It was only when she woke at a little after 06.00 that she realised that she'd had the first night of uninterrupted sleep in as many months as she could remember. She was still wrapped firmly in Horatio's arms as her head rested on his chest, the steady rise and fall of which signalling that he was still asleep.
Not once had she heard so much as a mumble from him, she lifted her head and gently ducked out of his embrace, pausing when she saw him move before settling back to sleep. Leaning on her side, balancing on one elbow, she watched the complicated man, noticing that the lines that marred his handsome face seemed to lessen when he appeared relaxed. Gone was the permanent frown and with it was replaced a small smile as he remained blissfully unaware of her, hopefully in the grips of a pleasant dream.
She wanted to pinch herself, to convince herself that last night had been real. After months of near misses and small moments that promised so much, they had finally consummated the relationship that meant so much to her. It was better than she could ever have imagined, it was slow and gentle, she would have willingly repeated the process all night long but knew that for Horatio it had been a huge step forwards.
He had been repeatedly and brutally abused by his captors; they had stripped him of his dignity and pride and left him feeling emasculated. For such a strong man it had been a bitter pill for him to swallow and had left him doubting his own worth as a man. She had tried to show him, time and again, that he was still the man she had fallen in love with yet he refused to see it, viewing himself as an unworthy failure instead.
It broke her heart to see him so unsure of himself, she had no idea what had changed in him last night but at this point in time she didn't really care either. Some small part of the man Horatio once was had returned, now was not the time to tempt providence, it was a positive move forwards and they finally had something that they could build on.
"Good morning."
His low, smoky voice made her jump. Her eyes had been so transfixed by the rise and fall of his scarred chest that she had failed to notice he'd woken.
She leant forwards and greeted him with a loving kiss on the lips.
"Morning," she replied in that beautiful Southern tone that he adored. "Did you sleep well?"
He took a few moments to think, as if trying to find some small piece of evidence that would suggest otherwise. To his surprise he came up empty. "I believe I did, how about you?"
"It was blissful."
He moved his head back further as he lay on the pillows, trying to get a better angle with which to look at her with.
"No regrets?" he asked quietly.
Her answer was a gentle kiss which soon turned into something deeper.
"Never."
There were certain advantages to waking up early when you had a beautiful woman in your bed. Their kiss had turned into something much more meaningful as they once again explored each other's bodies. The more she touched him the quieter the voices in his head became. She had run her fingertips over the marks on his body and no longer did he feel a sense of shame as she touched him, he felt the love that she held for him as she attempted to kiss away the pain that his abductors had caused him.
Their second time had been better than the first; there was something so deep on an emotional level when their bodies became one, something so much more than just a physical connection. When they made love it wasn't just a case of going through the motions, it was a declaration of the love they felt for one another. It was perhaps the first time he'd felt this way about a woman since Lori.
Lori, he'd loved her deeply, perhaps too deeply. She and Calleigh were alike in so many ways, strong and independent, never afraid to voice their own opinions. In hindsight it became obvious that he felt more deeply for Lori than she did for him. He had wanted to love and protect her and his overbearing need to care for her had eventually pushed her away. She had told him during one particularly bitter argument that he was stifling her and that she needed her own space and her own independence, she had been cruel and cold towards him as her words cut into him like a knife.
He doubted that Lori would ever have stuck by him the last few months; she would have tired of his pitying behaviour and left him to his own devices long ago. There were dark moments when he doubted that there was ever a caring bone in her body. She was driven by her career and sacrificed anything that dared stand in the way of getting her to where she wanted to be.
There were times when he was convinced that Lori was the right woman for him; she had her faults but then so did he. Relationships were about compromise, loving your partner despite their weaknesses. It was a rule that served their marriage well for a while but the cracks would make their presence known eventually as their arguments became more frequent and her cutting words increasingly cruel.
Calleigh was different, she didn't want to change him, so complex a man that he was. She accepted him for who he was and loved him despite of his faults. She'd seen him at his lowest yet still stood by him, her faith in him never once wavering despite all that he had put her through.
Walking through into the kitchen, he fussed Moses as he held him in his arms. Calleigh greeted him with a smile as he walked towards her and kissed her gently, laughing as the cat in his arms mewed his annoyance at being trapped between the two lovers.
"Horatio, there's something we need to talk about."
He frowned at her serious expression as he felt the hope that things were improving drain slowly away.
"Internal Affairs have been sniffing around for the last few days interviewing the team. They want to talk to you today."
She watched him as he placed the cat down on the floor and sat at the wooden table.
"I see."
"They're going to ask you some tough questions…promise me that you won't do anything foolish," she implored him as she sat next to him.
"Foolish?"
"Don't sacrifice yourself for me, don't go in there and give them any reason to hold you accountable for what happened, none of this was your fault."
He opened his mouth to speak but found himself cut off.
"They're trying to suggest that the death of those four officers was somehow our fault."
"And they'd be right, Calleigh. I was arrogant to underestimate what the Malucci's were capable of…..if I had heeded Collins warning….none of this would have happened."
She let out a growl of frustration. "That's exactly what they want you to say; can't you see that you'll be playing straight into their hands?"
"Rather me than you, Calleigh," he responded softly as he rubbed a thumb over the polished surface of the table."
"Horatio, for God's sake, you were incapacitated. I was in charge at that time; it was my decision to post the officers outside my house. Everything that happened before and after that was my responsibility, not yours."
"But you did it for me. You don't deserve to have your career and reputation ruined because you were trying to protect me." He reached out and placed a hand on her arm. "I don't have as many years left on the job as you do, it would be better all-round if I….."
His words were cut off as she snatched her arm away.
"You are not sacrificing yourself for me!"
"Calleigh, they'll find out about the incident at the warehouse sooner or later. It's only a matter of time before they find enough reason to force me into early retirement…..they'll find out about my sessions with the therapist too."
"No they won't," she responded quietly, suddenly becoming cagey.
Her behaviour heightened his already aroused suspicions. "What have you done?"
Flashback. Miami, Yesterday afternoon:
The two women met in their usual spot in the park across the street from the Crime Lab. It had been a special place for the two of them, a place they would meet on a daily basis when they both worked at the Department. Although times had changed considerably, the police force was still a male-oriented environment and sometimes the level of pure testosterone became too much for Alexx and Calleigh to bear and so they would seek refuge in the warm Miami sunshine, chitchatting in an effort to relieve some of the tension that their jobs inevitably entailed.
"It's another nice day," Alexx smiled as she sat down next to Calleigh on the park bench, smiling at the fact that her friend was ready and waiting with coffee and muffins.
"Thanks for meeting me here, Alexx."
"Everything ok, Sugar?" the doctor asked, suddenly becoming concerned that something was wrong. "Is it Horatio, has something happened?"
Calleigh nodded her head slightly, trying to retain her sense of poise. "Alexx…something happened before Horatio went to that session. I had to relieve him of field duty….he's not fit to be out there."
"But he went to see Jeff, didn't he?"
Calleigh nodded her head as she turned the Styrofoam cup around in her hands. "I know it's going to take him time to get back to where he was…."
"But?"
"IAB are sniffing around, they've noticed that Horatio's been ducking in and out…..not logging time in the field. They're asking questions, Alexx."
"Have you told them anything…do they know what's going on?"
Calleigh gave her friend an incredulous look. "You know as well as I do that they'd put him on administrative leave the moment they even had a whiff of what happened." She took a deep breath before continuing, "The IAB officer, Sargent Craig, she's been checking the shift logs….she's already asking questions about where Horatio has been going. It's not like I can just up and tell her that he's going to see a shrink, can I?"
Experience and years of friendship had taught Alexx well, she sensed that soon enough she would hear something that she wouldn't like.
"What are you saying, Calleigh?"
Calleigh looked at her old friend, feeling terrible for even thinking of asking.
Alexx had sat quietly and listened to the woman sitting next to her, hearing the fear in her voice as she tried to convince the doctor that her plan had merit. She had considered Horatio a brother to her, the years they had spent working with each other had brought them together as more than friends. From the moment she had met him she could sense that he was a lonely soul with no real family of his own, from that day on she took it upon herself to make him a part of her own, his isolation serving to teach her that family was a precious gift and not a God-given right.
No matter the pain or heartache that he had suffered, he had always stood by her, providing a shoulder to cry on and a pillar of support when she felt the weight of her role in the morgue become too much for her. When she had finally made the decision to leave he was the one person that she'd dreaded telling. She had expected him to be mad at her or even disappointed, yet he had taken her by surprise as he kissed her cheek tenderly and gave her his blessing. It was yet another example of how the man had placed the happiness of others above his own.
She would have done anything to help him; Calleigh was asking something of her that she wasn't sure she could commit to. She had been the doctor in charge of his primary care in those long and harrowing weeks only a few short months ago, she had borne witness to the savagery that was inflicted on one of her closest friends and had stood by watching him flounder as he attempted to come to terms with his emotional issues and physical limitations.
"Calleigh…what you're asking….." Alexx began, not quite sure how to articulate the number of emotions that were coursing through her.
"Alexx, you know I would never ask this of you if I wasn't absolutely sure that I didn't have any other choice…..his career is at risk here."
"And so could ours be," the doctor shot back quickly.
"Internal Affairs are going to come asking as to why Horatio's not been out in the field….you know we can't tell them the truth."
"So you want me to lie, Sugar?"
"No…just be a little creative with the truth. I told Sargent Craig that the kickback from Horatio's Sig caused his broken arm to be injured again and that it needs a few more weeks before his physically fit enough to be out in the field. She's going to come to you looking for proof of that."
"So you want me to sign him off for some fictitious injury, what if she demands to look at his medical records, x-rays, scans, looking for proof?"
"I'm hoping you'll stonewall her, she'd need a court order to gain access to his current medical records. All she has right now is her own suspicions, she's got no grounds to go to a judge and ask for a warrant. All I'm asking is that you stick to the story and then hopefully all of this will go away."
"Calleigh….." the doctor began.
"Alexx, I'm begging you here. Horatio has never asked you for anything before; I need to know that you're on our side."
It was bad enough that Calleigh was asking her to be a part of it, was Horatio behind it too?
"He has no idea that I'm here before you ask," Calleigh responded as if she'd read the doctor's mind.
Alexx shot her friend a sour look, pursing her lips as she spoke. "You do realise he's going to have a fit when he finds out what you've done."
Calleigh responded with a tired sigh, a sad smile gracing her beautiful features. "That's for me to worry about. Will you help me, Alexx…please?"
Miami. Present day:
He sat with his elbows resting on the kitchen table, his hands covering his mouth as he attempted to understand what he'd just been told, taking deep breaths as he tried to figure out how on earth they were going to wriggle their way out of this one.
"Horatio, talk to me," Calleigh pleaded as she saw the faraway look in his eyes, flinching when he finally pinned her with a mammoth glare.
The speed with which he stood up and shot away from the table caught her by surprise.
"How could you have been so stupid?" he shouted as he planted his hands firmly on his hips. "Do you have any idea what you have just done?"
"Horatio, I did it for you….I was trying to save your career," she implored him as she made her way over to him, only to be stopped by his hands as he held them up to warn her off.
"It's not just my career that's on the line now, if this gets out….it'll take you and Alexx down too," he finished quietly as the anger quickly dissipated and turned to abject sadness.
"Don't you see that I didn't have any other choice?" she pleaded with him as she took another step towards him as he took another back. The pained look in his eyes felt like a dagger to her heart, he looked disappointed in her.
"Why did you do it?" he asked her desperately as he ran a hand through his hair as he threw his head back. "Last night…I trusted you…I let you in and you betrayed me. Do you have any idea how hard that was for me to do?"
It hit her then, what she had done with the best of intentions, after months of waiting Horatio had finally opened up to her, gave himself up to her only for her to place him in an impossible situation. He'd be forced to go along with her plan, the only other choice being the end of Calleigh and Alexx's careers as well as his own.
After feeling so helpless and out of control for so many months, he had finally started on the long road to recovery only for the woman he loved and trusted to take it all away from him. It began to dawn on her what a monumental mistake she might have just made.
"Horatio," she began as she tried to take another step towards him.
"Don't," he growled before turning his back on her and leaving the house, slamming the door behind him.
It was only when she heard the sound of gravel skidding under the wheels of Horatio's car that it all became too much for her to bear. Sliding down the kitchen cupboard until she touched the floor, leaning her head on her folded arms she wept.