Santana's P.O.V
Someone just...kill me. Rachel isn't talking to me. She hasn't talked to me in the past week. Emily has been all over me because of her guilt but I just want to be alone. Puck told my dad about what's going on so he's backed off a little. He's been wanting to talk to me but fuck him. He'll just try to tell me some bullshit I don't care to listen to. He's the reason this shit even happened. Maybe not all of it but he's the main reason I can't quit. Dad might actually try to kill me if I leave.
Rachel might already be back in New York for all I know. I wish she would just let me know she's okay. I don't want to call Quinn and Brit hasn't talked to Rachel in days. I don't know what to do with myself. I've just been sitting here, on my couch watching shit TV. I get up to use the bathroom when I hear someone knock on my door. It's Puck.
"Come in!" I yell and he opens the door. I go to the bathroom and I can hear him walking around.
"You're not in there slitting your wrists are you?" He must be standing outside the door.
"Do you think I would have let you in if I were? Dumbass."
"Whatever. Hurry the hell up." I hear him walk away and I finish up in the bathroom then walk out. I go straight to the kitchen because that's where he always seems to be and not to my disappointment, there he is.
"Why are you here?" I ask as I sit on the counter.
"Food...and to see if you were okay." I sigh and fold my arms over my chest.
"I was thinking, what do you think about faking your own death?" Puck says.
"What?"
"Hear me out. We fake your death, you, Rachel and the baby go live in like Guam and I visit from time to time." I roll my eyes and shake my head.
"No. Just no and if that's what you come up with when you think, do me a favor and don't." Puck rolls his eyes.
"Dude I'm not gonna let you lose another kid. You're my kid sister and I have to help."
"I'm not your kid anything idiot...but thanks for trying I guess." I say with a sigh. Puck nods and says
"Dad won't let you go now. He figured since Rachel is leaving with the baby, he doesn't need to let you go." What? You have got to be fucking kidding me!
"There's no way in hell I'm not leaving! Has he completely lost it?!" I shout.
"You need to talk to him and I have more bad news." Just fucking great.
"What?"
"Anderson is alive." What? How do you take a bullet to the head and live?
"How?"
"I don't know but he's not dead. I was thinking I would go finish the job tonight." I shake my head.
"That's murder Puck. We can't make that look like anything else."
"Damn, you're right."
"They're going to retaliate." Puck says.
"Duh. Now get out." He gives me that confused look and I repeat myself.
"Why do I have to leave?" He asks.
"Because I said so."
"You need to get laid or something. You were way less bitchy when you were fucking Rachel." I glare at him and he holds his hands up in surrender.
"I'm just saying. You have to stop being all sad and bitchy. Things will work out, I mean when she pops that kid out she'll be begging for your help, you know the Lopez kids are bad as hell." I lightly chuckle and shake my head.
What if she does have the baby without me? I don't want that to happen. I want to be there when it's born. Would she really do that though? I know she's mad right now but I can still fix this. I just...don't know how yet. Ugh. I go back and lie on my couch and the door bell rings. Damn it.
"Come in!" I yell and the door opens.
"Did you just give up on life?" Quinn says as she closes the door behind her. I roll my eyes and want to be irritated with her being here but this might be a good thing.
"Yep. I gave up on life around the same time you dropped off the face of the planet." Quinn rolls her eyes and sits next to me.
"I didn't drop off the face of the planet. I've just been busy and you have too so shut it." I roll my eyes.
"So when did you turn to a life of crime?" Quinn asks. Shit. I should have known Rachel would have told her.
"Why do you give a shit?" I ask.
"Because I do. Why wouldn't you tell me?" I shrug and turn my head towards the TV.
"I don't just announce that to everyone."
"And I'm everyone?" I shrug again and she sighs.
"Look, it's your life and I'm not going to judge you. You're still the over confident asshole I've always known." I chuckle and glance at her. She puts her hand on my knee and I sigh.
"Have you talked to Rachel?" I ask and she nods.
"Rachel's leaving. Tomorrow." Fuck. Just...fuck! I put my head in my hands and sigh.
"I don't know what to do." Quinn moves closer to me and puts her arm over my shoulders.
"It'll be okay. Rachel won't really keep your kid away from you." Quinn says softly and I shake my head. I don't respond and we sit in a brief silence before I feel something soft pressed against my neck. I turn towards Quinn and she looks at me before softly kissing my jaw.
"Quinn..." I say softly but she shakes her head. The look in her eyes are a cross of desperation and want. I don't know what to do because I feel bad but I don't stop her from kissing me. I let her gently move her lips along mine and I move mine in sync with hers. Quinn tangles her hand in my hair and then I hear someone clearing their throat. I glance past Quinn to see Rachel standing in my door. I quickly pull away from Quinn and stand from the couch.
"Rachel? What are you doing here?" ...shit.
"I just came to say goodbye but now that I see you're busy, I'll just be leaving." She turns to leave and I rush to her and grab her arm.
"That's not what it looked like."
"Santana, you can do whatever you want." I shake my head.
"It's not like that. Can we talk? Please?" I ask. I hear my back door open and I look back to see Quinn nowhere in sight. Rachel sighs and I look back towards her.
"Fine." She walks back into the house and sits on the couch. Did she not notice that that was Quinn? I sit next to her but I keep my distance.
"So...you're leaving?" I ask and she nods.
"I figured that you deserved a proper goodbye. I leave in the morning and didn't want to go...without saying anything to you." She plays with her hands that are folded in her lap and I nod.
"What just happened, I swear -"
"Santana you don't - "
"No. Let me talk okay?" I say and she nods. I'm really surprised she's so calm.
"That kiss meant absolutely nothing. I know we aren't together but I don't have feelings for Quinn and I want to make that clear. She kissed me and yeah I kissed her back but it was more because I felt bad. I'm in love with you and I don't want anyone else." Rachel bites her lip and nods.
"I...have you made a decision yet?" Rachel asks and I furrow my eyebrows.
"What?"
"Are you going to continue what you're doing?"
"Rachel I told you, I can't. My father won't let me."
"Why won't he let you? How can he dictate what you do with your life?"
"Because he can Rachel! It's not as easy as you think." I say frustrated and Rachel shakes her head.
"You still need to make a decision Santana. I won't have my child around that." She says as she looks at me.
"So if I stop, it only effects my relationship with the kid? Not you and I?" Rachel sighs and shakes her head.
"That's another situation."
"How? I still love you. You don't love me?" Rachel shakes her head.
"It's more than love Santana. How can I trust you?" She asks. I turn to her and grab one of her hands. Surprisingly she doesn't pull it back.
"That was the only thing I ever lied to you about. I swear and I want to make it up to you. Let me make it up to you."
"You have to give up that life Santana."
"I will. I just need time." Rachel stands up and looks at me.
"I have to go. I'll be in touch." She walks to the door and I stand.
"Can I at least have a hug?" I ask. She turns back around and nods slowly. I walk to her and pull her into a tight hug. She hugs me and I kiss her head. As I go to pull back she holds me tighter so I hug her again.
"I'm so sorry Rachel." She pulls back and looks at me with tear stained cheeks. I cup her face and wipe them away with my thumbs then she rests her hands on my wrists.
"I won't wait forever." She says softly and gently kisses me before she leaves.
I think that means I still have a chance right? She will wait but I just need to hurry and get to New York with her. I think it's time to do some negotiating and talk to my asshole father.