hear such a statement from the boy he had only known for a few short years. "I am proud of you, Kyle. More than you could ever know."
After several tearful embraces from Calleigh and a number of manly hugs and slaps on the back between father and son, Kyle climbed into the back of the cab and waved goodbye to his father, watching out the rear windscreen as the image of the larger-than-life man grew smaller as the car moved further into the distance. With tears pricking at his eyes, he prayed that his father would be ok without him.
She allowed him to stand in the driveway, watching as the cab moved further away into the distance until it was no bigger than a speck of dust on the horizon. Taking him gently by the arm, she pulled him back towards the house and then into a firm embrace, kissing his head and preparing herself for the fallout that was to come.
Present day. Miami:
"I love you, Calleigh. You do know that, right?"
His low voice caught her by surprise after the amicable silence that had fallen over them. She pulled out of his arms to look at him, studying the lines on his face, the lines that seemed to have increased over the last six months. She answered him with a deep kiss as her hands travelled into his hair, running over the nape of his neck.
He responded in kind as he sat up straighter and pulled her body towards him until she was almost sitting on his lap, his hands running up and down her sides and back.
Lost in the moment, she tugged at his t-shirt and attempted to take it off him only to be stopped by his firm grip on her wrists.
"Calleigh, wait," he whispered as she felt her heart sink, hoping that this time might have been different from all the others. "Not here," he growled as he stood up, lifting her with him.
After placing her feet on the ground, he captured her with another captivating kiss before taking her by the hand and leading her upstairs.
She tried to keep her composure as she followed him up the steps towards their bedroom; they had tried, and failed, to consummate their relationship a number of times before. It was almost too much to hope for that tonight would be the night when they would finally become one.
She stood nervously as he shut the bedroom door and made his way back over to her, noticing the slight tremors that were coursing through his body. His hands reached out to her as she took a step towards him and allowed herself to be undressed by his experienced hands until she was standing in nothing but her underwear.
He looked at her as if she were some kind of holy being, breathing deeply as his eyes roamed her body, touching her reverently as if trying to convince himself that he was not stuck in some sort of blissful dream. He sucked in a breath as she reached for his top and pulled it slowly over his head before placing moist kisses on his chest and neck.
He could hear the negative voices, screaming at him to stop, telling him that he would fail her again. He refused to listen to them this time; he had already put too much stock in the belittling demons that had taken up residence in his mind. Instead, he filled his mind with thoughts of the beautiful woman standing in front of him, a woman that wanted him even though he was worn and scarred.
She kissed him deeply as her hands went to work on his pants, undoing them with one hand whilst the other drew his head nearer to her. He stepped out of the jeans that had pooled around his feet and lifted her up so that she could wrap her legs around his waist, not caring that his previously broken ribs protested at the movement.
He tipped her on the bed and began kissing every inch of her body, using the delighted sounds she was making to drown out the voices that were trying to prevent him from giving into his heart's desire. Their hands travelled each other's bodies until they were both naked, as sweetly and gently, they became one.