"Ow." Toshiro groaned, not wanting to get off the ground. He was sore all over and it took far too much effort just to move a hand.
"Well…I can say you almost won." Sofia purred, licking the boy's cheek with her rough feline tongue.
"I felt like I had it." He frowned. "My Spiritual Pressure was out of my control at that point, I didn't want to try any higher."
While fighting off the wolf cloaked in flames, Toshiro had gotten closer and closer to the center of the dark area where his true power nestled in his soul, an area in his Inner World that even Hyorinmaru could not find his way through. Now that he was off the mountain again, the dragon had returned and was attempting to ease some of the soreness out of his master's limbs.
Ruala knelt beside him, applying Healing Kido to recover enough of his Spirit Energy so as to overcome the soreness and walk back home. Too much and it would just pressure him more, making it worse.
"You still have the rest of the day." She said. "Perhaps falling back onto old tricks will help you get used to your power?"
"You mean meditation?" Toshiro managed to turn his head slightly to look at her.
She nodded.
"Probably." He sighed. "I'd promised him I'd beat him today."
"The day is not yet over."
Toshiro turned to the guardian in surprise. Was she suggesting that he keep trying? Well, he couldn't go back right now, not when it hurt to sit up. Maybe after a little meditation. When she'd finished healing him she began to walk back home, apparently not expecting him to follow. How did she know?
Shaking that thought out of his mind the young prince stood and instead trudged through the forest in the direction of the lake. The water would help calm his thoughts and put him at ease. It took quite a trek but he took it gladly, for now keeping a slow walk to clear his mind in the peaceful serenity of the forest. He could see why Ruala liked it here. Nothing barred his path though he could sense the Spiritual Pressures of various creatures in the shadows. They ignored him, so he ignored them.
Once at the edge of the lake he sat at the water's edge, not caring that it would occasionally touch his feet with cold liquid. It was actually quite relaxing. Even though it felt strange to do so without his sword, Toshiro closed his eyes and dove into his Inner World.
The icy world seemed empty. With his sword taken from him, he could only speak to Hyorinmaru, not see him. It was infuriating to say the least.
But now was not the time for that. The fastest way to get his dragon back was to complete the trials, and that meant finding this 'source' hidden within the depths of his soul. With determination he set out towards the shadowy area in his Inner World. It had shapes in it now, icy shadows of what was supposed to be there. With how close he had gotten to the center before, it was beginning to become clearer. It was not an extension of the natural icy landscape; it seemed to present itself as a lake. He would climb downward, feeling like there was water caressing him as he walked, and walk through shadows of underwater features and wisps of serpentine ghosts.
As he walked towards the center, there grew more shadows. In reality, as he walked closer, ice began to spread outwards around him. The lake began to freeze over, frost coating the grass and trees, though magic kept them alive. Inside he met resistance, which he had come to learn was his hesitation to reach higher power. When it got strong enough to become a forceful gale he paused and stared hard into the depths from which the wind came. In truth he felt a little nervous. His power was dangerous, one of the few that had a physical form when he released it. Most only exerted pressure when their Spiritual Pressure rose, but his power created ice when he let it rise, his power changed the weather itself. Just like Yamamoto created scorching flames when he released his power.
The wind became more forceful and he lifted his arms up to protect his face from the stinging air currents. Not good.
'Remember what made you hesitate.' Hyorinmaru's voice echoed faintly, unable to go into the dark realm with his master. 'Find a way to get over it.'
'I hesitate because I'm afraid I'll hurt the people I care about.' Toshiro thought in reply. 'I know I will learn how to control it, so why am I still afraid?'
'Is there more to it than fearing for your friends? Could it be you fear hurting yourself? Or, perhaps, you fear the change?'
Toshiro chewed on that thought for a moment. Could that be the problem? Was fearing for his friends just an excuse? He remembered how he had reacted when Lilianna had told him how much stronger he would be once he could control his power, how he had been worried if he could stand up to that kind of strength.
"I'm still small." He said aloud, knowing truth was the only way to get past this obstacle. "My body can't handle that much power. But…I won't get anywhere if I don't try."
The wind began to die down.
"I need this power. Even if it takes weeks to get used to it, I have to find it. To protect the Soul Society."
The wind weakened enough that he could begin walking through it again, determination practically wafting off of him. The area he passed gained light and shape just like the other parts of this shadowy lake. It was all so strange. Why was there a lake in a landscape of ice anyway? Shouldn't it be frozen over, considering the water he brought to him always did so? And how come he could walk on its bottom?
The wind started to pressure him again as he got closer.
"I'm not turning back now." Toshiro scowled at it as best he could. It lessened its intensity, even tousling his hair fondly as if greeting him. The icy mark on his hand began to glow white again as he pressed on.
'You must still fear something if it continues to pressure you.' Hyorinmaru's voice was nearly impossible to hear now. It unnerved the young prince to be moving away from his zanpaktou like this.
That's when it occurred to him.
'Hyorinmaru…I'm afraid to lose you.' He stopped his approach and looked behind him, wanting more than ever to see his guardian dragon. He saw only darkness and ghosts.
When all he could hear was the wind brushing past him, Toshiro panicked a little. Was he past the point where he couldn't hear Hyorinmaru anymore? He was about to step away, out of the shadows, the wind even strengthening as if to help him get out.
'Do not take one step back.' Hyorinmaru snapped and Toshiro froze. 'Your fear is misplaced, master. I will always be with you. If either of us changes we change together. I will wait for you atop the mountain.'
"The further I go the less I can sense you." Toshiro argued.
'Then work hard to find me again. You heard my voice before despite your age, I have no doubt that you will find me again.'
A cold wind blew through the darkness, pushing back towards the center; Hyorinmaru's way of telling him to move on. Not about to disregard the dragon's wishes, Toshiro turned back to the darkness, two different winds colliding around him. Steeling himself, the young prince ran into the darkness, Hyorinmaru's icy wind behind him pushing him through as far as it could.
'I will find you again, Hyorinmaru. It's a promise.'
A faint rumble answered him.
The wind pushing past him no longer hindered him, instead pulling him in, helping him run faster. The darkness was beginning to lighten as he got closer to its center, the landscape around him becoming clearer. It wasn't wind trying to block him, but water currents and more of the ghostly serpents. He could see something ahead and ran faster, hoping he'd found what he was looking for. As he got closer he swore he could hear whispers, faint murmurs that only strayed for a moment.
He reached the strange object at the center of this watery world. It was a small pedestal made of blackened ice. Flowing in the water in a small bubble above that pedestal was a diamond shaped crystal made of ice in its purest form and just by looking at it he could tell it was harder than even diamonds. A small light grew in the gem's center, drawing him in. Entranced, Toshiro reached for the small object.
The second his finger touched the bubble a sharp stab of pain ran up his arm and he jerked back.
'That must mean I'm still hesitating.' Toshiro scowled, quickly shaking off the pain and taking a deep breath. He wasn't hurt; it was just a phantom pain. 'What else do I fear?'
He feared hurting his friends. But once he learned control he wouldn't hurt them.
He feared hurting himself. Again, with finite control his body would soon grow accustomed to his power and he wouldn't hurt himself.
He feared losing Hyorinmaru. He had just promised to find the dragon again and was not about to break it.
So what did he still fear? He didn't understand what else it could be, didn't know what would be holding him back. He reached for the gem again but still it rejected him.
"What do I have to do, dammit?" He growled at the offending stone.
Something shimmered just behind the pedestal and he looked up. There was a mirror there, pitch black with no reflection. The gem glowed brighter and light shot out from it to the mirror, causing it to glow and create a vision.
Toshiro saw himself standing atop the palace, a cruel smirk on his lips with ice covering the landscape.
"I fear…myself?" Toshiro hadn't realized he said this aloud but by doing so the answer became obvious. "Can't get any more cliché than that…"
His mirror image turned on him, teal eye filled with malice.
"You saw what happened the last time someone gained this much power." He said. "So you're afraid to do the same. You fear becoming me."
"You're right." Toshiro glared. "But I won't become like you."
"How can you be so sure?" His evil self smirked. "Fear is embedded in your soul, Ice Prince. How do you know it won't steal away your heart and make you a demon?"
"I'll fight it to the last ounce of my strength." Hitsugaya reached for the gem again, managing to break through the bubble before it pushed him back.
"What kind of answer is that?" The mirror him snorted as though disappointed. "You're too young to keep what you feel under wraps for long. You've had practice, I'll give you that, but in a battle of fear you're quick to act, leaving behind your prodigy status. It won't take long for Fear to consume you."
Toshiro scowled at the mirror.
"See, hatred is the first emotion you show from under that icy façade." The being snickered. It was strange to see this coming from a mirror image of himself. "Once you've unlocked the power in that gem you'll only use it to kill the people you don't like."
"That's not what I want it for at all." The young prince growled back and his mirror self quickly frowned. "I never thought I'd have to copy that annoying Substitute Soul Reaper, but I fight to protect, not to kill. When I fought to kill I nearly lost my life. When Kurosaki fights to protect he somehow manages to destroy his enemies, but doesn't always kill them. It's safe to say I'm taking a leaf out of his book and putting it to use."
"How can you protect others if you can't protect yourself?"
"That's why I need this power." Toshiro tried one last time to reach into the sphere of air. It pushed back but not hard enough to deal pain. He pushed harder. "Once I can control it, I know I can protect them. All of them."
The mirror faded, a kinder smile on the inside being's face. With its disappearance the bubble of air dispersed and Toshiro closed his hand around the gem. Light blinded him as a sort of soothing cold washed over him.
Ruala perked her head up from inside her animals' house. The creatures began to shift nervously as they felt it as well. Inside the house, both Greenleaf twins paused in their work to look outside. There was a sudden chill that washed over them.
On the mountain path, Blazefang grinned.
Some deep stuff here, pals. Deep stuff. So Toshiro learns to get through his hesitation and find the source of his power, which in a mental world of course has a physical form, hence the ice crystal. He won't be able to speak to Hyorinmaru for a while, saddening, but it will only make him work harder on the trials (a few of which i'm skipping). Enjoy!