Chapter 12: The Human Heart
Friben Village - Aincrad, 8th Floor
When Silica saw the orphanage in the distance, she grinned and picked up her pace to reach her destination sooner.
It was the height of winter, as the seasonal calendar of the eighth floor dictated, characterized by the fluffy flakes of snow drifting like specks of cotton from the black night sky. The dragon tamer was just returning from an exploration of the town, as the main clearers had passed through the floor a week or two ago, which usually meant that the area was relatively safe to populate. She'd heard rumors of monsters being able to attack settlements in the beginning stages of clearing floors, and while such talk was yet to be totally confirmed, she would be taking no chances.
Upon realizing that the eighth floor was largely comprised of a town, however, Silica had been immensely relieved. It certainly beat the terrors of the seventh floor, home to the infamous Monster Arena, where players were pit themselves in an all-out survival challenge against the toughest foes the first ten floors had to offer. Such a gamble did, of course, also place a danger upon one's life, and the challenges of the Arena claimed ten lives before the players figured it better to move on altogether.
A sudden movement inside her coat cut Silica out of her reverie. Looking down she saw Pina squirming uncomfortably inside the protective warmth of her clothing, obviously annoyed at being restricted so. Shushing her familiar, the beast tamer murmured that they would be inside soon and quickened her pace further. She didn't know if you could die of the cold in this death game, but once again, she would be taking no chances.
The orphanage was situated a ways from the main central body of the town, away from the bustling center where most of the NPCs and human players would congregate on business or simply recreation. One had to crest a short, elongated hill to reach it, and Silica's heart sighed in relief when she crossed the apex of said hill and began the downward decent.
Then her heart finished sighing just in time to leap up into her throat.
Black. The windows of the orphanage were black, striking a startling contrast with the white precipitation coating the roof and earth around it. The stained glass windows that had always reminded the beast tamer of a church were no longer emanating their aura of welcome and warmth, but rather one of desolation and abandonment. Like there was no one home.
She's returned to an empty home.
Silica had never really classified herself as an orphan. She was certainly a child in the eyes of society, both in game and out, and her parents were not present in Aincrad with her. Yes, she did spent a few nights here and there in a bed under the roof of the orphanage, and yes, she was good friends with many of the children who were permanent residents there. Yet there was some sort of difference between herself and them, some sort of unspoken dichotomy, a rift that classified the two of them differently.
The children of the orphanage had only their caretaker, and were wonderful people, but lacked any sort of will to explore the greater world for themselves, content to let others do it for them. They had no one to see but each other when they went out on the town.
Silica on the other hand, had her familiar, the dragon Pina; the small blue lizard-like creature had been in many ways her connection to sanity during the many months, a barrier against the helplessness of their situation which wore down on the human mind. When she was upset, she could take comfort in her companion. There was also Rosalia and her group of hunters, who albeit were far from courteous to her, but they were people she could communicate with. Silica also briefly remembered the numerous men who had proposed to her, all in rather inappropriate and expectant manners. While such behavior from full grown men put her off somewhat, she had smile to think about it.
Yet the human heart requires compatible companionship to survive. Pina was not human, and Rosalia's hunters were far from desirable. The orphans had always been Silica's solution to the lack of amiable human contact in this world, this realm of helplessness and the need the fight for oneself, a place where those who could not fend for themselves were left in the dust. They were like her, placed before the path of adversity but unable to traverse it, except that they could admit their weakness and she preferred not to. Nevertheless, they had provided the human contact she needed.
But now they were gone.
Slowing her running legs once she'd drawn within twenty yards of the abandoned orphanage, Silica walked gingerly across the snow to place a hand on one extinguished window, tracing a finger over the glass that still held a trace of warmth from the people it had held within. She really had no readily available explanation as to why the orphanage had been abandoned; perhaps the NPC had somehow perished, or the orphans themselves had decided to move on to another location, therefore removing the caretaker's cause to exist. Such things happened frequently nowadays. But the beast tamer didn't really care why they had left, but more that they were no longer here, where she was, with her.
It almost makes forging relationships seem worthless, the beast tamer thought and she let her hand drop limply from its place on the window. Turning, she forced herself to take steps and walk around to the front steps of the building, taking a seat once she'd reached them.
I thought I could make something last, in this world, where so many things I'd always had are gone.
She watched a fleck of snow hit the concrete steps in front of her and fizzle into nothingness.
But how can you make something last in a world designed to kill?
Unzipping her coat, Silica allowed Pina to flutter out of his confinement before leaning against the worn wooden door and sighing in defeat. She didn't have much to do with herself anymore; she'd been planning to sleep here tonight, as she lacked the funds to spend a night in an inn, but now that such a possibility was null she had nowhere it go. It was freezing, too.
Purring delicately, her draconic familiar flapped his wings and hopped into the girl's lap before curling up and trying his best to fall asleep there, the tip of its barbed tail resting like a crown on its head. Silica absently reached down and scratched him behind the ears, staring into the darkness marred only by the white of snow, wondering about nothing in particular.
Deciding she needed to occupy herself, Silica looked down at Pina's fur to search for any knotted ends and was shocked to feel a fat tear plop onto the dragon's back with a soft plink. Her familiar blinked his eyes open at the disturbance and reached back to preen himself of the salty contaminant before looking up at the girl with wide, questioning eyes.
Wiping her face furiously, Silica rubbed her thumb along Pina's head in reassurance. "I'm fine, don't worry," She said thickly.
The snow was beginning to fall more heavily now, building up a lasting coating upon the earth, and forcing Silica to scoot backwards under the shelter of the small roof above the steps. A biting wind swept through the air, cutting through her thin garb and inducing a shiver. After crossing her legs and pulling her clothes around her as best she could, the beast tamer leaned her head back on the door and closed her eyes. It looked like she would have to spend the night here. At least she was still within safe-zone boundaries.
She wondered briefly about monsters being able to attack her regardless.
"Are you cold?"
The question was asked so softly and genuinely that she had to respond. Cracking both eyes open, Silica lifted her head and came face to face with another girl, squatting before her with a concerned expression on her face.
"Ah...I..." The beast tamer murmured unsurely, confused at the newcomer's sudden appearance. She should have seen her coming from a mile away...
"You must be, considering this wind," The girl decided for herself. Reaching up, she unwrapped a thick red scarf that had been concealing the lower portion of her face and handed it to her. "Here, take this."
Silica made eye contact with the girl and frowned. Then she reached out and accepted the scarf, coiling it around her own neck. The sudden warmth that seeped its fingers into her skin drew out an involuntary sigh of relief from her now heated throat, bringing a smile to the other girl's lips. After adjusting the scarf to wrap around her familiar as well, Silica looked up and smiled gratefully.
"Thank you."
The girl nodded in acceptance of her gratitude and allowed herself to take a seat by the beast tamer. Crossing her legs in a similar fashion, the mysterious newcomer frowned at the night sky in apparent disappointment.
"There aren't any stars tonight," She said regretfully.
"Huh? Oh...yeah, there aren't," Silica agreed, eyeing the girl from the corner of her eye. Jet black hair framing a round, pale face, and forehead length bangs that split here and there to give of some sort of childish impression, like someone had put great effort into cutting the girl's hair for her, but she had neglected to maintain its appearance. Her eyes were as black as her hair, but they contained some sort of bright light in them, making it seem like they were grayer than they actually were. Her physique suggested that the girl was around Silica's own age, approximately twelve, but it couldn't be said for sure.
"Shame. I love looking at the stars at night," The newcomer murmured quietly, adjusting the collar of her pink sweater. "Because you know they're always going to be there, even during the day when you can't see them, or on nights where the snow blots them out."
"You sound like you've spent a lot of time looking at the sky," Silica commented casually, trying to find out more about this stranger.
"Oh, I have," The girl admitted proudly. "Some people say that I've always got my head in the clouds, but I don't agree with them." She laughed, a high pitched sound that was full of youthful mirth. But then she paused.
"Or at least, I think I don't," She said with an edge of uncertainty in her voice. "I don't really remember. I like to think that I'm knowledgeable about many different things, but it's more because I've been taught rather than because I have experience."
"That so?"
"Yeah. And sometimes, I wake up not knowing anything but the very basics, and it's like starting all over again from the beginning. It's awfully frustrating."
"Oh...I...I see," Silica said, nodding in feigned understanding. Turning her head, she looked the girl over one more time. There was a very innocent expression on her face at the moment, paired with a smile that spoke of complete obliviousness and an ignorance that some considered a blessing. Yet she couldn't shake the instinct that this girl wasn't ordinary, or even an NPC.
"What's your name?" Silica asked finally, deciding it would be best to get the basics out of the way first. The other girl blinked at the question and turned to look at her, as if she wasn't entirely sure how to answer. Meanwhile, another punishing wind slipped between them, making Silica flinch and pull the scarf tighter around herself and Pina. Wasn't this girl cold at all?
The stranger smiled at her. "I have lots of names, and some of them are really complicated and boring, with lots of numbers in them. So you can call me Yui."
"Yui," Silica repeated, rolling it around. "That's a nice name."
"Don't wear it out," She said with a smile. "I like that one."
A silence enveloped them then, but it was strangely comfortable. Silica closed her eyes and concentrated on enjoying the warmth of the scarf, and was fascinated at how well it did its job. Perhaps it was enchanted with something...
"What happened here?" Yui asked suddenly, leaning her head back to stare up at the roof of the orphanage.
That crushing feeling in her chest again. "I had some friends here," Silica explained. "But they aren't here right now."
"Oh," Yui said simply. "Where are they?"
"I wish I knew."
"Are you sad?"
Silica opened her eyes and looked over at the other girl. Then, quirking an eyebrow, she said, "I'm used to dealing with disappointment."
"That doesn't mean you can't be sad," Yui insisted, crossing her arms indignantly.
Silica smiled. "Yeah, I guess not. How about you, Yui? Where are your friends?"
The small girl grinned cheekily and spread her arms wide to emphasize the enclosure of some great expanse.
"They're everywhere. Or, so I like to think. I don't really know who my friends are. Or where they are, specifically. But I think everyone can be my friend."
"But aren't some people hostile to you?"
"It's my job to connect with people."
A couple more minutes passed undisturbed. Silica had no explanations as to who or what Yui was, despite her inquiries, but something told her it wasn't something she should bother to find out. Like the abandonment of the orphanage, it was just something that had taken place because it was necessary, to fulfill some sort of greater purpose. Or, so she hoped. Silica hadn't wanted to fall asleep alone in the cold, feeling that that would be a bit too pitiful for her pride, as well as her already meager sense of happiness. Now she was beginning to entertain thoughts of asking Yui to spend the night with her on the front steps of an abandoned building when another question occurred to her.
"Yui, how about your family?"
"Huh?" The girl asked, snapped out of some sort of deep thought.
"Your family," Silica repeated. "What about them?"
Yui blinked when she fully processed these words and frowned, sitting back against the door.
"Not so sure," The girl shrugged genuinely. "I'm sure they're out there somewhere, I'm just not sure where."
Silica raised an eyebrow at this. Even most NPCs had some sort of parenting system and family trees, and a small girl like Yui was almost guaranteed to have some sort of older guardian, assuming that she was an NPC. And if she was a player, then she should know...
A glance at the air above Yui's head revealed no health bar or marker, however, and Silica's head began to swim. What was going on here?
"Well, in that case..." The beast tamer thought. "If you were with your family right now, what would you do?"
Yui tilted her head slightly and answered readily. "Tell them that I miss them. And that I love them."
Silica smiled to cover her disbelief. "Is it really that simple?"
"Shouldn't it be?"
"I don't know. It's just that if I had the time, I could probably come up with a thousand things I wish I could do with my family right now."
Yui frowned sadly at such words. "How much do you know about missing people?"
Silica smiled back regretfully.
"All there is."
The beast tamer's heartbeat suddenly spiked when Yui shifted her weight to lean into the girl's side, closing her eyes and burying her nose into the scarf she'd lent her. Pina purred in curiosity and poked his head out of his shelter within the billowy scarf, snaking his way out to greet Yui with a playful nip to the nose. The small girl laughed and poked back at him. The small dragon was soon forced to return to the scarf, however, needing to preserve the fire within its belly.
"It's okay, Silica," Yui said at last, giving her no time to wonder how she knew her name. "It hurts to miss people, and it feel horrible, but there's an upside to it."
Silica glanced down at the small soft girl leaning against her and asked, "What's that?"
Yui smiled and stroked Pina's head.
"When you see them again, it'll feel even more wonderful."
Silica laughed. "You sound like some sort of love guru."
"Oh, I am well versed in the ways of love as well," Yui said seriously, making the dragon tamer chuckle even more.
"But it's so hard to love anything about this world," Silica sighed, resting her chin in her hands to watch the snow flurry about before them. "You just can't do it, when everything's trying to kill you."
"Well, I probably wouldn't kill you."
"Thanks, that really helps."
"You're welcome," Yui said earnestly.
Silica sighed. "Why do I feel like you could be a real piece of work?"
"You wouldn't be wrong to think that," Yui admitted. "I'm not even supposed to be here right now."
"I thought you didn't have anybody around you."
"Yeah, but there's a stupid machine named after an even dumber bird that always bosses me around. It's quite irritating."
"Excuse me?"
Yui sighed. "Nevermind. It'll probably catch me in a little while anyways, so don't worry about it. I'll just be deleted and reset again, and I'll know that I did something bad, but I won't know exactly what it was I did."
Silica rubbed at her eyes and wondered if this was all just some sort of hallucination. "I don't follow."
"Me neither."
Just then, the beast tamer yawned mightily, and Yui smiled affectionately. Standing up, the small girl took a few steps forward before turning around and smiling widely at her.
"Keep the scarf," She said. "It'll keep you warm for a long time, I promise. I've got to go now, the dumb bird's here."
Silica, having given up now on trying to understand Yui's references, asked, "Will I see you again?"
The small girl shrugged.
"If I remember."
And then she was gone.
To anyone who doesn't understand how Yui could contact other players despite restrictions from the Cardinal System, here was my idea: Perhaps she actually has spoken and comforted players in depressed states like Silica before, and due to this Yui is aware of the pain and suffering they endured, as it is said in episode twelve (or eleven, I forget).
However, the Cardinal System has been responsible for intercepting Yui and deleting her memories every time, and her appearance in the forest in front of Kirito and Asuna was the aftermath of one of these incidents. The only reason why she remembered Kirito and Asuna was because she managed to evade the Cardinal System by becoming an Inanimate Object.