I have noticed something that disturbs me greatly, and I have no idea what to do about it.
I find myself looking forward to my daily training sessions with Rose. I've actually caught myself spending the day counting down the hours until we'll meet again. More problematic is the fact I've also noticed that I tend to spend my spare moments lingering in places where I know she might appear.
I tell myself it is just because I am her mentor and as such it is my job to keep her out of trouble, but deep down I fear that it is so much more than that. My dreams are haunted with the image of her beautiful, smiling face. The memory of her body pressed against mine as we train lingers in my mind long after the sessions are over, and I feel as if the only time I am truly alive is when she is near me— as soon as she walks out the door, I am an empty shell, just waiting to be made whole again.
This can't be good.
The worst part is that there is no one I can discuss it with. There is no one I dare confide my troubles to for fear they might misconstrue them and assume the worst. At least I have this empty book that she has conned me into filling—in it I can vent my fears and frustration without worry of being judged for the thoughts that plague me.
-DB